Chapter Text
mark is having a bad day.
his job isn’t easy, sure, but he’s used to it. he knows how to make the best of his time even when he’s reached a point beyond exhaustion, when he manages to twist a wince of pain into a smile. a small price he has to pay to be able to live out his dreams.
but today? it fucking sucks all around. he missed his alarm, barely had anything to eat, and now he’s backstage preparing for the second performance of the day, at some festival that he doesn’t even remember the name of. they all start to blend together eventually. after this they have to rush back to the company for an important meeting.
for now he would love to have a little bit of peace in the midst of the craziness happening around him. combine his nine teammates with all their staff and you have an army of people pouring in and out of the waiting room. he closes his eyes and exhales, but the sound of bullets next to him is grating and impossible to ignore.
“haechan-ah, can you put on your headphones? the noise is giving me a headache.”
donghyuck doesn’t look up from the game he’s playing on his phone. he hasn’t looked him in the eyes for days now. “you didn’t mind taeil hyung blasting his music in the van earlier.”
“a frank ocean song is not comparable to you shooting up people,” mark snaps back.
“stop making excuses and just admit that you’re just annoyed because it’s me .” he turns up the volume.
his words cut through mark like a razor, because there might be some truth to them. mark isn’t an easily irritable person, but right now the noise coming from donghyuck’s phone is the most annoying thing he’s ever heard in his life.
“guys,” doyoung says with a threatening edge in his voice. one word from him is enough to nip their argument in its bud, a skill he gained from years of practice as their mediator.
you can fight it out all you want when we’re alone, he lectured them before. just dont bring your petty bullshit to our schedules.
but it’s not easy.
it’s hard for him to admit right now, but he doesn’t hate donghyuck. how could someone outright hate their own best friend? they’re just fighting . again. and to make it worse, this is one of those fights that had escalated enough for them to stop speaking to each other, save for a few snappy exchanges.
he thought that they’d grown out of it by the time donghyuck became an adult, but they’re still here, over five years into their relationship, at each other’s throat like they’re still thirteen and twelve.
mark looks at doyoung, pleading with his eyes to do something about it, but doyoung ignores him. he’s refusing to interfere beyond deescalating their fights this time because, as he put it, they’re not little kids in need of adult supervision anymore.
maybe he isn’t, but donghyuck sure is acting like a baby right now. he’s overreacting and making mark seem like an asshole who’s out to get him just because he asked him to let him rest for five fucking seconds.
a stage manager drops by their room and motions for them to get ready. mark sighs. it’s shaping up to be another two hour sleep day for him. he shakes his head and blinks the tiredness of his eyes. clears his throat. puts on a smile.
donghyuck makes sure he sits as far away from mark as possible on the way home. mark thinks of it as an act of courtesy rather than pettiness.
they arrive at the company building at ten on the dot. they should start around thirty minutes from now.
mark lights up when he sees yukhei in the practice room. “xuxi!”
“mark!” yukhei runs up to him and envelopes him in a big bear hug. he smiles as he buries his face into his chest. donghyuck scoffs behind them. he and yukhei have never been particularly close.
it’s been a while since they’ve seen each other, a whole month actually. he and the others have been in china for a good chunk of the year, and their time away from home (or what mark considers home) seems to extend with every trip. mark wonders if he’ll stop seeing them altogether eventually. he looks over at renjun and chenle, sitting in the back and laughing at something that jeno said, and the thought feels unbearable.
“how have you been?” he asks as if he hasn’t been keeping up with their schedule and messaging them daily.
yukhei thinks for a second, and then bites his bottom lip. “it’s been really, really great.”
he doesn’t know what to make of that response. “alright buddy,” he replies, patting his arm.
despite how tired he, donghyuck, and his hyungs are, the atmosphere in the room is bright as everyone exchanges hugs and how are you s. chenle and renjun’s go-to way of saying hello is choking him and pinching his cheeks simultaneously, all while kun gets caught up in the middle of an argument that instantly breaks between ten and doyoung.
they’re an absolute mess. that’s the nct he knows and loves.
mark isn’t sure of what to expect today. his manager vaguely said that they’re going to discuss their full group album, but couldn’t provide any more details. they’ve all been asked to give more input into the songs and concepts for each unit, and he was excited about creating something that really represented all their personalities. still, the final product was always determined by the higher ups in the end.
