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Lucy jolted awake at half past three in the morning, her nightmare already fading from memory. She remembered Wyatt and Rufus being there and being hurt … but that was about it. She pressed her hand to her chest, willing her heartbeat to return to a normal pace. She pushed herself off her bed and wrapped her hair into a messy bun to get it out of her face. A few strands refused to stay tied back, but she didn’t bother pushing them away. They’d fall again in two minutes anyway. She stepped into a pair of slippers, and stumbled her way down to the bunker kitchen for a bottle of water. She did not expect to find Rufus there, sitting there in the dark, a tablet lighting up his face.
“Hey,” she said quietly, making her way to the refrigerator.
“Morning,” the pilot looked up with a smirk, setting the tablet aside.
“Can’t sleep either?”
“Nope,” he mumbled. “still reeling from seeing two of you. And you know, that whole coming back from the dead thing.”
Lucy nodded her understanding as she closed the refrigerator quietly, glancing over at the couch where Wyatt was currently sleeping. He had claimed it as his bed, refusing to return to the room he had shared with Jessica. Once Rufus was back, he and Jiya offered to move into that room, giving Lucy her own space.
“Technically you didn’t die this time,” Lucy tried to sound optimistic as she claimed the seat next to him. It didn’t work.
“So that’s why you’ve all been staring at me like I’ll disappear in the blink of an eye?”
Lucy started to mumble an apology, but Rufus shook his head with a smile.
“It’s okay. I’m only teasing.”
“And you have no idea how good it is to hear you do that,” she patted his arm. “How’s Jiya?”
“Good, but exhausted. She’ll be alright in time.”
The pair fell into a comfortable silence for a few moments before Rufus spoke up:
“So what’s the deal with you and Wyatt?” His tone was light and teasing, like a high school student digging for gossip.
Lucy smiled at her friend. “You’ve been back from the dead for all of a day and you’re going there?”
“Humor me,” he chuckled. “He’s been acting weirder than normal, and it’s only when you’re around. He’s acting like he did when Rittenhouse had you. Which is not a good thing.”
“He’s not acting weird.”
The look on his face made it very clear that he didn’t believe her. Hell, Lucy didn’t believe herself. Things had been weird ever since his confession in the hall. Lucy tried to dodge the subject once again, but Rufus cut her off.
“Don’t even try it Lucy. I’ve spent more time with the two of you than anybody in this damn rust bucket. Something is off. So talk.”
Lucy mumbled a lighthearted curse under her breath, which only made the grin on Rufus’ face grow wider.
“Love you too. Now start talking.”
“When did you get so perceptive?”
“I have picked up a few things from Jiya,” the pilot smiled. “And you and Wyatt aren’t as hard to read as you think you are.”
Lucy hesitated a moment before caving in. She told him what happened in Chinatown. How she had chased after Emma, how Flynn had come to save her. She told him about the painful look on Wyatt’s face when he saw her walking back with Flynn. She told him about the heartbreaking return to the bunker, and the hours of confusion that followed. She told him how guilty Wyatt felt, blaming himself for the death of his best friend.
“He did nothing wrong-”
“I know,” Lucy cut him off. “And I told him as much. I tried telling him rescuing Jiya is what you wanted.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “And that’s when he told me he loved me.”
Rufus’ jaw nearly hit the table. “About damn time!”
“Shhh!” She glared at him, pointing at the couch. When she didn’t see any movement, she let out a sigh of relief.
“Well it is about damn time,” Rufus said again, quieter this time.
“He said you’d say that,” Lucy smiled sadly.
“So that’s why he’s being weird? What happened after that?”
“That’s when the upgraded Lifeboat arrived. And well, you know the rest.”
“Ah. You didn’t say it back?”
“He told me I didn’t need to say it back,” Lucy sighed, leaning back in her chair. “And I never got a chance. We needed to get you back.”
“Oh don’t use me as an excuse,” Rufus shot her an unamused look. “What’s holding you back Preston? Is it Jessica?”
Lucy shook her head in the negative. “Not really. Not anymore, anyway. He got the closure he needed from her. Not the greatest closure, but at least he’s not wondering what happened anymore.”
“Then why are you two being so weird?”
“Rufus I can’t risk losing anybody again,” Lucy finally explained. “I have already lost my family. We damn near lost Jiya. We did lose you. And I did lose Wyatt, in a way. I can’t keep going through that.”
Lucy didn’t even realize she was crying until Rufus stood and pulled her into a hug, rubbing tiny circles on her back.
“I get that,” he said quietly. “When Jiya was gone I was a mess. But shielding yourself off from feeling anything is not the answer. For either of you. I’d give him the same advice, seeing as he ignored it when the Future Wyatt gave him a pep talk.”
“Pep talk?”
“Weirdest crap I have ever heard,” Rufus chuckled, releasing Lucy from his hug. “Older Wyatt lecturing Younger Wyatt. We lead weird lives.”
“Tell me about it,” Lucy grinned, wiping the tears from her cheeks.
