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It's just any other day like the other when Danny finally snaps.
"You really gotta stop doing that thing Steven."
He doesn't realize that he said it out loud till Steve stops walking and whirls around to face Danny, his head tilted to one side, a look of concern on his face and goddamn him, he even puts a hand on Danny's shoulder like he's really worried.
It really doesn't help.
"What thing?" Steve asks, "You okay Danny or is this just me irritating you in the way only I seem capable of doing?"
For just one moment, Danny thinks about saying something but then he realizes there's nothing to say without the result that Steve would think Danny's gone crazy.
So instead he says, "It's nothing, just well," he hesitates for a moment and Steve actually squeezes his shoulder in some kind of gesture of comfort and strength that Danny doesn't really need except maybe he did because just like that the tension he hadn't realized he'd held tight in his body disappears.
"It's really nothing," he gets out and this time he smiles and it feels genuine and Steve narrows his eyes for a moment like he's appraising how real it truly is. Like he knows Danny better than anyone even though they've only known each other a few months.
"Okay then, good." Steve nods then, seemingly satisfied and there's just one more squeeze of Danny's shoulder before Steve turns away and thank god he doesn't turn back, thank god he doesn't see the way Danny moves his left hand to touch his own shoulder, the same one Steve had touched.
Thank goodness Danny thinks the thing he thinks next rather than says it aloud this time.
"You just can't help doing the thing can you?"
Then he lets out a heavy sigh and holds his hand up to acknowledge Steve who's sat in the driver's seat, blissfully unaware of the effect on Danny.
**
"Don't sit up too fast Danno, the guy got you good."
Then as if to emphasize his point, Steve pokes at the bump that's rapidly growing on the back of Danny's head.
"Ow, get off you psychopath," Danny catches Steve's hand and pushes it away and Steve rolls his eyes affectionately as though he's dealing with a grumpy toddler rather than his grown partner.
"At least I know you're not too badly hurt if you're calling me a psycho and doing the flappy thing with your hands."
Danny shakes his head and opens his mouth to protest cause he absolutely was not doing the 'flappy hand thing' but then he stops short as he realizes that the simple act of shaking his head, one of the most important tools of the job and his life that is working alongside one Steven McGarrett leaves him feeling nauseous and not a little dizzy.
And he has to breathe in deeply, then let the breath leave him slowly as he exhales and do it several times before it passes.
A voice in his head tells him.
"In slowly Danno, and then out even slower okay partner?"
Once, twice, three times until Danny finally open his eyes and all he sees in front of him is Steve's face as he crouches down in front of Danny, face the picture of concentration and concern, all while holding onto him, that fucking hand on Danny's shoulder again grounding him, soothing him while he repeats the words once more.
"Just slowly Danny, no need to rush."
So it wasn't the voice in his head then, or at least not his own anyway.
"That's better, you feel better?"
Danny doesn't trust his own stomach enough to nod anytime soon but he offers what he hopes is a convincing enough smile to Steve.
"Message received and understood," Steve says softly, squeezing one more time before he stands up and without taking his eyes away from Danny for more than a couple of seconds, he takes a couple of steps away closer to where the paramedics are and he could shout for them, that'd be easiest but he doesn't.
Danny's worked with him for over a year now and he doesn't know what it is, it's almost magical except that's definitely overstating it right? It's pretty cool though and useful that Steve can command attention with just the slightest glance or look, sometimes even without that like now.
Cause without shouting because Steve knows that's the last thing Danny needs right now, but with whatever it is that Steve does, the paramedics materialize within seconds next to Steve and he's pointing at Danny and they nod at him and then one comes closer to Danny with Steve while the other disappears presumably to get a stretcher which Danny would've fought against a few minutes ago but now that sounds like the best idea ever.
Steve could make his excuses now, they have the bad guy to process though Danny vaguely remembers seeing Chin a few minutes ago so maybe that's why Steve's not hurrying off to do that, but instead, he's there crouched down a little ways back from Danny now not interfering with the paramedic as he checks Danny over.
