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it was the loneliness that led jungkook to the club. the slight feeling he wasnt good enough. he just wanted to get drunk but he didn't want to be in a quiet atmosphere.
he heads to the bar, pushing past the crowd. it wasn't his first time to this club. he was a regular. though usually with more friends. Its easy to get alcohol because of it.
he gets one drink. solid glass in front of him. he holds it staring off into space. it goes away slowly, getting warm as time passes. soon its but he doesnt ask for another.
at some point a girl wanders over to him. “lemme buy you a drink?”
he stares straight at her unblinking, unfocused. “im gay” he said simply
“oh shit me too.” she slides into the seat next to him “you just looked a little lonely.”
she takes a closer look at him. “a little heart broken?”
he stares back down at the counter. “ex broke up with me.”
shes silent a moment. “damn, that kinda night. cuz same.” she orders them some drinks. hes not sure what, but it doesnt matter too much to him. “was hoping for happiness but we can drown our sorrows together.”
they sit in silence. their drinks come. they sit in silence some more. its a little stronger than what he had been drinking before, but he doesnt mind the taste. doesnt mind getting drunk a little faster.
“you wanna… slow down a bit buddy?” his drink is gone. “I cant quite keep up with that,” she says, playfully jiggling hers a little. its half full. almost contradicting her previous statement, she downs the rest. “maybe.. dance it out?”
jungkook looks towards the dance floor, past it, to the other side of the club. in a booth, like a bright red neon sign, he sees him. he turns back to the counter. “hes here”
“the ex?” he notices her twist around slightly, but turns back to him quick. “wanna go?”
he pushes the empty glass. “wannanother” he barely registers that his words slur.
“ill pay.” he gets another. she orders something lighter.
fourth drink is his last one. she stopped earlier. he doesnt feel completely smashed like he planned to be. the buzzing feeling he expected is a little more feeling than he wanted. he tries to stand. she helps him up. shes not quite strong enough. the effort is nice.
they make their way outside. jungkook stills and allows the cold to seep into his skin. she pushes him a little, then grabs his hand and pulls him to a park. sits him in a bench.
he and namjoon had been to a lot of parks. a lot of benches.
she sits next to him. “you wanna talk about it?”
“the starssare pretty” he lazily holds up a finger to point in their direction. “i like… that one.” this star looks vaguely red. his hair was red once. namjoon's hair. but jungkook's was once too.
she takes a breath. looks up to the stars too. points to one. “I like that one.” jungkooks not sure exactly which on she means. “it looks blue.” she puts her arm down. “blue was her favorite color.”
“his hair.”
“yeah?”
“was red. years ago.”
he brings his face down from the stars to look at her. gauge her reaction. she seems to take this information calmy. she doesnt press. so he pushes forward.
“he changed his hair a lot. since i knew him. in high school.” looks at his fingers. “wanted to be cool. me too.”
she says nothing. perhaps she has nothing to say. perhaps hes stupid. his words are stupid. they dont matter. but maybe its nice to get the useless words out of the way.
“he was cool. sososuper cool. he didnt think so.” he stretched his arms on the bench. somehow he managed not to hit her. “he had cool friends. did cool things.” looks at the sky again. “doing cool things. thats why hes left.”
“yeah?” she finally says. she still listening. he thinks.
“needed to. focus on himself. schooling. or job. something. not me.” he curls back in on himself, squeezing his legs together, wrapping his arms around himself. “i was.. distracting.”
he doesn't notice the tears fall. she brings up some kind of cloth to wipe the tears. a bar napkin. it makes him cry harder. he curls his legs up and hugs them. the stranger cares. for some reason.
