Chapter Text
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don’t you ever tame your demons
But always keep ‘em on a leash
~~*0*~~
Touya could not fucking believe he ran into Hawks here. This was his place, the only thing he had to himself anymore. Inside these brick walls was his second home, a solitude where nothing could touch him except the dark leather of the booths and the cool glow of blue fairy lights. And here was this flighty looking asshole, trying to make small-talk at 10 at night.
Fuck him.
“You’re in my English class aren’t you? You spend like, the whole class just brooding in the back row. What’s your name again?” Hawks’ inquiry is entirely too cheery for how exhausted he looks. The lights make the shadows under his eyes look awful and he’s slouched with a sluggish smile on his face. Touya thinks that Hawks looks like a dead man walking.
“Why do you need to know, smiley trashbag?” Touya bites out, hunching defensively over his coffee. His abrasive attitude apparently doesn’t phase Hawks at all, much to his displeasure. His classmate’s golden eyes are about as enthusiastic as always, and the tired slouch doesn’t change in the slightest. It’s like threatening a wall.
“Just asking is all. Politeness and all that. I’m Hawks-”
“I know. And I don’t care. Leave me alone.” Hawks’ body slumps a bit more tiredly at Touya’s clipped response cutting him off and his grin drops for a split second. He shoves his hands in his pockets, giving Touya a crooked, weary smile.
“Alright man. No problem. See you tomorrow in English.” And with that, Hawks turns around and dawdles at the wooden order counter for a few minutes before Tomura comes up with his order. Hawks thanks him and walks out, sending Touya a lazy wave on the way. Touya sneers at his retreating back and grumbles.
“Just being polite, what a joke.” Touya indignantly chugs down a couple swallows of coffee before slamming his cup back down. “Nobody’s that polite this late at night.” He doesn’t need Hawks pretending to be nice to him. He doesn’t need kindness-that need was beaten out of him when he was young. He definitely doesn’t need it and he doesn’t want it. He’ll make sure Hawks knows it too.
~~*0*~~
Touya is late to school the next day, by almost an entire hour. He’d been taking his siblings to school and after dropping off Shoto, realized he’d forgotten to pack Natsuo’s bento. Fuyumi offered to get it, but he wasn’t willing to make his sister late for school. Running back to get it was supposed to be a quick affair. But he’d slammed the door open, found his father already home and things went downhill from there.
Almost twenty minutes later, he left with Natsuo’s bento and a freshly split lip. Dropping the bento off was a quick, simple task, but then he had to bus to school on city transit.
And thus, here he is, trudging on his way to second period as the school bell rings. Touya pointedly ignores the bodies of other students smacking into him, determined to drag himself to English without interacting with anybody. He manages to plonk himself in his back row seat earlier than usual; the classroom is still mostly empty. He slouches into the plastic chair and pulls his jacket hood up, closing his eyes. A few minutes of power-napping sounds really good right now.
“Hey there sunshine. You’re here early.” Touya’s eyes snap open to see Hawks making his way down the aisle of desks toward him and he groans internally. Of fucking course.
Touya chooses to not respond, instead glaring with all the energy he can muster right now.
Given his rather trying morning, it’s not much.
He sees Hawks’ eyes dart to his lip and he forces his body to not hunch in on itself. There’s no mocking edge to Hawks’ expression, but there’s also no outright worry.
“Hooo, get in another fight last night? If that’s all you got, I’d hate to see the other guy.”
Touya tries to keep his face neutral, he really does. He has a reputation for “getting into fights” and he should be used to this by now. With the way Hawks’ face falls though, how he shifts backwards, Touya knows his expression must look deadly. The bell rings and their English teacher stands exuberantly from his desk. Hawks sends an apologetic look his way before he goes to sit up front, leaving Touya to slouch further into his seat.
English passed with the usual fanfair. He pretends to do the work he’s given, Hizashi Sensei occasionally sends him disappointed looks. He doesn’t ask to see him after class today, but he knows it’ll come some time this week. Everybody who finishes their worksheet early sits around chatting and Touya doesn’t pay them much mind until Hawks sidles on over, perching on the desk to his right.
“Hey, sorry about earlier. Didn’t mean to piss you off, you know?” God, Touya could almost believe him. That- that fucking golden boy sounds so damn sincere that Touya almost thinks he actually is sorry.
