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Eren lied with his back on the cold concrete floor near the bottom staircase with his knees bent and tears in his eyes. He was gasping for breath, gnawing on his bottom lip while he tried to sit up. Slinging an arm over his open mouth to shield it from the ice falling from the clouds, he gave up and tilted his head to the side to let the two tears clinging to his eyelashes drip down the right side of his face. "Why me?" Eren cried, whimpering his words of pleas. There was blood on the floor, and his fist was throbbing. There was a dull pain in his abdomen, a reminder that he had been hit.
Eren allowed his legs to slide down the slightly wet asphalt and turned over to slowly crouch into a sitting position. He sighed heavily, painfully. "Why did you have to strike me?" Eren turned his head, red-rimmed eyes glaring up at Levi who was wiping his fist over his bleeding lip.
“Need I remind you that you also punched me on the mouth, dumbass? You don’t see me crying about it like a damn baby,” Levi regarded the bruised boy with an empty, yet irritated look. "You know me well enough to know that I do not tolerate idiots, Eren." Levi glanced at his crimson-stained hand and sneered in disgust.
"So you kick them in the stomach in hopes that they'll understand you?" Eren coughed then, kneeling over to clutch his quickly bruising stomach.
“Perhaps I do, kid. What’s it to you? I don’t think you were disciplined enough when you were a child.”
Eren’s eyes might have been hidden from Levi, but he could feel the fury radiating off of the student. It wasn’t anything new since Eren could never control his temper.
“What’s it to me?” Eren yelled, hissing in anger when he sat up too quickly. “What kind of guy kicks his boyfriend in the fucking stomach, huh, Levi?”
Levi remained unfazed by the question. “And what kind of kid punches his boyfriend on the mouth for trying to correct him? Don’t place all the blame on me, all right? I’m not the only asshole here.” Levi crouched down and slid his stained hand through Eren's messy locks. "Do you still think you were born for no reason, Eren?" Levi asked, lifting Eren's head so that they were both looking at each other in the eyes.
Eren tried to push off Levi’s hand, but the older male didn't pull away. So, Eren gave up again and sighed, "Of course, I do, Levi."
"Why?" Levi inquired in a low voice.
"Because I'm nineteen and still don't have my life figured out. Everyone I know is out there doing what they love, and I'm stuck here under everyone's finger looking left and right because I don't know what to do with myself!" Eren shouted, looking away from Levi's blue eyes. "Because everyone thinks that he or she knows what is best for me. Maybe because they are telling me to do things I have no interest in doing. Maybe b-because--" Eren cut off his sentence and slumped forward so that his head was hanging in between his legs.
"Eren, what do you think about at night when you are alone in your room? When our dorm is silent, and I’m in the other room, what is running through your mind?" Levi slid his hand further in through those soft strands of Eren’s hair to cup the back of his head. He then leaned back to rest against the school building, exhaling out a breath that came out looking like smoke.
Eren leaned away from the soft-touch this time. He didn't want Levi near him at all. "What do I think about at night? That's funny. I think about sleeping and not waking up the next day."
"Why?" Levi demanded, sighing at the sight of Eren rejecting his touch. "Why do you think about that? You have everything you could ever ask for, Eren. What more could you possibly want, you shitty brat? You should be grateful that you have a damn family that supports you in everything that you do, and that you have a roof over your head. Not many people have that type of luxury, kid. At least you get to go home to a warm house during the breaks. Some less unfortunate students have nowhere to go."
"Like you?" Eren sneered, furiously wiping away the tears falling from his eyes. “Right, and when was the last time I went home during any break, Levi? It’s been months since the last time I visited my house.”
Levi inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. That stung a little. “Yes, like me. Your mother has called you countless times, idiot, and whenever you do happen to pick up your cell phone, the call only lasts like two minutes, and then you’re hanging up.”
