Chapter Text
“If you’re going to mope about all the time, comm him already. Here.” Her roommate shoves the comm into her hands. “I’m going out. When I get back, I expect to find a togruta in a better mood. And lunch, if you’re feeling particularly generous.”
Ahsoka rolls her eyes. “Fine. But you’re making dinner.”
“Should I get you anything besides an attitude adjustment?”
“No. Go away before I adjust your face.”
“Later, darling.”
The door slides shut softly. Ahsoka flips the comm through the air, considering. She keys into the contacts and taps one of the pre-programmed numbers.
“This is Padmé.”
“Senator Amidala? It’s Ahsoka.”
There is a fumbling sound on the other end of the line. “Ahsoka! It’s so good to hear from you! We—I’ve been so worried about you. How have you been?”
Ahsoka sighs into the comm unit. “I’m fine. I’ve got an apartment and a job. Things are fine.” The apartment is in an unsavory area of Coruscant and the job is barely paying for it, but the senator doesn’t need to know that.
“That’s wonderful, Ahsoka. It can be hard when you first get out on your own.” Ahsoka holds in her snort. “I remember when I first got my apartment here. Everything seemed so empty, even with all the staff around. It still does sometimes.”
“Yeah,” she says halfheartedly. There is a pause, but just as Ahsoka starts to feel awkward, Senator Amidala speaks up.
“Did you need something? Or did you just want to chat with an old friend?”
“Um, kind of both? I just wanted to check in and see how you’ve been.” She walks to the window and peers at the dumpsters in the alley below.
“Well the senate’s as slow moving as ever. I’ve been working on another refugee bill, but by the looks of things it won’t be getting passed anytime soon. Other than that, I’m just keeping busy.”
Same as always, Ahsoka translates. Did it even affect her when I left? “I’m glad you’re doing alright,” she says.
“Ahsoka? You haven’t—have you talked to Anakin at all?”
“Well, I’ve thought about it. I was going to, right after I left. But I needed to make my own beginning, you know? And then things got really busy, and the chrono flies and now it’s been six months and I just—does he even want me to talk to him? I don’t know. So, uh, long story short: no.” But you probably knew that already, she adds mentally.
“Ahsoka. I’m very sure Anakin would be overjoyed to hear from you. He’s not mad at you for leaving. I think if you told him you were alright it would go a long way.” A long way to what? The Force murmurs in foreboding. “Even if things can’t go back to the way they were,” the senator says, “he still cares about you. He won’t be angry.”
“He won’t?”
“No.”
“Um, how is Master—Anakin?”
Padmé’s sigh reverberates down the comm. “I think you made the best choice you could in a bad situation, and I don’t blame you. But he’s been. . .different since you left. I haven’t seen him in almost two months, though. He’s been out on the front.”
A tooka pokes its head out of the dumpster. “Different how?”
“You should talk to him,” Padmé urges. Ahsoka doesn’t miss the deflection. “He’d want to hear from you.”
“Okay. I will.”
“If I get off the line with you will you do it now?”
Ahsoka rolls her eyes. “If I said I’ll do it, I’ll do it, senator.”
“I’ve told you, it’s Padmé. And I know you will. But why not get it done?”
“Yes, fine. I will call Master Skywalker as soon as I hang up with you.”
“Perfect! I’ll be going then. And Ahsoka?”
“Yes?”
“Don’t be a stranger.”
“Bye, Padmé.”
“Goodbye, Ahsoka.”
The commline buzzes and Ahsoka is left to watch the tooka scrounge for scraps. It darts down the alley into the main street.
She dials the number she's input countless times and waits. It rings out. A familiar voicemail message crackles, “You’ve reached Anakin Skywalker. I’m busy blowing something up right now. Feel free to bother my padawan instead! If you are my padawan, go pester Obi-Wan. Alternatively, leave a message at the beep.”
Six months. She has been gone six months and he still hasn’t changed it. It could be a simple oversight—Anakin is a busy guy—but the Force is nudging her again in a way that suggests otherwise.
She dials again just in case he has missed the first one accidentally. The line clicks as it connects.
“This is Kenobi. Anakin is currently unavailable. To whom am I speaking?”
“Master Kenobi?”
“Ahsoka?”
“Yeah, um, hi. Is Skyguy around?” The pain of his silence as the council turned on her had eased, but she wasn’t sure she had forgiven Master Kenobi yet, and she definitely doesn’t want to have some heart-to-heart with him.
“Present, but unconscious. We’re in the medbay right now.”
“Is he okay?”
