Chapter Text
2013
Jin was quiet. Too quiet. It bothered Namjoon a lot, especially when he saw that the elder was only scouted because of his looks. Luckily, he was able to catch on and be a great vocal, but for some reason it irked that Jin got to join Bangtan for his visuals while the rest of them had to bust their ass.
On top of that, nobody else seemed to care for this fact. The boys adored Jin and Namjoon noticed the eldest would always take them out for food. It was sweet and frustrating at the same time. How could this rich pretty boy be so perfect? There had to be a flaw underneath all that shy modesty.
It became a personal mission almost, to find anything wrong with Seokjin. He finds himself questioning everything Jin does, whether it’s adding an extra adlib on a song or why he added garlic into the ramen. The other always just stutters a quick response and walks away, as if trying best to avoid confrontation. Which somehow pissed Namjoon off more. Yoongi was the first to notice and told Namjoon to fuck off.
“Leave him alone Namjoon, stop trying to start fights all the time. You are the leader, stop setting bad examples for the kids.”
“I do not try to start fights.”
He invites Seokjin to coffee one day, to try and gage what this rich boy was doing with his life. Namjoon runs through his list of expectations and explains to the boy sitting across from him how difficult being a trainee is. He goes on to ramble about how everyone needs to be fully committed when Jin interrupts.
“Namjoon-ssi, as much as I appreciate this, I will have you know I know exactly what I signed up for. I’d appreciate if you respect that.”
Namjoon, shocked that Jin finally was not taking any of his shit, chokes on his tea. He feels his face get red when Jin slaps him on the back.
-
From then on, Namjoon tried to focus his attention on trying to get Jin to open up to him so they could become closer. It confused Seokjin as first, and the boy would still end up shying away anytime Namjoon would probe about him. So he reworks his plan and finds himself in the elder’s company more often than not, just trying so hard to get a sense of who Kim Seokjin was. They stay back after dance practices together to rework choreo, go on grocery runs together, and he even tries and shows Jin hip-hop music he likes.
Strangely, it worked. A little too well.
He found himself gravitating to Jin’s side all the time, as if it was his job, to always be near Jin. The elder was still hesitant, but he finds himself catching smiles and laughs that weren’t there before. It’s not long before both of them are practically inseparable. It never bothers him until Jungkook points it out.
“Are you and Jin-hyung best friends?”
Namjoon raised his eyebrow. “We are all best friends.”
“No, but you’re like always with him. He barely spends time with me anymore,” Jungkook replies, with a slight frown. “Anytime I ask him to play MarioCart he says he has plans with you or he’s going to go practice dance.”
This puts him in a sour mood the whole day and he can’t find any motivation to even write any songs. Debut was over but they needed another comeback that showed the general public they were worthy of a listen. He groans in frustration, trying his best not to throw the keyboard at the wall.
There’s a knock on the door before a tiny, “Namjoon-ah”.
He feels himself say “come in” before he can stop.
Jin arrives with what looks like five bags of takeout and it makes his heart pang that the elder decided to buy him food. Most days they lived off of ramen.
They eat in silence, and while Jin seems to be gulfing down his lunch like normal, Namjoon feels suffocated.
“Are we best friends?” he asks suddenly, already afraid of the answer.
Jin stops blowing air on to his chicken and looks into Namjoon’s eyes. “What?”
He feels his palms get sweaty and starts rubbing them against his thigh. “Are we, closer to each other than we are the others?”
“I mean, I guess. It happens in groups, right? Can’t expect everyone to have the same relationship.” Jin replies, looking unsure of himself.
“Right. Well. Thanks again for the food.”
“Yeah, course Joonie.”
Namjoon feels his stomach flip at the nickname. Jin gives him a reassuring smile and pats his head.
Present Day
He hated living alone. After years of being forced to live in dorms with six other boys, having an apartment to yourself really just reminded him of what he doesn’t have anymore.
That’s why he preferred touring, where he could just get away from the reality of how lonely he was. Screaming lyrics with thousands of fans every night exhausted him to the point that he wouldn’t have to think about how nobody was in bed with him when his head finally hit the hotel pillow.
Going solo wasn’t his first choice, and he originally advocated for BTS to do subunits. However, with everyone alternating enlisting and other pursuits, it was hard to manage. So he was forced into the limelight alone.
Namjoon flicks the tv on, casually surfing through channels, trying to see if there was anything decent to watch. He’s about to give up when he catches sight of an advertisement for some brand that he definitely cannot pronounce.
Jin stares at him from his tv screen, smiling and showing off the suit. The background music is slow and lustrous, and Namjoon laughs thinking about how ridiculous the elder probably acted on set, trying to act sexy.
