Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

-MJ added Ned and Peter to chat-

MJ: so, spiderman, huh

Peter: uhh...what do you mean?

Ned: yeah mj, what are you talking about????????????

MJ: i got tired of waiting for you to tell me

MJ: also, ned, that was too many question marks

MJ: besides, you two were pretty obvious

Ned: no we aren't!!!

MJ: ned you literally have peters number saved as ‘my best friend spiderman’ on your phone.

Ned: oh

MJ: speaking of peter, @peter why are you so quiet about this

Ned: oh um, hes curled up in a ball on his bed? I think you freaked him out?

MJ: rip

Peter: no, i'm totally fine what are you two talking about hahahahahaahhahahahaha

Ned: .....

MJ: ......

Peter: okay so maybe i was freaked out by another person figuring out my identity? Is that such a crime?

Ned: no!

MJ: yes

Ned: well, whatever!

Ned: well, now that MJ knows, I can officially make this what i've wanted forever!

-Ned has changed the chat name to ThePeterParkerProtectionPosse-

Peter: oh my god

-Ned has added May to ThePeterParkerProtectionPosse-

Peter: oh my god

MJ: lol

May: well, isn’t this fun?

May: it's about time someone made one of these. Thank you, Ned!

Ned:  no problem, may

May: y’know, I think there is one more person that should be added to this chat……

Peter: oh my god may no, please, i beg of you, don't add-

-May added Tony Stark to ThePeterParkerProtectionPosse-

Peter: oh my god

Ned: oh my god!!!!

MJ: holy shit

May: Hey Tony!

Tony: Hey May

Tony: What...exactly is this?

May: Well, Ned made it so I better let him explain :-)

Ned: well, uh, mister stark sir, uh, i made this chat to uh, help keep peter in check and help keep him safe because i think we all know that he can be kind of…..dumb? like, hes still super smart and everything but he doesn't know how to take care of himself at all so i figured that we could maybe help him? And we can all help him better if we are all in touch with each other, right?

Tony: ...

Tony: Not a bad idea. Might be helpful to know what the kid is doing when he's not wearing the suit.

Tony: Speaking of him, what is he doing right now? He hasn't said anything to me yet in this chat

Tony: I'm very offended.

Ned: he went back to being curled up in a ball, this time under his comforter

MJ: haha, we broke peter

Peter: ….

Peter: hi mister stark

Tony: There you go kid

Tony: I might be able to interface with chat with Karen now that I think about it. That way the emergency notifications that would usually just go to FRIDAY would also appear here.

MJ: whose karen

Ned: the AI in peters suit! shes super cool and nice!

Peter: i really don't think this is necessary…...i don't get in that much trouble

Ned: uh..dude

MJ: damn parker, you really are dumb

May: Pete, you have given more grey hairs in the last year and a half than being a nurse has given me in the last 10 years

Tony : Seconded.

Peter: why do i feel like this chat will very quickly become all of you just being mean to me?

MJ: oh it definitely will

MJ: i will make sure of it

Tony: you're ruthless, kid

MJ: thanks

May: All of the meanness will come from a place of love :-)

Tony: I don't know about that, May

Tony: Kid is kind of a shithead

Peter: :((

May: Tony!

May: I mean, it is true but hey, don’t be mean to my kid

Tony : We both know hes my kid too at this point, May

Tony: Which means I can be mean to him if I wanna be

Peter: adfhhafkafkfljflfakjfafahj

Tony: You good, kid?

Ned: hes fine, he just got excited that you referred to him as your kid and then fell off his bed

MJ: what a dumbass

Ned: true

Peter : i hate this family

Chapter Text

Tony: okay, i've interfaced Karen to this chat

Tony: This way, we can get updates from the Spider Suit like location,current activity and stuff like that on request and emergency updates too. It will also allow Peter to access this chat to give us updates if he wants.

Tony: Karen, say hello.

Karen: Hello Everyone.

Ned: omg hi karen!

MJ: hey karen

MJ: so you said she can tell us stuff on command?

Tony: Yes, you just have to ask her

MJ: cool

MJ: hey karen, where is peter right now?

Karen: Peter Is Currently Helping A Cat Out Of A Tree In Central Park.

MJ: jeez

MJ: thats sappy as shit parker

MJ: don't you have anything better to do?

Peter: i mean, not really? it’s pretty quiet right now…..

Peter: scratch that theres a bank robbery over on grand, see you later!

MJ: lol bye

MJ: nice going stark, that is actually pretty handy

Tony: You’re welcome

Ned: thats so cool mister stark!