Danny wonders how this happened, how having Steve there feels so comforting, how this human whirlwind is so important to him. How he does it.
He thinks maybe it's the bump on the back of his head that means he says it out loud, they say a head injury makes you say stuff or 'stuff'.
"I'm so glad you didn't listen," Steve looks confused so Danny tries to explain, "That you never stopped doing the thing I mean."
Okay, maybe Danny's one of those people who he saw a documentary about that when they get a head injury or have a stroke or something they start speaking in another language because Steve looks more confused, concerned even and his head tilts to one side again.
And Danny's just about to try and explain something he can't even explain himself when Steve suddenly smiles.
"'You really gotta stop doing that thing, Steven?' You mean that thing you said a few months back right but what thing Danny? What thing is it?"
Danny can't be sure but he thinks it's probably a good thing that the paramedic interrupts at that moment.
"We'll take you to the emergency room as a precaution."
Danny goes to argue but at Steve's nod of reassurance and how when he says something about coming with him and also mercifully doesn't mention the 'thing' thing. it calms Danny so instead Danny watches as Steve stands up, and Chin's next to him suddenly and how the fuck does that happen, and Chin nods and then with a brief thumbs up at Danny, he's gone and the whole time Danny realizes Steve hadn't taken his eyes away from him.
It shouldn't be as comforting as it is, it shouldn't be this normal, and it shouldn't be something that Danny feels he would be lost without.
And he definitely shouldn't be contemplating saying just that right now.
So he doesn't, he just feels the warmth and the reassurance of the effect Steve has on him even as he's lifted onto a stretcher and the movement hurts his head, how it grounds him, and then as he's settled onto the bus by the medics and Steve jumps onto the bus with him and he hears Steve murmur that he should rest his eyes, he does because at least that way, his mouth won't betray him.
**
Danny's done, done being this tired, done with the sleepless nights. He's plain done. He's tired of the knocks he keeps being dealt, he's done with those people he cares about being put through the wringer or worse.
He wants to forget the smell of blood, he wants to forget how it feels every single time he has blood on his hands. He wants to not know a time when he was frightened for his children.
He just wants to lay down and sleep till it's safe to wake up and not worry again. The trouble is, he thinks that means he'd just never wake up again.
So instead, he sits in his office at 4 am again, hands wrapped around the mug of coffee in front of him, he's staring ahead but not at anything in particular, he's just willing his eyes to stay open.
To not shut because if they shut they only reveal bad things and he can't afford for those bad things to overwhelm him.
Even though there's this voice in his head that says 'well you're awake at 4 am and in the office refusing to sleep so little late for that dontcha think?'
He's not handling stuff and he should reach out, he should but he's not ready.
"I thought it was my thing to be the one with the unhealthy coping mechanisms or is it catching?"
Time was that Danny would have jumped at the sound of that voice, well any voice in the middle of the night, but instead, he feels the corners of his lips turn upwards slightly.
"I'm doing paperwork."
"Didn't realize you had the ability to see in the dark Danno, but okay."
"I'd literally only just turned the light off just to rest my eyes and have this coffee before I go back to it ag-."
"Liar, you know how I know because I've been sat outside watching you, waiting for you to leave so I could go back home and not worry that you were driving yourself to the point of a breakdown, just like last night, just like the night before."
Danny opens his mouth to speak but no words come out, then the light in his office suddenly turns on and he flinches but Steve's not done yet.
"Oh and that mug of coffee must be stone cold by now cause I saw you turn the light on for two minutes three hours ago."
There are several emotions warring inside of Danny right now he realizes, and that's confusing in itself but the least confusing emotion and the only one he's willing to deal with and display right now he lets out first.
"I'm a grown man Steve, who can take care of himself and I don't need you nursemaiding me or spying on me, how would you like if I did it to you huh, and okay you wanna talk about driving yourself to the point of a breakdown because you, you're the living embodiment of that person so don't you fucking put that on me, don't you put what you're most scared of yourself on me."
He's standing up as he says it, he's pointing his finger at Steve as he moves away from his desk and then he's prodding that finger into Steve's chest as he spits out the final words and he expects to see some anger, some denial from Steve.