The commercial ends, and he is brought back to reality. There’s a small buzz and he looks over to see that there is voicemail left on his home phone. He shifts through them all, a lot of them about work related stuff, however, a few make him smile.
“Hyungie, it’s me. Jiminie. Why did I have to learn through Yoongi-hyung you’re back in Korea. I never know which number to text you since you never reply to kkt on time. I miss annoying you in the groupchat. Oh crap it is going to cut me off. Anyways call me back I love y-“
“Joon-ah. You forgot your flashdrive at the studio, and you won’ t answer your damn cellphone. Jimin keeps annoying me about you. Pick up for god’s sake.”
“Hyungggg, me and Jungkookie and Jimin-ah are coming to your concert in Paris. I have sooo much to tell you about the new drama and you need to tell me about your next album. Oh also, please answer your texts, Jimin is getting worried.”
“Aish Joon-ah seriously why don’t you answer your texts? I need advice on a track.”
“Hyung!!! I’m so drunk. When are you coming back? Taehyung-hyung says we will see you in Paris?”
There’s an obvious voice missing within all of these, and it hurts only a little. Namjoon sighs and decides to text back all his members. After they all seem content with his responses, he clicks on his chat with Jin.
The last chat was exactly like how it looked when he checked a week ago. Him, six months ago, congratulating the elder on the nomination for an OST he sang with the other replying, “thanks :- )” . Namjoon thinks that the smile looks pretty passive aggressive but when he asked Yoongi, the producer had just said that’s how his old roomate talks.
He’s about to write something, anything really, when he sees that Jin is typing.
Jin 11:45pm
Hey, heard from yoongi you’re back in korea?
Namjoon doesn’t even hesitate. Yeah, came back two days ago.
Jin 11:52pm
Oh that’s great. Do you want to get dinner sometime?
Just catch up, or something before you leave again
Idk
Namjoon 11:53pm
Tomorrow night sounds good for me.
Jin 11:54pm
Cool. Ill text u the address. See u at 8 tomorrow?
Namjoon 11:55pm
Yeah. See you. Goodnight
Jin 11:55 pm
Goodnight Joon
2014
Namjoon was not stressed. He was not.
“You need an outlet for all those emotions you’re feeling,” Yoongi tells him over dinner. “Do yoga or something.”
“I am not doing yoga.”
Yoongi puts down his chopsticks and rubs his face with his hand. “You’re going to get burnt out, you need a reason to keep going. So find an outlet.”
As if on cue, Jin walks through their little living room. Namjoon stares at the elder’s back as he walks past them, giving a shy smile. He’s always wondered how Jin manages to maintain such a great figure. Maybe he should ask for tips on how to build his biceps like that.
“Not him. No.”
Namjoon blinks. Yoongi is giving him a death glare. “What are you talking about?”
“You are not using Jin-hyung as your outlet. That isn’t healthy.”
He laughs. “What are you smoking hyung? How could a person be an outlet for stress?”
Yoongi stares at him and it takes Namjoon a whole two minutes before it clicks.
“No. No, what? Why would you even think that I was thinking that? That’s not even. Jin-hyung isn’t even gay!”
This causes Yoongi to smirk.
Namjoon shakes his head and speaks before Yoongi can say anything. “Even if he was, he doesn’t like me like that. And I don’t like him like that. Stop making things weird.”
Yoongi shrugs. “I’m just saying, since you two are close, I can see why you would think that using each other for the stress would be good. But it isn’t.”
“I am not going to fuck Jin-hyung. I might as well do yoga.”
-
Jin is hot.
Namjoon isn’t blind. He knows the man is attractive, obviously, he is the visual of the group. But right now, Jin is shirtless and walking around backstage as if he didn’t know the amount of distress that Namjoon is in.
“You’re staring at him.”
Hoseok nudges him and Namjoon flicks his eyes back to his fellow 94-liner. “I am not staring. My eyes just happened to be looking in that direction.”
“That’s a load of bullshit.”
Namjoon frowns. “Don’t curse in front of the kids.”
This makes Hoseok laugh. “You’re saying this as if Jimin doesn’t punctuate every sentence with fuck.”
“You probably taught it to him.”
They bicker for two minutes, trying to decide who curses more in the group. Namjoon is so into pulling up random examples of cursing (“remember you swore at Jungkook for taking your damn banana”) that he doesn’t notice another presence joins them.
“Jin hyung! Tell our lovely leader I do not curse that much.”
Namjoon freezes and looks to his side. He regrets it immediately. Jin is still shirtless, probably because he just got off a massage or was putting pain patches on himself. The eldest opens his mouth to say something, but Namjoon beats him to it.
“Can you please put some clothes on?”
Now saying that, he does regret, looking at the way Hoseok was trying their best not to crack up.
“It’s hot.” Jin says, matter-of-factly.
