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i. sixteen
It starts with her voice.
Actually, Katsuki isn't quite sure how it all started, but the very first thing he remembers about her is her voice, how calm and elegant she sounded, beckoning everyone to listen to what she had to say. Her assessment about his and Deku's match directly pierced his ego when every mistake he made was pointed out without pause or uncertainty to him by her voice. It annoyed the shit out of him how right she was about everything.
'From here on out, I'm gonna be at the top' he told himself at the end of their class, new found determination burning in his chest at her words still ringing in his ears.
Katsuki ignores the friendly chatter emitting from the room the moment he opens the door. He ignores Shitty hairs attempts to say hello and dunce face's attempts to make fun of his loss a week ago with a glare and a soft "Fuck off". He sees her sitting at the very back of their row, all perfect poise with an air that demanded attention, she's talking to round face and earphone girl about something that's got her laughing, he ignores the feeling starting to form in his chest at the sound of her voice, he isn't sure what to make of this, all he knows is that it started happening after ponytail gave her fucking assessment about his match and it's been getting worse ever since.
She stops laughing when she sees him looking at her, he gulps at the fact that he's been caught staring but he doesn't look away, too proud to back down from their staring match. What he wasn't expecting was for her to smile at him and greet him with a short "Good morning Bakugou-san." Her friends seemed surprised about her greeting as well because they stopped talking to look at him. He ignores their stares of confusion and ponytails's smile and expectant eyes and begins to sit down, taking out his things to get ready for class, completely missing Uraraka's soft "What was that all about?" and Yaoyorozu's small frown.
The unnamed feeling starts its way from his chest down to his stomach, settling heavily even after Aizawa-sensei started their lesson, making it impossibly hard to ignore. No amount of sheer effort or focus about their new topic could remove the unease in his guts and all Katsuki could think off was "fuck, this is all ponytail's fault." The image of her smile, still fresh from his mind as he stares blankly at his unfinished notes.
'This needs to end, and fast.' He concludes, unable to think about anything else aside from her smile.
ii. seventeen
It's their second year at UA.
His reading his notes for an upcoming test tomorrow by the kitchen counter as he waits for the spicy curry he's cooking to heat up. Everyone's in their own room studying and it's the perfect opportunity for him to eat his dinner in peace. He's second in rank when it comes to academics, finally beating shitty glasses during their midterms and he's determined to place number one by the end of the school year.
He was about to turn the stove off when he hears footstep approaching the kitchen and looks up to see non other then their class's vice president and current number one for academics standing by the door. Katsuki sees the surprised look in her eyes before she was able to mask it with her smile upon seeing him there. "Hello Bakugou, I wasn't expecting to see you here." she says, making her way to him.
He ignores the sudden quickening of his heart beat and the clamminess of his hands when she got closer, he noticed her hair wasn't in its trademark ponytail as she makes to tuck a couple of strands to her ear, and Katsuki found himself unable to look away from the motion. She's looking at the pot boiling with curry at the stove and Katsuki almost forgot to turn it off 'shit' he thinks, as he quickly makes to turn the gas off while taking out a bowl full of rice for himself and adds a ladle full of the newly cooked curry. "Do you want some, ponytail?" the question came out as a surprise to both of them, but Momo was quick enough to answer yes before Katsuki could take back the offer.
Katsuki's quick to take another bowl and fill it with half the amount of rice and curry from his own, sure enough that the other won't be able to take the spiciness of the dish if she got the same amount as his. He gave her the bowl and she smiled at him in thanks. He stays silent and starts making his way to the table, ignoring the urge to return the smile.
Momo makes her way to sit at the chair next to him and they eat together in peace. Katsuki doesn't mind her staying since she rarely speaks up from her eating, only pausing a couple of times to tell him she likes the spiciness. Katsuki tries to tell himself that he doesn't care if she likes his cooking and makes his way to continue reviewing for the test while taking spoonfuls of curry. They finish their food in relative silence and Momo stays to help clean the dishes, they went their separate ways after putting the last plate away.
"Good night Bakugou, the curry was really good!" Momo tells him, eyes bright and smile deity-like. Katsuki turns his head away, afraid that he might turn to ash if he stared any longer. "Whatever" he replies, unable to say anything else, but that doesn't stop the other for smiling even brighter. That night Katsuki dreams of bright eyes and midnight black hair cascading like a never ever ending waterfall. He wakes up disoriented, his stomach filled with the same unnamed feeling that always seems to to resurface whenever it came to ponytail, leaving him unable to focus on anything else.