"Because my mother never has anything important to say. All she cares about are my grades. She doesn't ask if I'm happy or if I have met someone special. I'm just a piece of machinery for my parents to mold into something I can never be!" Scoffing, Eren rolled his eyes to face Levi. "That's the problem, Levi. Everyone thinks that because my parents are still together that everything is all sunshine and rainbows. Everyone thinks that I'm the happiest just because I smile and laugh, well, the joke is on all of you asses because I am not happy. So what if I have a roof to sleep under and I get to eat whatever I want whenever I'm over, Levi? It still doesn't mean that I'm untroubled. I'm still a depressed teenager that wants to disappear." Eren shook his head. "Do you think that my parents support me in everything that I do? I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but they don't."
"So you want to act like a child just because your life is sad, Eren? That's pretty idiotic of you. There are many people out there that have it worse than you do, and here you are complaining because mommy and daddy aren’t supportive enough? Grow the fuck up already. Life is cruel, Eren, but you have to understand that not everyone is going to wait for you to make up your mind on what you want to do. They’re going to push you so that you don’t spend your days mindlessly wandering around doing nothing."
There was a tense silence hanging between the two boys even if there were still a few college students hanging around the building.
"The only idiot here is you, Levi. I know you're not good at comforting people, but it would be nice if you could at least try instead of making the other person feel like complete shit," hissed Eren, moving to place his hand against the wall to lift himself. "It's fine. I'm the sunshine child that should learn to suck it up and be thankful. It's okay," he muttered more to himself as he groaned in pain, staggering to the side before stumbling away with a hand holding his stomach.
Levi watched Eren leave with a bitter taste in his mouth. He scowled in irritation and stood up as well to follow behind the teenager. He was going to apologize to his boyfriend and clean him up. "Oi, Eren!"
Of course, Eren ignored Levi's call, though he slowed down instead to limp his way across the campus.
"Eren," Levi called, catching up to the college student to grip his shoulder. "Wait up, stupid brat. You didn't give me a chance to apologize to you."
"Levi Ackerman apologizing? That's unheard of, wow. Fuck off, okay? I don't want to be around you right now," Eren growled, jerking his shoulder away from Levi's touch. "If you have nothing nice to say, then don't even bother talking to me."
Shit, did that hurt Levi's heart? It fucking did.
"Eren, come on, brat. You know I didn't mean it in a bad way."
“Then in what way did you mean it, Levi? Please, would you so kindly enlighten this stupid brat? Because that’s all that I am to you, right? Of course, what the fuck was I expecting from you? Nothing, that’s what!” Eren yelled, glaring down at Levi.
“If you could just shut the fuck up for a minute, then I would explain myself, but you know what, Yeager? You can go fuck yourself. You’re always putting shitty words in my mouth and assuming the worst-case scenario when it comes to me. Oh, but if I try to give you my input, then shit suddenly hits the fan, huh? Tch.” Levi’s eyebrows furrowed in anger, bottom lip stinging.
Eren felt a twinge of guilt coursed through him at the sight of Levi’s split lip. The blood had already crusted over, but there was a stain of crimson on Levi’s chin. “When have you ever put in your two cents, Levi? All you’re good at is insulting me and treating me like shit. Honestly, I don’t even know what I saw in you the first time because if I knew this was how it was going to end, then I would have saved myself from this misery.”
How many stabs of pain could his heart take? Levi opened and closed his mouth several times, "Misery? Am I that bad of a person to be around? I don’t treat you like shit, Eren,” he said quietly, wanting to punch himself in the face for not seeing this sooner. Of course, Eren would feel like this. “I told you at the beginning of our relationship that I am not good at this.”
"You can be kind when you want to, but those special moments rarely happen. You're not nice to me at all. You don't smile whenever I do something for you. You only respond with 'Not bad' like can't you say anything else? Don't you have any other words in your vocabulary? Do you even appreciate our relationship? It seems like I'm the only one who is in love."
“Eren, you know where I grew up and the people that were around me. I wasn’t raised in a family with loving parents like you were. I don’t know what it’s like to be coddled by a loving mother or what it’s like to spend nights under a roof in a warm bed. I don’t know how to show someone love. You should know that by now,” Levi explained, pinching the bridge of his nose. He heaved a heavy sigh and looked up into Eren’s eyes.
