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It’s getting bad. Not that Jason will admit it.
It’s dumb, really. He knows his family and his friends and his boyfriend are safe, his dads are on their honeymoon, his other dad and his brothers are in Gotham, Peter’s in Queens, and Kyle is, well. Kyle went to visit Hal for a couple days. Jason wouldn’t exactly class that as safe, but he’s fine enough.
So why does he see them all bleeding out and dying beneath the Joker every time he closes his damn eyes.
He even knows that the Jokers back in Arkham for crying out loud, Dick grabbed him a week after the wedding, even broke the clown’s jaw for good measure.
But that knowledge doesn’t stop the nightmares. It never does.
Sure, Jason is familiar with nightmares, way too familiar for his liking, but since moving to Brooklyn and starting his new life, they’d died down a little. He still got the occasional screaming fit and sometimes he woke up drenched in sweat and too afraid to close his eyes, but it wasn’t regular. He could still get a good night's sleep.
Now, Jason can’t remember the last time he had a full night.
Even after a night of patrol, a night with Kyle, or even after one of Steve’s intense workout sessions, he can’t do it. It’s like a movie that starts playing every time he closes his eyes and nobody can stop it.
Before Bucky got taken, the nightmares involving the Joker were usually just bad memories of their time together. Jason could feel the crowbar breaking his skin, could hear that timer ticking down to his inevitable demise. They were vivid and jarring, but it was only ever him who got hurt.
This time though, it’s everybody else.
Bucky’s the usual suspect, the image of his head lolling as he sat tied to the chair with Joker lurking behind him has made itself right at home in Jason’s head, broadcasting itself across his eyelids every few nights. Except this time Jason’s too late in stopping the Joker from plunging his knife into Bucky. Jason is frozen, glued to his front row seat of watching his family get murdered by the only thing that’s ever scared him.
Other nights it’s Kyle, with the Joker standing over him wielding a bloody knife, or other nights it’s Steve crumpled on the ground, his shield cracked and bloody, the Joker laughing maniacally in the background. Peters been there too, his eyes glassy and empty, Dick as well, charming grin falling off his lips as blood seeps out them. Tim and Damian have been there, both in tattered Robin costumes, both with Joker swinging a bloody crowbar above them.
Even Bruce has been there. Broken and beaten, Joker laughing uncontrollably and taunting Jason with a shredded cowl.
It is getting real bad, and Jason doesn’t like sleeping anymore.
Sometimes Kyle’s there next to him, ready to shake Jason awake once the screaming starts, and Bucky and Steve are always there to greet him at the kitchen table with sleepy smiles and comforting glances.
Still, these nightmares set Jason on edge more than anything. They’re so real, so vivid that he wakes up and thinks it’s all real. Which means at stupid o’clock in the morning he’s waking whichever unfortunate soul he witnessed meet their end at the hands of a madman and begging them to promise Jason that they’re alive.
Obviously, with Bucky, Steve and Kyle all usually being so close it’s not too big a deal. With Peter it’s not so bad either because he’s fifteen years old, and fifteen year olds don’t need sleep it appears.
His brothers and Bruce though are a different story. If Jason’s lucky he’ll catch them coming back from patrol and can pass his frantic phone calls off as a quick catch up. He figures there’s no real need to tell them what’s going on, What with them being a hundred miles away. He knows Dick would freak, Damian would tut and Tim would try and help, and when Jason’s just woken up from these nightmares, he’s not really in the mood for any of that. He doesn’t like bothering Bruce either, doesn’t want Bruce seeing it as an invitation to bust their door down again. So that means a quick call to Alfred can usually suffice if he’s too late to catch them after patrol. Alfred is good about it, checks everybody is still alive for Jason then promises to keep the night’s call to himself.
Jason has a system. A system that he could probably get rid of if he actually tried to get help about this, but that’s on the back burner for now. Steve and Bucky have mentioned a therapist a couple of times, but Jason figures his life is a little too complicated to spill out over an hour each week. Kyle says he’s always happy to listen, but Kyle doesn’t need Jason’s shit, no matter how much he promises that he wants it. No, Jason can handle it himself. He’ll be fine. Besides, they’ll probably go away on their own, like, it’s only been a month since he found Bucky in that warehouse, he’s allowed to be freaked right now.
