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“Catra?”
“Catra?”
“Babe come on you need to wake up.”
Everything was so soft and warm. The bed beneath her body, the pillow coddled in her arms, the muted sun seeping in through the sheer curtain… the hand behind her ear, rubbing gently in the soft fuzz in a way only she would know.
She was always so good about that. So good about being soft after all they’d been through. Delivering those gentle touches and warm embraces catra has craved ever since they were parted. Catra purrs at her touch, yawning softly before promptly rolling over to burrow further into the nest of blankets and pillows their bed had become.
Laughter fills the air. The heavy weight of a familiar body coming to lay over top of her, with lips chasing after her ear.
“Oh no you don’t it’s time to get up you lazy- AH”
With agility being one of her strongest skills, catra takes this opening to flip their positions. The feline cackles delighted at their turn with her lover following suit. It’s little moments as soft as this that make everything better. Catra drinks in every feature of her love. Every subtle curve, every silken strand of rich dirty blond hair. Bright gem like eyes that show her nothing but the sheer adoration this woman held for her.
Adora was the first soft thing she’s ever held on to. The only thing she’s ever wanted to call her own.
The rich purr fills her chest once again, the ferocity of her feelings coming forth in a wave of loud affection. With a swift motion catra kisses her, conveying words she’s only ever thought before now. Words she’s always promised never to feel. Powerful words that could make anyone crumble if used right. An emotion too many are afraid to feel. In this kiss catra dares to let herself feel. One feeling she never thought she could have before now, and one she never wants to loose.
~
“I love you”
Hearing your darkest thoughts out loud was something catra had never experienced till now. She’s always been so careful, so cautious to never let anything slip. If anyone knew it would be her undoing. Her weakness.
For years she didn’t even acknowledge this one flaw. In her mind it never existed and anyone to dare say otherwise had scars as warnings. She told herself the long nights meant nothing. The soft hugs and comforting embraces had always been lies. Her mind desperately trying to deny her self such a dangerous feeling.
Adora stands before her, radiating the awesome power of she-ra. Her head turns, a confused curiosity taking over her features. “Come again?’
A knot lodged itself in her throat, for the first time in a long time she was genuinely scared. Catra whimpered in humiliation, casting her gaze aside to the raging battle so she didn’t have to look at the worrier before her.
“I hated you Adora. I hated that shadow weaver favored you so much. I hated that you effortlessly made friends when it was so hard for me to make my own. But what I hated most” don’t cry. “wasn’t anything about your status or your talent or your character. I hated that I loved you anyway.” Don’t cry. “I loved every second that I had your attention, and I loved when I had you all to myself.” Catra don’t you dare cry. “When you joined the rebellion I felt so betrayed because I thought maybe, just maybe you might have loved me too even though I was always your second best. Even know when I have never hated you more I still…” hot, salty tears welled up in her eyes as her soul was beared.
If only she had said something sooner, before this mess. Before any of this had a chance to happen. Catras voice wavers as she tries to finish, the uncomfortable tremors of her sobs making it difficult to keep any sort of composure. “I still love you. I wanted to come with you but I couldn’t be in your shadow again I could be your lucky any more. I wanted be stronger, I wanted to be worthy of you. I wanted you to want me like I want you.”
Tension filled the space between them. A feeling of deep unsettling fear welling with in her. How did it all come to this?
It felt like years between them before Adora said anything. Before she even moved. The blonde leader stood straighter and lowered her sword from its position at catras throat. “Oh catra…”
“How could you possibly think I would ever love a pathetic freak like you.”
Then her sword comes down.
~
“NO”
A cold clamy sweat covered her body, the chilled air of the bedroom wracking her body with shivers as she pants. Scorpia was asleep on the other side of the room, seemingly undisturbed by her outburst. Dreams like this have been coming a lot lately. First it would be happy, a perfect fantasy of a life she craves so badly...then suddenly it’d turn and her worst fears would be realized right before her eyes.
Catra gets up from her bed and leaves the room, moving down the hall as fast as she could so Scorpia could not follow if she woke. She wanders silently into the bed chambers for the trainees. Everyone was asleep as it should be, all beds full save for one Set of bunks.
Catra slips by the sleeping bodies and stops before the bunks, slowly lowering herself into the stiffly made sheets. So many memories were made here. So many feelings realized. Catra sunk her face into the pillow. Anyone that wasn’t part animal wouldn’t have been able to smell it, but she could. That barest hint of honeysuckle and fresh rain.
Here, in her safe space she lets her tears fall out side of a dream, hugging the pillow that was fading with her love’s scent. She would only be here for no longer than an hour and after that she would return to her room and go back to sleep.
But right now she needed this. She needed to let out these emotions into the quiet of this old room.
So then she could let them go and remember.
Adora could never love someone like her.