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the loud blaring of the small alarm clock jars them out of their sleep, making jeongguk jolts up to smash the snooze button as hard as he could. not wanting to the reality to kick in just yet. the sun hasn't risen. the world outside of the window is still dark. he snuggles further into yoongi and hugs him tight. he can hear yoongi's heartbeat and feels his own heart beat at the same slow pace. they have been talking all night, not wanting to waste any moment of together.
he feels fingers brush against his cheek and his small scar and he can already feel his throat clogs with pain and fear. he tightens his fists on yoongi's shirt and- "morning," yoongi says. a kiss on his forehead. he responds by kissing yoongi's collarbone and jaw.
they lie in the bed for a while, just basks in each other's warmth until- " i have to go," yoongi says. both of them are reluctant to release each other. jeongguk exhales and sits on the bed. he's staring at yoongi while yoongi is fumbling with the blanket and turns to stand then catches jeongguk's eyes- and just stares back. the sense of longing lingers in the air.
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yoongi's a soldier and on leave. just for two weeks. but the two weeks has ended and is not enough for two lovers who hasn't seen each other for a long time-nearly a year- considering yoongi has a higher rank in the army- a corporal. and jeongguk is a nurse. it suits him because he likes to help people and a big, gentle person.
they met when yoongi was shot at his rib. he was bleeding badly, most of his blood soaked through his uniform and the gurney. jeongguk was the new nurse at that time and handling his first deep injury. his hands was shaking in removing yoongi's uniform until yoongi had to hold his hand and smiles weakly at him saying "relax, kid," then went unconscious.
he's the nurse in charge of yoongi and takes care of him until he got better. they got closer somehow because yoongi spent weeks to recover and yoongi wanted to do something in return for jeongguk but jeongguk does not want anything in return because that is his job until yoongi said "let me at least treat you to a dinner," and stopped breathing when jeongguk asked "is that date?".
they went to that date.
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"come here," yoongi says and jeongguk complies. yoongi wraps his hands around jeongguk's shoulders while jeongguk wrap his hands around yoongi's waist. in that moment the arms squeezes a fraction tighter and jeongguk breathes more slowly, his body melting into yoongi's as every muscle lost its tension to yoongi's musky, masculine scent and breathes in deeply. the scent that always calms him because he always take one of yoongi's clothes when he goes to sleep or when he misses him terribly. this is life, real life.
they let go of each other, yoongi kisses his cheeks then enters the bathroom to get ready. jeongguk looks at the luggage near their door.
it doesn’t get easier. but he just get stronger. loving a soldier is not hard. the distance is hard. the worry is hard. the sacrifices are hard. loving him…that’s the easiest thing he has ever done. but jeongguk can't help but feels a little paranoid when yoongi is going back to work.
today. at this particular moment.
his instinct never goes wrong.
he knows he's dating and loving a soldier. he sends yoongi away every time he has to go and always accepts it without words but today- his heart feels heavy. like he doesn't want to let yoongi go. but he can't tell that to yoongi. he doesn't want to be selfish. he knows how much yoongi values his work; always the one to value humanity and wanting to protect.
so he just keeps it in himself but desperation are clawing their way to tell yoongi.
yoongi enters the room again, going over their closet to wear his uniform. he always look taller whenever he's wearing his uniform. always tease him when he's out from his uniform and just wear normal clothes that he looks smaller and younger. he knows yoongi can easily flip jeongguk over his shoulder despite being bigger and taller than yoongi but he loves yoongi like that-vulnerable.
he doesn't realize yoongi is already finished and walking over towards jeongguk to hold his face. he stands, panics and holds tight over yoongi's wrist. yoongi frowns and asks "what's wrong? you've been looking uneasy since last night, baby. anything to tell?"
yes. he thinks. stay. please stay this time. please. he wants to tell. wants to shout that i feel like this will be the last time we will meet and hold each other but- jeongguk just-just shakes his head to say no. his chest aches again. he worries he'll say it out loud if he opens his mouth.
"well....i'm supposed to go now but someone haven't give their kiss yet so i'm stuck here," yoongi smiles genuinely sweet that jeongguk has to swallow the lump in his throat and surges forward to press his lips against yoongi's. yoongi staggers backward from the sudden force but kisses jeongguk back. that kiss is nothing like what they usually shared. it's a mix of desperation, hopeless and anguish. trying to convey the message to yoongi. his heart aches so much it hurts when yoongi cups his face softly and pulls jeongguk towards him, taking in this final embrace. when yoongi pulls away for air, jeongguk pulls him back in quickly. and maybe, just maybe yoongi understand something through this kiss so yoongi kisses back with the same passion. not wanting to go either, rather stay here with jeongguk-his soulmate.
soon he could feel his tears stinging in his eyes-yoongi's alarm blares for the second time- and pulls apart from yoongi. he rests his forehead against yoongi's collarbones, against his dog tag, not wanting him to see jeongguk's tears and blinks away his tears. but when jeongguk looks up and puts up a strained smile, yoongi knows.