“It is,” Hoseok agrees, nodding his head. “By the way, hyung, your abs are soooooo sexy~”
Namjoon watches in horror as Hoseok rakes his fingers over Jin’s chest and down to his six-pack. “Aw thank you Hobi. “
He can’t watch any longer and stomps away. Jin’s curious expression is missed.
Present Day
Namjoon is late.
He didn’t intend to be, but he somehow managed to tear up his entire closet trying to figure out what to wear. What do you wear to a casual dinner date-not-date with your bandmate who you barely talk to?
He sighs as he shoves his keys into his pocket after locking his car.
Saying Jin looked beautiful was an understatement. Namjoon could wax poetry about the dips of the elder’s collarbones that peeked out of his white sweater. Or the way his brow creases when he’s thinking hard like he is now. The man was reading the menu when Namjoon stands next to the table.
He clears his throat. “Hyung.”
Seokjin snaps his head up from reading and it’s like falling in a trance. He feels blood rush to his face as he sees the elder looked even more breathtaking up close like this. The elder was definitely wearing foundation, and a light black eyeshadow lined his lids, making his eyes dazzle even more. Namjoon almost groans because he cannot imagine he looks even half as good.
After an awkward hug, Namjoon settles down in his seat across the elder. They make small-talk, discussing what they should order.
“So…how’s the tour been going?” Jin asks cautiously. Work, Namjoon thinks, is a safe topic.
He shrugs in response. “It’s fun, love seeing the fans and stuff. Kind of get homesick a lot.”
Jin tilts his head. “Why? Yoongi tells me you never get out much even when you’re here. Also, you kind of have a whole song about hating Seoul.”
It makes him almost scream how easy Jin can read him, as if all these years didn’t pass. He tries not to let the mention of his music affect him. “Yeah but home is home. You know?”
“you were home once,” is left unsaid.
Past
He really wishes that Yoongi never mentioned that Jin might not be straight. It seemed to be all that was on his head now. Everytime the eldest even slightly touched him, he felt his entire body go warm. It was also getting more and frustrating looking at Jin himself. Since when was he this pretty? And why were his lips soo plump and cushiony? Also, this newfound confidence that Seokjin was exhibiting was messing was his brain. Damn him and his flying kisses.
It takes a week of him curling up in frustration when Jin finally notices it during one of their movie nights in Namjoon’s room. The elder had brought a laptop over and sat in his bed and demanded they watch the next episode of some weird anime that Namjoon didn’t understand. All he could pay attention to was how they were cuddling as if this was something that regular bros do. It made him want to scream and he feels even more nervous when Jin sits up right and presses pause.
“What has been up with you?”
Namjoon stares at the paused screen, refusing to meet Jin’s eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Look at me Namjoon.”
He was using his authoritative voice, the one that puts even Jungkook in line and causes Taehyung to run for his room. Namjoon cautiously looks up. “I really have no idea what you want me to say.”
“You’ve been acting weird with me. Did I do something wrong?”
Namjoon shakes his head. “No hyung, you could never. It’s me, just overthinking things. Stress is getting to me.”
Jin looks back at him with an understanding expression, a small smile breaking out. “Well you’re doing great even under all the stress.” He ruffles Joon’s hair, and it takes all of Namjoon’s strength not to lean into it. “You’re the best leader anyone could ask for. All six of us appreciate you Joonie.”
It’s the second time that the nickname causes a shiver to run down Namjoon’s back. He sits upright and finds his eyes wandering Jin’s face, who stared back, curious to why the younger was staring at him like that. Fifty thoughts race into Namjoon’s mind, and all of them have to do with how to do this. He shifts his attention on Jin’s lips, bright pinky and puffy. Jin’s eyes go wide as Namjoon leans in, slowly, to give Jin a chance to back out if he wants to.
They were centimeters apart, and Joon can hear his heart beating in his ears. “Hyung,” he whispers, his breath lightly dusting over Jin, causing the elder to shiver.
All he remembers is Seokjin tasting like candy.
Present Day
The food sucks.
Namjoon is really trying to like it, since this was supposed to be a big upscale celebrity restaurant, but-
“This tastes like shit.”
He looks up to see Jin has the same expression, face wrinkled in slight disgust. The sight makes him snort. Jin seems surprised by the noise and for a second Namjoon thinks he did something wrong. Then Jin starts laughing himself. The high pitched windshield wipers echo through the restaurant, and after a minute, Joon allows himself to do the same.
He wonders if the media will catch sight of this. Dispatch releasing pictures of two grown ass men laughing for no reason at 9pm in a five star restaurant. For some reason, this bothers him. He wants their moments to be private, he doesn’t want everyone else to see.
“Let’s get out of here.”
Jin’s laughing stops immediately and he just stares back at him. “What?”