Ned: can she talk to us and peter at the same time???

Tony: Yeah. She would be pretty useless otherwise.

MJ: valid

Karen: Peter Has Instructed Me Not To Inform You That He Has Been Stabbed In The Shoulder But That He Is “totally super fine”

Tony: KID

Ned: peter are you okay????

Peter: i am fine!! the dude just managed to get a swipe on me

Peter: that involved him burying his knife in my shoulder?

Peter: i'm fine though!!!

Tony: If you aren’t at the tower in the next 3 ½ minutes then I’m grounding you

Peter: you can’t ground me?

Tony: Yes, but May can. And you know she will the moment she reads through this chat after she gets off work.

Peter: okayberightthereseeyousoonmisterstark

Tony: That’s what I thought.

May: PETER BENJAMIN PARKER

May: YOU ARE GROUNDED

Peter: it's not my fault someone else decided to stab me!

May: You.

May: Are.

May: Grounded.

Peter: okay aunt may

Ned: aw but we were gonna hang out this weekend

May: Ned, you and MJ can still come over this weekend but Peter will not be allowed to patrol for the next few days until I am positive that his stab wound is healed

Peter: i mean it's most healed already

May: Quiet, you

Peter: okay, valid, gotcha

Peter: love you, aunt may

May: I  love you too, Peter. Just be more careful, okay?

Peter: i will

May: Alright kid, you're ungrounded.

Peter: wait really??

May: Yeah. I figure that if I ground you for the small stuff then you won’t actually listen to me when I ground you for the big stuff.

May: Besides, i would feel bad if you missed helping someone important because I grounded you.

Peter: may, have i told you recently that you're my favorite?

Peter: because you are

Tony: Rude

Tony: I thought I was your favorite?

Peter: oh uh

Peter: gotta go!

Karen: Peter Has Left His Apartment

Karen: He Is Running Very Fast Now

Chapter Text

Tony: Peter. Christmas present. Amazon Wishlist.

Peter: uhh i don't have an amazon wishlist

MJ: i do

MJ: https://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/3P0DZIGRIZDIM

Tony: Bold

MJ: You are a multi-billionaire capitalist who could buy my house with the spare change you find in your couch cushions.

MJ: You can buy me a biography on Joni Michelle.

Tony: Point conceded.

Ned: Oh Mister Stark can I get a PS4 for Christmas?

Tony: No

Ned: :(

Tony: Fine.

Ned: yay!!!

Tony: Neither of you are the kid I want to be buying gifts for

May: Pay my rent for Christmas.

Tony: That is something I am entirely willing to do if you would ever LET ME

May: No.

May:  I was joking

Tony: May, please, just let me PAY THE DAMN RENT

Tony: It is the literal least I can do

May: Hard pass

Ned: ooooo gotem

MJ: #roasted

Tony; Where is Peter?

MJ: idk

MJ: ask karen

Tony: Karen?

Karen: Peter Is Currently Engaged In Combat

Tony: Is he winning?

Karen: No. He Is Not.

Karen: He Has Just Been Thrown From A Roof Top.

Karen: And Has Caught Himself

Tony: Jesus christ

Karen: Interesting. Peter Said That As Well.

Karen: With An Extra Word Included.

Tony: What word?

Karen: Fuck.

Ned: karen absolutely CANNOT SAY THAT

Ned: I DO NOT LIKE IT

MJ: i do

MJ: karen say it again

Karen: As You Wish.

Karen: Fuck.

MJ: hell yeah

Tony: Karen, initiate Disney Channel Protocol

Ned: what does that do???

Tony: It makes it so that everytime Peter curses, it's censored by the sound of birds tweeting.

Ned: omg

Ned: i want the audio for that

Tony: -sent attachment:Someone Get This Kid Some Soap Jesus.mp3-

Ned: thankyousomuchmisterstarkholycrap

Tony: You kids do realize that I'm not going to get angry if you call me Tony, right?

MJ: Stark.

Tony: Better than ‘mister stark’

Tony: ‘mister stark’ just makes me feel older than dirt

May: You are old

Tony: I'm only two years older than you!

May: Yet I look better, how weird

MJ: holy shit

MJ: tony stark is dead

MJ: stark industries will die within the week

Tony: Listen, we all know that Pepper will keep SI running long after I’m dead

Tony: Also, I am still super hot, May is just hotter

Peter: can you PLEASE stop hitting on my aunt????????

Tony: We can talk once you get your potty mouth in control

Peter: i was falling off a building!! I think that is a valid time to say fuck!

Peter: ......why did i just hear bird noises?

