Chapter Text
Though as a Cockroach
Chinmae (MC)
“I’m... so happy. I’m so happy I’m not sure it this is real or not.” The sweet boy's voice echoed through my head. My breath caught in my throat and I closed my eyes.
“I’m so happy to see you smiling. That’s Why I’m afraid it will all go away like a dream…”
Stop. I begged, mentally. A weak sob escaped my chest. My breath quickened, my heart was pounding so hard it was painful. Please, stop…
“I’m not going to wake up to find myself alone in my cold, dark room with nothing but computers, am I?”
The next voice was different. I could recognize it, though I did not hear it so often. It was my voice.
“This isn’t a dream. Trust me.” Tears slid down my face, and I opened my eyes, allowing myself to be pulled out of the sweet boy's memories. “It’s a nightmare.” I whispered to myself, completing the sentence.
At some point, I wondered what exactly I expected. I knew from the start that if I followed the stranger's instructions on the phone, I might be heading straight for a trap.
And was. A trap for my heart. He (even think of his name was painful ...) was there. With sweet voice, soft features and worries with me, at one point even troubling. He wanted to make me happy. Make me comfortable. And I, the person who had never experienced this in life, walked straight into the trap.
I should have noticed something was wrong when he said those things. The fear of being abandoned, this place... There were red flags everywhere. But somehow it seemed normal at the time. A reality in that unreal place. I had abandonment issues too, seemed ordinary, normal.
It was not.
Just the thought that I wanted to take the Elixir before the interruption of V ( someone whom I had been so unjustly cruel to... ), made me nauseous. A part of my brain wondered... Would it be so bad? Even if it was some kind of drug ... Would it be worse than the situation I was in before? Only good things had come to me since I'd come to that place... Would that be so different? And I trusted him . If he said I should... I would.
He wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. And he did not. He was willing to lie to Savior. He was willing to fool her, to spare me the pain he described.
Then She changed everything. Even thinking about her name gave me chills. Rika . I forced myself to think. Rika changed everything. She pushed the sweet, strangely obsessive boy away, and turned him into a monster.
A faint smile came to my face at the thought. And I'm still in love with this monster.
"Hey, are not you listening when I talk to you, princess?" I was pulled out of my thoughts by a violent tug at my hair. I blinked, and my unfocused eyes managed to focus on the monster of my nightmares, and the boy of my dreams. "What is this smile? Uh ? You think something funny? Are you happy ? You are such an airhead. "
I set my feet to the ground and stood up from my sitting position, lessening the pain in my scalp, even though Saeran continued pulling. It did not hurt so much, really, so it was not worrisome. My eyes focused on some point on his chest, avoiding looking at those mint-colored eyes.
"I'm not a princess." I said. My voice trembled, but I refused to give in at that point. You can hurt me and say whatever you want, but you will not call me that .
"Of course not, you're just a freak, a broken toy." That was better. My features became neutral. As long he was not purposely using the wrong pronouns, it didn't hurt me too much. It made me hopeful that he still cared enough...
"Funny you say that. I figured everything was broken here in Mint Eye."
Saeran growled, furious at my words, and let go of my hair. Deciding to grab my throat this time, he pushed me against the wall. With all my experience as a waiter in a bar for drunken people, I forced my weight to avoid hitting hard and getting hurt, leaning against the wall. The grip on my neck was worrying, and it kept me from breathing, but I gritted my teeth, trying my best not to let Saeran see how much he was making me suffer.
"You're not going to talk to me like that, are we clear, toy?" The grip on my neck was especially strong at the last word, cutting my breath completely.
"Y-yes!" I gasped. It took all my willpower not to raise my arms to try to take Saeran's hand from my neck. Saeran would not appreciate it if I touched him.
He let go of my neck, with a mischievous gleam in his eyes, and stared at me with almost unreal hate. Who are you seeing when you look at me like that? Did I do something to you that gave you all this hate? I thought.
“Yes, sir .” He corrected. A playful smile appeared on my face, and the answer escaped my lips before I could help it.
“You don’t need to call me sir, Sir.” I threw myself aside to avoid Saeran's hand coming to hit me or grab me - I was not sure. I fell to the floor on my knees, my legs feeling weak after the days without food, but I did not regret it, not even when Saeran kicked me in the ribs, and I chuckled a little. His face was furious, livid. He stared at me for a few seconds, and I waited for his next move, still smiling a little at myself. How much can I tease him until he tries to kill me? I wondered, distracted. My thoughts were even more depressed this days.
"Hmm. You are such an airhead. If it had not been for Savior, I would have gotten rid of you," he said, in a tone he apparently wanted to be cruel, but there was something there, something I could not identify, but it was not cruelty .
I waited for Saeran to start walking out and open the door before speaking again. "You know, you really should stop playing the bad guy. I mean, you really go the extra mile in the game of cruelty, Saeran, and you’re really bad at it, I'm sorry. "
He turned with a look of pure hatred towards me, and I just smiled innocently back.
Come on, take the bait. Come back here and make me understand what you're thinking. Let me know how to help you, Saeran.
The monster of my nightmares turned around and went out the door. I sighed as the door closed - and it was locked from the outside.
At some point I have to be able to break that mask. This... self-defense mechanism of him.
I got up from where I was, and headed for the bathroom. There was an uncomfortable pain in my ribs, and I was not sure what to do about it. I avoided looking at the mirror for a few seconds, pouring water on my face to refresh myself. After a few seconds, I hesitantly looked up, and stared at my face in the mirror. My hair was a mess - which was not too surprising. It had been a few days since I'd managed to comb my hair. I vaguely wondered where I'd gotten the bruise on my cheek before letting my eyes wander around the marks of hands around my neck.
"Hm. This looks bad. "I touched them. It hurt a little, but it looked like it would heal eventually. A bit hesitant, I unbuttoned my white button-up shirt - which Saeran had insisted I wear - and looked at my aching rib. The pain was strong, and the bruise that formed there was very clear. "That was a strong kick," I murmured to myself. It was a bit incredible how Saeran could hurt me even though he was physically weak. It was probably hate... And the drugs.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, resting my hands on both sides of the sink.
What to do? I may have a fractured rib, and this can be dangerous. Saeran is still being aggressive because of She-Devil's brainwashing. What do I know about everything I can use as an advantage? Clearly, asking Saeran not to do these things did not work out, he just got more aggressive and made my suffering worse.
“Hm. I guess I’ll need to make him notice how fucked up all this is. Or kidnap him outta here, whatever works.”
Just as I had been uncomfortable with the prospect of being bulky with V to get information inside the "game", the idea of forcing Saeran to see what was wrong was hurting me too. But, unfortunately, it was the only way to try to change the situation.
Or I can die trying. I thought, happily. Somewhere in my mind, I was wondering if Saeran had not regretted having chosen me to "test his game." After all, if you have something they always told me, it was that I was tough as a cockroach.
And it was not a pretty boy with mommy issues who would change that.