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Nora still couldn’t believe how much had changed in a few seconds. After all these years without her father, she finally got to spend time with him, got to know him. And she really thought she had gotten to know him, but clearly, she had been wrong. She didn’t know him at all.
Every time she closed her eyes, her mind replayed the scene when her world had shattered into a thousand pieces. Her mother fighting with her, her dad coming in. The hope inside her that he would listen to her, take her side. He knew what it was like to have powers, he would understand what she went through. How wrong she had been… The moment she realized he was taking Iris’s side, how he hadn’t even waited to hear her side of the story, just blindly agreeing with her mother. For a second, she had been frozen, incredulous, then the pain of his decision had hit her, hurting her more than anything Iris had ever done to her. In that moment she felt like a child, a child who had lost her father all over again and she ran…
Now lying in bed in Papa Joe’s house, she couldn’t sleep, the memories keeping her awake. The pain eating away at her. She should never have come back. Frustrated she finally got up, realizing that sleep was out of reach. She couldn’t stand still any longer. So she got dressed and she started running. As fast as she could she ran through the streets of Central City, this city that was both so familiar and so strange at the same time. But dodging people and cars didn’t let her run as fast as she could and she needed to exert herself. She needed the Speed lab. Though Nora didn’t want to return to the scene of her most recent trauma, she swallowed hard and headed there anyway. It was the middle of the night, no one was going to be there, at least not her parents.
Trying not to wake Sherloque Wells, she headed straight to the Speed lab and started running in circles. She put everything she had into each of the laps, the repetitive motion making her mind go numb. Though her body started to protest, she kept going, needing to feel every muscle in her body ache, the physical pain finally keeping the emotional one at bay.
“Nora? Are you okay?” a soft voice pulled her from her thoughts. Nearly stumbling over her own feet, Nora came to a halt in the middle of the lab. Panting, she faced Caitlin, who was looking at her with big worried eyes. “What are you doing here in the middle of the night?” Caitlin asked, taking in her physical exertion. Not wanting to have to explain herself, Nora asked in turn. “What are you doing here in the middle of the night?” To Nora’s surprise, Caitlin gave her a soft smile. “Working on a clue that my father left me and trying to find out if he left me any more messages.” “Yeah, well I got my dad’s message loud and clear,” Nora scoffed before she could stop herself. Caitlin looked at her through furrowed brows, but when Nora just evaded her gaze, she gently touched her shoulder, leading her out of the lab. “Come on,” she insisted kindly.
Handing Nora a nutritional bar and a hot drink, Caitlin settled her on a chair in the cortex, sitting down opposite her. “It will help with the muscle soreness and recharge your energy,” the doctor explained noticing Nora’s unspoken question. Slowly Nora took a sip, instantly feeling better. Though she hadn’t spent a lot of time with Caitlin, Nora always felt comfortable in her presence. Caitlin’s kind gesture was already soothing Nora’s soul. She blinked away the tears that were building when her mind started comparing Caitlin to her mother.
“Nora, I don’t know what’s going on with you and I don’t want to pry, but just know that if you need someone to talk to, I’m here,” Caitlin states softly, letting her hand rest on the girl’s shoulder for just a moment. When Nora didn’t say anything, Caitlin simply turned to the screen and started typing away. Nora had expected her to leave when she didn’t speak, but Caitlin was still here. Her quiet presence finally giving her a sense of peace. Usually, she was always in motion, always on the run, rushing headlong into situations, her emotions boiling just barely under the surface, ... she had never liked standing still. If she was still, she would notice that she was alone. But right now she didn’t feel alone.
After a few more minutes of watching Caitlin work, Nora broke the silence. “So what happened to your father?” “I don’t really know,” Caitlin sighed, “I thought he died when I was ten, but apparently he faked his death. But I don’t know why, or where he is now.” Nora nodded slowly, aware what it was like to lose your father. “I used to think that getting to meet my dad would be the best thing that ever happened to me, but I was wrong. I hope when you find yours, he won’t let you down,” Nora mutters sadly.
Caitlin stopped typing and turned to face Nora. Cocking her head slightly, she wondered. “You sure you don’t want to talk about it?” Nora sighed deeply. “You know my dad well, right?” Caitlin nodded. “Has he always taken my mother’s side?” she blurted out. Surprised, Caitlin chuckled slightly. “Yeah, he does that.” But noticing Nora’s pained face, she added. “Is that a bad thing? That your parents have the same opinion.” “It is if it’s the wrong opinion,” Nora declared frustrated. Caitlin nodded understandingly. “And he didn’t even make up his own mind, he just took her side, without ever hearing me out!” Nora’s eyes filled with tears once more. “Hey, it’s okay,” Caitlin tried to soothe her, pulling Nora into a hug. Feeling Caitlin’s embrace comforted her, her anger deflating and giving way to her sadness. Nora finally let her tears flow freely.
A little later, Nora pulled back, wiping her eyes, feeling all cried out. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, seeing Caitlin’s wet shirt. “It’s okay,” Caitlin reassured her, “but I think it’s time to tell me what’s going on.” Nodding, Nora took a deep breath and revealed her scar. “My mother put a power dampening chip in me when I was little. Six months ago, I didn’t even know I was a speedster. I only found out recently and not even from her. She took away a part of my identity without ever telling me,“ Nora explained trying to keep her voice even, but unable to banish the hurt from it, “and today she told me she must have had a good reason for doing it!”
