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How Not To Be Fucked
Don't be late. Don't forgo a shower in a vain attempt to be on time. Don't forget your tie. Don't stop for coffee. Don't miss your train. Do not call a cab instead.
Don't try to be on time when you are already late. For fuck's sake, do not run. Don't trip into the boss's son. Don't spill your coffee all over him. Do not apologize profusely. Don't tell him you are there for an interview. Don't let him sneer and point you towards the exit. Don't call him a prat even though he is one. Don't admit to yourself or anybody else that he is hot.
Don't go through with the interview anyway. Don't tell the boss that “some prat” is the reason you're late. Don't attempt to backpedal when you realize the boss is The Prat's father. Don't look apologetic. Do not try to salvage the situation. Don't hope that you might still get the job.
Don't call a week later to see if they're still considering you. Don't call five times. Don't tell The Prat where to put his attitude when he answers the third time instead of the boss. Do not pull out all of your uni credentials to lord in his face.
Don't be excited when they eventually offer you the job. Don't forget to read your job description. Do not accept the job.
Don't expect to avoid The Prat. Don't rearrange your cubicle to avoid his judging eyes. Don't be determined to prove yourself. Don't make allies against him. Do not secretly sigh about him over sandwiches with Elena and Gwen.
Don't be pleasant when The Prat shows up unannounced. Don't be confused at the list of errands. Don't have a staring match over your desk. Don't lose. Do not run his errands and get his dry cleaning anyway. Don't return in a timely fashion. Do not be bullied into doing it again.
Do not keep grumbling about His Pratliness. Don't complain so loudly. Actually, don't complain at all. Don't blush when he catches you. Don't even pretend that he's heard you wrong because he most certainly has not. Do not enjoy his annoyance.
Don't act like The Prat doesn't make going to work miserable. Don't keep running his errands. Don't put up with his taunts and insults. Don't wish there was a nice personality under that pretty face. Don't allow Gwen to convince you to stay.
Don't wait six months to put your foot down. Don't pretend your job description includes getting The Prat coffee. Don't be defiant. Don't purposefully order the wrong thing. Don't give him black coffee when he sends you back for the right order (even if it's a bloody blizzard outside). Don't stop at the fancy pen shop on your way back. Don't buy ink. Don't pour it in his coffee. Don't fail to hide your smug laugh when you deliver it. Do not snort when he looks at you as if you are an idiot. Don't hide in Elena's cubicle for the rest of the day. Don't laugh when you hear his furious cursing from across the office. Do not be amused when his teeth are stained back for the next three weeks.
Don't let it start a war. Don't retaliate when your roller chair falls apart under you. Definitely don't recruit Gavin to help you. Don't cover everything in The Prat's office with tin foil. Don't prop your feet on the table in the break room and eat the Jell-O that surrounds your stapler the next morning. Don't set his computer to shut down every time he tries to open his e-mail. Don't smirk every time you catch him swearing about it. Do not enjoy this game. Do not be flattered that it continues until Halloween.
Don't forget your phone in your cubicle. Don't come in after the building is closed to retrieve it. Don't eavesdrop when you hear yelling. Don't witness the boss telling The Prat that he's a huge disappointment, no matter “your preference, this is your job,” and that “Gavin, you're fired.” Don't get caught as Gavin rushes out of the office, hair mussed and shirt untucked. Don't stand there like a deer in the headlights when The Prat storms after him. Don't stare at each other. Don't ask if he's okay. Don't be crushed hurt when he brushes you off. Don't be furious on his behalf.
Do not, in a fit of pique, make it clear that you prefer men come Monday morning. Don't get the whole office to put up rainbow-pattered posters. Try not to glare when the boss glowers at you.
Don't be worried, about The Prat. Don't get him coffee without being asked every day for the next week. Don't accidentally call him by name. Don't share a tentative smile across the break room. Don't not be offended when he makes a stupid comment about your overly-large ears in the next second. Don't secretly relish his touch when he squeezes your shoulder.
Don't have more pleasant interactions with him than unpleasant ones. Don't look forward to seeing him. Don't forget that he is off-limits,
no matter how lovely his smile is, or how often he touches you
.
Don't go to the office Christmas party. Don't dress up. Don't wear red. Don't drink
too much
. Don't preen when he says you look nice. Don't let him buy you a
nother
drink. Don't let him talk. Don't tell him his father is an idiot. Don't tell him he's bloody
aces
at what he does, or that it is perfectly okay to love whomever he wants. Do not think he's beautiful. Do not accidentally tel l him so.
Do not let him kiss you. Do not like it. Do not
want to
do it again.
Don't be late. Don't forgo a shower in a vain attempt to be on time. Don't accidentally wear his tie to work. Don't blush when Gwen and Elena raise eyebrows at your borrowed attire. Don't be mortified when, in front of everyone, he asks you “your place next time, or mine?”