Chapter Text
Their relationship had started simply enough. Steve had asked Thor how he had acclimated so well to Earth and its modern marvels. Thor had laughed at Steve for thinking Earth's gadgets were marvels. He had then told Steve all about his dear Jane's bosom friend and his own shield-sister, Darcy Lewis. As they say, "that's all she wrote." Jane and Darcy were already living in the tower, Steve met with them before introducing Bucky. Darcy and Bucky got on like the proverbial house on fire. It was only a few short months before they had passed friendship and moved into a much deeper relationship. When Bucky left for the illfated mission, they had been officially dating for 10 months.
Darcy had been throwing up for a solid week when Bucky got the call out. He was reluctant to leave her. He sat by her on the bed, tucked her sweaty hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead.
"Sweetheart, I don't like leaving you like this. I want to stay, I want to be here and be the one holding you and helping you. But this is HYDRA. It's an abandoned base, yeah, but they kept me there sometime in the past 40 years and we need to go clear it out. There's no telling what's in there that could come back and bite me in the ass. I don't want to go, but have to."
"Bucky." Darcy curled herself around him and rested her head in his lap. "I know you have to go. I just feel so terrible. I don't know why I'm so sick. Flu doesn't usually last this long. I know you have to go. I do. Send me Janie. I love you."
"Oh, sweetheart, I love you. It'll be quick. We'll fly over, we'll scout, we'll clear it out, decide if we need to burn it down, fly home. 2 days, 3 days at the most. And by then, this will have passed and you'll feel better and we can have a really nice 'welcome home' night in." He raised and lowered his eyebrows in quick succession. The corner of his mouth quirked up into a leer.
Darcy had turned onto her other side and fallen back to sleep with the heat of Bucky's body pressed against the small of her back. Bucky had sighed and reluctantly left her alone. He'd returned to his own rooms to collect his go-bag, kicking himself that they had never finalized and started the moving in together that they planned. He swore to himself that he'd make that happen as soon as he got back.
Before heading to the armory for his tac gear and weapons, he went to the labs. Darcy hadn't been in to work in over a week. Jane had come by every evening to check on her, well, every evening Jane had remembered to leave the lab. He extracted promises from Jane that she would check in on Darcy at least three times a day instead of losing herself to a science bender.
He stopped by Darcy's apartment one more time on his way to meet the team. She was asleep and he chose not to wake her. He kissed her on the tip of her nose and the corner of her mouth. Then he had gone. HYDRA waits for no man.
Today was special. Today Darcy finally woke without a sick stomach. She felt refreshed and excited and energetic. After showering she'd gone to the kitchen to make coffee, only to find Jane sitting at her island with a brown paper bag.
"You becoming a wino Janie?"
"Oh, Darce. I don't want you to think I know better than you about your own body, but I have lived near or with you for over 4 years now. You are very late and you've been very sick." Jane pulled a blue and white rectangular box from the bag and slid it across the island.
Darcy just stared down at the box for a minute, feeling a spark of anger simmer in her belly. She looked up and met Jane's eyes. Jane looked determined and ready to fight, Darcy had been on the receiving end of that particular look before. It halted the argument waiting on the tip of Darcy's tongue. If Jane was this prepared to defend her stance, the least Darcy could do was humor her. Jane had been a godsend the past however long since Bucky left and Darcy owed her more than to turn this into a battle. She could pee on a damned stick for Jane's sake.
Darcy waited out her three minutes and then didn't leave the bathroom for fifteen more. Jane seemed to finally lose patience and tapped lightly on the door.
"Darcy? Are you okay?"
Darcy reluctantly left the bathroom and settled on the couch. Jane joined her and held her hand.
"No. No, Jane. I am very not okay. What I am, is pregnant. Where's the team? I don't remember Bucky coming back yet, but it has been more than three days, right?"
"It's been 10 days. No word from Thor or Bucky. The team went into comms blackout just before they entered the airspace of the base they were going to. They're really late. Everyone is worried, but you've been so sick, I didn't want to make you worried too. Pepper and I talked and agreed to tell you as soon as you felt better. I'm sorry."
"10? 10 is... a lot. Something bad has to have happened. Or they would have contacted us. God, it's HYDRA, right? It could be so very, very bad!"
The team had been gone for 10 days. Bucky had said it would be an in-and-out mission, clear out an abandoned base and be home in 3 days, tops. Darcy knew something was dreadfully wrong, but the team hadn't lifted their comms blackout. She'd felt like she was flying blind in her fear.
