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Rex’s hands shook, they shook now more than ever, it was uncontrollable and he believed it showed weakness, so he simply shoved his hands in his pockets or balled them into fists, he wanted to yell, wanted to scream, but that wasn’t an option; not when he had so many men looking for him to be a role model and appear to be unbreakable, but Rex had to admit this war was breaking him, he felt like someone had trampled all over him without a care in the world, no they don’t care, the world doesn’t care about people like me. The rain poured in a constant white noise, it dripped through the roof of his foxhole, he didn’t care anymore, he only cared about keeping Tup, Dogma and the rest of his brothers safe.
Rex was tired, he was always so tired, how could he sleep with the constant fear of waking up only to find a knife in his chest? I don’t think anyone sleeps here. His eyes burned, they were heavy, the dark rings under his eyes matching that of every other man in his company, he could feel himself losing concentration, so he focused on the droplet that was forming on the barrel of his rifle, on the sounds of the insects, a frog in the distance, the way the rain sprayed droplets of mud back at his face from the slit in his foxhole. The melodious pattering of the rain soon became mesmerizing, Rex felt his head tilt forward, he lifted his head once to wake himself up but by the second time he was powerless to stop himself, his body was screaming for sleep. He closed his eyes, head resting on the stock of his rifle.
When Rex awoke again, he wasn’t alone, Dogma sat at his side rifle ready, a steely look in his eyes, the captain noticed he was now leaned against the back of the dugout, a raincoat had been draped over him. “I know you’re looking out for us Rex, but you need to know that we have your back too” the teen said.
“I know Dogma, you’re a good kid.”
“I’m not so sure I am anymore…” Dogma replied quietly as he focused on a movement in the trees, raising his rifle, he fired a single round, hitting its target precisely… he turned and looked at Rex, the innocence his eyes once held was lost, Dogma was no longer the little brother that would always beat him at chess, Dogma had killed men, boys that were no older than himself or Tup, Rex sat silently in thought for a few moments, as the horror of it dawned on him, he felt his hands begin to shake once again.