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Jungkook can’t breathe.
Yoongi is sitting across from him on the couch, leaning against the armrest, and he’s texting. He’s texting someone, and smiling, and laughing to himself every few minutes. They’re supposed to be having movie night – Deadpool is playing on the TV, and they’re supposed to be watching it together but Yoongi is texting someone.
Jungkook wants to say something, but he can’t. His chest is too tight and his hands are shaking where he’s gripping the blanket and he can’t breathe.
It’s been like this for a while. Yoongi is always on his phone, texting someone, when he’s with Jungkook. He hasn’t mentioned anyone to Jungkook, hasn’t retweeted some stupid thing about being in love, he’s just – texting someone.
And ignoring Jungkook.
He doesn’t mind, not really. Sure, he kind of has a crush on his hyung and maybe it feels a little bit like his heart is being stomped all over but he can get over it. His heart will heal because he and Yoongi aren’t even together, but they are friends and Jungkook feels a little bit like Yoongi forgot.
“Hyung,” Jungkook says. His voice is shaking, and when Yoongi looks up at him, Jungkook’s stomach churns. He has been trying to plan what to say, has been writing and erasing and writing and erasing, trying to find someway to tell Yoongi that he’s hurting him and that he doesn’t care if Yoongi has a boyfriend but he hurts so bad.
“Yeah, Kookie?” Yoongi asks, throwing around pet names like he hasn’t been ignoring Jungkook – like he hasn’t been distant and busy and texting someone.
“Uh,” Jungkook says. He looks down at his hands, trying to remember at least a little bit of all those speeches he drafted. His mind is blank, though, and the more he scrambles for something to say the more panicked he becomes.
Yoongi leans forward and pauses the movie before turning back to Jungkook. Very softly, he asks, “are you okay? You look like you’re having a panic attack, Jungkook.”
“I’m okay, I’m okay,” Jungkook assures. His hands shake against the blanket. “I’m just—”
“Take a deep breath,” Yoongi says. Jungkook tries, but as he takes a breath he just – crumbles. Yoongi sits up, shocked, as Jungkook hides his crying face in his hands.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Jungkook cries. He rubs his hands on his eyes, pressing until he sees spots in his vision. Yoongi sits on the couch and watches him, does reach for him, doesn’t try to hug him like he usually would.
Jungkook wishes he wouldn’t have said anything. He hasn’t said a lot, exactly, but he’s said enough that now he has to say something – anything – so Yoongi will stop looking at him like he could shake apart any moment. He sniffles loudly and wipes at his eyes, but the tears don’t stop.
“I-I–” he chokes, ends up coughing into his knees where they’re curled against his chest. There’s spit on the side of his mouth but he doesn’t bother to wipe it away. Between the ache in his heart and the pressure on his chest it’s just too much.
“Kookie, please, you have to calm down,” Yoongi says. Jungkook nods because he knows. He knows he can’t form a coherent thought while he’s like this, knows that before long he really won’t be able to breathe. But he looks down at Yoongi’s hands, notices that his phone is still lit up, sees the Kakaotalk chat pulled up that was keeping Yoongi from really watching the movie and he decides that his heart just can’t take this.
“I-I know you have a boyfriend now, hyung. But p-please d-don’t–” Jungkook chokes on his words, and when Yoongi leans forward to comfort him, he flinches away. “Please don’t f-forget about me, hyung.”
“What?” Yoongi asks, looking genuinely confused. Jungkook makes a sad sound and waves his hand at Yoongi’s phone.
“I don’t know. You’re just– you’re always texting someone even when we’re supposed to be hanging out and I don’t care, I really don’t b-but movie night are ours , hyung. T-they’re not for you and me and– and him.” Jungkook hides his face against his knees and tries to stop crying. He’s overreacting, he knows, but he can’t stop the way his heart clenches every time he sees Yoongi laughing at his phone whenever they’re together.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Jungkook knows movie nights aren’t a big deal. Sometimes they’re too busy to have them, sometimes they talk through them when Yoongi has has a rough day or if Jungkook needs help perfecting a paper for class, but– at least they’re ignoring the movie together.
“Jungkook, what are you saying?” Yoongi asks. He finally, finally, lays his phone on the coffee table and scoots closer to Jungkook, trying to rest a hand on his knee. Jungkook pulls away. “I’m not dating anyone, Jungkook.”