Eren’s smile was sad even if there were tendrils of anger swimming in his olive eyes. “Levi, do you love me?”
Eren was holding his emotions from leaking out, that much Levi could see. However, this, this question thrown at Levi’s face like a bucket of cold water over his head was unexpected. Did Levi love Eren like he wanted to be loved, or did he love the way sunlight beamed down on the golden boy? Alternatively, the way those lips felt on his skin on cold nights?
Was Levi even capable of loving someone when he spent his days and nights continually loathing himself? The answer was no, but Eren - Eren was special. That kid was something else. Something - no, not something - Eren was someone remarkable, beautiful, sweet, caring, and loving. Eren was strong-willed, hard-headed, and determined. He was everything that Levi wasn’t. Eren was everything Levi wished to be.
Glancing up at watchful ocean eyes, Levi could see the ringlets of red fury fading away, becoming dim enough to cease their existence. Crimson replaced with a dull cerulean blue that with it brought golden streaks that stuck to the sides of Eren’s pupils. Those eyes - Levi wanted to see them for the rest of his life, but how was he going to breach the deep waters that kept him underneath all this time? His hands and feet, tied to cement blocks. How was Levi going to make his escape?
Eren’s breathing had slowed down immensely, but still, he was puffing out painful puffs of air. As if standing up caused him pain. Eren had asked the student in front of him if he loved him, but Levi had yet to reply. He was standing there, pensive eyes glaring into his.
The expression in Levi’s eyes wasn't guarded this time. Several emotions were flitting across those glassy eyes. They looked strange, out of place. It was a look that Eren had never seen on Levi. It was something new, but, now that Eren looked into those mercury-colored orbs, Eren could see the wetness gathering at the corners of Levi’s eyes.
Eren felt something - his heart - detach from the veins keeping it in place and fall to its demise. Levi was crying. Transparent tears were rolling down his pale cheeks, and it was like if Levi hadn’t noticed a thing.
“Levi, why are you crying?”
The student blinked in shock, bringing his hand up to touch his wet cheeks. Shit, he was crying. What the fuck. Levi cast his eyes down to stare at Eren’s shoes. His shoulders trembled with barely contained emotion. Levi had always been the type to hold in all of his feelings. Even when his mother passed away ten years ago, little Levi looked past it as if nothing had ever happened.
But, now, this was different. Levi’s mother was never there for him, Eren was. He had always been there when things went to shit. Eren was still there and what had Levi ever done for Eren? Nothing because he was the worst there was. Kenny was right. Levi was just a waste of space.
“Levi?”
Levi took a step forward until he felt his forehead make contact with the front of Eren’s forest-green hoodie. He stayed there, shielding his wet cheeks from everyone.
Eren knew Levi wasn’t one that ever initiated contact. Even if it was unexpected, he welcomed it. Eren had it all figured out. Levi was touch-starved. So Eren did what he did best when Levi was having one of those days, he placed his hand on Levi’s upper back, and with his other hand, cradled the back of Levi’s head.
Even in the bitter winter where the skies were an opaque gray, and everything around them was a blinding white, Eren held Levi because he had a feeling that if he stepped away from him, Levi would crumble.
The silence was welcomed with bruised hearts and sorrowful souls. The cold, biting wind nipped at their exposed cheeks, but their embrace was enough to keep them warm. After a while, the distant chattering of bustling college students became muffled sounds that eventually faded away like the snowflakes descending from the sky.
Levi sniffled, swallowing the lump in his throat and raised his hands to place them on Eren’s clothed hips. He released a shaky sigh and glanced up to find Eren’s pretty eyes peering down at him with concern. “Eren, I… I want you to know that - shit - look, kid. I’m not good at this whole relationship stuff, but I’m trying my fucking best to be someone you can rely on, okay? I’m sorry that I’m not the Prince Charming you were expecting to come to sweep you off of your feet. I’m fucked up, Eren. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I’m sorry that I treat you like shit, but it’s all that I know because that’s how I was raised while growing up.