MJ: ahahahahahaha

Peter: :((((((

Chapter Text

May: Karen, where is Peter right now?

Karen: Peter Is Currently In Delmar’s Helping An Old Man Get Groceries

Tony: jeez kid

May: Karen, what time is it?

Karen: It Is Currently 5:23pm On Friday November 30th.

May: And where is Peter suppose to be right now?

Karen: Peter Is Suppose To Be At Home Having Dinner With You And Mister Stark To Discuss The Patrol Rules For Winter Break

May: Mhmmm he sure is

May: Karen, feel free to pass that info right on to Peter

Karen: Will Do

May: Thank you, Karen.

Peter: i’m sorry aunt may!! I totally lost track of time! Ill be there as soon i'm done helping this old man

May: Just hurry up, Peter. I'm afraid that if I sit here too long with just Stark he’ll start to  think this is a date

Tony: I KNOW THIS ISN'T A DATE. God.

Tony: I feel like all of you conveniently forget that I am literally engaged.

Peter: wait, you are?

Tony: You’re kidding me, right?

Peter: no???

Tony: Me and Pepper got engaged nearly six months ago, kid.

Tony: How did you not know that?

Tony: You were in the building when it happened

Peter: i was?

Tony: It was right after you turned down my offer to be in the avengers

Tony: had to do something with that press conference

Peter: .....that wasn't a test?

Tony: ......Did you actually think it was?

Peter: yes!!! oh my god!!

Tony: Well. Sorry kid

Peter: oh my god i'm so dumb

Ned: wait wait wait wait wait

Ned: peter

Ned: are you saying that you actually turned down an opportunity to BE IN THE AVENGERS

Ned: ARE YOU KIDDING ME PETER BENJAMIN PARKER

Peter: i didn't know it was an actual offer! I thought mister stark was testing me!

Ned: EITHER WAY, YES WAS THE CORRECT ANSWER

MJ: peter, you get dumber and dumber everyday in my eyes

Peter: :(

May: Peter, you have ten minutes to get here or else I’ll revoke your Ned privileges

Ned: May!!!

May: Sorry honey but you're the only thing he likes well enough that me revoking will get his attention

Ned: i don't know whether i should take that as a compliment or not :(

MJ: i personally take it as an insult

May: Sorry hun

Peter: okay, ill be there in two minutes!! And mister stark we are going to talk about this more!

Tony: see you in two, kid

Chapter Text

Ned: listen, all i'm saying is that there is probably a lot of stuff that peter can do and we just don’t know yet!

Peter: give it a rest, ned! i'm not able to make my own web fluid!

Ned: but how do you /know/

Peter: i just do

Peter: plus, that would be nasty

Tony: What are you two arguing about?

MJ: Ned thinks that Peter has more powers that we just don’t know about yet.

MJ: they’ve been bickering about it all day

Ned: there is no way that there isn’t more! you got bit by a radioactive spider and all you got was super strength and the ability to stick to walls?? no way

Peter: 1) I have more powers than that, come on. accelerated healing, remember??? 2) you’re acting like those things aren’t super cool already?? 3) RUDE

Tony: No, no, I think Ned has a point. We should try and catalogue your powers and their limits. We know you have super strength but exactly how strong are you?

Peter: i know i'm like…...really strong?

Peter: strong enough to hold up a building

Peter: i did not mean to text that

Peter: or that

Peter: karen, can i delete texts?

Karen: Not After They’ve Been Sent, Peter

Peter: shit

May: …….

Tony: One, language, two, when did you hold up a building???

Peter: I didn’t!! it’s just a saying!!

Karen: I Have Not Found That Saying In My Databases

Peter: karen i love you but you are NOT HELPING

Tony: kid.

Peter: it’s not a big deal okay??

Peter: just ignore what i said please

May: Peter, when did you hold up a building?

Peter: ....

Peter: homecoming.

Peter: when i followed vulture, we met in a warehouse. he was talking and the wings were flying around and i was dodging them really well i thought but they weren’t exacting aiming for me

Peter: the building came down on top of me.i was stuck and couldn’t get out and i ended up just….lifting the building off of me?

Peter: i'm okay though!! totally fine!! plus it sounds super badass now!!

May: Why didn’t you call for help?

Peter: well i uh

Tony: You couldn’t

Tony: Because I had taken away your suit

Tony: Jesus Fucking Christ

Peter: it’s not your fault mister stark!! it was mine for going after the vulture when i didn’t have the suit!!

Peter: i should’ve just called you from the dance once i knew what was going on!

Peter: mister stark??

Peter: are you there??