The thing tonight though is, he’s on his own. And that’s a little terrifying.
It’s dumb, Jason has lived a good portion of his life alone, hell he lived alone on the streets when he was nine years old, he’s never had time to be afraid of the dark. And he’s not afraid or anything, it’s just, it’s a little easier when he’s got someone next to him.
It was kind of bad tonight. Okay, it was a little horrific and Jason thinks he’s going to be reliving this one for a couple of nights. This time it wasn’t one person, it was all of his brothers, and Bruce. It was kind of really absolutely horrifying, now that he’s reflecting on it as tears stream down his face and sweat pours off of him.
There was— there was just so much blood. And, and it was so damn quiet, all he could hear was Joker’s own wet breathing as his face stretched into that maniacal grin. He didn’t even taunt Jason, just let him to stare down at what was once his family.
Suddenly everything feels so suffocating to Jason and he needs to get up. He throws his blankets across the room and jumps to his feet, reaching blindly for his phone. It’s not where it should be and he panics, frantically searching for the light switch to chase away the swallowing darkness. He smashes his knee off his dresser in his search, but that’s the least of his worries when he finally gets the lights on, the dull yellow flickering to life way too slow for Jason’s liking. He spots his phone half under his bed and dives for it, unlocking and stabbing at his contact with shaking fingers.
He doesn’t even realise until it’s ringing that he hit the manor’s number, not Alfred’s.
Before he can get the chance to hang up though, there’s a click.
“Hello?” It’s not Alfred.
It’s 5AM, patrol is over, was over two hours ago. Everyone should be asleep. The answer was too quick for Alfred to wake up then pick up the phone. No, it would have been answered by somebody sitting right next to it, somebody awake at 5AM.
“Bruce?” Jason hates the way his voice shakes.
“Jason? What’s wrong?”
Jason lets out a shaky breath, he knows Bruce is alive, that’s one down.
“Where is everyone?”
“What?”
“Where are they? Dick, Tim, Damian?”
“Jason why—”
“Can you just tell me.”
“Okay, okay. Uh, Damian is asleep in his room, Tim too. Dicks in Bludhaven.”
“Fuck. When was the last time you saw them all?”
“About two hours ago when we came back from patrol, can you please—”
“Will you check on Tim and Damian? Please?”
There’s a pause on the other side, all Jason can hear is his own heavy breathing. He’s scared Bruce will think he’s being dumb and hang up. This is dumb, Jason agrees. But he has to know.
“Okay, I’ll go check. Give me two seconds.”
“Don’t go.” Jason hates how small he sounds, like a child asking for comfort. He thinks the last time he spoke to Bruce after a nightmare actually was when he was a child.
“I’m not going anywhere Jay. I need you to breathe for me though, can you do that?”
“I am breathing.” It doesn’t feel like it. His chest is tight, like somebody has big fist wrapped around him.
“Take it slow, in and out. C’mon do it with me.”
“I— I’m not a child.”
“Course you’re not. You’re twenty two.”
“Have you checked?”
“I’m at Damian’s room now, give me a second.” There’s the sound of a door gently creaking open, and Bruce lets out a little sigh.
“He’s all good, got his pets surrounding him.”
“And Tim?”
“Two minutes bud. Are you on your own?”
“Yeah.”
“Where’s Kyle?”
“I don’t know, is Tim okay?”
There’s the sound of a door creaking again.
“Yeah, asleep at his desk.”
“He’s okay?”
“Just fine.”
“What about Dick?”
“Dicks at his own home. I can check his tracker if you want?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, I need to go back to the cave to do that. Will you tell me what’s wrong?”
“I just,” Jason scrapes his hand across his face, wiping away stray tears. “I need to know you guys are alive.”
“Alright. I’ll call Dick then.”
“He’ll freak out,”
“I’ll tell him I need to double check something about patrol tonight, okay? Don’t worry about it. Just keep breathing for me.”
“I told you I am breathing.”
“I know, I’m just checking.”
“You’re s—such a dad.” The joke would sound a little funnier if Jason didn’t hiccup.
Bruce still laughs though, and Jason’s heart doesn’t feel like it’s about to bust right out his chest anymore.
“I’m going to talk to Dick now, you want to listen in?”
