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For once, a hunt had gone perfectly. They rolled into town, tracked the spirit and ganked it, and no one got hurt other than the person whose death alerted them to the case. From what they’d heard during their research, no one was going to miss Larry. His mother had told them that yes, of course she’d cried when the cops told her he was gone – tears of relief. He sounded like the kind of person the world could use fewer of anyway. Prior victims they’d found followed the same pattern. Wives, mothers, children, all said the world was better off without them. Really, helping the spirit move on had been more out of kindness for the spirit stuck between worlds and going mad. A spirit who ganked abusive assholes? Dean could live with that.
The thing was, he’d noticed the case affecting Sam. That didn’t make sense – Dad was keeping an eye on Sam and would have said something if he thought Jess was abusing him. Ruby didn’t really explain it either. Sam’s only other relationship was with Dean, and Dean wasn’t abusing his little brother.
Was he?
Meg was a demon, but her words haunted Dean right now. She’d gone off on him for treating Sam like a piece of luggage, dragging him around and never giving Sam a choice. Sam had said himself that part of the reason he went off with Ruby was because she let him feel like he was more than just a sidekick, the little brother that always had to do what Dean said. He’d promised to stop doing that, to let Sam grow up and become a full partner… and then he hadn’t done it.
He could defend himself all he wanted. He’d let Sam go through with the crazy plan to jump into the Cage, and when he got out, he needed Dean to be the big brother in charge because his own moral compass was broken. Then it was the wall, the hallucinations of Hell and Lucifer, the Trials nearly killing him… he had excuse after excuse, but the truth was, he’d failed in that promise.
Letting an angel in, that had been the last straw. At least Ezekiel was one of the good ones and hadn’t done anything awful with Sam’s body while he was in there, but ever since then, something had been broken between Sam and Dean and Dean couldn’t quite put a finger on it. Now he thought he had an idea what it was. It was another example of Dean continuing the pattern of believing he knew what was best for Sam and not letting Sam have a say.
Was that abuse? It’s not like he was beating Sam up, except that one time when he found out that Sam had let him be turned into a vampire and then lied about it. Sam was the one who’d pushed them through the barrier of being brothers into being lovers, both times. He made sure Sam had food and they were never without shelter, not with Baby looking out for them. That was more than Dad had ever done, and Dad never gave them much of a choice about how their lives went either.
Abusive or not, it didn’t matter. What mattered is that he was hurting Sam. That was the one thing he’d never forgiven others for, even Dad, so why was it okay for him to do it? It wasn’t. He needed to stop, and he needed to stop now. He hated himself for letting it get this bad.
Sam came out of the shower, and Dean got up and hugged him tight. Sam hugged back, patting Dean’s back awkwardly. “Uh, thanks, but… what’s going on?”
“The case was getting to you, and it got me thinking.” Dean let go and went back to the bed, sitting on a corner. “I wouldn’t blame you for not believing me, given that I’ve said it before and then didn’t follow through, but I need to start treating you like an equal. Letting you make your own calls instead of deciding that my way’s the only way. I love you, and it’s time I start acting like it.”
“Wow. Uh, thanks?” Sam sat beside Dean, reaching for his hand. “What brought this on now? Or has this been building up for a while?”
“I dunno, just this case, got me thinking, that’s all. I didn’t want to let this build up, because our lives mean I might not get another chance to tell you, and honestly?” Dean ducked his head, avoiding meeting Sam’s eyes. “If I didn’t do it now, I’d probably start making excuses to delay it, until I’d forgotten why I was gonna say anything in the first place. Get the defensiveness back up, you know? Either way, one of us dying or me putting it off until I can’t do it anymore, you never get to know. You deserve to hear this.”
“Huh.” Sam let go of Dean’s hand and put his arm around Dean, bringing him in close. “You’ve said that before, but you know what? This one’s different. Neither of us is giving up on life – you giving yourself to Michael and letting the Apocalypse happen, me dying because I thought that’s what I needed to do to redeem myself to you. This is just you. I think that’s gonna make a huge difference in how well you stick to it.”