“Look,” Rufus put his hands on her shoulders and looked her directly in the eye. “I might not get everything you guys went through while I was gone. But I know this: that idiot loves you. He has for a long time. He is right -- he should have said it way sooner. Even when she-who-must-not-be-named was around -” Lucy grinned at his reference - “he was being eaten alive by guilt. I thought he was going to sign those divorce papers until you convinced her to stay.”
“Rufus…”
“Nope,” he smiled, dropping his hands from her shoulders. “I know what I saw. Trust me. Despite your bickering, you two really are better together.”
Lucy smiled, collapsing back into her chair. “Thank you Rufus. It’s good to have you back.”
“No problem. Now, I’m going to go check on Jiya. Try and get some rest, okay?”
As his footsteps faded down the hall, Lucy heard an ever so slight movement behind her. Damn him and his inability to sleep.
“How much did you hear?” She asked quietly, already knowing the answer.
“Enough.”
She didn’t have the courage to look up at him until he claimed the seat Rufus had vacated. She self consciously tugged her sweater tighter around her as she met his eyes. She could see a storm of emotions in those blue eyes: concern, fear, exhaustion, guilt, and - if she was willing to admit it to herself - love.
“Is he right?” her voice was barely a whisper now.
He gave her a weak smile. “It’s Rufus. Of course he’s right.”
“Wyatt …”
“I meant what I said,” he spoke up when she hesitated. “You don’t have to say anything back.”
“How is that fair to you? To not know how I feel?”
“Because the shit I put you through was anything but fair.”
She wanted to argue with him, but the right words wouldn’t form.
“I do love you,” she finally said; she heard his breath catch. “I want to be those two people who stepped out of the other Lifeboat.”
“I want that too,” Wyatt turned in his chair and leaned closer to her, his elbows resting on his knees.
“I’m just scared,” she sighed. “But you already heard that whole speech.”
“I did,” he reached forward to brush one of those loose strands of hair from her face. “And I understand. I promised you that you wouldn’t lose me, and I’m the dumbass who broke that promise. So you have no reason to trust anything I say. But I am not going anywhere. I’ve lost you too many times, and I can’t put myself - or you - through that again.”
Lucy stared at him, thoughts racing through her head. He was right. She had no reason at all to trust him - but she did. He had always kept her safe, even when they were at each others throats. Despite the awkwardness of having Jessica in the bunker, he’d still managed to try and make her feel comfortable. There were mornings she would find her favorite coffee already brewed, a mug ready to go as soon as she woke up. He’d gotten insanely jealous when he saw her coming out of Flynn’s room (which she wouldn’t admit out loud that it was equally heartwarming as it was infuriating.)
“Were you really about to sign those divorce papers?” Lucy finally asked.
He nodded. “When I saw you get off that Lifeboat with Flynn after Salem, I almost lost it. That should have been me. I should have been there to protect you and Rufus. But then you convinced her to give me a shot and I just … I don’t know. I shouldn’t have gone along with it. I should have figured out sooner who she really was in this timeline.”
“You couldn’t have known for sure.”
He gave her a sad smile. “The moment you guys realized Rittenhouse brought her back, I should have let her go. That’s a pretty damn big red flag.”
“I want to argue with you on that one, but yeah. I hindsight, that was a big red flag.”
He smirked, which made her smile.
“Can we just … start over?” she asked quietly. “Clean slate. No ex-wives, no surprise fiances.”
“You have no idea how badly I want that,” Wyatt chuckled, taking one of her hands in his. “But can we still count 1941 as a date because that was hands down the best night of my life.”
“Mine too,” Lucy grinned.
Wyatt was quiet for a moment, before asking: “Permission to kiss you, ma’am?”
Lucy nodded, and he stood to pull her up against his chest. Her arms wove up and around his neck, as one of his hands gripped her waist. The other found its way to the back of her neck, tangling in her messy bun. He let his lips softly brush across hers for a moment, like he was giving her a chance to change her mind. She wasn’t so hesitant - and pulled him closer for a true kiss. She felt the lightning bolt, and by the way his grip tightened on her hip she thought he was feeling it too. When a lack of oxygen forced them apart, he dropped a few kisses on her cheek before resting his forehead against hers and wrapping both arms around her waist.
“Thank you,” he said quietly. “For giving me a chance.”
“Thank you for eavesdropping so I couldn’t run away from the problem.”
“Does it count as eavesdropping if the two of you were talking in my room?”
“Under normal circumstances, no. But seeing as you were sleeping in the living room I’m going to count it as eavesdropping.”
“Alright I’ve give you that one,” Wyatt chuckled.
When Lucy lost the fight against a yawn, Wyatt smiled and placed a kiss on her forehead.
“Get some rest Luce,” he ordered gently. “We can talk more tomorrow.”
She nodded, and he let his hands fall from her waist. He moved to step back and let her walk away, but she grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the hall.
“Lucy …”
“You need rest too,” she argued. “And you won’t get it out here when people start waking up.”
“You sure?”
Her answer was pulling him in for a quick kiss, making him smile. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and walked with her back to her room. When Rufus woke up a few hours later and saw an empty couch, he couldn’t help but smile.
About damn time.