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It's peaceful in Hiroshima Kureminami's bicycle club when Higashimura approaches, rolling his bicycle foward beside him on his way to the building just outside of campus. It's been about half an hour since practise ended, and some of the last club members are heading out, greeting him with jovial laughter and hearty "see you tomorrow"s upon spotting him.
He's glad that he can't see Niwazuma, his senior, among them, and Higashimura hopes that means he's still inside, on his own, cleaning the place and making sure the equipment is still in good condition. That way there'll be no eavesdroppers when he...
He's not sure when he'd first noticed that whenever the third year was around, his cheeks would glow warm, and his heart would start beating a little quicker, his hands becoming a little clam from sweat he could only attribute to anxiety back then—but one day, these feelings were there, consuming him to the core of his being, interrupting his functioning. And ever since then, Higashimura has kept quiet about them.
Until now, he’s not going to stay quiet any longer. He can't keep it a secret anymore, not when he's about ready to combust.
So, he's going to confess. To Niwazuma, to tell him what he thinks of him.
When he peers inside, he can indeed see the taller guy absentmindedly messing with the equipment, and in an instant, his body reacts, stronger than before.
Oh God. Higashimura can feel his heart thumping inside his chest like mad, beating heavily against his ribcage like a war drum, and for a moment he's afraid his senior can hear it, because he's so close now... closer than ever before, with Urakubo not around. He reassures himself that, no, unless he puts his ear against his chest—which, somewhere, he furiously wishes he would—Niwazuma won't be able to hear it.
"Niwazuma-san?"
It seems like he caught him off guard, because it takes Niwazuma a few seconds to notice that he's being called, and he turns around blinking bewilderedly. It'd have been endearing, had it not been for the reason why he's been so out of it lately; he recalls his senior’s pained face when announcing Urakubo’s retirement from the bicycle club, and feeling bad for him.
"Yes?" Niwazuma finally replies, his voice raising a little bit.
Oh no. Now he's done it. Now he has to... or not...
No. Now is Higashimura's only chance. It's the perfect timing! Inter-High is over, Urakubo is away from cycling club, the clubroom is empty…
"Could I... talk to you for a moment?"
With a confused face, Niwazuma nods and sits down on the bench near the lockers, tapping the space beside him in an invitation for Higashimura to do the same, and so he does, swallowing audibly.
Ugh... his stomach is raging, and he really, really wants to chicken out, flee, hide away, but he knows that this feeling is going to continue to dominate his thoughts, his actions, meddle with his schoolwork and his cycling prestations... all things Higashimura cannot use.
"Uhm..."
The way senpai looks at him makes him want to scream. His eyes are so... invasive, as though he's looking through him right now, with that questioning, expecting expression. Why is this so difficult? It's just one sentence. One!
I like you.
Higashimura clears his throat and swallows once more. It's now or never.
"Niwazuma-san, for a while I've been..." That's... that's a terrible start; good game, Sondai... "I've really..."
The way the other laughs, in such a hearty manner, makes his heart sink a little. When he hears a soft take your time beside him, however, it's as though something snaps within him.
"Niwazuma-san, I like you."
It’s out before he can stop himself—and then it's quiet.
Higashimura doesn't dare look up, terrified of whatever expression it is that his senior is making at him.
"I... I like you too, Higashimura. You're my teamm—"
"N-No, no, n…” the younger cyclist objects, not even letting the other finish his sentence. “Not... not like that.”
With a deep breath, he takes a little bit before he lets his intimate thoughts roll off his tongue. “I like you, Niwazuma-san."
He can hear Niwazuma shift uncomfortably next to him, instead of responding, and out of the corner of his eye, Higashimura sees his arm rising, toward the crook of his neck. An apologetic act.
Oh no.
"Eh... Jeez, that's... quite the bombshell you just dropped there," he laughs once more, a lot less genuine, this time; it's a forced laugh, an uncomfortable one. Double oh no...
"Listen."
Higashimura's listening, alright, even though he knows what's coming—even though he doesn't like what is coming.
"You're a great friend..."
Of course he is. He's his junior, so he's expected to be ready when they call upon him, assist wherever possible...
"I really appreciate your cycling skills and presence within the team..."
Like any senior would... to feel any other way about your kōhai would be bad sportsmanship, wouldn’t it?
"...But I don't feel the same way. Right now I'm not really available for anything, either... y'know, because of the situation with Yuusaku, and all that..."
...Yeah.
Higashimura can only nod in response, any words that he might've wanted to say disappearing like snow exposed to harsh sunlight.
The silence is uncomfortable, so quiet that he can hear the clock on the wall ticking from what feels like miles and miles away.
They sit like that for a little while, until Niwazuma raises from his spot on the bench, grabs his sportsbag, and lifts it over his shoulder.
"Well, then, I'll be going home," he says, an apologetic tone in his voice, as though he feels bad for having to reject Higashimura. "Take care of yourself."
"Yessir..." Higashimura responds, his voice weak as he stares at his knees. He can feel the worried look being cast his way burning into him, and he can hear his senpai's footsteps echo and die out as he exits the building, the door falling in place behind him.
He sighs when he's certain Niwazuma can't hear him anymore.