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Seungkwan had been acting strange all day. At breakfast he was mumbling words under his breath constantly, face turning sour every now and again before he resumed once more, and things only got worse as the day went on.
It hadn’t been long at all since Vernon had confessed by the river, but already they were having issues. Seungkwan had quipped at every attempt of conversation the younger boy had made, and his eyes were in a constant state of glaring at anyone and everyone who made eye contact. This wasn’t particularly unusual since this kind of behaviour tended to occur when he was under a little too much stress, but Vernon couldn’t quite figure out what could possibly have set him off this time around.
Seungkwan almost always confided in him, no matter what the situation, and not knowing what was going on was frustrating Vernon to no end. So by the time the evening rolled around, he had had enough.
They weren’t currently sharing a room, but Soonyoung could immediately tell something was up when Vernon turned up at the door, eyes steeled as he gritted his teeth.
“Hey, Seungkwan?”
“What?” He was clearly on edge, voice sharp as he glanced up at Soonyoung, then at Vernon who stared right back, before his face fell. “Let him in, can you-?”
Soonyoung nodded, already moving out of the way to let Vernon in. “I was going to see Seokmin anyway, he better be ready for tomorrow or I’ll throw him off the stage myself.”
Seungkwan looked visibly nervous as he forced a laugh. “Yeah, you do that.”
As Soonyoung left, his facade disappeared, almost looking fearful as he moved over to Vernon, dragging him into the room, closing the door behind them before he turned and began to pace back and forth. “I’m so screwed. I’m so screwed. I’m so screwed-“
“You want to tell me, or…?”
The older boy snapped his head up as if he had forgotten the other person was even there in the first place. “Um, well… Yeah, but-“
“Boo, you know you can literally tell me anything, right?” Vernon moved across the room, placing what he hoped was a comforting hand on his shoulder, gently squeezing. When he went to drop it, he felt it being grabbed tightly, freezing him to the spot.
“It’s stupid, but I- I can’t not ask for help.”
“Help with what?”
Seungkwan let out a long sigh. “I-“ He paused, and Vernon stayed silent as he thought his words through. “You know how we always mess around, and I try and do your raps during concerts and fanmeets?”
Vernon nodded.
“Now that I’ve actually been given a rap, I suddenly can’t even get through it once without messing up.”
This time Vernon paused. He knew that the BooSeokSoon trio was releasing a song as a subunit, but he hadn’t heard about Seungkwan rapping. “You mean, you got given a rap and you didn’t tell me about it?”
“Uh, yes?”
Vernon was torn between being a little disappointed this information had been kept from him in the first place, considering how close the two of them were and being ecstatic for the older boy. After all, he’d always told Vernon how he’d always wanted to try rapping for an official song, though he had never believed it to be possible until now, it seemed.
He must have been quiet for too long because Seungkwan’s expression had turned a little frantic as he continued babbling on. “I-I mean, I wanted to tell you, but I also wanted to keep it as a surprise so-”
Vernon moved forwards, wrapping both arms around Seungkwan in what he hoped was a gentle hug, hands rubbing small circles into his back. “It’s fine, honestly.”
The tension quickly left Seungkwan’s shoulders as he melted into the taller boy’s touch, burying his face into the crook of Vernon’s neck. “Sorry, I should have told you earlier. I kept lashing out at you even though it wasn’t your fault.”
Vernon sighed. “I knew something was bothering you. I should’ve asked earlier since you’re not great at telling me yourself.” He leant back a little, hands moving to cup Seungkwan’s cheeks.
The shorter boy flushed, ears and cheeks dusted red as his eyes darted off to the side nervously, but he raised his hands, fingers slipping between Vernon’s as a shy smile tugged at his lips. “Still, I feel awful snapping at you.”
Vernon laughed. “I’ve gone through much worse. Remember when I brushed you off at a fansign and you refused to talk to me for three days straight?”
Seungkwan’s face burned brighter, burying his face even more, but the back of his now reddened neck was still fully visible. “I thought we had moved past that.” He murmured against Vernon’s neck, causing the younger boy to tense involuntarily at the sensation of his breath against his bare skin.
“O-obviously but,” He managed to gather himself slightly. “But that’s not the point. I’m used to your outbursts, so don’t fret so much.”