Touya just makes a noncommittal noise and rolls the corners of his worksheet. He sees Hawks fidget a bit out the corner of his eye.
“I mean, everybody knows you got a reputation for winning fights. Wasn’t trying to poke fun, just…” He won’t respond. He won’t, because he doesn’t care if Hawks actually sounds put-out by his silence.
“Todoroki?” His head snaps to the side and Hawks is staring at him, expression indecipherable.
“Thought you didn’t know my name.” Despite Touya’s sour expression and tone, Hawks looks relieved to finally get a response.
“Well, I remembered. But yeah, I really am sorry about earlier-”
“Whatever. It’s fine.” Touya cuts him off again, keeping his voice clipped. He pulls his hood up more and turns away, but he still doesn’t miss the relieved look Hawks sends him.
~~*0*~~
Touya comes home from school furious. But, well, what else is new? Fuyumi and Natsuo are trailing behind him, looking entirely too worried. They shoot him concerned looks, but he just sends Natsuo outside to start on his homework while Fuyumi watches him intently. He sets a kettle on the stove to start tea and that’s when she speaks.
“Dad is really set on teaching Shoto Judo, isn’t he?” She sounds dismayed and Touya has to use all his years of practice to keep his face straight. Hearing her upset makes him ache, but she’ll just worry if he looks as distraught as she sounds. He turns his back to her when the kettle lets out a merciful whistle, pouring water over loose oolong leaves to steep.
“He is. But today training is getting cut short.” Touya is going to make sure of it. Shoto’s grades are falling because of this training and it’s bullshit. “Sho’s got homework to do.”
“Touya… please don’t fight with Dad.” Fuyumi’s voice floats to his ears, unsure and more worried than she should be about anything at 15. Touya just turns, ruffles her hair, and hands her the steaming oolong.
“I’m not gonna fight him Yu-Yu,” he was going to fight the old man, if it came to that. “I’m just gonna go get Shoto so he can do his homework.” Touya pauses to hand her a second mug filled with ice-cold juice. “Go give that to Natsu. I’ll be there with some snacks in a few minutes.” He distractedly starts putting together a plate of rice-crackers and some of yesterday’s nigiri and, after a moment, Fuyumi shuffles off.
Touya stops messing with the snacks the second he hears the back door close, pressing his hands flat on the counter and sucking in a breath through clenched teeth.
That fucker. What the fuck does he think he’s doing, trying to train an eight year old like he’s already a Judo expert?
Touya thinks back to his first nine years, thinks about the bruises and sprains, the torn muscles and the scars from countless training accidents. He knows what Enji is thinking.
It doesn’t make him any less angry.
He bites back his boiling emotions and finishes the snack plate off with some sliced fruit from the fridge. With care, he carries the plate out to his siblings on the walkway outside. Fuyumi is helping Natsuo with his homework, diligently gesturing to the worksheet and the textbook while explaining how to solve a particular math problem. Touya sets the snacks between them and Natsuo grins while Fuyumi thanks him gently. He drifts back inside while his siblings are focused on their schoolwork.
The house is quiet except for some dull thumping and a few muffled shouts. Touya grits his teeth and marches down the hall to the sparring room, bracing himself as best he can. He reaches the paper screen door and doesn’t even announce himself, just wrenches it open as loudly as he can.
Shoto is clutching his ribs, panting and hunched over. Enji stops dead in his tracks with a fighter's grace and turns to glare at his oldest son.
“You know Shoto’s training is not to be interrupted.” Enji sneers and Touya matches him glare for glare.
“Yeah, I don’t give a shit. He doesn’t need to train - not when his grades are dropping. He’s doing homework right now. Shoto,” Touya pauses until Shoto looks his way hopefully, “Come on. You’re done.” Shoto’s gaze snaps to Enji, eyes wide and fearful. Enji, in turn, gives Touya a looks that could melt steel beams.
“No. His training won’t be compromised. Shoto, resume your stance!” Enji barks out the command so loudly, it seems the very walls shake. If not the walls, at the very least Shoto does.
Touya does too, but he’s learned to hide it well. He buries the anxiety curdling his stomach and marches himself forward until he’s directly between Enji and Shoto, staring Enji down with the most fierce, determined look he can manage.