May: Give him a while, Peter. I think he might just been processing

Peter: okay…

Ned: yeah dude tbh that was kinda….a lot

Ned: like this chat is fun but i think we all just remembered that we have it bc you’re a superhero and….

Ned: sometimes things go wrong with superheroes

Ned: and speaking as your best friend, that's scary

Peter: i guess so

Peter: if it makes you all feel better, that’s pretty much the worst thing that has happened to me so far as Spider-Man

MJ: i can’t tell if that’s a comfort or not

Peter: to be honest, me either

Chapter Text

Tony: Okay so it has been several hours now

Tony: and I am going to use this chat to do something I hate doing because Pepper says it will be “”””good”””” for me

Tony: She’s right but I hate it.

Tony: Peter, I was wrong to take away your suit.

Tony: I knew you well enough by then to know that that wouldn’t have stopped you in the slightest and while it technically did what I wanted it to with the tough love moment, it was also shitty and you ended up almost drying because of it.

Tony: I’m sorry.

May: Oh my god I never thought I would live to see the day that Tony Stark legitimately and sincerely apologized.

May: I’m proud of you.

Tony: I can take it back.

May: Oh no no, we already learned with Karen that you can’t delete texts.

Tony: Shit.

Peter: it’s okay mister stark

Peter: it’s all under the bridge for me. like it happened, and was kinda horrible but i'm doing better now!

Peter: plus like, i don’t think i'm ever going to go out in that suit again tbh. it is probably a Bad Idea

May: If you ever go out in that suit again I’m going to ground you until you’re fifty

Peter: yeah yeah yeah, thats fair

Ned: dude you should submit it to a museum or something!! that would be so cool!

Peter: hmm yeah maybe

Peter: but mister stark! i forgave you like, forever ago so you’re good! don’t stress about it!

Tony: Kid, you’re going to stress me out for the rest of my life

MJ: mood

MJ: oh btw peter if I catch you on your phone again during decathlon practice I will crush it in my bare hands

MJ: same goes for you leeds

Peter: afgkllsadjklhss OKAY BYE MAY BYE TONY LOVE YOU

Ned: MJ YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE YOUR PHONE IN YOUR HANDS HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS ALSDHDJLASLKSHSJSK

May: Oh boys

Tony: You have a good kid, May

May: No, Tony.

May: We have a good kid

Chapter Text

Peter: hey so like super quick question mister stark but

Peter : why didn’t you introduce me and harley?????

Tony: Harley Keener? As in Rose Hill Tennessee, Harley Keener?

Tony: How the fuck do you know who he is????

May: Language, Stark

Tony: Nope, screw that, I need answers right now.

Peter: well he kind of messaged me on instagram?

Peter: he heard that i was your intern and messaged me, asking about you!

Peter: he only kinda explained who he was. Something about a potato gun, mandarin and a mustang

Peter: i told him that i couldnt say much about you to him, nda’s and the fact that he was a stranger and everything and he said ‘thats valid’ and then we just started talking after that!

Tony: My worlds are clashing and I do NOT like it

MJ: rip

MJ: that was sarcastic btw. You don't deserve my condolences, or to rest in peace

Ned: roasted

Tony: I'm going to delete this stupid group chat one day

Peter: no you're not, you love us too much

Tony: Lies

Peter: :(

Tony: jesus christ, kid.

Peter: back on topic! Why didn't you introduce me and harley????????? he's so cool!

Ned: oooooo peter’s got a CRUSH

Peter: i do not! You know i'm already taken, ned, don't be mean >:(((((((((((

MJ: yeah, leeds, don't be mean to poor poor peter

Ned: i would never dream of it ;)

Tony: wait wait wait, hold up.

Tony: since when are you dating someone, kid? What's their name?

Peter: uh

Peter: its ned and mj, mister stark

Peter: i'm dating ned and mj. i told you this like??? the day after it happened!

Tony: Nope, no way, I would remember if you told me that

Peter: i definitely told you

Peter: Pepper was there! she told me she was proud of me and couldnt wait to meet them!

Ned: awwwww i wanna meet miss pepper!!

MJ: Peter, if you don't take us to meet Pepper Potts soon, I will make your life very difficult

Peter: i'll try and find a time i promise!!!

MJ: Good

Tony: …….how did I honestly miss this?

Peter: i don't know, mister stark!

Peter: but at least you know now!

Tony: Well,  I guess I’ll have to have all three of you over for dinner so Pepper can meet you

Peter: that should happen when harley is in town!!

Tony: How did you know about that? We havent even finished setting it up. I only asked him about it ten minutes ago!