“Okay.”
“Hey chum, did I wake you?” Jason can’t hear Dick’s words, but he hears him crackle through. “Sorry, just needed to double check you got the black mask evidence. You did? Good job. Sorry to wake you, I’m just wrapping up the case. Okay. Okay.”
Jason hears Bruce end the call and he lets out the breath he’d been holding since he woke up.
“All good?”
“Yeah,” he breathes. “Thanks B.”
“It’s fine. You want to talk about it?”
“Not really.”
“You sure?”
Jason sighs.
“It’s— it’s nothing. It’s stupid.”
“You know you used to tell me that when you were nine.”
“That’s because it was stupid then too.”
“I didn’t think so.”
There’s a beat of silence between them and Jason’s stomach swirls.
“It’s not the same anymore.” He admits after a moment. “It used to be stupid shit, now it’s, like, I don’t know. I’m not scared or anything.”
“You said that too when you were nine.”
“Shut up. I don’t know why I’m like this now, I’ve seen him before and it didn’t ruin everything.”
That’s a little bit of a lie, but Jason isn’t going to admit that out loud.
“I can deal with it. I figured it out.”
“I tell myself that too.”
“It’s different.”
“How?”
“Because you—” Jason isn’t quite sure how to finish that.
“I see bad things happening too Jason. To Damian, Tim, Dick, Alfred, my parents. You. When you’re in this line of work it comes up a lot.”
That strikes Jason somewhere deep inside. He never figured that Bruce got nightmares. Sure, it makes sense, of course it does, but he’s Batman. Batman doesn’t get scared, right?
“How do— how do you fix it?”
Bruce chuckles.
“It’s five am and I answered your call on the first ring, you don’t fix it.”
“That’s inspiring.”
“You know I don’t like lying to you.”
“No, but you don’t like telling me the truth either.” Maybe Jason is still a little bitter. Maybe he’s too tired for this.
“I’m sorry.” Bruce sighs. “I wanted to put a stop to Joker before you had to think about him.”
“Okay.”
“I do the same as you by the way, I have to make sure you’re all alive.”
Jason perches on his bed and huffs a laugh.
“No you don’t, you’ve got, like, cameras or something, watching us at all times. You’re too paranoid.”
“Yeah, I wonder why.”
“So you do have cameras?”
“I’m not that bad.” Bruce laughs, but Jason doesn’t quite believe him. “Besides, I think Bucky would kill me if I bugged his home.”
“He would. He’s always looking for an excuse to kill you though.”
“I don’t blame him. I thought I was a goner the first time I had to call to make sure you were still alive.”
That catches Jason off guard.
“You what?”
“I did the exact same as you. I knew you wouldn’t answer your cell so I had to call the landline.”
Jason laughs at that.
“Bucky answered and swore at me when I asked him to check on you.”
“Did he do it?”
“Yes. Then he swore at me again. It was just after we started talking again.”
“You kind of deserved it then. Y’know, Bucky’s rage.”
“Yeah, that’s true Jason.”
The silence makes a comeback there and Jason chews his lip.
“Are you going to go back to sleep?” Bruce asks suddenly.
“Nah.” Jason shakes his head. “No point now, the sun will be up soon.”
“You could come visit if you want. If you’re alone.”
“You want me to come visit?”
“Yes. You could check on your brothers yourself tomorrow night as well if need be.”
“It might be someone else tomorrow night.”
“Then you can take the jet to wherever you need to go.”
“You’d let me fly the jet?”
“I can take you in the jet to wherever you need to go.” Bruce corrects himself and Jason barks a laugh.
“That’s what I thought B. But sure, I’ll come visit. I’ll be there by breakfast.”
“I look forward to it.”
“Get some sleep old man, don’t wait up for me.”
“You sound more and more like Alfred everyday.”
“He has that effect on people. Okay, let me get my keys. You go to bed, I’ll see you in a couple hours.”
“Drive safe Jay.”
“I always do.”
“You don’t, but I’ll give you the benefit of doubt.”
“Screw you old man.”
Bruce laughs again and Jason doesn’t wait for another response before hanging up. He knows Bruce would stay on the line forever if he could, but Jason’s got a hundred miles to drive before Alfred starts making breakfast.