“No. I said he’s done.” Enji practically growls and Touya forces himself to stand straighter. “He’s done, because he’s falling behind in school! Now think about that for two seconds Enji. If Shoto falls behind, if he fails a class, it’ll look bad on you.” Touya will not falter, he will not.
Enji gives him the most sour, hate filled look but only pauses to spit out, “Fine. Take him then.” before stalking across the room to a training dummy. Touya ignores his own self-preservation and turns his back to Enji, crouching in front of Shoto with his arms open.
“Come on kiddo. We’ve got homework to do.” He throws on his best reassuring smile and Shoto instantly clambers into his grasp, clinging to him like a life-line. Touya doesn’t so much as look at Enji as he hoists his little brother up and carries him out of the room; he knows within seconds that it was a mistake, but there’s nothing he can do to fix it now.
~~*0*~~
Later that night, after he carries Shoto to bed, he stands outside his little brother’s room, winded from exertion and wholly exhausted. He hears Enji’s foot falls heading his way, loud and angry as ever. Touya takes as deep a breath as he can to brace himself and scant seconds later, his arm is snatched up by a baseball-mitt hand, bruising in the iron grip.
He trains hard until the moon has crept mid-way through the sky, held under threats of his siblings taking his punishment for him if he walks away. He’s in too much pain to sleep that night. He stares and stares at the ceiling, ignoring the tear tracks dried on his face.
They don’t deserve this. They don’t deserve to live here, with that man.
They never have, either.
~~*0*~~
Touya nearly falls out of his bedroom window in his attempts to sneak out, kicking over his desk lamp in the process. Half-crouched beneath his windowsill, he freezes stock-still and listens. A minute, two, five and everything is completely silent.
Touya stands up slowly and shuts his window, wincing anytime he moves just wrong. He pats his hoodie pocket to make sure he still has his phone and wallet before staggering off to the Moonlight Café.
He stumbles in through the door about 10 minutes later and the barista, Himiko, smiles brightly for half a second before her expression settles into something perplexed. He starts toward the counter but she waves him off, already brewing his usual espresso. Touya lets himself sink down into a booth, hissing when he hits the booth’s backing. He resolves to stay hunched over the whole time he’s here, because even that discomfort is better than anything touching his battered back.
Himiko bounces her way over with his espresso-laiden coffee and sets it down in front of him. When she doesn’t walk away, Touya looks up at her and glares, but there’s no real heat to it.
“It’s on me tonight! As many as you want Touya-kun!” She sounds even more chipper than usual, which is hard to believe.
“Thought I told you not to call me that.” His complaining lacks any real venom and he placidly sips his coffee. He can’t see Himiko grin, but oh god can he feel it.
“But we’re friends!” When he only replies with a noncommittal shrug, she makes an elated sound and practically skips back behind the counter. Touya spends an hour or so just sipping his coffee, even going so far as to quietly thank Himiko when she brings him another without him even asking. He’d probably bristle a little more if he had any energy left but, well…
His father wasn’t happy about the grades on his finals. He passed, but barely. Apparently, it was utterly unacceptable for a Todoroki to fail at anything. And anything less than perfect was a disgrace, even for the failure child.
Naturally, they got into a fight about it. And of course, it went less than stellar.
Touya’s lips would curl into a sneer at the mere thought of him if they weren’t split and bleeding.
The bell above the cafe door rings and Touya tenses before he can stop himself. His gaze flickers up to Himiko, trying to gauge her reaction so he can convince himself to calm down. She doesn’t look alarmed. In fact, when she glances over at him, she looks downright mischievous.
“Hi Tamaki! Touya, say hi to Tamaki!”
Who the fuck is that? Touya turns his head to look behind him and-
There’s Hawks, looking uncomfortable and like he might be getting set ablaze.
“Toga, I thought we talked about this. I prefer Hawks.” Hawks glances over at him and he sinks further into the booth, tugging his hood forward to hide away.
Touya doesn’t want to deal with him, not tonight.
He tunes out their conversation, mutely taking another coffee when Himiko brings it to him and fiddling with the frayed ends of his jacket sleeves.
“Hey, mind if I sit?” Hawks’ voice filters through his ears and, without moving, Touya peers up at him from under his hood. He trusts himself to speak, so he does.