On the day of their test, he forgets the answer to the last question and had to submit the paper unfinished. He's frustrated once he remembers the answer only after the test was done. They got their test results back after a week, he's still second in rank, he hears their class cheering for the end of the term but he couldn't help but feel bitter for the result, and he also couldn't help but blame ponytail for all this yet again.
iii. eighteen
He hears his classmates talk about her and fucking half'n half lately.
It's been an ongoing debate within the class whether or not the two were a thing, ever since the two got paired of for the end of the term exam again the class has been more adamant about the whole thing. Bets were placed and a chart was marked with tallies to see who voted yes or no, Katsuki thought the whole idea was stupid and ignored his classmates attempts to get him to participate, he had better things to do than think about stupid ponytail and half'n half's relationship.
"I mean it's only obvious that the most popular girl in UA got together with the most popular boy, don't you think?"
"I saw them talking the other day after school, pretty sure Yaomomo has Todoroki eating at the palm of her hand."
"I'm pretty sure those two are a thing since second year."
"When we asked Momo if she liked anyone, she said-"
Katsuki made his way out the door, annoyed and thankful that he didn't have to hear the end of that sentence. Why was he so hung up about the thought of ponytail and fucking half'n half together? Why is he so pissed about it? Just the thought of the two feeling any sort of romantic attraction for each other made his blood boil and he couldn't help but let his body sink into the feeling of frustration, the unnamed feeling chose this time to present itself, his hold on Katsuki's chest tightening until he found himself unable to breathe properly, the feeling starts to morph into something else, this felt different than all the times he's ever felt this way, he realizes. This felt more brutal, more worrying, like a seed of something awful was planting its way to his chest to sprout a feeling much more deadly, this time Katsuki knew what this feeling was called, envy. But why, what of all things was he envious about?
His palms were starting to ache and he noticed that he's got them balled up to fists to stops himself from making out explosions, he curses under his breath, he really wants to blow something up badly, anything to keep the anger and frustration at bay. 'Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.' he thinks, he stops his mind from wondering any further and tries to tamper down the growing envy to let himself breathe, calming himself down as he waits until the urge for destruction leaves his entire body. His hands go lax and he suddenly remembers leaving his english text book by his desk from his hurry to leave the room.
Thankful that his managed to calm himself down without blowing something up, Katsuki makes his way back, hopeful that he doesn't bump into any of his classmates on the way.
He sees the door still open and was about to step inside when he heard someone still in the room. He makes to leave and just get the book back tomorrow but he recognized the voice belonging to fucking half'n half of all people and he's glued at the spot as he watches the scene unfold before him. "You're a dear friend and I'm sorry, but I cannot return your feelings." Katsuki hears him say in that monotonous voice of his, and then Katsuki sees her of all people to receive the rejection. She's still smiling despite the other's rejection of her confession and Katsuki can't help but think her smile was more so to keep herself from falling apart.
Todoroki leaves the room first, he ignores the death glare Katsuki was sending his way and continues on without looking back. Katsuki was about to yell something at him but stops himself when he hears her call out his name. "I'm sorry you had to hear that Bakugou. It's definitely embarrassing to get rejected." She tries to laugh it off, but Katsuki isn't buying it, "It's okay not to feel okay, ponytails." He tells her, mad that she would even try to hide the pain that was obviously evident in her voice. She was caught off guard by his answer, he could tell, but the next thing he hears are the first few sobs leaving her trembling lips and it's like a dam broke as he hears her cries of heartbreak reach the four corners of the empty room. He's still glues at his spot, unable to do anything as he watches her cry her heart out for her first love. This is even more painful to watch than the day he saw All Might fall because of him, Katsuki realizes as he felt his heart break at the sight.
He lets her cry until the tears stopped falling and her body stops shaking and he doesn't mention a word when she wipes the tears off her face and they both makes their way out of the school, they start to walk back to the dorm in relative silence, the english text book he came back to retrieve once again forgotten as he looks at the girl who's trying her to put herself back together. "I won't tell anyone about this." Katsuki starts, "It'll be fucking annoying if those extras found out about this." he sees the storm of emotions leave her eyes as it settles to look at his own. He sees her lips lift up, a genuine smile replacing her face and Katsuki can't help but wonder just how resilient ponytail could be. "Thank you Bakugou, I'm really-"
"Don't think I'm doing this for you, I just hate how fucking insufferable those extras will be if they knew" he cuts her off. He leaves her side when they reached the dorm, making his way first. He misses the grateful smile on her lips but he hears her say "Good night Bakugou." He doesn't reply, content to hear her calling his name.