"baby, why are you crying?" he's trying to wipe the tears that managed to escape from jeongguk's eyes. "i always cry whenever you're leaving, what do you mean?" jeongguk laughs weakly.
"because you look like you're sad."
"i am sad yoon-"
"as if something bad will happen to me."
jeongguk's breath hitches and tries to swallow down the fear that has been nesting in his heart. "please don't say that," he whispers, "i don't know what to do with myself if something bad happens to you beyond my reach," he gulps and hold yoongi's hands tightly, "promise me you wouldn't get yourself hurt. i know you will always get injuries but-"
yoongi grabs his face with jeongguk still holding his hands, forcing him to stop and stares at yoongi. " hey-hey we've been through this many times. i will always protect myself, you know that, don't you?" jeongguk breathes in deeply and nods making yoongi nod as well. "good. i will always protect myself so that i can go home safely. our home. to be with you. spend time with you. and feed holly." yoongi kisses the back of jeongguk hands tenderly. jeongguk's nose stings again so he puts up his pinky finger and say "promise?" making yoongi's heart aches and locks their pinky fingers together saying "i promise, baby.".
yoongi's phone rings, forcing them to pull apart from each other and yoongi answers "you're outside? okay, i'll be out in a second," and ends his call. "they're outside. i have to go now, love," yoongi says. jeongguk nods and accompanies him to the front door.
it's when yoongi puts one of his leg outside their house-jeongguk holds yoongi's wrist again. his last attempt to make yoongi stay. yoongi looks back at jeongguk-his doe eyes are shining with unshed tears and his lips are quivering- making yoongi say "oh fuck-" and kisses jeongguk again. yoongi's luggage is left forgotten and the door closes behind them. jeongguk's tears falls when they're kissing, tasting the salty tears when it runs down jeongguk's cheeks to his jaw.
they pulls away, breathlessly. "do you want me to stay?" yoongi asks. jeongguk's heart soars he gets it jeongguk thinks maybe he will stay this time-but he can't help but feels guilty that he's stealing yoongi away from his important job to protect the country. so he sniffles and shakes his head slowly, regretfully.
please.
"are you sure?" yoongi asks again. because he will. he will if jeongguk say yes but jeongguk nods his head instead. a slight disappointment settles in yoongi's heart but he steps back and look at jeongguk. memorizing his face even though he has a picture of him in his wallet and jeongguk does the same.
a horn blares outside reminding them the reality.
stay.
"take care," jeongguk whispers.
yoongi smiles, puts up his fist, say, "relationship is what?" jeongguk can't help but smile a little. "irish baam," he says softly, bumps yoongi's fist and wraps his fingers around it.
"i love you a lot."
"i love you a lot too."
"will miss you a lot."
"will miss you a lot too."
yoongi turns and opens the door, dragging his luggage with him. they never say goodbye because they'll meet again, hopefully sooner and always settles for just "take care" or "see you soon" because goodbye means they'll never meet each other again but-
"goodbye."
a weak sound but-yoongi stops. and turns around.
jeongguk is still standing there, holding the door knob tightly and say it again, "goodbye, yoongi-hyung."
"If the actual word "goodbye" has a sense of finality to it, it's not by accident. It's a contraction of "God be with ye," which conveys a blessing or prayer or hope that the person upon whom it's bestowed will travel safely. It's almost a plea."
a plea for yoongi.
to stay for jeongguk.
yoongi swallows the fear down and just waves. turns around before jeongguk saw the tears in yoongi's eyes.
jeongguk watches yoongi goes inside the car and still watch when the car starts up and drives away. he goes back into their house and leans against the closed door. sliding down when the tears bursts forth like water from a dam, spilling down his face. holding his knees to his chest.
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it happens 6 months after yoongi left.
jeongguk's on duty that night when he's being called to the ICU for a new patient, a severe injury they said, only to see yoongi, his min yoongi lying on the bed, still breathing, with full of blood on his uniform but still breathing.
just like the first time they met each other. only this time the injury is different. the left, half side of his body are burned, with red flesh showing. his left side of the head is bleeding badly. a wave of nausea engulfs him.
how- he mouths but yoongi opens his eyes and found jeongguk. he tries to smile but winces. tears fills jeongguk's eyes in a second and immediately goes to yoongi's right side. yoongi holds out his hand weakly and jeongguk holds them tightly.
"i broke our promise," yoongi's voice cracks but jeongguk just shakes his head, "no you didn't. you came back. for me. you're here now," jeongguk tries to smile but his trembling mouth doesn't cooperates.