Except, Steve has this look on his face, this thing that's not sympathy because if that was the case Danny feels certain that right now the way he feels, he'd be ill-advisedly punching his partner and screw the consequences.
No, it's something else, and it scares Danny almost as he takes a step back before he gathers himself somehow and looks Steve in the eye again.
"You're right, I am scared, scared of it every day but just because I am and just because I suck at dealing with it myself doesn't mean I'm not going to try and make sure you never have to deal with the emotions I do Danny or that if you are dealing with them, I'm going to let you go through them alone and I'll walk out this door right now if you ask me to, or I'll go over in my office and do my thing if you'll let me, I just want you to know that even if you want to be alone, I'm here and I can help and."
There's a sound that's unfamiliar in Steve's voice, it sounds like a tremble, it sounds like emotion and that's not new really at all, Danny knows Steve now, it's not like the early days, he's seen Steve at his worst, his most vulnerable and vice versa, even worse than today and yet it feels different right now.
The finger that Danny had been prodding into Steve's chest was wavering in thin air for almost a minute but now it joins the other fingers on the same hand and lands softer now on Steve's chest, he hopes it calms him.
Steve smiles a little and there's a small shake of the head.
"It's not me who should be being comforted now, D."
The 'D' is so casually used that it almost fells Danny but he shakes it off.
"Who said anything about this comforting you?"
It's not even a lie because where Danny's hand rests on Steve's chest is no accident, he can feel the steady beat of Steve's heart and it makes everything feel calmer.
Steve's smile grows a little wider.
"Well, that's okay then, but I didn't finish what I wanted to say," he takes a short deep breath and then continues, "you know you can rely on me, and talk to me and maybe all of this won't be so unfamiliar to me, it's okay to unravel sometimes Danny, trust me."
Then quieter, so quiet, it's almost as if he didn't say it.
"I know."
It's not a revelation really, it's unsurprising in the extreme because of Steve's history, Steve's childhood, Steve's careers choices but Danny still has this need to ask, this sudden wish but it's not the time and he knows Steve wouldn't talk about it now anyway.
Instead, Danny nods, takes it for what Steve intended it as and murmurs a, "thank you," as he stares at his hand which remains over Steve's heart.
He doesn't even know how long they stay like that. He doesn't even think of anything except concentrating on the steady beat and on how it soothes him so much, how just quiet and the thump-thump of another man's heart can do this for him.
What it says of him, what it says of them that Steve allows it. Danny doesn't know.
Except he does. Knows Steve does too.
But that's thinking and it's not something he wants to do right now.
"You okay? You wanna stay here and I'll go sort some paperwork too or you want me to drive you home so you can grab some sleep and then I'll come by after lunch tomorrow and pick you up."
Steve's words are accompanied by the hand on Danny's shoulder and that somehow stops the disappointment that's coursing through his veins for some unknown, okay very known reason.
"Home," Danny mumbles suddenly so very tired, "Bed, that sounds so good."
"Perfect, home and bed it is then." Steve squeezes his shoulder one more time, then takes his hand away, picks up Danny's jacket from the back of the chair, then as he walks back to Danny, his smile is wider, warm and his eyes, everything about him is so familiar, the thing, that thing that Steve does that brings him back from the brink each time especially lately, and it's almost perfect.
Almost.
**
"Read it out again."
"Why? You didn't get it right the third time, why would the ninetieth time be any different?"
"Daniel, read it out again."
"Read it out yourself McGarrett, last time I looked my job wasn't to be your crossword clue reader-outer-er."
"I can't read it out myself when I'm driving and given that we're a little thin on cases to work on lately I would've thought you'd be glad of any extra work."
Danny hates to admit but Steve has a point. Never did he ever think that he'd be wishing for some kind of psycho sprang out of nowhere and was deemed dangerous enough for Five-0 to be called out just without the murder bit maybe.
He won't admit Steve has a point but he definitely does so he reads it out again.
And he gets it right. 91st time lucky.
