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“See! I told you, you could do it!”
Seungkwan exclaimed as he threw his hands into the air. He watched Jeonghan chuckle shyly to himself as he combed back his fringe. Seungkwan felt like grabbing the older boy’s shoulders and shaking him into accepting his words, but he knews that Jeonghan would just laugh it off.
Seungkwan loves Jeonghan. He really does. But at times like these, he truly felt like socking the elder in the jaw if it would help him to accept that he was better than he thought he was.
Seungkwan had known Jeonghan since he first joined them in 2013 and he had always felt that there was something just perfect about Jeonghan being in SEVENTEEN. Sure, he had no prior training in music or singing, or even dancing. But, Seungkwan took one look at the shy elder and he knew, just knew that Jeonghan deserved to be in SEVENTEEN, deserved to stand in that green practice room with the rest of them.
That was why, when Jeonghan finally broke down in front of him, after a long arduous day of practice, Seungkwan grabbed him by his shoulder and looked straight into the other’s eyes.
He recounted to Jeonghan all that the elder had been, what he had become, what he could become. That his life was just starting, that he had a place on the stage and he had to be standing beside the other members for that to happen.
He hugged the other tight as they both cried and sobbed on one another’s shoulders.
Things hadn’t been easy for Seungkwan either.
He had left Jeju alone, away from the love and protection of his family, forced to feel the coldness of Seoul literally and figuratively. Joined a group of trainees who by industry standards, were all better looking and more desirable than him, and was in competition with his fellow trainee for the position of Main Vocal.
Things weren’t easy and he knew it was only going to get worse. But Seungkwan knew that he wanted this. He wanted to debut, and more importantly, he wanted to debut with the 14 other boys who were sharing the same practice room as him.
And he was sure as anything that Jeonghan more than anyone, deserved to push on and debut. Sure he might not have been the best singer or dancer at that time, but he had time to learn. What SEVENTEEN needed now and in the future was his heart and mind. The soft understanding and yet cold realism that has helped to not just ground Seungkwan but many other members as well.
Seungkwan was sensitive and perceptive, but Seungkwan knew that he didn’t have the heart or patience that Jeonghan had. That was obvious in how Seungkwan only needed to go to Jeonghan for advice, but Jeonghan needed to go to three people to get the same level of care and concern. SEVENTEEN needed Jeonghan, Seungkwan was sure of it.
And as the years went on, and the boys matured more, Seungkwan found that his thoughts back then only got confirmed more and more. Now it’s not just Seungkwan, but the entire group that goes to Jeonghan for advice or even just a listening ear. From being the “eldest maknae”, Jeonghan now commands authority without even holding an official leadership position in the group. Enough authority to even command Seungcheol when the advice of an “elder brother” is more required rather than just the “eldest”.
Seungkwan got to see first-hand as the timid young boy whose voice was originally layered with his own for their debut song, become one of the most stable singers in the group, and even became one of the most well-versed and skilled dancers, taking on a whole stage solo just one year into their debut.
Which was why, he couldn’t understand why Jeonghan was still so unsure of himself. Why he still felt that he wasn’t good enough, that the other members were much better than him. Seungkwan wanted to change that. He wanted to show the elder that he was more amazing than he thought.
So he did. He would get Jeonghan to sing with him, and prove to the elder that he could hit notes that he thought only Seungkwan could. He’d practice his dance with him and show Jeonghan that he was even better than Seungkwan himself. He would rope Seokmin and Jisoo, and even Jihoon into his attempts to build Jeonghan’s confidence, because more than anything, he needed the reassurance from the vocal unit members themselves that he deserved to be in the unit, that he was part of them and they couldn’t do without them. Of course no one complained and were more than happy to support Jeonghan.
In fact, the three members were glad to continuously shower the eldest with compliments. They loved him after all. Loved him so much that Seungkwan could easily call them out on being biased, but he wouldn’t. Not when he was the same.
It took a lot of encouragement from them and Soonyoung to finally get him to see through his plans for his concert solo. He had a lot of ideas, themes and even thought through what he wanted to portray. He was scared though. Scared he wouldn’t be able to do it, that he wouldn’t be able to pull it off. He had told Seungkwan as such, and the younger had only grabbed his two hands, eyes sparkling. Seungkwan was excited, so much so that he had no idea how to express it. He could imagine it. His beautiful brother, on a violet back drop, with slow music coming in from the speakers as he dons a loose shirt and tight ripped black pants. Seungkwan swallowed his saliva at the thought. Jeonghan would be beautiful. Carats needed to see it, he wanted to see it. Jeonghan needed to see it.
So Seungkwan did everything in his power to convince Jeonghan to talk to Jihoon and Soonyoung, both of whom were more than excited about the idea, willing to pull together whatever resources they had, while still giving Jeonghan as much ownership over the song and performance as possible. Bumzu was of course more than willing to help. Jeonghan had such a clear concept in mind, working with him would be easy.
And really, everyone was excited. Jeonghan would be the only non-performance unit member doing a dance solo, and one that was probably the most sensual than any member had ever done.
So as the weeks passed and the day of the concert came. Seungkwan, Jisoo, Jihoon and Seungcheol all crowded round the screen backstage. Excited and anticipating, waiting for Jeonghan to appear on the screen. And when he did, it would be an understatement to say that their breaths was taken away.
Jeonghan had always had a beautiful dance line but the loose cut of the shirt only seemed to accentuate it rather than hide it. And the rose henna on his neck only served to bring more focus to that area, emphasising the veins that ran under the skin there. The sweat from the earlier performances only made his hair looked more messed in a way that should probably be only seen in a private setting. And his eyes. His eyes commanded attention and spoke desire and Seungkwan could feel it down to his bones.
Watching the performance, Seungkwan could only watch in awe at the mesmerising beauty that was Jeonghan, and as he ended his stage, Seungkwan knew that Jeonghan had finally found himself. No longer was he that shy boy. He had become everything Seungkwan knew he could be. His singing was angelic, his dance captivating. He himself, ethereal. He had come into his own, he had owned that stage. As Seungkwan turned to congratulate the elder on the perfect performance as he returned backstage, he could only hope that Jeonghan realised it too.