Jungkook makes a scoffing noise, somewhat distorted by his tears and snot, and says, “ fine, maybe you aren’t dating yet, but– but–”
The anger dies in Jungkook’s throat when another notification pings on Yoongi’s phone. Yoongi’s fingers twitch, and for a second Jungkook thinks that he’s going to reach out and grab it, thinks Yoongi will dismiss him all together, but then he lurches forward and pulls Jungkook into a hug before the younger boy and move away.
Yoongi’s arms around him feels familiar, and as much as Jungkook wants to pull away, wants to be angry, he just – gives up. Laying his head on Yoongi’s shoulder, he cries into his t-shirt while Yoongi gently cards his fingers through Jungkook’s hair, quietly shushing him.
“I’m not dating anyone, Jungkook,” Yoongi says again, softly, as if to not spook him. Jungkook wants to say something snarky, but Yoongi’s fingers are in his hair and scratching the back of his neck and he just – he’s so tired. “Please tell me why you’re so worked up, I don’t understand.”
Jungkook pulls away from Yoongi, looks up at him with teary eyes. Jungkook watches the pout form on Yoongi’s lips and he glances away. “I just– you’re ignoring me.”
“Because I’m not watching the movie?” Yoongi asks, and Jungkook hits him on the chest.
“No, stupid. All the time! All the time you’re just– texting whoever that is and I’m okay with it, I promise, you can date whoever you want, just please don’t– please stop ignoring me,” Jungkook says. He doesn’t look at Yoongi, purposely keeping eye contact with Deadpool on the screen. Eventually Yoongi adjusts Jungkook in his lap, turns him so they’re facing each other, Jungkook’s legs straddling him. He grabs Jungkook’s chin gently and turns his face towards him.
Jungkook looks to the side, refusing to make eye contact, and Yoongi sighs. “I’m sorry, Kookie. I didn’t realize.”
“Didn’t realize you’ve been ignoring your best friend for two weeks to talk to– to some person?” Jungkook asks, pouting. He’s being ridiculous, he knows, but his heart still hurts.
Yoongi cups Jungkook’s cheek in his hand as he shakes his head. “No, I didn’t. I’ve been a bad hyung, huh?”
“Yeah,” Jungkook says. Yoongi laughs under his breath, and Jungkook leans forward to bury his face in Yoongi’s neck.
They sit in relative silence for a few minutes, Yoongi gently scratching behind Jungkook’s ears and rubbing his back. His phone keeps lighting up on the table. Jungkook sniffles in his arms.
Yoongi makes a decision.
“How about you and I go out tomorrow, hm? No phones, just two people living in the moment.” He gets slapped for that, but he can feel Jungkook’s smile against his neck. Yoongi wraps his arms around Jungkook’s waist and holds him tight, kissing the top of Jungkook’s head. “I’m serious, let’s go get lunch and do something. You pick; my treat.”
“Really?” Jungkook asks, pulling away to look at him. His eyes are red and puffy and Yoongi’s heart cracks. He really has been a bad hyung. “Even if I just wanna go to the gym and use you as a bench press?”
Yoongi pushes Jungkook’s hair out of his eyes, nodding. Jungkook grins, wide and happy, looking like a bunny, or a little kid. Even though he didn’t mean to, Yoongi hates himself for hurting him. He also is angry, almost, at Jungkook for not telling him that he was upset sooner. But that’s a discussion for a different time, when Jungkook isn’t still sniffling against Yoongi’s shoulder and holding his shirt in his fists, silently begging to be comforted.
“Yes,” Yoongi answers finally. “Even if you just want to go to the gym and use me as a bench press.” Jungkook giggles and Yoongi can’t help but lean down and kiss his head again. This is his best friend, his Jungkook, his baby. He’d let Jungkook do anything to him, so long as it made him smile.
Yoongi’s phone vibrates loudly against the table, and he pretends not to notice when Jungkook sticks out a socked foot and bunny kicks it off the table. It thuds onto the carpet, screen down, and Jungkook relaxes against Yoongi’s chest.
Yoongi grins, squeezing Jungkook in his arms. Jungkook presses his lips against Yoongi’s neck, trying to be nonchalant but definitely failing.
No phones, just two boys living in the moment.