“hey guys,” taeyong yells. “can we all settle down now?”
donghyuck grabs jeno’s hand and sits with him in a corner, and mark watches them with the corner of his eye before plopping down between yuta and sicheng on the couch that’s on the opposite side.
the production team files in and face the members. “i’m sure you’re all tired and dying to go home and get some rest, so let’s keep this brief,” their manager says.
“we’ve taken everything that you guys said into consideration,” one of the producers tells them. “and the tracklist has mostly been finalized, but we’ve decided on a last minute addition.”
scandalized whispers break out from every corner, interrupting the announcement. taeyong clears his throat, and they fall silent again.
“a new nct u track featuring mark,” he continues, looking down at the notepad in his hand. “and haechan.”
silence.
chenle raises his hand. “and who else?”
the producer shoots him a confused look. “it’s a duet. the title is shine together,” he adds quickly before the room breaks into chaos once again. the members are all dead quiet though.
did mark fall asleep on the van and slip into his worst nightmare? he wants to check for donghyuck’s reaction, but quickly realizes that he doesn’t want to know what he thinks, or what anyone else does for that matter.
if everyone else heard it, then that makes it real.
“we’ve been thinking about it for a long time, and we think that the song is an essential addition to the album. it’s an r&b ballad, the type that does great on the charts these days.”
“we thought of releasing it as a digital single with a female vocalist, but haechan’s voice matched the track more,” another person on the team adds.
so he stares at his feet, ignoring the reassuring pat on the shoulder that yuta gives him, as the producer tells them that the details will be discussed tomorrow afternoon before leaving as swiftly as he came in.
not that song, anything but that song.
nobody talks to him after the announcement. what could be said, really? enjoy the next two awkward months with the person you want to choke with your bare hands?
donghyuck storms off first, his expression is unreadable but the way he stomps his feet makes a clear statement about how annoyed he is. he’s always like this, never sparing everyone around him from knowing exactly how he feels. the rest of the 127 members exchange awkward looks before bidding the others goodnight and trailing behind him.
yukhei points at his phone. text me later . mark nods and waves to him weakly.
he spends the entire ride home wondering how he’s going to get through these album promotions. he thinks that he’s going to burst, because the person he’d normally talk to about these things hates his guts right now.
“alright,” doyoung says, sitting cross legged as mark changes into a sweatshirt. “are you going to say what’s on your mind or do i have to nag you into telling me?”
“i thought you weren’t meddling in our childish arguments?” mark replies, still a little bitter that he betrayed him back in the waiting room. he climbs into bed and unlocks his phone. three messages from yukhei.
“that’s not it, there is something else that’s bothering you.”
living with people who know you inside and out can be hell sometimes. mark doesn’t budge though. “besides the fact that i just got put in the last unit i want to be in right now? nah, i’m just exhausted from today’s schedules.”
doyoung sighs. “you know what? fine, don’t tell me. i’m just worried about you, mark. you can’t just bottle things up until you explode. it’s really unhealthy.”
he feels bad, but he really can’t let him in on his little secret. he’s scared and embarrassed and most of all, nothing good will come out of someone else knowing about it. it’s better if he could get through it as quickly and quietly and possible. and then he could go back to pretending that that time when he was fifteen and fucking stupid just never happened.
and mark lee can get through anything, he’s confident of that much at least.
“when you’re ready to share your burden, the others and i are here to listen.”
“goodnight, hyung.”
“shine together is mark’s song,” their producer tells them at the meeting the next day. “honestly, i thought you would be more ecstatic about it getting selected for the album.”
donghyuck turns to him, surprised. their eyes meet, and the pace of mark’s heart quickens. “you never told me this.”
“i didn’t know we were talking.” the words escape mark’s mouth before he could stop them. he regrets it immediately, because the atmosphere turns awkward in an instant.
doyoung hyung would kill him if he was present in this meeting. unfortunately for him though, he’s the oldest nct member in the room and the one who should be maintaining order.