Peter: he snapchatted me about it!

Tony: I hate technology

Chapter Text

Peter: do you ever just

Peter: look at your body and go whooooaaaaaa ihaveahumanform??????

Peter: i don't know if i like it or not :((((((((((((

Peter: i lvoe my body a lot more though it's really nice and it TREASTS ME SO WELKL

Peter: even though it decideddd to be mean and be not a boy at first >:(((((((((

Peter: BUT we got past that and now we are bros!!!! And it love it!!!!!!!!

Peter: and all i do is be mean to it i'm so sad :99999

Peter: that ws suppose to be a sad face

Peter: like :) only upside down and sad

Peter: BUT!!!!!!!!!!

Peter: I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH

Peter: SO SO MUCH YOU'RE ALL MY FAMILY AND I'M REALLY GLAD I HAVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU SO MCUH

Tony: Uh

MJ: ignore him

Tony: What’s going on?

Ned: well we conducted an experiment of sorts.

Ned: and we have learned that despite his enhanced immune system, peter, can in fact, get shitfaced

Ned: it just takes a LOT of work

Tony: Did you not think to ask before doing this “experiment”

Peter: WE DIDJDSJKDKSL:LKSDKJSJKFSJFSfdkabgsaijkkfefkjl

MJ: hes fine, but he did just almost vomit on his phone, so thats fun

MJ: but to clarify the point i think peter was attempting to make, we asked May before doing this

Tony: Where is May?

Ned: shes recording peter dancing to nothing right now

Ned: hes trying really hard

Ned: it's very cute

MJ: amen

MJ: wait hes crying now

Peter: I JUST LOVE YOU GYS SO MUCBJH

Peter: Karen, what time is it?

Karen: It is currently 11:27am Eastern Standard Time

Peter: i feel nasty

Peter: is this a hangover?

Tony: Yeah kid.

Tony: sucks to be you

Peter: ughhhhh

Ned: press f to pay respects

MJ: f

Ned: f

May: f

Tony: f

Chapter Text

May: I’ve made an executive decision

-May has added Harley Keener to the chat!-

Tony: Oh god NO

Harley: hey

Harley: what the fuck is this?

Peter: OMG HEY

Peter: also, may we are going to talk about how and why you have harley’s phone number when i didn't give it to u when i get home

May: Okay kiddo

Harley: again-what is this?

Tony: my own personal nightmare is what it is

Harley: well good to know tony is here, complaining as much as ever

Harley: who are the rest of you? I don't have your contacts

Peter: i'm peter!

Harley: yeah i know that much. I have your number saved, parker

Peter: oh yeah

May: I’m Peter’s aunt May

MJ: MJ

Ned: and i'm ned! We’re dating peter

Harley: oh yeah he mentioned you two. Nice to finally meet you

Ned: good to meet you too!

Harley: so why am I in a group chat with a bunch of people I don't know?

Harley: (no offense, unless you're tony)

Harley: (tony, you can take as much offense as you deserve)

May: Well, if I’m being entirely honest, I wanted to see what happened if I added you

Harley: chaotic, I love it.

MJ: may, i now respect you even more than I already did.

May: Oh good

Tony: May, what have I done to you to deserve this?

May: You Know

Harley: that was one of the most ominous things i've ever read, i'm loving it

Harley: hey, so where is parker anyways?

Harley: from the texts i've gotten from him hes usually bouncing off the walls talking

Ned: peter is busy right now

Ned: doing work

Ned: internship stuff

Harley: huh

Harley: i just figured he was patrolling or something

Harley: isnt that what competent, non-iron man heroes do?

MJ: Um?

Ned: patrolling? Peter isnt a superhero!!! What are you talking about dude?????

Ned: thats so funny!!!

Harley: so you're meaning to tell me that peter parker, a 17 year old working for Stark Industries in a position that did not exist until like, a year ago,is seen frequently with Iron Man and has top level access for both the Tower and the Compound, isnt Spiderman?

Harley: yall are fucking with me, right?

Tony: holy shit, kid

Tony: how did you find out he has top level access? Thats classified

Harley: I guessed your password

Harley: it wasn't a super complicated one. Literally peppers birthday

Peter: ahahahahahaha tony, i know you love ms potts but thats a really bad password!

Tony: shut it pete, don't text and swing

Peter: i'm not, karen is dictating for me!

Harley: karen?

Karen: Hello Harley. I Am Peter’s Personal AI System. I Am Interfaced Throughout His Suit, Phone And Rooms At Both Stark Tower And The Avengers Compound. I Have Tracking Capabilities, But Only By Those Authorized By Both Tony And Peter, And Only Via Request By Those Other Than Tony.