“More or less,” he says after a beat too long. “It’s been a difficult assignment. But might I inquire what prompted your call? Or would you rather wait until Anakin is available? I’ll let him know you called.”
“No! I mean, yes, please do. But I wanted to ask: is he okay? In general, I mean.” She cringes.
“You haven’t spoken with him since you left.” It isn’t a question, but her silence confirms the truth. She can picture him pinching the bridge of his nose. “He’s been rather closed off as of late.”
“Oh.” A rock settles in her stomach.
“I respect your decision to leave, but Anakin has found your departure difficult to accept. He has been. . .struggling.” The rock becomes an asteroid. If Master Kenobi is admitting to a problem it is . . .not good.
No! You can’t feel guilty over this, she scolds herself. You made your choice and it’s not his fault or yours, but you both have to live with it. Anakin’s an adult. You have to do what’s best for you.
When Ahsoka doesn’t say anything, Master Kenobi offers, “We’ll be home on leave in about a week. Perhaps you might see him then?”
“Okay,” she says. “When do you think he’ll be out of medical?”
“Not until tomorrow at least, unless he breaks out early. But we’ll hopefully be in hyperspace by that point, so it might be difficult to get ahold of him. I’ll send you our ETA in a moment.”
“Thanks. Tell him I’ll be waiting for him to come back.”
“I will. Kenobi out.”
“Bye, Master,” she says, but the line is already dead.
An hour later, Ahsoka’s roommate strides past her and deposits two sacks of groceries on the counter. “What’s for lunch?”
“Hello to you too,” Ahsoka grumbles.
The other woman crosses her arms. “I thought we agreed you would be in a better mood when I came back.”
“We didn’t. You agreed.”
“Did you even use the comm?”
“Yes! But I got Master Kenobi instead and nobody will tell me anything helpful and they’re going to be on-planet in like a week and I just, ugh.” She slumps down until her forehead hits the counter. “I said I’d be there to meet him when he got back. So Master Kenobi and all the boys will be there and what am I even supposed to say to any of them? Especially him.”
“Do you regret leaving?”
“I’m not sorry I left. It was the right thing to do. I don’t regret it.” The other woman scoffs. “I don’t. I just wish nobody else had gotten hurt by my choices.”
“In my experience, someone will always be hurt no matter what path you choose. Better them than me, I say.”
“That’s a pretty cynical way to look at things.”
She shrugs. “We’ve all got to get by somehow.”
The week drags by after that. Ahsoka dreads its close and longs for it to end in turns. She has work to keep her busy during the day, but she spends her nights restlessly.
Regret swirls around her as it has not since her first weeks after leaving the Temple. She cannot stop thinking of the last look she saw on her master’s face. His twisted expression seeps under her skin and rings in her montrals. She had never even given Rex and the boys a proper goodbye. No thanks for all they had taught her, no teasing remarks about who owed who for more butt-saving, no parting gift in repayment for what she had received.
“I’m a terrible friend,” she says to the darkened apartment.
She wonders if they will be able to forgive her. Maybe not. Rex values duty and loyalty. Skyguy would never forget a betrayal. Not after that stunt Master Kenobi pulled in what she and Rex quietly referred to as “the Hardeen incident.” She would not be forgiving that one for a while either. But Anakin had taken it harder, more personally.
Padmé’s reassurance seems feeble now. Ahsoka clings to it anyway.
“He won’t hate you. They want to see you,” she mutters to herself as she waits on the platform. She is thankful they are landing by the troop barracks instead of in the temple. Master Kenobi had said they were coming down in the troop transports rather than bringing their fighters as Anakin’s was not currently airworthy.
The larties all land in quick succession and her men swarm onto the platform. They see her and shouts spread like ripples. Blue and white and black reach for her and wave at her and gesture in her direction.
“Hey, Commander!”
“Commander Tano!”
“Good to see you, Commander.”
“Guys, the commander’s here!”
She shares smiles and laughs and squeezes hands.
“Alright, make a hole!” Men jump apart as a familiar suit of armor appears. He pulls off his bucket and gives her a knowing look. “Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”
“Hey there, Rexer.”
“Commander.” A welcome, a blessing, all she needs to know. She throws herself into his arms. His helmet drops as his arms wrap around her, careful as ever of her hind lek. “You came back,” he rumbles in her montral.
“I shouldn’t have left. Not like that. You deserved better.”
He pulls back to look at her solemnly. “You did what you had to. It’s alright.”
“Thanks, Rex.”