“what? are you guys fighting or something?” he exclaims. their manager buries his face in his hands, probably wondering what crime he committed in his past life to become in charge of those two.
mark and donghyuck exchange looks and nod before they turn to the producer at the same time. “no, not at all!” they say at the same time. donghyuck throws an arm around mark’s shoulder, and mark leans into it awkwardly.
the man laughs. “i got really worried for a second there. i’m too used to you two getting along really well.”
“i-i’m really thankful for this opportunity,” mark continues timidly. he didn’t even for a second think of it that way. his brain was too warped about the song and donghyuck and how he personally felt about it.
“i’m surprised that you didn’t submit this song for consideration before. it’s some of your best work.”
“may i ask who did, then?” donghyuck asks before mark could. he’s smiling but the irritation is clear in his eyes.
“it was johnny, he’s the one you should be thanking right now, not me.”
more like the person he wants to murder right now.
“since when did you keep secrets from me?” donghyuck hisses at him as they step out of the conference room.
“what secrets? it’s just one fucking song,” he replies. he doesn’t want to have this conversation right now. or ever.
“i’ve read and listened to everything you’ve written since you entered sm, hyung,” donghyuck says. “and now i hear about this shine whatever? which is apparently so good that it gets chosen as a single?”
they don’t notice three shinee members narrowly walking past them. “you’re making a big deal out of nothing. so what if you don’t know every single song that i’ve shitted out? i didn’t even remember that it existed until last night.” at least that last part was true.
“oh, yeah, sure i’m the one who is being dramatic for no reason, again . it’s not you who’s blatantly lying to my fucking face.” he storms off.
mark wonders if keeping secrets is worth all the drama, but then decides that donghyuck would have found something to get mad about regardless. this doesn’t really change anything.
the rest of the day goes by in a blur of meetings and recording sessions, and the only thing on mark’s mind is donghyuck’s scathing words playing on repeat. it isn’t fair. he shouldn’t be the one taking in all the blame for a decision that was out of his control. for revealing something that he wanted to keep buried deep in the past.
he tells himself that he can get through it, but their exchange left his chest aching with an anxious feeling that he cannot shake off no matter how hard he tries, and the usual distraction of working his body beyond its limit just isn’t cutting it this time. he’s not sure he could put up with it for months anymore, not to mention every inevitable future performance of the song.
mark knows donghyuck better than he knows himself, and if his assumptions are correct, his best friend is not going to make this any easier for him.
“taeyong hyung,” he knocks on his door that night. it’s pretty late, but he stood outside for a whole minute to make sure that they’re not asleep, and then sighed in relief when he heard yuta’s faint laughter.
“wow, doyoung was right,” yuta says as he lets him in, and mark doesn’t question why he’s there, or what he means by that.
“what’s wrong?” taeyong asks, looking like a concerned parent.
“say that….i’m against the addition of one of the songs on the album….” his own words feel foreign to him. he’s never considered actually going against the company’s decisions before.
taeyong stops him before he can continue. “i’m going to be honest with you, mark. they’ve talked to me about this earlier this week and the company is expecting a lot from this song. did you hear how they described it yesterday? they think that it has all the factors to succeed, and they’re going to push it. hard.”
in any other situation, mark would have been over the moon to hear someone talk like that about his songs, and one that he wrote when he was fifteen no less. but the sinking feeling in his stomach only grows heavier.
“i didn’t think you would be this upset,” johnny says. “i’m really sorry.”
he can’t be angry at him. how was he supposed to know? maybe doyoung hyung was right, bottling his emotions up only leads to disasters. it’s time to come clean.
“actually….our fight is not the only reason i’m upset.”
johnny, yuta, and taeyong exchange knowing looks. he’s embarrassed about the fact that they’ve probably discussed this behind his back, but he pushes on.
“i wrote shine together about someone.”
“yeah, duh,” yuta replies, and taeyong smacks his arm.
mark is bewildered. “what do you mean, duh ?”