Harley: alright stark, ill give you that one. Karen is cool as hell

Tony: Thank you! For once, Keener

Harley: “for once” my ass, i saved your life

Tony: details, details

Harley: yeah who cares

Harley: i gotta go pick up my sister from school, so ill talk to you guys later

Harley: thanks for keeping tony in check. Dude deserves to be knocked down about 13 pegs

Peter: no problem! It's fun to mess with him

Tony: betrayed by sons

Tony: what else is fucking new

Chapter Text

Peter: what if i dropped out of school and dedicated all of my time to punching transphobes?

Peter: starting with decking Eugene “Flash” Thompson

Peter: because that dude can HONESTLY CHOKE

Peter: this….is not the chat i meant to send this to

Peter: may, mr stark, harley, you can ignore those messages, they are largely irrelevant.

Harley: didn't sound that irrelevant to me.

Harley: you good?

Peter: yeah, i guess

Peter: just some dude at school was giving me shit. He’s not exactly a fan of trans people

Harley: you said his name was Eugene Thompson?

Peter: yeah?

Harley: cool

Peter: Harley? What are you doing?

Harley: well

Harley: he soon goin to be getting a copy of the book of mormon that is triggered to explodes three full pounds of super fine glitter upon being opened in the mail

Harley: oh and he’s failing his english class now

Harley: though it looks like he was already pretty close to doing that. Got a 55% percent on his last essay

Peter: oh my GOD

MJ: i had to edit it. It was one of the worst things i've ever read in my entire life

MJ: straight up titled “why ophelia’s deserved to die”

MJ: his thesis statement was “she led him on”

Harley: nasty

Harley: this dude can go choke, you're right, peter

MJ: peter

Peter: yeah?

MJ: me and ned are gonna come to your apartment and we are gonna watch all of the original trilogy and talk about how trans luke skywalker is

MJ: also, ned is driving but he says “i would say that flash can go suck a dick but he doesn't deserve the honor”

MJ: be there in 10

Harley: roasted

Harley: your boyfriend and girlfriend are cool as fuck, parker

Peter: yeah, they are :’)

May: i'm going to call your principle again

Peter: noooooo may it's okay, you don't have to call mortia. I can handle this it's okay

May: too late, i just talked to his secretary and me and him are gonna have a meeting tomorrow morning before school

May: Flash’s parents are invited too. I do love speaking to them >:)

Tony: I’m going to come with

Tony: Also, May, that use of an emoji was terrifying

May: Thank you, Tony!

Peter: Mr Stark, nooooooo please don't go with may tommorow, you really don't have to

Tony: Kid.

Tony: You’re right, I don't have to. But I want to. You should be safe at school from little shit heads who try and give you shit for being who you are. You do a lot of crazy dangerous things outside of school that you shouldn’t have to feel unsafe at school, the way that this kid is making you feel. It isnt right.

Tony: Besides, it's been a while since I’ve gotten to yell at someone

Tony: whats the point of being rich and having a bunch of useless power if it means that I can’t use it for things like this?

Peter: I love you guys. A whole lot.

May: We love you too, Pete. So much.

Chapter Text

MJ: hey karen

Karen: Yes?

MJ: peter is out patrolling right?

Karen: Affirmative

MJ: alright

MJ: where is he?

Karen: Peter Is Currently Heading Down Atlantic Avenue, Just Passing 127th

May: Something up, kiddo?

MJ: just heard something weird over the police scanner

Tony: Do you regularly listen to police scanners?

MJ: my uncles a cop and likes keeping track of his friends when they are out working. i can hear it through the apartment walls

Tony: Interesting. What did you hear?

MJ: reports of a shooting at 97th and 124th

Harley: isn’t that like, pretty close to where Parker is?

Ned: kind of, yeah. like 6 blocks

Harley: think he knows there’s been shots?

MJ: Karen probably told him if he didn’t hear them himself

May: Let’s not worry, y’all. It’s Peter, he’s so far been really good at staying safe and for the most part keeping out of big trouble

Ned: that’s true! and he doesn’t get in over his head much anymore

Tony: Kid still tries. Gonna give me a serious heart attack

MJ: get in line, Stark

May: yeah I think you might be preaching to the choir on that one, Tony

Tony: Yeah probably

Tony: Any updates on that police scanner of yours, MJ?

MJ: my uncle turned it off

Tony: That's fine, I can just check Pete’s suit readings

Ned: or!!!! we can ask Karen!!!