Seungkwan nodded, hands moving to Vernon’s shoulders. Then, out of nowhere, he tensed and stood up straight, any signs of being flustered dissipated as his head shot up, nearly knocking against Vernon’s chin, though he had moved out of the way just in time. “Vernon, can you help me?”
“Help you?”
Seungkwan nodded so fast that Vernon feared his head would fly from his shoulders. “I still can’t get the lyrics right, and you’re a rapper, so- so maybe you could help?”
Vernon nodded dumbly, unable to say no but also unable to form any coherent thoughts when his eyes were locked with Seungkwan’s, passion burning behind them that Vernon simply couldn’t resist.
Seungkwan grabbed his hand, dragging him out of his room and leading him down the stairs.
Vernon snapped out of his daze just in time to save himself from falling down three flights. “Where are we going? Shouldn’t we let Soonyoung know-”
Seungkwan shook his head, still speeding down. “The studio. Soonyoung will be fine without us.”
“Why the studio? We could just-”
Seungkwan faltered momentarily. “So we don’t get… Interrupted.”
Vernon went red at that, now mirroring Seungkwan’s embarrassed state, but it did not last long.
“Don’t get any dumb ideas! It’s just…” His grip tightened just a little, and Vernon could not help but squeeze back, hoping to calm him down just a little. He was extremely tense, and he wasn’t going to get much done if that remained the case for the duration of their practice. “I really don’t want to mess up.”
“You won’t.” Vernon tugged Seungkwan’s hand, pulling him to his side as they continued walking to the studio, allowing the younger to swing their hands between them with a broad grin adorning his features. “You’re just nervous. Once you get your confidence back, you’ll be fine.”
“You think so?” Seungkwan was a little more quiet than usual, but nerves tended to have that effect on him.
Vernon nodded. “Of course. It’s happened before, and you pulled through then… So why wouldn’t you do it this time too?” He turned to face Seungkwan who, despite the obvious hesitance, was slowly loosening up, his smile gradually becoming more and more genuine.
“Thanks.”
When they arrived at the studio, Vernon pushed open the door, holding it in place as Seungkwan followed, a quiet giggle leaving his lips when Vernon bowed, wiggling his eyebrows slightly.
It was strange being in the studio without the other members. There were no sounds in the background that would fill in the silence, the gaps accentuated by the lack of action around them. There was no scuffle of footwork against the polished floor, and no quiet grumbles from Jeonghan when Seungcheol tried to drag him back into practice after a short break that the younger man tried to prolong.
Everything suddenly felt more intimate between them, and Vernon could not help but feel increasingly more nervous, though he had no right to be. He was not the one with a deadline that crept ever closer with every minute that passed.
The studio itself was plain, a worn, beaten-down sofa that was long overdue for a replacement was pushed against the back wall, intense fluorescent lights glowed above them, one of the fixtures flickering every now and then, while the rest of the room was rather bare. There were some tables dotted around and a few cabinets for equipment but, with thirteen members, every inch of space was needed for group practices.
When they weren’t all there, it seemed far too empty.
Seungkwan opened one of the cabinets, procuring a wireless speaker before dropping it unceremoniously onto a table, ensuring it was charged before linking his phone through Bluetooth.
The song flowed from the speakers, filling the silence and the two of them visibly calmed a little. Seungkwan brought up the lyrics and skipped through the song, reciting the lyrics a little messily but Vernon got a vague idea of how it was meant to go after listening to the older boy show him a few times, obviously a little embarrassed at his mistakes.
“It’s not even that hard, but I just can’t seem to get the timing right.” Seungkwan was looking down at his feet, shuffling them nervously.
Vernon shook his head. “I can see why you’re finding it hard. You just have to get the hang of it.” It didn’t take long for the younger boy to start rambling about the more technical areas of the topic, things Seungkwan had almost undoubtedly already heard from someone else, whether it was a member or one of their coaches, but Seungkwan seemed to be clinging to every word, eyes never leaving Vernon’s face, making the rapper feel a little self-conscious.
“You got that?”
Seungkwan nodded enthusiastically, his eyes practically glittering in the lights of the studio. He looked starstruck, and Vernon wasn’t used to this level of scrutiny.