Two hours later and Danny had gotten his wish faster than he could've imagined but he now wishes he'd gotten Steve to stop the car so he could read out every single clue, he wishes Steve's idea to go back to his place and cook them up some lunch had come ten minutes earlier than he'd actually said it and he wishes and hopes and prays that Steve will wake up in the ambulance or as soon as possible he doesn't care.
The guy had come out of nowhere on the other side of the road from them and taken out two people before Steve had stopped the truck, jumped out and ran round the front of it before confronting the guy all without his gun out to protect him.
Danny hadn't even had time to start running across the road before the guy was all over Steve, what looked like a hammer, a fucking hammer, in his hand and struck Steve twice on his head.
Danny knows he yelled the warning the required number of times, knows that in reality he had aimed properly at the guy and taken him out only when he'd done what the rule book said but in his mind now all he can see is Steve falling to the ground, out cold and blood trickling down his face.
Danny knows or wants to know and believe that Steve's going to be okay and that it won't be a hammer of all things that'll be his cause of death but he's still so pale and Danny's scared.
An hour later and it's just him and Steve in a hospital room. Steve's still unconscious though the doctors are confident it's temporary and Danny believes them but he can't quell the anxiety.
Won't rest until Steve opens his eyes and grins good-naturedly or rolls his eyes at Danny grumbling at him. So he sits in the uncomfortable chair and stares at Steve.
The door is shut and it's quiet in the room, too quiet and Danny can cope with quiet when he's relaxed but right now it exacerbates his anxiety and he needs to be busy, needs to be useful and so he starts to talk.
"Trust you to make me feel bad for not reading the crossword clues out to you, now I'm gonna be stopping us off every time to read every single clue out over and over if it means you never end up in this place again, a fucking hammer Steve, all your dumb luck, a hammer."
Steve doesn't open his eyes.
"Thing is between you and me babe, you don't even need this beauty sleep so get busy waking up 'kay? I don't wanna have to explain to the kids that Uncle Steve can't come to the phone cause he's asleep again y'know, also this makes me sound needy but it's just me here and you're asleep so okay let me say I miss your stupid voice even though I'm going to be so mad at you when you wake up for not even getting your gun out before you went over there to confront hammerman, mister."
Nothing.
For thirty more minutes, Danny talks about nothing in particular, finds a hospital information booklet and starts reading it but then the worry makes him lose his concentration and there's this growing anxiety in his stomach as he stands up and stares out the window and watches the doctors and nurses working.
He keeps expecting the doctors to come in to tell him about some scan they took that he wasn't aware of that means they have terrible news, but they don't come.
Steve still doesn't wake though and Danny sits back down eventually, scraping the chair along the floor as he pulls himself nearer to Steve.
"You know how important you are to me right, you big idiot?" He lightly jabs at Steve's arm, "I think I've told you I love you a few times now and I know you love me and that's great, that's really great."
He stops talking and his fingertips trace small patterns along Steve's arm lightly.
"Except, it's dishonest and I'm dishonest cause yeah I do love you that's not lying, but it's how I love you, how you make me love you, that fucking thing Steve, babe, that indeterminate thing you do for me, to me and I think I knew about it from the start almost and i hated you for it, denied it and still can't explain it but I think you may suspect it anyway, Rachel knew about it before I even admitted it to her and Grace that kid huh, she knows and the thing is I think you do too and I know I do, it's just I don't want to disrupt what we have if the knowledge of this would you know, change things for the worse but then again."
What could be worse than the torture of not knowing if it's impossible or perhaps the best thing in the world or not are words he doesn't say.
"Just please come back so that I can at least have you next to me alive and awake and making me wonder if that new day is the day one of us will be brave enough," he pauses, looks around him and then trusting that no one's looking he moves the fingers of the hand tracing patterns on Steve's arm to his hand and lifts it up and lowers his face, pressing his lips lightly against the hand before he gently lowers it again and rests his own hand on the edge of the bed.
"To tell you the ways I love you."
That's enough he tells himself, as he leans back and watches Steve's chest rise up and down and the way his eyes remain shut.