He feels his face go red when he realizes the implication of his words. “I mean, the food here is bad. We can just order some takeout and watch a movie. Like old times?”
Jin raises his eyebrow.
Namjoon waves his hands. “I mean, not exactly like old times. There would be no um-“
The elder lets out a chuckle. “Let’s get out of here Joon-ah.”
Then
“Someone is going to see us Joo-mmmpgh.”
He feels the elder give up struggling and instead sigh into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Joon’s neck. Jin’s back hits the wall as Namjoon starts peppering kisses down the elder’s neck.
“You know, it’s kind of-ahh-ironic. That we are making out in a closet.”
This causes Namjoon to groan, and he leans back, looking his hyung in the eye. “You had to ruin the mood with a lame joke?”
Jin giggles. Giggles. His face scrunches up and even Namjoon can’t help from smiling back at him. He wishes he could freeze this moment, just them giggling like a couple of school children in a closet in their company office. They had responsibilities to get to, texts and emails to reply to, songs to write, dances to practice. But Namjoon wants to stay here, warm in his hyung’s embrace, laughter echoing off the walls.
“Why are you staring at me like that?” Jin asks, breaking Namjoon from his thoughts.
“I-“love you.
He feels the familiar notes of his cellphone and at the same time voices coming closer to the closet door. The younger decides he can say his confession later and instead presses a small peck on to Jin’s lips. The elder whines as Namjoon pulls away, but the cellphone was ringing, and he had things to do.
“Let’s go somewhere Friday? Heard a new marvel movie is out,” he asks, hand already turning the knob.
Jin smiles back and nods his head. “Jungkookie will be so jealous.”
He can’t help himself when he steals one more kiss before opening the door.
Present Day
“You really know how to spend your money huh?” Jin hums as he whistles at Namjoon’s black BMW. “Took you forever to get your license though.”
Namjoon smiles and unlocks the car. “Liked having you drive me around everywhere.”
This causes Jin to slap him. “Yah! Be appreciative I did all of that for you. You brat.”
He starts the car and drives while Jin is fumbling with the radio. Some soft melody plays, and Namjoon feels at peace.
“How’s the drama? Heard you play a doctor.” he finally asks, after ten minutes of silence.
Jin lets out a chuckle. “It’s good, finally doing what I got my degree for I guess.”
Namjoon glances over for a second. “You don’t seem that happy about it.”
He gets a shrug in response. “Film industry takes away a lot of the fun in acting. People always pushing each other to get to the top, the auditions upon auditions, it’s exhausting. To be honest, singing the OST was probably the highlight of my entire acting career.”
“So don’t do it. Quit acting.”
Jin laughs, his eyes twinkling as he slaps Namjoon again on the arm. “So what, you want me to be jobless?”
A thought runs through Namjoon’s head, and he’s scared he might crash the car if he says it. “Give me two minutes and I’ll tell you instead.”
Two minutes later they’re parked in front of the Han, Seoul glistening around them as music streams out of the radio. Jin looks at him curiously. “What were you going to say?”
He takes a deep breath and looks the other in the eye.
“Come tour with me.”
2016 end of MAMA
“I’m in love with you Namjoon-ah.”
The younger stares back at him, daesang in his hand. He looks back at the award and then back to a crying Jin. They were never expected to make it this far. Being with Jin was an outlet. Was supposed to be a way to get rid of stress. Never supposed to be love. It’s not like they could be boyfriends or something. What they were already doing, the kissing, the sex, it shouldn’t be happening. Love wasn’t even supposed to be part of the equation.
“Hyung, I can’t. I’m the leader, the face of this group- “
Jin smiles, and as he does, another set of tears slide down his cheeks. Namjoon wants to move and kiss them away. Anything. But he physically can’t, and just ends up squeezing harder on the cold metal.
“It’s okay. I know. That’s why they chose you by the way. You always put the group first.” The words cut like ice and there’s a sniffle before Jin continues. “Hyung is so proud of you. Always. Remember that.”
Present Day
“You’re joking.”
Namjoon adjusts the heat, allowing the warmth to seep into his bones. “I’m not. Come tour with me. I leave for Europe in a couple weeks. Start in Paris.”
Jin looks away, staring at his hands. “Joon, I can’t just join you mid-tour. I don’t even have like an album or anything.”
“You can!” He was grasping at straws this point. Logistically, he knows adding someone to the setlist would be chaos, and without any songs to sing, Jin can’t do anything. But something inside Namjoon wants Jin, wants him beside him as he goes around the world.
The elder finally looks up. “It won’t work, let’s just drop it.”
“You don’t have to do anything. Just be with me.”
It was a leap and he almost regrets saying it when he senses the fear in Jin’s eyes.