Caitlin stared at her, eyes wide with shock. “Nora, I am so sorry you had to go through that. Believe me, I can relate, maybe a little too well.” Noticing Caitlin’s sad smile, she continued slowly. “But the worst thing was that, when my dad walked in while we fought about it, he just automatically took her side, he didn’t even listen to me, he…” But her voice broke once more. Caitlin put her hand on hers, giving it a small squeeze. “Look, I don’t agree with Iris’ decision, I could never condone taking away somebody’s power without their consent. But she might have had a reason you don’t know about. I imagine it must have been hard raising you without Barry, not having powers on her own. I think Barry just doesn’t want to judge Iris for something she hasn’t done yet without knowing more about it.” “But he didn’t even ask to know more,” Nora whispered. “I know, honey,” Caitlin conceded sadly and pulled her into another hug.
The next morning, Caitlin was sitting in Barry’s lab at CCPD, waiting for him to arrive. She had been thinking about Nora all night, or what had been left of it, and she had come to a decision. She knew that this might not be her place, but she could understand Nora’s feelings only too well and she wasn’t going to let Nora go through this alone.
At that moment Barry walked in, his eyes widening in surprise when he spotted her. “Hey, what are you doing here?” he asked smiling widely. Taking a deep breath, she replied. “We need to talk.” “Okay,” he nodded, sitting down next to her,” about what?”
“Your daughter” Caitlin explained. Taken aback, he frowned at her. “Nora? What happened? Is she alright?” he asked worriedly. “No, Barry, she is not alright,” Caitlin shook her head. Barry jumped up, ready to take action when Caitlin held up her hands. “Woah, Barry, she is not in any immediate danger.”
Relaxing a little, he sat back down and faced her. Sighing Caitlin continued. “But she is hurt… because of you, because of how you reacted yesterday.” She could see Barry’s face fall and everything inside of her screamed to ease his pain. He was already blaming himself for so much that wasn’t his fault, and now she added to his load. But this actually was his fault and she knew she needed to do this, he needed to hear this.
“Barry, your daughter went through a traumatic experience and you didn’t even have the decency to hear her side of things,” she accuses him. With realization dawning in his eyes, he tried to defend himself. “She was yelling at Iris for something she hasn’t even done yet. What was I supposed to do?” “Listen to her!” Caitlin declared fiercely, “she wasn’t yelling at Iris for something she hasn’t done yet, she was yelling at Iris for not understanding her side, for saying she must have had a good reason, for not recognizing how she feels. And then you do the same. You don’t listen to her or her feelings!”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t... I mean… I …” Barry was at a loss for words, completely taken aback by Caitlin’s vehemence. Softening slightly, she continued. “Barry, you of all people know what it’s like not being heard. Nobody wanted to believe your story, nobody wanted to believe in the impossible. I know how hurt you were that Joe didn’t take you seriously back then, don’t do the same thing to Nora,” she went on more gently now. Barry nodded his head, slowly taking in what he was hearing. “You’re right, I didn’t realize that I never even gave Nora a chance to explain her side of the story,“ he admitted. Caitlin gave him a small smile, before starting to get up.
“Wait,” he called out. She slowly turned around. “How did you know? About Nora?”, he wondered. “I found her in the Speed lab in the middle of the night running herself into the ground, trying to get away from the pain,” she explained with a sad smile. She could see the question forming behind his eyes, what was she doing there in the middle of the night, but she didn’t feel like getting into that right now... not with him, that wasn’t why she had come here, so she quickly added. “Just make sure you talk to her…alone.” Barry nodded as she started walking away.
“Cait?” The words stopped her short. Swallowing, she pushed the emotions back down, this wasn’t the right time, she told herself. “Yes?” she asked turning back around. “Do you think future Iris made the right decision?” he wondered something in his voice making him seem so vulnerable. Sighing, she sat back down across from him.
“Barry, I don’t think this is about right or wrong. This is about understanding both sides and you are uniquely qualified to do so,” she gave him a small smile. Noticing his confused look, she elaborated. “You’re Nora’s parent as is Iris, you can understand making decisions for her own good or her protection, but you’re also a meta-human, you have powers, you’re a speedster, exactly like her. Put yourself in her position. How would you have felt if somebody kept your powers from you?” His eyes darkened as his mind remembered the moments he had been without his speed.
“Remember just a few weeks after you got your powers when you lost them again?” she inquired gently, “you told me how much you love the feeling of running, how you were unsure if you could live without it.” Barry nodded, sadness now etched in his features. “You told me with or without my speed, that I was still me,” he whispered. “And you are,” she insisted, “and so is Nora. But imagine knowing your father had powers and not knowing you had them. Not only did she lose you when she was little, but she also lost the one remaining connection to you, without even knowing about it.”
“So what you’re saying is you don’t agree with Iris’ decision,” Barry suddenly smirked. She let out a laugh despite herself. “Yeah, I guess I don’t. But that doesn’t matter, Barry. We don’t know what the future holds, what made Iris choose that path. All we know is that right now Nora is hurting because of it and you can do something about that.” “I know,” he interrupted her earnestly, “I will. I’ll go talk to her, I promise.” He gave her a small smile, which she returned gingerly. When she got up to leave, his voice stopped her one more time. “Thank you.” Smiling, she replied. “You’re welcome.”