Work Text:
The Last Camelot Sorceror
I used to be a farmer, and I made a living, sure,
I had a little stretch of land just east of Ealdor,
But times were tough, and though we tried, my secrets soon came out.
My mother told me, “seek your heart” and then she kicked me out.
I looked in lands both far and near, where wizards lurked about,
Take you in? They’d always laugh, we just kicked 20 out,
The tyrant king of Camelot, he vowed to see us dead,
I’ve got too much sense to let old Uther get my head…
Then I thought – who gives a damn – my uncle knows a lot
I’m going to be a SORCERER! In the Castle Camelot!!!
Chorus:
And it’s a bim bam zim zam,
Magic at my call
You know that without me, Camelot would fall
And it’s a bam bim, zam, zim
Arthur bar your door
When you see manservant Merlin lying sprawled upon your floor.
You’d think the local nobles would know that I’m at large
But just the other day I found an unsuspecting guard
I snuck into the council room, with Arthur none-the-wiser,
I stole his key, and dropped his pants, in front of his advisers.
A bridge outside the Perilous Land spans a little river,
Guarded by Willow Ulfgood, a sight to make me quiver,
‘Cause he knows that Emrys is riding on the path,
Magic, Strength and Courage – good thing Arthur’s bad at math!
Chorus
The knights of the round table, they were always at my throat,
Hunted me on horseback, foot, and even once by boat
But little did they know the man they sought to bring his doom
Was sweeping out the fireplace in their master’s lofty room.
A flapping cloak, a swinging sword, and pleasant company
I throw the dice on pub night, and cheat by sorcery,
I’ll drink a cup of poison, call a dragon or three,
If you want to kill Prince Arthur, boy, you gotta get by me…
Chorus
Well, the magic life’s appealing, but you don’t just find it here,
I know that down in Mercia, there are Druids and a Seer,
They yank my chain with prophecies, of coins and dragonflight
And I think that I’ll go crazy trying to guess which one is right.
Well, Camlann is a’comin’, there are dragons in the skies,
My sorcerer days are over when my beloved Arthur dies…
I’ll return in the future, but now I have to flee,
A crystal cave awaits me, or was it just a tree????
Chorus, Chorus.