“I mean. You can just write and record and stuff while being on tour with me. That way we can help each other out with tracks and stuff right?”
Jin still was rigid as he stares back at Namjoon. “I could do that here. Why do I have to go on tour with you?”
He has five hundred answers to that question. Because I’m tired of living without you. Because I’m lonely. Because I miss you. Because I’m still in love with you.
“It would be a good break from acting right? And you can travel the world without having to worry about concerts and interviews and everything.”
Jin stays silent for a minute, and Namjoon wonders what he is thinking. The ends of the elder’s lips turn into a smile just as Namjoon is about to talk. “And you’d be there.”
It’s like a barrier broke. He smiles back. “And I’ll be there for you…” he sings, a little off-tune.
April 2017
Of course, they drift apart.
It wasn’t really noticeable until they started traveling more, getting out of the country. Jin always stood further away from him, and during rooming assignments for hotels, they were never put together. The others started to notice too. There was no crying, there was no yelling or fighting match. Just silence between them that pained Namjoon till the end.
He never got to tell Jin he was in love with him too. It just didn’t seem right. His job, his purpose, in this band was to lead the group. Make sure everyone was alright, and that everything was going smoothly. It was always supposed to be group first. So no he couldn’t date Jin no matter what.
He is human after all though. Sometimes he catches himself watching Jin’s reflection on the mirror as they change. It’s weird having something and then not having it. How was he supposed to survive like this?
It hurts. A lot. He misses Jin even if he is right next to him. His sleep schedule has been fucked, he can’t eat properly, and motivation for any type of song is far gone.
Surprisingly, it’s Jimin who pushes him into a room with the eldest and forces them to talk. He hears the click of a lock as he stares back at Jin.
“I can’t believe they really locked us in here,” Namjoon sighs after trying to break the doorknob for five minutes. He pulls out his phone. “I’ll call manager hyung and see if he can get us out.”
Jin snorts. “Pretty sure he’s in on it too.”
Namjoon groans and falls back onto the bed. “Well? We might as well do what they want.”
He feels a shift next to him as the bed dips. Jin lies beside him, and he can hear the slow and steady even breaths. “Sorry I’ve been distant. I’ll try to be a better friend.”
It’s rare to see Jin so serious, and Namjoon hates that he is the cause of it. “I’ve been a bad friend and leader. We should’ve talked sooner.”
Jin turns his head to the side and he follows the same action. “Namjoon-ah. You’re the best leader anyone could ask for. I lo-“
He stops midway and turns his head back to the ceiling. “Sorry.”
“Me too.”
Present Day
“Was it really necessary to bring all this? What even is this” Joon chides, questioning the bottle.
Jin snatches it from him. “This. Is the secret ingredient to how I remain beautiful even at my age.”
“You are quite old.”
The smack he gets on his chest was deserved so he doesn’t fight it. “Anyways, can you hurry up? It’s getting late. We told the kids we would meet them backstage at 6.”
Jin hums and gets up from his spot on the floor. They both make their way downstairs, and into the car waiting for them. They don’t really talk, but it’s a comfortable kind of silence. Just having his hyung next to him was enough.
By the time they reach the venue for soundcheck, he sees that there is already fans waiting for him in the pit. “You go and soundcheck, I’ll go find the kids and hang with them,” Jin urges when Namjoon suggests that he come up on stage with him.
He nods and feels sad when the elder walks away. Come on Namjoon, stop being so clingy. Damn.
“How are you guys today?”
-
BTS maknae line erupts in chaos after the concert, with Namjoon getting assaulted with punches and slaps from all three of them. Jin looks from a distance, smiling fondly when he catches Namjoon’s eye.
They all settle down in a dressing room sometime later, after Namjoon apologizes wholeheartedly for not responding to texts. Taehyung and Jungkook are showing some photos they took to Jin of the concert and of sight seeing in Paris. It’s a cute sight, and Namjoon is nostalgic for when Jin would sit the two youngest down in their living room and talk to them when they were sad. It was a common sight to see the three of them cuddled together after a long night.
“So you’re still in love with him huh.”
Namjoon turns to look at Jimin. “Please. Be any louder.”
Jimin rolls his eyes and leans back on the chair. “You two really need to sort your shit out. He really is coming along for the rest of tour?”
“Stop.” They were only a couple feet away from the others, so Namjoon lowers his voice. “I just thought he would enjoy a break.”
“He dropped his entire job so he could go on a world tour with you,” Jimin deadpans.
“That doesn’t mean anything.”
“God you both are stupid. I need another drink. Taehyung! Get me another glass of wine.”
2017 June
“Me and Jungkook are dating.”
It takes every bit of willpower that Namjoon had in him not to look at Jin. All seven of them were in the living room because Jimin had texted them he had an announcement to make. The blonde haired boy looks nervously at Namjoon, and he feels the others were waiting for his response.