“it’s from 2015, right? you were acting super weird then, we all knew something was up,” johnny explains.
mark thinks back to the time he spent trying to avoid him, how he turned red whenever the hyungs teased him, how he coped with his feelings by locking himself in his room and pouring his feelings into a notebook. he covers his face in his hands. “oh my god, i want to die right now.”
“don’t worry about it, johnny hyung was a lot more embarrassing about taeil before they got together,” yuta assures him. taeyong snorts.
“hey, don’t turn this on me now!”
“you’re right, let’s go back to bullying mark.”
“i’m leaving,” mark says, getting up, but johnny grabs his arm. he huffs and sits back down.
“what yuta was trying to say is,” taeyong begins the damage control. “we’ve done all kind of embarrassing shit in front of each other, you shouldn’t feel like you have to keep it from us.”
and he’s right, he heard every unwanted detail of yuta and taeyong’s relationship at this point.
“so you knew….i liked him that whole time?”
“liked who? we had no idea who you were crushing on. we actually all had different ideas, but couldn’t figure it out. my money was on yerim,” johnny sounds disappointed as he adds that last part.
mark takes a deep breath. “donghyuck.”
“that’s not very funny, mark,” yuta replies, frustrated.
he can’t say it again, and his face is turning beet red. he starts to wish that he hadn’t said anything when the looks on his hyungs’ faces shift from mild amusement to absolute horror as they realize that he’s not joking.
“oh no….” taeyong whispers, at least sounding sympathetic. mark just nods, his head hung down.
“do you still….”
“no! i got over that a long time ago!” that sounds even worse than his current predicament.
taeyong sighs in relief. “i was starting to think you guys were having some kind of lovers’ spat or something.”
“he never has and never will like me like that,” mark says, sounding a whole lot more bitter than he intended. huh. maybe he has some unresolved feelings with how that crush ended that he didn’t know about before.
they all look at him like he’s a wounded kitten, and he feels awkward again. “which is why i got over it,” he adds in a small voice.
they’re all quiet for a long time. it’s not exactly something that could be laughed away. falling for his own best friend was as cliche as it was painful.
“i can’t promise you anything, but i’ll try to talk to them about it.”
at the very least, mark thinks as he tiptoes back to his room, he finally felt comfortable enough to spill his secret to someone. the hyungs made him feel safe and welcome, and he felt stupid for not telling them about it earlier. after all, nothing bad can come out of this, right?
wrong.
donghyuck stops dancing and rolls his eyes before turning around. “what now?”
“you moved your arm in the wrong direction,” mark says, looking at the mirror instead of his best friend. he is met with his own hollow and exhausted face.
“no i didn't, and if you focused on yourself instead of nitpicking my moves you’d realize that you were the one who was off.”
mark exhales deeply. they’d been at it all morning again. “we all saw it, right?”
he knows that they're tired of getting dragged into their arguments, their reflections in the mirror reveal as much, but this for the sake of the team .
“we just started working on this song, there is no need to point out little every mistake,” taeyong answers diplomatically.
“but i didn't make a mistake!” donghyuck replies, which only makes mark more annoyed. that’s what he gets for trying to help.
“you messed up a few times too mark,” jungwoo speaks up. everyone turns to him in surprise. he shrugs.
“yeah, but i quickly realized it every time and fixed my mistakes right away. it's not the same thing.”
donghyuck scoffs. “you’re right, it’s not the same because i didn't even fuck up once today.”
“would it kill you to admit that you were wrong for once in your life? and here i was trying to be really nice about it t-”
“if you’re planning to waste any more of our practice time, you should just save us the trouble and leave,” doyoung says, his calm tone masking the rage that is bubbling underneath.
“bu-”
“out. come back when you decide to act like adults.”
mark quickly finds jeno, jaemin, and jisung a few rooms away. he’s surprised donghyuck didn't get to them first (not that he cares where he went after he stormed out).
they were sitting in a circle and whispering to each other when he walked in, but suspiciously went silent as soon as they noticed someone’s presence.
jeno lets out a sigh of relief. “oh it’s just you, hyung.”