On day 13, the comms blackout had lifted. Steve refused to talk to anyone but Maria Hill. Maria was clipped and reserved in what she had passed on to Darcy, Jane, and Pepper. No one was killed, but they were coming back without one Avenger. From Pepper and Jane's side-eyed glances, Darcy knew they knew just as well as she did that there was only one person who was likely to have attracted HYDRA to decide to capture and not kill. Darcy had barely made it to the bathroom before losing her lunch.
The team arrived back at the tower 9 hours later. The quinjet settled on the landing pad while Darcy, Pepper, Jane, and Maria Hill watch through the floor-to-ceiling glass wall of windows and doors. Everyone looked beaten and defeated. Even Steve had visible bruises still on his face, super serum be damned. Bucky wasn't with them.
"I didn't just leave him behind, Darcy. He disappeared. You know I would never give up on him. And I will be back out there within 24 hours looking for him again. Just need to regroup here." Steve had pushed his dirty hair away from his face. His lack of cleanliness was a sure sign that he had been working the whole two weeks they'd been gone. He was obviously exhausted. But he had taken the time to speak with her personally. "We got trapped in an underground basement level of the facility. The lighting was poor, it was all shadows and doors and too many hallways and corners. It was like a damned maze. We got separated. Somehow Bucky must have ended up alone."
Tears started pricking at the edges of Darcy's eyes. She had not wanted to hear. She needed to hear. She had crossed her arms, protectively, as low on her abdomen as she could manage without calling attention to it. She could feel eyes on her from across the room. She and Steve stood at least 15 feet from anyone else, maybe no one could actually hear them but Darcy felt the stares.
"When we finally escaped the basement, Bucky was gone. We searched the entire facility. Natasha questioned the survivors. He was nowhere. We spent days trying to track down anyone who was HYDRA that we could find in the area. No one could tell us where he was taken or who exactly has him. I'm sorry."
The tears were streaming in trails down her neck. Her hands were fisted around the cuffs of her sweatshirt, Bucky's sweatshirt. It was long enough to cover her midsection, baggy enough to hide all of her curves, and worn enough to still have a trace of Bucky's smell. She turned on her heel and retreated to her room.
Steve and Natasha spent all of their time looking for Bucky. Steve was too stubborn to ever give up and Natasha was ruthless enough to turn over stones Steve would balk at. The other Avengers joined the search sporadically, working around other missions and personal responsibilities. Still, the weeks dragged on.
Darcy's morning sickness returned with a vengeance. It lasted all morning and then hit intermittently through the day. The only thing she could keep down reliably was tea. Even though her abdomen was starting to swell, the scale was dipping. She refused to go to a doctor. She told Jane repeatedly that she would go when Bucky could go with her. He would be home any day.
In Darcy's mind, the nights were worse than the morning sickness. Some nights she laid down in her own bed. Other nights, she laid in Bucky's. His smell was no longer on his sheets or pillowcases. It had faded from her own before she had even known he was taken. Hours passed and sleep didn't come easily. She usually dropped into a restless, nightmare plagued sleep a couple hours before she had to wake up for work.
Weeks passed. Darcy slipped deeper into depression. She found herself lost in circling paths of what-ifs and should-haves. What if they had moved in together before he left? They should have made that happen, but she had been sick. They had waited. They should have never waited. What if he doesn't come back? What if they keep him? What if they kill him? Round and round in her brain, scenarios that just wouldn't shut off.
Darcy had already passed the halfway point of her pregnancy when Maria Hill knocked on her door.
She knew she had lost more weight than she had gained, even though she hadn't stepped on the scales. Her baby bump was still entirely unnoticeable. Her shirts were long and her cardigans were loose and no one had made a single comment or observation. Jane had taken to staring at her through the day in the lab. But she didn't do more than try to press food on her. Their roles seemed to have reversed. Jane had become the one who reminded Darcy of meal times. Jane was the one who held her hair back when she was crouched in the restroom in the back of their lab space. Jane was the one who handed her pre-natal vitamins with her tea every morning. Jane bit her lip, and probably her tongue, and tried to help Darcy in ways that she knew Darcy would accept.
Maria's face was grim and Darcy's knees started to buckle. She caught herself half on the doorframe while Maria caught her half by one arm.
"Jesus, Lewis. You look awful. Have you slept at all?"
Tears spilled off Darcy's lashes. She shook her head and closed her eyes. Her head signaled her denial for long seconds before Maria spoke again.
"They have him. It's not good. Physically, Steve says he seems fine. But he's closed down and doesn't remember all he should. He's close to The Winter Soldier. Steve says he's not that, but I don't know. We'll see when they get back. ETA 1 hour."
Darcy didn't even open her eyes as she closed the door in Maria's face. She slid down the door into a crumpled heap and sobbed.