He feels his skin itch. What was he even supposed to say? No? A part of him knows that even if Namjoon did tell them to end it, they would probably sneak around and be together anyways. He looks at the way Jungkook is nibbling on his bottom lip, nervousness present but holding on to Jimin’s hand like an anchor.
It’s his job to make sure that the group is happy and functioning. Jimin and Jungkook make each other happy.
He gives a fake disgusted face. “Please don’t make out in front of me.” When the two maknae look like they aren’t sure how to respond, he gives a reassuring smile. “I’m just kidding, congrats you both. But please no nasty in places we all use.”
This causes an uproar among the members as Jungkook goes red. Jimin moves forward and hugs Namjoon while the others starts teasing.
“I saw you both kissing in the kitchen the other day. I was going to say something, but it was kinda hot so I watched.”
“Taehyung! You should’ve recorded it!”
“Next time I definitely will.”
As the chaos ensues, Namjoon looks over to Jin who is pinching Jungkook’s cheeks. It was a cute sight, and watching the oldest and youngest interactions was always entertaining.
Jin turns his head and when their eyes meet, the smile drops from his face.
Present Day
Berlin is pretty.
Jin had burst into his hotel room at 9am that day, demanding that they spend the day doing touristy things. So here they were, sipping on some hot chocolate as they walked around the cold streets of Germany.
Even though they were both bundled head to toe in coats and scarves, they stayed close for extra warmth. Namjoon wonders how bad of an idea it would be if he just held Jin’s gloved hand. Considering they were out in public, probably a very bad idea. That’s why his entire face heats up when he feels the pressure of the elder’s hands tightening around his bicep. “I’m cold,” Jin whispers. Namjoon nods.
They take pictures upon pictures, in front of everything, Jin posting some on his Instagram.
“I wonder what people are saying,” Namjoon muses quietly. “About you coming to tour with me.”
Jin looks up from his phone and gives him a questioning look. “Why does it matter what they think? Also do you like not want me here or something, because you did invite me...”
Namjoon shakes his head. “No, I love having you. It’s just people are probably thinking we are working on something together.”
This causes Jin to stop in his tracks. “What are you trying to say?”
He feels actual butterflies in his gut as he stares at the beautiful human before him. Jin looked beautiful as always, even with a confused expression on his face. The tan from the summer was gone, replaced with pale skin and red cracked lips.
“Do an album with me.”
He expects Jin to laugh or to slap him and tell him to stop being ridiculous. The elder just stares back, his mouth slightly open. “Joon.”
They were stopped in the middle of the street, and he could see that their bodyguards were already getting anxious at them. With every bit of confidence he can withdraw from himself, he takes Jin’s hand. The elder stares at their interlocked gloved hands and then back at Namjoon.
Namjoon did not know what he was doing when he leads the both of them into a quiet dimly lit pub. It was mostly vacant, with the exception of one elderly couple playing pool near the bar. He finds a booth in the corner and drags Jin along until they both sit down.
Their hands are still woven together, and Namjoon cannot find the strength in him to let it go. He turns to look at Jin, and forces himself not to push away elder’s bangs.
“You know I have always advocated for subunit. Your voice, with my rap. I think it could be really something special. I was always going to ask you if you wanted to do one but then that happened.”
Jin gives a hesitant laugh. “You mean the entirety of our relationship?”
Namjoon’s stomach twists. “If I could go back and change it, I would.”
“No. You wouldn’t.”
2018 December
Namjoon is drunk.
As a leader, he has to prioritize their safety and make sure that no paparazzi will see them, but Yoongi promised this was going to be an exclusive club. Nobody would know that they are here and the maknae line were not invited. He also promised to stay sober, but the way the blonde was making eyes at Hoseok, it didn’t matter if he was.
He finds himself looking for nobody in particular, hoping to catch sight of a familiar face so he can have someone to talk to. Or take him home.
When Namjoon blinks to clear his vision, his eyes settle on what looks like Jin at the other end of the bar, sitting and laughing with a stranger. See, Namjoon’s rational brain would have just turned the other way. But Namjoon’s intoxicated brain wanted to go over there and tell the stranger to fuck off. Which is exactly what he does.
Both Jin and the other boy looked shocked, and Jin clears his throat. “Namjoon, this is Sungcheol. He’s a-“
“I don’t care who he is.” Namjoon turns to look at the man, who looked confused. “You, go. Now.”
The man goes rigid and steps into Namjoon’s space. “Watch who you’re talking to.”
Apparently drunk Namjoon was feeling confident and he points his finger at Jin, who looked white as a sheet. “I’m his fucking boyfriend. Now get the fuck away from him before I punch you in the throat.”