Ned: Karen, any updates to give?

Karen: The Spider Suit Is Now Offline!

Ned: wait what

Tony: oh shit

May: Tony? What does that mean?

Tony: It means that something caused the suit to go offline without Peters authorization

Tony: Karen, what was made the suit go offline?

Karen: Extreme Structural Damage Has Caused The Mainframe Of The Suit To No Longer Have Access To Stark Servers

Tony: fuck

Tony: Karen, send Peters last known coordinates to me

Karen: Yes Boss

MJ: karen, if the suit can't connect to stark servers, how are you able to talk to us?

Karen: I Am Still Accessible Since I Am Hardwired Through Both The Tower And Peter’s Phone

Ned: if i wasn't really really scared right now that would be really cool

May: Tony, updates?

May: Tony, I swear to god if you don't respond to this I am going to make you regret ever being born.

Harley: May, give me a second and I’ll hack back into FRIDAY and see whats going on

May: okay. Thank you, Harley

Harley: okay, so hes currently flying back to the tower

Harley: at top speed

MJ: fuck

Ned: Harley, can you get us any other information?

Harley: uhh he sent out a signal for the medbay to be prepared and he did a preliminary scan of peter but i don't have much beyond that

May: Okay, kids, I am going to drive to The Tower right now and help get this all sorted, okay?

May: Ned, MJ, do you want me to send call Happy and get him to come pick you up?

Ned: yes please, may

MJ: tell him to go straight to neds. My uncle will drive me over there.

May: Okay, sweetheart.

May: Happy’s ETA is 20 minutes

May: Harley, thank you for getting into FRIDAY for us

Harley: yeah, no problem. Do you want me to stay logged into FRIDAY?

May: Will looking at it stress you out?

Harley: maybe?

May: Then log off. Me or Tony will give you updates

Harley: okay

Harley: thank you, may

May: Of course, honey

May: Now, I want all three of you to listen to me

May: Whatever this is, Peter will make it through. Try not to stress too much, okay?

May: Everything will be okay, I promise.

Chapter Text

Peter: heeeeeeeeeyeeeeyyeyeyye did you know that sometimes painkillers can make you real lkdjkldaksajhfds

Peter: just like SUPEER adfjljgkjakgahhkhklapg

Harley: oh hey you're not dead

Peter: HARLEY

Peter: I LARB U

Peter: THANKS FOR LETTING PEOPLE KNOW WHAT WAS OING; ON

Harley: no problem buddy

Harley: though i wish they would do the same for me

Harley: like what happened to you?

Tony: Sorry, about that kiddo. We didn't mean to leave you in the lurch on info. I got Pete back to the Tower and he had to go into surgery right away and then MJ and May and Ned all showed up and we had to get everything handled on that end.

Tony: But, Peter is alright and on a looooooot of painkillers right now. He also just went back to sleep so thats why hes not saying anything anymore

Harley: what happened to him?

Tony: He got shot in three places and essentially run over by a truck

Harley: what the actual fuck

Tony: Pretty much, yeah.

Tony: Like I said though, he’ll be okay though. Cho said hes gonna make a full recovery. He might have a little scarring from where he got shot but Pete said, and I qoute, “ill look like a badass, hell yeah” so i think it will all be okay

Harley: that dude is too casual about being injured if his first though is “at least i get a cool scar from it”

Tony: yeah, it's weird. Weird, weird kid

Harley: it's alright, you're a weird, weird old man

Tony: I am not old.

Harley: where is everyone else?

Tony: May is asleep on the couch in Peters recovery room and Ned and MJ are trying to play a card game or something in the corner to distract themselves. Both of their phones are charging somewhere.

Harley: Okay. Is everyone doing okay?

Tony: Okay enough. It was a little scary

Harley: well yeah, no shit it was scary

Harley: I'm 715 miles away and I was fucking scared. I couldnt do a damn thing to help my friend and then everyone went radio silent and i was just….here. In rose hill. 715 miles away

Tony: I'm sorry, Harley.

Harley: god, parker really is a good influence on you, tony. You're out here apologizing left and right.

Tony: What can I say?

Tony: He’s a good kid.

Harley: yeah, I know.

Harley: let me know how hes doing when he wakes up again, alright?

Tony: Will do, Kid

Harley: also, let me know when hes not fucked up on painkillers anymore

Harley: i wanna yell at him for getting hurt but i want him to remember it

Tony: get in line, kid.

Chapter Text

Tony: Hows your first day back at school, kid?

Peter: i'm okay!!!!!

Peter: why are you asking that in the group chat?