Confusion hits him at the idea of feeling relieved at the thought that Todoroki doesn't feel the same way for her. He let's the thought stay at the very back of his mind, momentarily disturbed that he would ever feel a sense of ease at the fact that ponytail's confession was rejected.
That night, in the spur of the moment, he asks shitty hair if he ever fell in love and got his heart broken. The look of shock and confusion Kirishima sent his way was enough to make him want to punch his face, fuck his hardening quirk and all. But Kirishima was quick enough to recover from the initial shock and ask him back if he was the one in love. The question was enough to make him sock the other boy square in the face for asking such a stupid question.
He couldn't sleep and he blames Kirishima's stupid question for his sudden inability to fall asleep. What does it even mean to be in love anyway? Katsuki's been working his way to reach the top ever since he could remember and has no time for something so trivial like falling in love. Love is weakness, he thinks, it makes people forget logic and rationality in favor of pursuing something intangible, it makes Katsuki sick just thinking about it. He makes sure to look up the possible signs of someone who's in love just to prove to shitty hair tomorrow that he isn't, but what he found was something terrible.
10 articles and one definition of the word love in the Merriam-Webster dictionary later and Katsuki finds himself reading a short composition made by this famous poet that's got Katsuki reading the same lines over and over: You think falling in love is about holding on, but it isn't. It is about hands gripping the edge of the word and letting go, one finger at a time. Take a deep breathㅡ here comes the drop. I know it's your first time here, but soon you will get used to the motion; the headlong dive into the deep. Just go with it. You only get one chance to fall in love with your heart still whole.
In all of Katsuki's eighteen years in life, he's only ever been scared a handful of times: when he accidentally broke the old hag's favorite mug while he was practicing his quirk at age five, the slug villain incident, when the league of villains took him captive, and finally, the fall of All Might. But reading the articles and finally putting a name to the feeling he's been dealing with whenever ponytail was involved shook him to his very core.
He is in love, the realization hit him like a low blow to his gut, unexpected and painful. He is in love with Yaoyorozu Momo.
You only get one chance to fall in love with your heart still whole. He repeats this line in his head and thinks about how painful Momo's cries of heartbreak sounded from Todoroki's rejection and couldn't help but imagine his own heart breaking, would he be able to handle such a thing?
He stops himself at that point and swore to himself that this feeling would never be known to anyone, especially not Yaoyorozu Momo.
--
It's one week before their graduation and the whole class is already preparing for the ceremony.
Momo surprises everyone by showing up with her hair chopped down to her shoulders, her signature ponytail gone, the girls cheer and the boys swoon at the sight. Katsuki looks away, unable to still his racing heart. He hears one of the girls ask her for the sudden change and Momo replies with a smile and a short "I needed a change."
Katsuki couldn't help by smile, she really was something else.
Graduation ended and Katsuki was ready to take on the world one step at a time. He's sure that he would push himself beyond his limit, fighting tooth and nail until he was bleeding and standing at the very top. He's in their old room, basking in the silence and the weigh of stepping foot out of the room. He's trying to remember this image in his mind before he finally has to leave this all behind.
"Hello Bakugou, I wasn't expecting to see you here." a familiar voice echos in the otherwise empty room, he hears her smile before he even opens his eyes. Crimson eyes meets gray and Katsuki is left breathless.
"I was about to leave, I'll see you around ponytail." he makes his way to to the door but the an idea fills his mind and made him pause.
You only get one chance to fall in love with your heart still whole.
Katsuki Bakugou is many things: he's loud, brash, and brutal. He stares at fear with a smile on his face and embraces danger as if it were his friend. He has also been in love with Momo Yaoyorozu for three year and counting and he is also going to bare his heart out to her at this very moment, risking the chance of heart break and all, because he's only got one chance to fall in love with his heart still whole and he is willing to risk it all for her.
iv twenty-two
Katsuki Bakugou is sixteen years old when he falls hopelessly is in love with Momo Yaoyorozu.
Katsuki Bakugou is eighteen years old when he confessed his heart out to Momo Yaoyorozu.
Katsuki Bakugou is twenty-two years old when he is standing on top of the world with Momo Yaoyorozu.