"i should've known. you were trying to make me stay-"
"shhhhh, i'll try to wash and dress your wounds okay?"
yoongi's eyes are filled with tears too but he's nodding. jeongguk kisses his hand and goes to gather his things.
so jeongguk washes and dresses his wounds carefully despite the constant hissing and groaning from yoongi. his tears has been falling non-stop and his hands keeps on shaking while attending to his wounds.
he sobs when he's done and put his things aside. he buries his head beside yoongi's right hand, tears staining the bed sheet. he lifts his head when yoongi put his hand on his head.
yoongi can barely open his eyes let alone talk but he talks anyway, "i was going to propose, you know?-" jeongguk sobs harder-"going to make you mine and take a long leave to have our honeymoon. go to japan. especially that disneyland you always talk about." yoongi's tears streams down his cheeks. "supposed to stay for you last time. you never acted like that before i'm sorry, baby."
jeongguk holds yoongi's hand against his face, "i'm already yours. we don't need a-hiccups-ring for our love. don't be sorry, hyung," jeongguk wipes his eyes, wants to look at yoongi clearly, "we can go after you have healed. we'll go to other places-"
"jeongguk-"
"and be a tourist and watch sunsets together-"
"baby-"
"and drink irish bom again, i swear i will about the liquor history again-"
" jeongguk-ah i can't last long."
jeongguk stops and whimpers.
"please," he whispers, "please stay for real this time."
yoongi feels so heartbroken to see jeongguk like that. he has broke his promise and now is hurting his one and only love. he'll never forgive himself.
jeongguk still crying so yoongi asks, "can you hold me?" jeongguk bites his lips harder and nods.
jeongguk shifts yoongi slowly to the right, careful with his wounds and slides next to him. yoongi's wrapped-bandaged head is on jeongguk's chest. "take my dog tag," yoongi says, "wear it for me."
tears are still in his eyes-making his view blurry and harder to unclasps the dog tag and wears it himself. "when you get back home, there's a ring hidden behind the microwave-" "why is it there?-" " and please wear it for me too. can't put it on you, sorry baby," yoongi breathes deeply, getting harder to breath. jeongguk wets his lips, "it's okay."
"and feed holly too."
"okay."
"and drink irish bomb too." his voice is getting weak.
"okay."
"and please kiss me," yoongi says weakly looking at jeongguk. jeongguk sniffles and say, "okay."
they kiss. for the last time. slowly, sweetly, trying to savor this moment as long as they. taste each other's tears.
they pull apart for air then jeongguk kisses him everywhere; his cheeks, his closed eyelids, his small nose, his forehead, anywhere he could reach. yoongi's breath is getting shallow. he opens his eyes and stares at jeongguk. his beautiful, gentle jeongguk.
"can i rest?" yoongi asks and tears streams down faster. jeongguk's breath stops and his mouth opens, closes, opens again, closes his eyes, wets his lips and mutters, "yes you may," his voice cracks.
sadness clawing at his throat. heart broken into fine pieces.
yoongi closes his eyes and rest his weight on jeongguk's body. "thank you, baby love," he whispers. jeongguk kisses his forehead again and whispers, "you know, some people look up to their heroes." jeongguk starts, "i’m in love with mine.”
yoongi lets out a huff as a laugh, "i love you too jeon jeongguk," jeongguk can feel his uniform getting wet.
"goodbye..........love," jeongguk tries to quiet down his cries. lips pursed to not disturb yoongi's calm state.
yoongi doesn't respond for a little while, just his chest going up and down slowly, jeongguk thought he has been sleeping until he sees yoongi's mouth mutters weakly, "goodbye."
a few moments then yoongi stops breathing. the heart monitor lets out a loud beeping sound.
an involuntary loud sob escapes jeongguk. he holds yoongi closer to his body and cries loudly. "yoongi-yah, yoongi, yoongi, yoongi....."
he has lost his soulmate. his protector. his hero. his love. dies in his arms.
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the funeral just ended.
jeongguk can't help but cries the entire military funeral honors. and cries again when he has to say his eulogy.
yoongi's parents and his friend has long left the place, letting jeongguk have his own moment.
jeongguk learns that yoongi was shielding his friend from a live artillery shell. his friend got injured too but yoongi took all the worse part. jeongguk cries again after knowing that yoongi will always put others before him.
jeongguk is wearing a pink color suit because yoongi always say he looks the prettiest wearing pink and he wants to look the best for his soulmate. the ring that yoongi gave him shines under the sun-yoongi hides it behind the microwave because jeongguk never use microwave-it's a simple wedding ring; a rose gold with their name engraved inside of the ring, being the minimalist they are, and jeongguk is wearing the one with yoongi's name inside.
holly is here too. he lies beside yoongi's headstone, whimpering as if knowing yoongi had died.
he kneels at yoongi's headstone, caress it and say, "rest well, hyung. i will wait for you until the next lifetime. i'll protect you next time." jeongguk smiles. he puts the last rose on the ground. "goodbye, love," he whispers.