“O-okay, well, it goes like this right?” Vernon recited the rap in what he hoped was the correct way, and Seungkwan’s eyes widened in wonder when he was done.
“Wow, you got it on your first try.” He sighed, glancing over the lyrics and breaking eye contact for the first time since Vernon had started speaking. “You really are something else, huh…”
Vernon was unsure how to respond, shifting slightly in his seat. The two of them had settled down on the sofa together, Seungkwan’s hand brushing Vernon’s whenever he placed it between them in order to prop himself up. “Try it in sections, then slowly bring it all together.”
It was getting late, and the two of them had spent over an hour reciting the lyrics between them before Seungkwan could speak them in one go with no mistakes pretty confidently.
The real challenge started now, however. The choreography wasn’t too challenging compared to the ones they usually did as a group, but remembering how exactly to recite the lyrics while still focusing on his footwork would be the last challenge before he was ready.
Seungkwan could do the choreography flawlessly and Vernon, as usual, was enchanted. He gathered his focus when Seungkwan had to start attempting the rap, however, since he’d likely not appreciate his temporary tutor not being entirely focused. After all, their deadline was getting too close for comfort, and the two of them still needed to rest before their performance.
His first try wasn’t successful, but these things wouldn’t come entirely naturally since it was something Seungkwan was still unfamiliar with. The technique differed from singing and, though Seungkwan was trying his hardest, it would only come with continued practice.
Vernon continued giving him advice, encouraging the boy as he edged ever closer to the perfection he was aiming for. The sun had long since set, and it took over two hours for the older boy to get through the rap without a single mistake.
He’d been elated but refused to stop until he could do it again three times in a row. His frustrations were increasing, but so was the determination that burned brighter with every attempt, failed or otherwise.
He only stopped when he had got through the rap three times in a row with no mistakes, his legs wobbly from exhaustion as he sunk into tattered pillows, dragging Vernon down with him.
They were both far too tired to move, but if they didn’t, they’d end up risking sleeping in an awkward position and injuring themselves. Vernon tried getting up, but Seungkwan’s grip on his wrist was stronger than his will to return to the bed that awaited him upstairs, so he slumped back, adjusting the pillows and moving the two of them into a somewhat comfortable position that hopefully wouldn’t strain their bodies too much.
Seungkwan was wrapped tightly around Vernon and, though the two of them had been in this kind of position before, it felt different after what happened at the river.
Seungkwan lifted his head, eyes drooping as he gazed up at Vernon who, before that, had been unconsciously running his fingers through the dark strands of his hair, recently dyed for the subunit’s debut.
“Seungkwan?”
He hummed in response, tilting his head towards Vernon’s hand. The younger boy swallowed a little nervously, resuming his previous actions.
“You keep staring at me.” He felt Seungkwan grin, his cheek pressing against his shoulder as he shifted slightly, still looking up at Vernon with an unmasked expression of adoration painting his features.
“Am I not allowed to admire my boyfriend?”
Vernon’s mouth gaped at that and while Seungkwan tried to play off his words with a smug grin, he couldn’t hide the red creeping up his neck. “B-boyfriend?”
Seungkwan nodded, nudging Vernon’s hand when he halted again.
Vernon closed his mouth, grinning widely as he continued running his fingers through Seungkwan’s hair, smooth beneath his gentle touch. “Yeah, I guess you are.”
The two of them fell asleep like that and, though Soonyoung nearly threw a fit when he found them the next morning, they couldn’t bring themselves to care much when they felt as though they were floating on cloud nine, far above the scolding of one of their fellow members.
Luckily, the sofa hadn’t caused the pair of them much pain, at least, not anything that couldn’t be worked away by Seungkwan’s masterful fingers, pressing the knots out of Vernon’s muscles easily as the two of them shared small smiles, hearts fluttering when their eyes met before glancing away in a hurry.
If the other members noticed the change between them, they chose not to say anything.
After the BooSeokSoon finished their song, Vernon did not miss the bright grin directed at him as they cleared off the stage, his fingers were grasped by Seungkwan’s and he couldn’t look away from the raw joy that radiated off him in waves, his unfiltered grin returned without hesitance.
After the time poured into the endeavour, and the struggles that had come along with it, their victory had tasted even sweeter. It was as they said; you simply cannot experience the highs without the lows.