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Sprawled out on Namjoo's bed, with a safe distance between them. It's the middle of June, and no touching is allowed or advised in this already sticky weather, unless ー unless something else would be happening, which is definitely not the case. Sadly, would whisper quietly, like a distant secret, some part of Namjoo.
Both calm, with no rush to do anything at all, typical of a summer afternoon. Soft, brand-new playlist in the background, thoroughly curated by Namjoo herself. A few instrumental songs, some more indie ones. If you asked Namjoo, in the safety of the night, she'd probably tell you that she made it on a whim, at two in the morning, while thinking of warm skin, honey brown hair and lips she'd die to kiss. Instead, it's playing right now, no kissing involved, but still soothing in its way.
Namjoo dares to look. Taeyeon is peaceful, lying on her back, next to her, eyes closed. Small smile on her lips. She looks content. Her deep v neck dress showing smooth skin, so much of it, no bra underneath, and Namjoo itches to rest her head there, to kiss lightly and maybe, feeling Taeyeon shiver under her lips. She shakes her head, shakes those thoughts away, she feels exposed, wrong for desiring her friend so deeply, while Taeyeon is just there ー existing, completely unaware.
Namjoo inhales, and closes her eyes. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Taeyeon moves next to her, she barely notices it, too focused on staying calm, cool, nothing's happened. She's not a creep.
"You're thinking too much for a summer afternoon," it's a whisper, a soft worry, Taeyeon is like that. Sensing and coming to the rescue. Her fingers sneak between Namjoo's, so casually, like it's the most natural thing in the world, and maybe it is.
Taeyeon is much closer than before, Namjoo feels her faint breath against her shoulder. She inhales deeply again. "How do you always know?" She asks, making up a chuckle, but it's an honest question. Sometimes she wonders, if she's being too much, more like an uncomfortable weight than an easy company to have by her side.
Taeyeon nuzzles her arm, like a dog asking for attention, eager to curl up against you. "Because your whole body tenses up, and your brows furrow, and your breath gets all weird." She sounds airy, mixed with worry, it sounds a lot like It hurts you, and it hurts me too. She finds herself nodding. She understands. It doesn't make her ー happy, but she gets it.
A mumbled "Sorry," escapes her, Taeyeon just presses her nose harder on her shoulder, starts caressing her arm. Goosebumps run all over her body. Taeyeon just curls up more, nestled against her, one knee touching Namjoo's bare thigh.
All Namjoo can see right now is the top of Taeyeon's head, how small she looks, even though she's pretty much as tall as her, maybe less lanky, less bland, softer everywhere than she could ever be. Her yellow sundress riled up enough to show the smallest hint of her butt. She looks comforting, and carefree, and made to touch. Namjoo aches a little.
They stay like that for a while, cozy songs still playing. Summer wind comes in from Namjoo's window, calmly and with no presumption, reassuring. Light fingers still dancing on her arm. The rise and fall of her chest now regular, breathing's a bit easier and her mind finally, slowly starts wandering to a muted place. It's nice like that, like how a boring summer afternoon is supposed to feel like.
Taeyeon feels right against her side, this is good, no matter how strongly Namjoo feels towards her, how wrong she might feel for it sometimes. Having Taeyeon in her life has always been good, since they were scrawny teenagers, and being too loud to overtake the doubts in their heads.
She's fully aware that she has this really, just small tendency to overthink, but it's scary to feel things at all, especially when they're directed at one of the most important people in your life. Falling in love with your best friend is such a cliche and of course, Namjoo would fit right in.
It's quiet, except for the playlist in the background, completely going unnoticed. Namjoo contemplates taking a nap right there, not too warm even considering how close they are, but maybe ー it's the domesticity, the safety of it all that almost lulls her to sleep until ー she hears Taeyeon's muffled chuckle.
"Namjoo, are you trying to tell me something?" Taeyeon is staring at her now, with big, and ー suggestive eyes. Namjoon just blinks, confused, in response. Taeyeon laughs again, props herself on one elbow and, "The song." She says, pointing in no particular direction behind her.
The song? What ー oh. The song. Of course. The last track on Namjoo's playlist.
I don't wanna be your friend, I wanna kiss your lips
I wanna kiss you until I lose my breath
Namjoo gulps. She feels her face getting several degrees warmer than how it was just moments ago. This is a disaster. It's ー alright. Her breath's probably got all weird again, good job and thanks for nothing. She hadn't even been the one choosing the damn thing, it just ー it was chosen like they always do. Taeyeon thinking of a number, and that'd be the playlist for the day. Today was Playlist #6.
"Hey," Taeyeon's voice is sweet, but stern enough to snap Namjoo out of her meltdown. Truthfully, she isn't sure how to feel, on one hand this is mortifying, to be caught, so clearly, on the other this is her best friend, the person she's known for almost ten years. It's Taeyeon, she'd never make her feel disgusting, she doesn't really know what goes on in Namjoo's mind after all, even despite the song, so maybe ー it's safe. They could laugh about it in the future. Namjoo will heal. It'll be fine. They'll be okay.
She makes to get up, but Taeyeon is faster, grabs her wrist, she exhales slowly, shakily. She rubs her thumb on Namjoo's skin, it's a soothing motion -- maybe for both of them. Taeyeon looks at her, again, almost daring. "It's okay, you know. If you want me. If ー you like me." This is Taeyeon for you, reassuring, no matter the situation. It's a lot to take in. Namjoo doesn't want pity, but she knows that's not what this is. It's just Taeyeon, and how she is. All-knowing when it comes to Namjoo's doubts and worries. Being the best at making her feel accepted, helping her to accept herself.
The hold on her wrist gets a bit tighter, like she's afraid to let go. "Sometimes you," Taeyeon exhales again, grasps both of Namjoo's hands, clutches them in hers with care, "You look at me like you don't deserve me. That's ー not true, you know that right? You can have me, you're allowed to ー want me. I'd be pretty okay with that, actually." She smiles with her eyes, scoots closer, both of them now awkwardly sitting face to face, on the bed. Namjoo keeps blinking. All she's done today was ー blinking. If there's an award for blinking, she'd win that. Thanks. What on God's green earth is happening? Taeyeon's getting closer, they're in each other's space and ー she closes her eyes, rubs their noses together. It's such a small, gentle gesture that Namjoo feels like melting away. She mirrors her, closes her eyes too, lets go little by little, enjoying the close proximity.
"Thank you," Namjoo murmurs, eyes still shut, "I ー Thank you." Taeyeon ducks her head, lets out a short laugh, and kisses her cheek. "I like you so much, Namjoo Kim." Taeyeon cups her face, she laughs again, it sounds ー liberating, so clear that even Namjoo gets it. Taeyeon kisses her between her eyebrows, on the tip of her nose, on the other cheek, she kisses her on her mouth, multiple times, chaste, quick kisses. Both of them thrilled, and feeling light, not overthinking for once. Kisses between laughter.
Namjoo starts kissing back, with purpose, slowly. Laughter dying down, the hands on each other more careful. Soft, strawberry flavored lips against hers. She feels Taeyeon's hand caressing the side of her face, she had no idea one single touch could emanate this much love, but this is Taeyeon. Honestly, it makes her a bit dizzy thinking about being touched like this, more, in the future.
They kiss, and kiss, and kiss. Changing angles to get more comfortable, for the lips to slide better, for Taeyeon to playfully nip at her bottom lip, for them to snicker in each other's mouth.
Maybe, this is how summer afternoons are supposed to feel like.