Another transport descends and Ahsoka knows. Rex follows her gaze. “I’ll leave you to it.” He squeezes her shoulder.
She returns the gesture. “See you round, Rexer.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
He nods and turns to the brothers crowded around. “Alright you lazy lurkers, clear the platform!” They disperse at their captain’s order. Ahsoka glances at Rex as he follows behind the troops.
The transport doors lift and her master stumbles out. She feels a rushing sensation through their bond, like falling. When their eyes lock across the platform, it is like they have hit the ground. The air rushes from her lungs and it hurts but she tastes exhilaration. She takes a step forward and the next instant he rushes for her. She flies towards him and they crash together. His face is in her shoulder, hands weave around backs, her toes scrape the ground, and their bond is singing and shouting and grasping her just as tightly as his arms.
“You’re here,” he says. “You’re here. You’re here.”
“Master.”
He lowers her till her heels are on the ground, but continues to clutch her.
“Snips.”
“Master.” He is shaking.
“Not your master anymore,” he corrects.
“You’ll always be my master,” she says. “You taught me.”
He doesn’t answer. Ahsoka pulls back to look at his face. It is like pulling two magnets apart. He is happy to see her. But underneath that his face is weary. There is a faint bruise disappearing into his hairline near his temple. His dull eyes are framed by stress lines and circles that could be painted on. His mouth is pinched.
“You’ve grown,” he says to the air on her left.
“Wanna get something to eat that isn’t a ration bar?” she suggests. He shrugs. “C’mon. We can go to Dex’s.” He shakes his head.
“Not Dex’s. Somewhere else.”
“Okay.” She grabs his hand and pulls. “Speeder’s this way.”
Ahsoka had thought eating might perk him up, but he doesn’t even get any food. He just stares into his cup of caf while she works her way through her bowl of soup. In lieu of Dex’s, she drove them to a little cafe called Mama Li's. They sit at one of the small round tables outside.
“I got a job,” she says to break the awful silence.
He nods, but doesn't look up from the bright purple umbrella over their heads. “That’s good. Wouldn’t want you to be bumming round the lower levels of Coruscant.”
“You’re hilarious.”
“So what is it?”
“You’re going to think it’s dumb.”
“Well now I’m curious.”
“You weren’t when you asked before?” she teases.
“Nope.” He grins, but it slips away quickly.
“I’m working at a caf shop a couple blocks away.”
His brows come together. “Why would I think that’s dumb?”
“Well it’s a pretty big change from my previous livelihood.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about Snips. Food service is a noble profession. You used to save the galaxy by serving justice and beating people up. Now you save the galaxy by justly serving beat-up people.”
“Well when you put it that way, it’s really pretty similar. Not much of a career change at all.”
“As I said, a noble profession.” Ahsoka stirs her soup. Anakin changes the subject, “Did you have much trouble finding a place to live?”
“No. I got an apartment and someone to share it with pretty easily.”
“What’s your roommate like?”
“A bit like Master Obi-Wan, actually.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” he says.
She grins. “Imagine him, but as a grouchy bald lady.”
“Ew.”
Ahsoka takes a moment to picture it herself. “Yeah, that,” she shudders, “didn’t come out sounding how I meant it.” Anakin has gone back to staring into his caf. “You look tired. Do you want to go home? I can come over tomorrow, if you want. I haven’t seen Padmé in a while.”
He sighs. “Yeah. I should go. Here,” he fishes in his belt pouch and throws some credits on the table. “My half of the bill.”
She spreads out the change to count it. “Master, this is too much for both of us,” Ahsoka says. She glances up when he does not reply, but he is nowhere in sight. She looks down again at the table. A half-finished bowl of soup, an abandoned caf, and more credits than the two are worth lie scattered across its surface.
As she navigates Coruscant’s afternoon traffic, Ahsoka reviews the day. Her talk with Rex had been relieving. Things are still as easy between them as ever. Master Anakin is a different story. He seemed off somehow. He is exhausted, obviously, as anybody coming off the front lines would feel. That is not the problem. It is not even the way he had barely met her eyes the entire time they had been together, or the way his smiles seemed shaky. All of that can be explained. He is tired, he is unsure how to feel about her sudden reappearance, he is readjusting after time on the battlefield. Those things are natural. They make sense. Something else does not, but its nature eludes Ahsoka.
The bad feeling persists into the evening. She has the apartment to herself while her roommate is off doing Force knows what. She turns on a holofilm and sets up camp on the couch with a blanket and a bag of jerky. She is not going to get any further on the mystery that is her master tonight.