“I know I’m rough around the edges, and I’ll poke you and make you bleed with my thorns, but I’m trying. I want to stay with you always, and looking at you get angry with me because I can’t offer you the comfort that you want and deserve, I just,” Levi trailed off, blinking away another round of salt-laced tears. They quickly dried with the cold breeze brushing the strands of their hair. “I don’t want you to break up with me. Fuck, I love you, Eren. I love you so much that it physically and emotionally hurts to watch you break because I can’t say something kind to you.
“I want to make you happy. I want to see you smile every second of the day, but how do I manage to do that, Eren? You are special to me. I don’t know what love is, but I know that it comes in the form of a tall, tan brat that goes by the name Eren. Do you know him? He’s my favorite little shit.”
The cerulean tendrils in Eren’s eyes had now become a vibrant blue. It was mesmerizing. Like calm ocean waves on a peaceful day, water crashing against the wet sand covered in footprints and words. Eren was the sun that rained down after a storm.
“Levi…” Eren let out an astonished gasp, molten green eyes becoming wet with never-ending cascades of tears. They trickled ever so slowly down his flushed cheeks until they fell in time with Levi’s own. “Levi,” Eren sobbed, wounding his arms around Levi’s lithe form to embrace him.
Levi wasn’t a cryer, but fuck if he wasn’t crying like a baby for confessing his love to Eren. Sighing shakily, Levi nuzzled his wet cheeks against Eren’s clothed chest. He tucked himself further into Eren’s hug and shuddered at the sound of his boyfriend's whimper. “Don’t cry, Eren. Don’t cry,” Levi whispered as he tilted his head back to bring his hand up and cup Eren’s cheek.
Eren gave Levi a watery smile and leaned in to kiss his boyfriend when Levi made the first move. He was mindful about the cut on his boyfriend’s bottom lip.
When they pulled apart, intricate snowflakes were sticking to Eren’s hair and blue scarf. “Have I told you how beautiful you are?” Levi murmured while stroking his thumb across Eren’s bottom lip. “You’re perfect, Eren.”
“Levi,” Eren whispered, leaning in to find Levi’s mouth again.
“You’re perfect, and all mine, so please don’t disappear,” Levi said, pressing his lips to Eren’s once more.
-
That night when they were seated on the bed in their pajamas, Eren was distant. His eyes guarded for some reason, and it left Levi feeling empty and exhausted. Didn’t Eren want to know if Levi loves him? Then why the silent treatment?
“You know,” Levi broke the heavy silence in the room, “it took a great amount of effort for me to confess to you, and now you’re going to give me the silent treatment?” He sighed, snorting a laugh, and then moved down the bed to get off. The pristine sheets rustled under his weight. They were cold under his warm palms, but nothing could beat the chilliness gripping his heart at the silence coming from Eren. “Was my apology not enough for you, Eren?”
Silence answered Levi's question.
“Fine. If you need anything, then I’ll be in the living room working on some homework.” Levi walked over to the door to place his hand on the handle to turn it and push it open. He might have waited a while longer to see if he received a response, but no words came.
Levi left the room muttering things under his breath, never looking back to see that Eren’s face was wet with tears and that his hands were trembling.
-
A few hours later into the day when the sun had recently set, and the sky faded into a deep purple, Eren came out of the room he occasionally shared with Levi. He shuffled his way into the living room where Levi was seated on the couch with his legs tucked underneath him and his chrome-colored laptop on the armrest.
Eren watched from the entryway with swollen eyes. He was still feeling guilty that he had punched Levi in the mouth when the older male tried to talk some sense into his brain. All Levi was trying to do was talk Eren out of doing something he would regret.
Levi might have been busy typing away on his laptop, but he knew that a pair of green eyes were watching him. Levi pretended like he hadn’t a clue and continued clicking the black keys. He did, however, hear the sound of socks dragging on the wooden floor towards the scarlet couch where he was seated.