Sungcheol moves forward as if ready to swing, but Jin moves in between quickly and puts himself in front of Namjoon. “Please don’t make a scene that will end up on the frontpage tomorrow. Cheol, I’ll talk to you later okay? Text me.”
The stranger nods and walks away after giving one more glare at Namjoon.
He snorts. “Yeah walk away! Coward.”
This causes Jin to snap. He turns around, and for a second Namjoon is almost terrified at the anger in the elder’s eyes.
“I’m not your boyfriend Namjoon why the fuck would you say that?”
Namjoon shrugs. From the corner of his eye, he can see that Yoongi and Hoseok were making their way over. “He was bothering you.”
Jin lets out a frustrated groan. “Did I fucking tell you that? I was having a good time and you are here ready to just start fights! Why are you doing this to me?”
The younger knew the rationale thing to do was to tell Jin sorry, but now he was angry. “I’m doing this to you. Me? You’re the one who dumped me!”
“We were never together!” Jin hisses back. “You never wanted me more than as an easy fuck.”
He suddenly feels cold hands against his bicep and turns to see Hoseok’s disappointed eyes. “Okay that’s enough. Time to go home.”
Namjoon watches as Yoongi runs after Jin who storms out of the club.
“ I don’t know why he’s so mad. “He suddenly remembers how Yoongi was on a mission tonight and feels bad. “Did we cockblock you both today?”
Hoseok sighs. “Namjoon, let’s go home.”
Present Day
There is only one bed.
“This has to be a joke, please tell me this a joke.”
“It’s not that bad, please relax.”
Namjoon turns and looks at Jin, who was pulling away the curtains. Moonlight floods the room, and when the elder turns to face him, it creates a halo. It takes every bit of him to not reach forward and touch the pale skin.
He crosses his arms. “We aren’t kids anymore to share bed. We aren’t-“
Silence floods the air and he swears the temperature drops a couple more degrees.
Jin sighs. “No we aren’t. But I’m tired and I know the staffs are too. Stop being a diva and just sleep in the damn bed Namjoon.”
And because Namjoon can never say no to Seokjin, he finds himself in bed with the elder, both wearing their ridiculous B21 pjs. He wonders where they stand. What holding hands in Berlin meant, what he was even thinking when he invited the elder to join him for tour, whether Jin would say yes to doing an album with him.
“God I can hear you think out loud, do you know that?”
Namjoon turns his head to meet Jin’s eyes. “Did you make a decision yet?”
The elder lets out a loud sigh. “It’s been like five hours. No I did not make a decision.”
Jin stares, the tension thick and suffocating Namjoon to the point he can’t breathe. He stares back and tries to think of something to say. But what does he even say?
“I wish things weren’t weird between us.”
“It’s not too late to make them unweird.”
I’m still in love with you.
Jin sits up. “What did you just say to me?”
Shit.
Then
Jin won’t talk to him.
It is somehow worse than when they had drifted apart right after their break up. Would it even be called a break up? They weren’t together.
It is a full silent treatment, and Namjoon knows he should say something, but the petty side of him wants Jin to talk first. Maybe if Jin would stop being immature and care that it is affecting the group dynamic-
He hears a knock on his studio door. “Come in!”
Only a tiny part of him is disappointed when he sees that it is Taehyung and not Seokjin. He waves him over and the 95-liner pulls up a chair and plops down on it. When the younger doesn’t say anything for five minutes, he gives him a little nudge. “What.”
Taehyung looks nervous. “You know, I have the utmost respect for you. And all my hyungs. I love you all very dearly and would die for all of you.”
Namjoon raises his eyebrows.
“However, I do think you and Seokjin hyung are both being pissy assholes,” he says quickly. Namjoon opens his mouth but is quickly cut off. “And don’t say, oh why do I have to do it? Even if you guys aren’t going to be together, you are still best friends. Don’t let something like this come in the way.”
Namjoon buries his face in his hands before looking up back at the younger. “He drives me crazy Tae.”
Taehyung smiles and pats his back. “Sounds like love.”
Present Day
“If you even think about moving an inch from this bed without explaining yourself, I will kill you. Like actually.”
Jin was glowering at him. Honestly, Namjoon wasn’t really imagining his confession to be in a hotel room at 2am. But his stupid mouth had to have said those three words out loud instead of keeping it inside.
“Well I was kinda hoping to make this a bit more romantic, but now is a fine time too I guess,” Namjoon jokes, hoping to ease the tension. It doesn’t and Jin looks two seconds away from smothering him with a pillow.
He clears his throat. “Yeah, I love you. Like. I’m in love with you. For a long time. Surprise!” Namjoon says, making jazz hands.
Silence.