“yeah, and i had the worst fucking day,” mark invites himself into their circle, and they quickly readjust to fit him in.
“who gives a shit about that,” jaemin cuts him off, scrunching his nose. “you and donghyuck tried to murder each other again blah blah blah, i'm falling asleep.”
“we’ve heard it a million times,” jisung nods.
“what’s so important that it warranted whispering in an empty breakroom, then?” mark asks. maybe jaemin’s gossip will take his mind off his current predicament.
“jaemin has a crazy conspiracy theory,” jeno starts off, which sets alarm bells off in mark’s head. this isn’t the first time he heard that sentence.
jaemin punches his arm. “stop making me sound like a weirdo! i just think that renjun and xuxi hyung are hiding something from the rest of us.”
“they’re secretly reptiles?” he’s not sure about yukhei, but it would explain a lot about renjun.
jeno and jisung burst out laughing while jaemin frowns. “they’re dating , hyung.”
“that sounds….highly unlikely.”
jaemin leans close enough for mark to smell his coffee breath. “but is it really?”
he thinks back to the last time he saw the two of them. he was pretty distracted with his own shit, but he can distinctly remember yukhei being more cheerful than usual, if that was even possible. still, it was hard to come up with a conclusion based off that brief encounter, and jaemin hadn’t had the chance to spend much time with them, either.
mark narrows his eyes. “where did you get this information? is it yangyang? ten hyung?”
jisung looks impressed. “wow, you catch on fast.”
“what’s that supposed to mean?” he’s not as dense as everyone wants to think he is.
“he overheard ten hyung and kun hyung talk about it the other day,” jeno explains. “but it’s not enough evidence!”
“ten hyung heard it from johnny hyung who heard it from yuta hyung who thought he might have seen sicheng hyung text renjun about it,” jaemin adds in one long breath.
mark looks at jeno. “this is actually has more ground than his other theories.”
“not you too, hyung!”
jaemin cheers in triumph. “welcome to the winning side!”
“i never chose a side,” mark replies, exasperated. “and this could easily be resolved by asking renjun yourselves, you know.”
“that’s what i said too,” jisung agrees. he looks even more annoyed than mark does for getting dragged into the debate.
“you guys are no fun, i should save my intel for people who actually appreciate it. like donghyuck.”
the moment the name escapes his lips, donghyuck comes in as if he had been summoned. “we’re leaving,” he says to mark cryptically. his cold tone wipes the smiles off his friends’ faces.
“i don’t think i understand what’s going on,” mark says as he sips on his smoothie.
“i’m not sure either. we’re being punished by….getting the rest of the day off?” their manager had apparently gotten orders to take the two of them out, but specifically together . they quickly decided on the starbucks they usually frequent.
they ignore each other for a good hour, until donghyuck finishes the last bite of his cake and points his fork at mark.
“so you’re really not going to tell me?”
“about what?”
“the song, hyung.” his voice is softer, more like how he usually talks to him when they’re fighting. mark realizes how much he missed it. how much he misses him.
“there is nothing to tell you, i thought we already established that a few days ago.”
“i’m giving you one chance to come clean, are you sure you want to continue lying to me?”
it hurts. it really does. they both know he’s lying through his teeth. there is no one in this world who knows him better.
“i’m going to call taeyong hyung and ask him if they’re done so we could go home.”
to his surprise, taeyong tells him that they’ve all already gone back without them a couple of hours ago. that’s two awkward hours that he had to endure with donghyuck. he’s not sure he appreciates the gesture.
“we’re back.” he steps in first, and donghyuck follows. he’s ready to walk over to taeyong and johnny’s room to ask them to please not orchestrate any more terrible dates, but he finds that everyone is waiting for them in the living room. “w-what’s going on?”
his hyungs look at each other, and it’s johnny who speaks up. “we were discussing the recent situation between you two, and we decided to make a temporary change in the room arrangement.”
“what does that fucking mean?” donghyuck asks, even though he knew exactly where he was going.
“until you two make up and stop letting your personal problems affect the new album preparations, you’re going to room together.”