MJ: thats a lie

Ned: well, only kind of.

Ned: we made him take a nap during lunch because he was doing that thing where he refuses to admit hes tired but each of his blinks last like 4 seconds

Ned: he used mj’s jacket as a pillow and mine as a blanket and fell asleep his with turkey sandwich in his hand

Ned: it was honestly adorable

Peter: nedddd why would you betray me like this

Ned: not a betrayal, just telling the truth to the man who is LITERALLY in charge of watching out for you health and wellness.

Tony: And this is exactly why I asked in the group chat, kid

Tony: because you have it in your head that you aren't allowed to admit that you aren’t feeling okay

Tony: no one's gonna think less of you if you're still recovering

Tony: much less us

Peter: :,)

Peter: thanks mister stark

Tony: kid, cmon with the mister stark stuff

Peter: ……tony

Tony: THERE WE GO!!! ABOUT FUCKING TIME

Tony: ONLY TOOK US ABOUT 3 YEARS TO GET THERE, GOD DAMN

Peter: mister stark, if you keep making a big deal about this, i'm never gonna call you tony for the rest of your life

Tony: If you do that I’ll exclusively call you mister parker

Peter: bullshit, as it is you can barely remember to call me peter. You only call me kid, kiddo or pete

Tony: fair point

Peter: :P

Tony: But I’ll put in an effort to only call you by your last name if you don't start actually calling me Tony

Peter: ://////////

Peter: Fine

Tony: fine who?

Peter: Fine…..Tony

Tony: perfect

MJ: Peter, I will hurl your fucking phone from the highest window of the tower if you don't get off it right now during decathalon

Peter: akdhdahhdahghgahahgahahgh;g SORRY MJ I LOVE YOU BYE TONY

Tony: Damn, you really have him wrapped around your finger

MJ: obviously

MJ: i have everyone wrapped around my finger

MJ: including you

MJ: buy me concert tickets

Tony: yeah alright, send me the link

MJ: emailed

Tony: bought

MJ: nice

MJ: now fuck off, i have a practice to run

Tony: yeah, okay

Chapter Text

Harley: pardon my language but finals can eat my entire BUTTHOLE

Peter: god, if that isnt the whole entire mood huh

Peter: ned is currently laying comatose on my bed after studying for our astronomy final for 4 hours straight

Peter: he keeps muttering something about doppler shifts and black dwarfs

Peter: it would be cute if it wasn't so fucking weird

Harley: god, i wish i was studying for astronomy. I'm writing an essay and just nothing is going right and my brain is doing this dumb thing where it doesn't focus on a damn thing and it sucks

Peter: wait

Peter: does your brain feel kinda cloudy and you WANT to be working and you know that if you could just focus you would be able to do it?

Harley: thats pretty spot on. How did you know that, parker?

Peter: dude, thats what my ADHD feels like! You might have ADHD too!

Harley: i thought ADHD meant you were like, super hyper and easily distracted? Because i'm not that. Sure, i have a hard time focusing on things like this but when i'm focused, it's like a laser focus, ya know?

Peter: only some people get the hyper part of ADHD. and getting super focused on things is another part of ADHD called a hyper fixation! It's when you get so focused on something that you like, can't focus on anything else

Harley: oh

Harley: i was like that with cars for a long time

Peter: my big one when i was young was iron man actually ahahahahahaha

Harley: don't say that, it will go to tony’s head

Peter: tony’s in paris with pepper right now, hes not gonna be reading this chat

MJ: gross

Peter: not like that, mj!!!!!!!!!! don't be nasty!!!!!!

MJ: 🤷

MJ: wake ned up, i'm bringing pizza

Peter: okay!!

MJ: also, harley, you should get tested for adhd. It can be helpful i hear

Peter: oh yeah!! I got tested and i take some meds to help and it's been really helpful for me!!

Harley: i don't know if they have stuff like that in rose hill. Sounds too fancy for us

MJ: well then, get tested for it when you're in new york in a few weeks. Stark can foot the bill

Harley: thats…...a good point actually

Harley: you said it helped you?

Peter: oh yeah!!! It helped me a bunch

Peter: like, it didn't do much at first but it was really really helpful once it got started. It helped me pick up a lot of my grades because i could finally actually do homework!

Harley: ill think about it then.

Peter: NICE!!!

MJ: if you need someone to read through your essay i can do it i guess, later

Harley: that would be…..great actually. Thanks MJ

MJ: whats family for i guess

Peter: :00000000

Peter: GOD this family…..my HEART

MJ: shut it, parker

Peter: valid