“Yes, I do.” When Hawks only shifts a little, he narrows his eyes and continues with, “I don’t wanna deal with you playing nice tonight.” Hawks looks at him a little bewildered, brows furrowing and mouth hanging open a little.
“Playing nice?” Touya watches as the other boy’s expression clears a bit, and his brow furrows even more. “You think I’m playing nice? I was just trying to give you some company. You always look like you need it.” Touya twitches. Then he pushes himself up until he’s almost standing straight, leaning on the table and giving Hawks the strongest, most seething glare he can manage. He swears he can see Hawks pale as he looks down at him, golden eyes darting all across Touya’s face. He looks worried and Touya’s stomach twists.
“I don’t need you to act like you actually give two shits about me. I don’t need you trying to be my friend, I don’t need anybody.” his voice hisses out from between his clenched teeth, sharp and dangerous. He can’t keep the surprise off his face when Hawks glares right back at him, rolling his shoulders and puffing up to try and look bigger. Then he speaks and Touya thinks that he doesn’t need to look bigger or tougher because the steel in his voice does it just fine.
“I’m not pretending. People are allowed to care about you, you know. And more importantly, people are allowed to be nice to you.” The look Hawks is giving him isn’t angry, but it is fierce. His eyes burn like molten gold and Touya finds himself actually believing him.
“Yea, that’s nice and all, but what reason, exactly, do you have to care in the first place? If you’re not a fucking liar, and you’re not doing it for yourself, then why do you care?” Touya gives him a scathing look, sneering even though it hurts.
Hawks pauses for a second, face taking on an odd hue in the blue of the fairy lights, but the fierceness doesn’t waiver and he speaks evenly.
“Cause, even if you’re Todoroki Touya, even if you’re untouchable to everybody, you’re still a person. And I’ll be damned if I don’t treat you like one.”
Touya stares at him, eyes wide. Hawks meets his gaze, unwavering. There is a sureness there, as if Hawks has never said anything more true in his life.
You’re still a person.
If Touya hadn’t been yelled at for the better part of an hour today, being told he was worthless, he might not have cared. If he wasn’t running on empty, fueled by dregs of adrenaline and about two hours of sleep in as many days, he’d probably say something snide.
He doesn’t have the energy to keep this wall up.
Touya sits down carefully, wincing when his back brushes the booth. After a moment, Hawks follows suit, watching him with wary eyes. Touya doesn’t say anything though, just chugs a few swallows of coffee to try and bring some life back into himself.
Some minutes later, Himiko comes by again and sets a cup in front of each of them, pausing just long enough to give them each a gentle pat on the shoulder before going behind the counter and into the back. Touya absently wonders if Tomura works tonight, and if Himiko is gonna go try to drag him out to the front to hang out with her. Hawks settles himself further in the booth, tan jacket rustling; Touya looks at him for a few seconds before staring down at the table and fiddling with his jacket sleeves again. Something-a mad-man's impulse-drives him to speak.
“So,” Hawks looks at him, surprised, and Touya speaks again before he can lose his nerve. “Tamaki, huh?”
Hawks-Tamaki-gives him a sheepish kind-of-grin and rubs the back of his neck.
“Heh, uh, yeah. Tamaki Keigo. That’s me.” Why on earth does he keep making that embarrassed face? He acts like there’s something wrong with his name; there isn’t, it’s a standard name, and Touya has certainly heard worse.
“I’d prefer Hawks though.” Hawks ducks his head a little, and his tone is suddenly one that Touya can’t really place. Odd, Hawks is usually as easy to read as anybody he’s ever met.
Touya narrows his eyes, studying the blond. Then he sips his coffee, clicks his tongue and says nonchalantly. “Whatever. You’re a weird fuck either way Hawks.” For some godforsaken reason, Hawks gives him a crooked smile and Touya just rolls his eyes.
They sit quietly for another hour or so until Himiko drags Tomura out of the back to help close up, and then Hawks walks him home on the grounds of “I don’t wanna miss the action if you get in another fight”. Touya doesn’t miss the long glance Hawks casts at his face, worry twisting his expression.
Touya decides that, maybe, it wouldn’t hurt to let Hawks stick around.