"Sir, Detective," a female voice interrupts his concentration or rather his sleep apparently as Danny opens his eyes and blinks confusedly around him and looks first at the nurse who smiles and then he follows the direction of her finger as she points at the bed.
And he didn't have sore eyes but the sight will secure him against them for a while as there propped up a little higher is a pale, tired looking but beautifully awake, Steve.
"Hey babe, how you feeling?"
Steve doesn't reply, just shrugs before his eyes flutter.
"Woah, is he okay?" Danny calls after the nurse who's just about to leave the room but turns around ready to speak before Steve does instead.
"'m fine D, just tired, just ready to sleep but needed you to be awake so I could back to sleep."
"Well, what are you waiting for then you stubborn ass, go back to sleep, I'll be waiting and then maybe in the morning we can get you home."
Steve smiles, "I'd like that."
"I know, me too babe."
Steve's eyes flutter some more but he looks like he's trying to fight it and Danny protests and shushes him.
"Plenty of time to talk when you feel less like someone battered you over the head with a hammer."
The smile from Steve is satisfying.
"'Kay D just wanted to say I love you too, really love you too."
It's not that that turns Danny's world upside down, it's the way Steve smiles, and it's the way that although his eyes are fluttering shut once more and Steve's fighting a losing battle to keep them open, he manages it one more time while he reaches out for Danny's hand and squeezes it, and then it's so quick that if Danny had blinked at the wrong moment he'd have missed it.
He winks.
And that's when Danny knows. That fucking thing, that unmistakeable thing. Again. Only this time he doesn't mind a bit.
**
The laughter echoes around the room as Danny stands at the bar and watches everyone on the dancefloor.
He lifts up the glass to sip at the drink and that's when he spots it again and he pauses, stares for a moment at it and then knows he's smiling before he shakes his head at himself and lifts the glass to his lips to sip it.
He turns his attention back to the dancefloor and grins at the people in the center of it, two people, in particular, his daughter who's so tall now, so elegant and so happy as she twirls around holding onto the hand of the man that Danny married today.
The man that catches Danny's eye at that moment and beams at him before he flicks his head as if beckoning Danny to him but uh-uh no way, maybe later, okay definitely not maybe, definitely definitely later but not on that dance floor in front of anyone else, no way.
Except sixty seconds later, he's tapping Grace on the shoulder and she hugs her dad and then Steve and Danny murmurs, "Thanks monkey," and somehow she still doesn't hate him for it and then it's just the two of them as Danny draws Steve closer, all the while shaking his head at him.
"What?"
"You know exactly what, the thing."
"What thing?"
Danny rolls his eyes, "You know exactly what I mean, the thing thing."
Steve clicks his fingers as if he's just discovered something surprising.
"Oh yeah, the thing thing, I hear that's the worst."
Danny wonders for a moment what the world record time is for someone calling a lawyer for a divorce.
"Remind me again what this thing thing is that I do."
"Okay, well first, it's the breathing."
Steve smirks, "Oh the breathing right yeah, you're right well I guess I really gotta do something about that you're right."
"Shut up Steven."
"Okay."
"The trouble is you're just too good at it."
Steve narrows his eyes, "Well okay but usually being good at breathing is not something that's frowned upon."
"I hate you."
"You hate that it's not the only thing I'm good at."
Danny pulls away and holds up a finger.
"Okay, good point because also you are spectacularly good at attracting trouble, tying knots and getting us shot at."
Steve pulls his face like he's thinking about it but then nods.
"Okay that too, but not exactly the thing I was thinking of you know cause well..."
So help Danny if Steve just accompanied the 'well' with a waggle of his eyebrows.
"Okay, first of all, I hate you and just to let you know that I'm going to be filing for divorce right after but before that and in the interests of fairness, I demand a demonstration to make up for that thing."
"My thing being the breathing right?"
Danny nods quickly.
"That thing you do, yeah."
Steve starts to laugh, and god it's almost Danny's favorite sound.
"Danny Williams-McGarrett, McGarrett-Williams or whatever the hell we call ourselves, I love you."
That, that right there is the best sound though and so is the fact he can say it back. Always.