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They say the more battle's you've seen, the more war's you've fought, the easiert it gets.
Weeks, months, years...one day you won't bother to use your blade against another living being.
You either kill or be killed. It will be as if you've never done anything else.
You'll get used to it.
This might be true for some... But I'll never know what joy they find in slitting another person's throat.
It's a mystery to me. And I'll hope it stays this way forever.
I'm good at what I do, but it doesn't mean I take pride or joy in it.
I serve as any other. Warden, Conqueror, Lawbringer... They all kill in the heat of the battle alongside each other. I can often see my comrades celebrate after a battle, get a drink and praise themselves among their colleagues. They laugh and smile.
I envy them somehow for that they're able to take things more lightly. But on the other hand...
Not all my comrades choose to celebrate. Some become more quiet or stay for themselves for a long while... I think they might feel the same as I do. But like me, don't dare to speak it out.
None of us want to be seen as weak. Men and women alike, this makes no difference.
So we just continue with what we're told to – what we are good at.
Peacekeeper like me are seen on the battlefield as well, but more often once everyone else is gone.
After the dust of the battle has settled and makes way for the full outcome their fighting has caused.
I wonder if they've ever gazed into the eyes of a fallen comrade while their life was fading?
Listened to their words uttered in fear or regret. Felt the warmth leave their bodies.
Surely not those who tell us to just...get over it.
The fields are often left to us in our search for those who might still be alive but not able to make it any further. Those who often are unable to end it themselves.
It's rare to find survivors. A true miracle if it happens.
But how often do you hear about that? How often does someone thought-to-be-dead return?
Exactly...
If we find any, their chance of survival is small. The resources not enough to properly take care and we are still at war.
'It would be a waste on them' – we get told. So we do what we have to.
It's only a brief moment, a short act but that's all it needs to end a whole life, their corpse is all that remains of the men and women who gave their life for a war which's reason is long lost to time itself.
Time makes it easier they say. You'll forget their faces, their begging right before their last breath.
But that doesn't count for all of us. Not all of us are able to forget.
We just learn to live another day with what we've seen and done.