Levi felt the weight of another body joining him and turned his head to acknowledge Eren who in return scooted closer to rest his mop of messy hair on Levi’s shoulder. Levi wanted to speak and ask if Eren was okay, or if he said or did something to him. He was worried about the kid beyond so. Honestly, Levi would do anything for things to go back to how they were yesterday night where Eren spent the night laughing at Levi for tripping over the mop in the kitchen.
Eren let out a tired sigh and nuzzled his nose into the side of Levi’s warm neck. “I’m sorry for being so quiet,” he mumbled. Then he closed his eyes to press a kiss to Levi’s flawless skin. “I know it took a lot out of you to express your feelings to me, and I completely disregarded it like the idiot I am. I’m just in an awful place right now, Levi.”
The bluish tint radiating off of the computer screen, cast a glow on Eren’s beautifully tan skin. Levi glanced away from the words on the device in front of him and adjusted his legs so that they were now touching the floor. His hands gripped the sides of his laptop and moved forward to place it on the table in front of them. Once that's done, Levi turned his body, lifting his arm to let Eren climb on his lap.
“Eren,” Levi sighed once he had the college student seated on his legs, and cradled the boy like the child he was. “If you’re feeling down, then don’t stray away from me. I’ll try to help you out as best that I can.”
“I appreciate your kind words, but can you kiss me, Levi? I’ve been crying for the past few hours, and now all I want is your mouth on mine.” Eren stared up at Levi with red-rimmed eyes.
“Are you ordering me around?” Levi raised an eyebrow in question, yet he leaned down to capture his boyfriend’s lips in a feathery kiss that took both of their breaths away.
It was a few minutes after that they pulled away from their lip-lock.
Eren's cheeks were red, his eyes glazed and watery.
Levi observed him. He brushed his hands through Eren's messy hair. "I hope that little kiss didn't give you a boner."
Eren's expression was the cutest Levi had ever seen.
"How can you say that with such a serious face? God," Eren whined, hiding his flushed face against Levi's clothed armpit. The college student sniffed and smiled. "You smell good here, Levi."
A face so severe and dark stared down at Eren with a what-the-fuck look. "Eren, what the fuck."
"What?" Eren complained, sitting up to nuzzle his nose under Levi's left ear. He whispered, "All I'm saying is that you smell nice. There's nothing wrong with that, right?"
A sharp pinch and Eren was yelping in pain.
Levi was grinning.
Wait, was that teeth?
"Holy shit, you're smiling!" Eren exclaimed, forgetting about the pain on the side of his arm and scrambled up so that he was straddling Levi.
Levi's smile faded just as quickly as it appeared. "You have shit eyes, Eren. You need to get them checked."
“No, I don’t,” Eren denied with a cheeky grin, “if I did have bad eyesight, then that means that you’re ugly, right?”
“Eren,” Levi said in a quiet, calm voice.
Eren’s smile did not falter. “Levi.”
“Tch. You’re lucky that I love you if not I would have kicked you across the room,” Levi grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away.
“Is that a blush I see on your cheeks?” Eren commented, leaning in with a knowing look in his teal eyes. He rested his hands on Levi’s shoulders to help balance his weight. “Did calling you ugly hurt your feelings?”
“Huh, is that a child’s voice I’m hearing? Oh, no. It’s just you,” Levi deadpanned, looking down to his lap, or, well, the front of Eren’s pajama shirt. He was reminded about the kick he gave Eren back at the courtyard. Levi frowned as he fingered the hem of Eren’s shirt before he began to slowly lift it to reveal his boyfriend’s bellybutton and stomach.
There was a nasty bruise forming that had Levi grimacing. “Shit, Eren,” Levi hissed, holding the shirt with his left hand to touch the tender skin with the fingers on his right hand. “Were you also crying because you were in pain? Fuck, I’m sorry about kicking you,“ Levi apologized, taking his hand back when Eren flinched, and a whimper of pain left his mouth.