His hyung is just staring at him, face impassive. “Bringing me on tour, asking me to do an album with you. That was all to get me back?”
The visible hurt is present and there were tears in Jin’s eyes now. Namjoon was confused. He had just convinced his undying love for the man and he wasn’t happy?
“Hyung, no of course not. I mean yeah the end goal was to like, hopefully win you back but…”
It was the wrong thing to say. Jin pulls aside the covers and jumps out of bed. He watches as the elder grabs his suitcase and rips the zipper open. Then he proceeds to starts shoving his stuff he spread across the table into it.
Namjoon sits up. “Hyung. What are you doing?” Anxiety was building, and he felt like he was going to puke.
“Where did I put the damn face tint,” Jin mutters, as he goes to the bathroom and tries looking for it. He comes back two seconds later with an unidentified bottle and throws it in the suitcase too. Next, he starts opening some random drawers. “I swore I put that bracelet in here somewhere,” he says silently to himself.
“Hyung!”
Jin freezes. Namjoon never yells, even when he was frustrated or mad or feeling bad. Not once does he raise his voice.
“What do you want Namjoon?”
The words are prickly against his skin and Namjoon watches as Jin stares at him expectantly. Namjoon stares back until Jin finally concedes.
“I’m booking a flight tonight and getting the hell out of here. Thanks for letting me come along on this tour. It was fun while it lasted. “
Now Namjoon was livid. “You can’t be fucking serious right now. I just said I was in love with you and your response is to fucking run away?”
Jin laughs, hollow and with pain. “Yeah, we have been in this same spot, before haven’t we?”
Namjoon pales. “That was different. Things are different now. “
The elder sighs. “It’s never different. I thought we could be friends again but looks like even that is hopeless. “ He moves to turn back around to his suitcase but Namjoon is quick. Jin is pressed against the wall, Namjoon using the small height he has on him to corner him.
“Do you still love me?”
“Namjoon,” Jin whispers. Their faces are centimeters apart and Namjoon can analyze every detail on the man’s face. Both their eyes were wet and his vision was getting blurry.
“It’s a yes or no question hyung.”
“You can’t ask me that.”
“I deserve to know. If it’s no then I promise I never will mention this again. But if it’s ye-”
“I have a boyfriend Namjoon.”
Past
He and Jin are back on speaking terms. Sort of. They both agreed for the sake of the others they would quit being cold to each other. It still wasn’t the same though. It was like they were acquaintances at best. No invites to hang out with each other individually.
Yoongi gives him worried looks in the mirror at dance practices but he just gives back a reassuring smile. He is fine. Perfectly fine.
“Everyone, this is Jihyun. My boyfriend.”
He is not fine.
Realistically, he knew that both of them were going to have to move on, but he never expected it this quickly. Jihyun is a producer at BigHit. He himself has worked with the man several times for help on his mixtape. Traitor, he thinks silently as he watches the two of them babble about how they started dating a couple months ago. He stares at their interlocked hands and the way Jin is beaming at Jihyun.
Hoseok gives his own hand a slight squeeze while Jimin looks from Namjoon back to the two standing in front of the group. Jungkook seemed to have an insane interest in his shoes and Taehyung just looks confused. Yoongi coughs and scratches his head.
“I’m so happy for you guys, congrats.” He extends his hand with a fake smile plastered on his face, ignoring the glances from the other six members. Jihyun looks relieved that at least someone was being comfortable with him and gladly takes it. They make casual small talk, and he feels the others slowly coming in to say their hellos. It was nothing like when Jimin and Jungkook made their announcement. No matter how much everyone gave their fake smiles, there was no teasing. No pinching of cheeks.
The pain in his chest was very familiar though.
Present
Touring alone sucks.
After he spends a day crying in his room, he’s forced to leave for the concert that night. He doesn’t remember much of it, but tries to make his fans as happy as possible. He had poured himself a bottle of red wine and was going through the channels when he hears his phone ring. Hoseok’s silly selfie he took of them together when they were in Malta lights the dark room. Namjoon chooses to ignore it but then it keeps ringing and he lets out a groan.
“Hello Hobi.”
“Why is Jin back in Korea?”
Hoseok was never the one to beat around the bush.
“Guess he just felt like going back” he replies, jokingly.
“Well he is crying on Yoongi’s couch. And Yoongi kicked me out to fulfill his best friend duties.”
“Oh so now you’re fulfilling yours?”
There’s silence and Namjoon sighs. “Sorry. It’s just. He has a fucking boyfriend. And doesn’t love me.”
“Oh Joon-ah...I’m sorry”
Namjoon laughs. “What was I even thinking? That he would still want me after all these years? God I really made a fool out of myself. Now he doesn’t want to be friends.”
“I don’t think he meant that.”
“What the hell am I supposed to do now Hoseok?”