“why wasnt i enough.” he sobs. she wraps her arms around him. she cant reach the whole way. he feels comforted anyway. and continues crying.
its nice to get the feelings out. he looks up at his new friend. shes crying too. she probably feels heartbroken too. he untangles himself and hugs her back. the warmth and closeness to a human being was nice.
especially when it was clear neither had romantic intentions.
their jackets ends up wet. jungkook unlatches when he feels his nose running. she hands him a napkin. and then blows her own nose in another. she flops and leans into the bench. looking exhausted.
he blows his nose. “what was she like?” she had listened to him. he should listen to her pain.
shes silent a moment. her head lolls to the side. her whole figure is sad. “kind. understood me. ambitious too.” her head rolls to the other side. to look at him. “like yours, i guess”
he almost lets out a giggle. a sad one. “two sad souls find eachother.” he lets the giggle go. she barely smiles. but its enough.
he doesnt know if its the alcohol or the company. he feels warm. a little comfortable. they sit there a while. not bothering to move. his knees are still in his face. her back looks like it would be sore if she got up.
she checks her phone. “almost 3” she says. last he remembers it was 10.
she gently pulls herself out of her uncomfortable position. “can you get home?”
he doesnt know. “i dont wanna go yet.”
“i dont wanna be lonely again”
shes quiet for a moment. “okay. come home with me.”
he looks up at her. her hand is outstretched. he takes it.
its probably not a great idea to follow a stranger home. namjoon always fretted when he went out without him. not in a controlling way. just worried. namjoon always worried.
he isnt worried.
they reach her apartment and she struggles to put her key in her lock. her hands shake. they were red from cold.
jungkook takes the key. tried to open it himself. she blows on her hands and rubs them on her jeans. before taking the key from him. this time, success.
She opens the door and waves him in. he feels weird now. this is her personal space. hes come this far though. he walks in. takes off his shoes.
she walks into another room. he peeks in. a kitchen. “do you want something to drink? like water.” she turns away from the sink to look at him. “I’m getting you some water.”
he assumes he must not look great. he feels okay. mostly. a little empty. she hands him a cup of water. he stares at it feeling a little ill. but he downs it all in a gulp. and then sits on the floor.
“do you feel ill? like throwing up?” she looks at him worriedly.
“no. not really. “ he waves a hand. “just. tired.”
“okay then. sleep time” she helps pick himself off the ground. “couch or bed?”
“bed. bed is nice. comfy.” he's so tired. he needs sleep. and maybe another hug.
“my couch isn't that bad” she chuckles. “and im sleeping in my bed too.”
“thats okay. ill cuddle you in my sleep.” he leans on her heavily. she buckles.
“cant quite hold your weight buddy” he holds himself up more. she pulls on his hand, to her room. “go on, get comfortable. ill get an extra pillow.”
his legs are tired. hes tired. he flops on the bed. if he was alone, he wouldnt have a bed. probably a bench. wouldnt have made it past the park.
he stares at the ceiling eyes closed. can one stare at the ceiling eyes closed? hes doing it. so tired. how much time has passed. he stays awake somehow.
the door creaks open a bit. “hey” she whispers. he doesnt bother to open his eyes or look up. just a vague wave.
she comes over. pulls the blanket out from under him. then over him. makes sure he has a pillow under his head.
he hears her crawl under the covers too. feels the bed dip a bit. he flips over and does as promised. cuddles. comfort.
he falls asleep fast.
The next morning he wakes to sunlight. He feels surprisingly well rested.
He's alone in the bed. Still clothed. It's rather annoying since he likes to sleep naked. It's whatever.
He stares at the ceiling, eyes open. She's got those funny plastic glow in the dark stars he had as a kid.
There's a buzz. He sits up. It's his phone.
'hey’ the text says. It's from Namjoon. He opens his phone to see him typing.
…
'I saw you leave with a girl
you good?’
…
‘Don’t do anything drastic please’
...
'I hope you know I still care about you.
I just cant… you know
I'm sorry’
Jungkook closes his phone, a faint smile on his face. He's still mad at him. He doesn't respond. He'll get over the breakup, maybe.
Trust Joon to still worry about him.