Eren lowered his head to hide it in the crook of Levi’s neck. “I should be sorry for busting your lip. I didn’t mean to do that to you, Levi. I can’t control my temper,” Eren then sighed, tilting his head to the side to press his nose against Levi’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about my stomach. It’ll heal eventually.”
Levi’s cold hands felt wonderous on Eren’s heated skin. More so on the forming bruise on his stomach. The skin was still tender of course, but Eren liked feeling Levi’s light touches on his skin. It was a gentle reminder that Levi was a kind, man only that he's much misunderstood the majority of the time.
“Don’t be dumb, Eren. Whether you like it or not, and whether I show it, I care a lot about you,” Levi confessed, lightly massing Eren’s exposed sides.
“You love me too, huh?” Eren didn’t ask the question to make fun, but because he wanted to hear Levi say it once more.
Levi released a happy sigh, wounding his arms around Eren’s lower back to tug him closer. “Hey, Eren,” he called, raising his left shoulder to get his boyfriend to look at him. Once green eyes were staring into his blue ones, did Levi answer, “Yes, I love you with all my heart, and I don’t want you ever to forget that.”
Eren opened his mouth to retort, but Levi cut him off.
“I intend to stay until you get tired of me, and I’m hoping that it’s not going to be soon.”
A smile formed on Eren’s lips. He laughed happily for the first time in the entire day. “I don’t think I will ever get tired of being with you, Levi. I won’t promise you that we’ll be together forever because promises are meant to break, but I’ll try my damn hardest to be with you for the rest of the days I have left on this Earth.”
At last, a chuckle broke out of Levi’s mouth, “Okay, yes to everything you said,” he sighed tiredly, leaning his head back to close his eyes.
“Aw, you were supposed to repeat everything I said, but you just ruined the moment!” Eren whined, placing his hands on Levi’s chest.
“Quit whining you cute brat. That’s enough love for today. I’m not used to it, and it’s too fucking exhausting to be expressing it every second of the day.”
Eren laughed, leaning forward to press his lips on Levi’s for a short second. “You called me cute.”
Levi rolled his eyes even if he had them closed. “That’s because you are, damn brat.”
“But I’m your brat, right?”
“Yeah, my baby,” Levi replied half-asleep.
“Again, oh my god. You said I’m your baby,” Eren giggled, clapping his hands while bouncing on Levi’s lap.
“Calm down, you lunatic. I’m falling asleep, and here you are laughing by yourself while bouncing on my dick. Get a hold of yourself,” mumbled Levi while his grip on Eren’s hips tightened the slightest bit.
“You’re no fun at all,” huffed Eren with a frown. “I thought you liked having my ass grinding against you.”
One blue eye stared into turquoise eyes. “Who said I didn’t like it?” Levi asked in a sultry voice, lifting his head from the couch to latch his mouth on the side of Eren’s tan neck where he proceeded to lick, bite and suck until he pulled away with a satisfied smirk. “There, that’s all you’re getting tonight.”
Eren was pushed off by soft, cold hands that handled him gently. There was a soft grunt, and then Eren was being lifted from the couch and being carried away to Levi’s room where the two would sleep together.
“I changed the sheets this morning after you left to your first class, so don’t worry about the cum stains we left last night,” Levi said in such an unexpected way that Eren hid his face behind his hands.
“Right. Thank you for that, Levi,” Eren lied down on the left side of the bed and pulled the sheets over his body.
Levi climbed into the bed after he saved his work, shut off the computer, and did his nightly routine. “Hey Eren, before you fall asleep,” he whispered, minty breath fanning over Eren like chilly air. “I love you, and I’m sorry about today. I won’t do it again as long as you try your best not to think about those toxic thoughts. Do we have a deal?”
Eren nodded with bleary eyes and a sleepy smile. He lifted his hand to slide it through Levi’s midnight hair to tug his boyfriend forward to kiss him. He whispered his love against Levi’s mouth, and eventually, those tired kisses turned into open-mouthed ones, and their shy touches became impatient fingers grasping clothes. Quiet sighs became whimpers and pleasurable gasps.
Levi ended up giving his all to Eren that night in more ways than one.