Work Text:
PROLOGUE.
2017
What do you like about working in a hospital?
The question catches Seongwu’s attention among the hundreds of trending posts on Pann that afternoon. This certain article seemed to be an odd duck. Seongwu, out of curiosity and familiarity, clicks on the article.
Hospital staffs are always busy and bustling! But there are surely positive points to it right?
I am a nurse and my favorite thing about working in a hospital is seeing the patients recover from illnesses. Isn’t it just really satisfying?
- 115 + 2,106
Seongwu scrolls down to the comments section where people, people who just like Seongwu, left their own thoughts regarding the post.
Doctors, radiologists, medical technologists, nutritionists, dietitians… nurses.
Hospitals are Ong Seongwu’s constant.
He’s a regular ICU nurse at Seoul Medical Center, his shift goes on from 2 in the afternoon to 10 in the evening, and his job description is, well, mainly to attend to the doctor’s orders and the patient’s needs. Seongwu cannot say that he likes nor dislikes his job (how can he say he dislikes it when it pays so well that only two years in and he was already able to buy his own car).
Seongwu is sure of one thing though.
He cannot seem to enjoy his job.
Patients go in and out. Illnesses come and go.
Seongwu could not seem to find the immense joy his fellow nurses bask in whenever a patient recovers, gets discharged, and leaves. Seongwu feels happy- proud, that they were able to help people get through with their sickness. But there’s this bitter after taste at the back of Seongwu’s throat at the thought that there are patients who are not able to get discharged, who are not given another chance in life, and who are not lucky enough to have their hopes of living fulfilled. These are the patients whose journey ends inside the hospital.
What is he supposed to feel about those cases then?
He’s pretty sure there’s nothing to be proud of as a medical care provider when your patient dies, right?
As someone who is assigned in the ICU unit, Seongwu has witnessed numerous pitiful deaths from patients with terminal illnesses that were given broken promises of survival and recovery. It is no surprise that Seongwu has lost his grasp on the meaning of the word hope.
September 4, 2017.
Seongwu is woken up from his ocean of thoughts when a knock resounded in the pantry where he was taking a short break from his eight-hour shift. It was their senior nurse calling for him. Apparently, Seongwu was needed in the nurse’s station immediately as they were lacking manpower today because of some absences.
“There’s a transfer this dawn from the regular ward. Kang Daniel. And he’s had multiple cardiac ischemia. Luckily, they did not lead to complete arterial blockage nor infarction so the man is still alive, but Doctor Moon now wanted close monitoring as he undergoes more tests.” Youngmin, one of the ICU nurses briefed Seongwu when he arrived for his shift that afternoon. He warily glanced at Seongwu. “He’s 23 years old.”
“Oh bummer, a 23-year old and already in the ICU?” Seongwu lifelessly says as he scans through Mr. Kang’s charts. “What the- and he’s also an amputee? Lord help this man.”
Youngmin purses his lips, knowing well already of Seongwu’s pessimistic tendencies. “So anyway, I’ll get going. See you tomorrow, Ong.”
Seongwu scans Kang Daniel’s records and frowns upon reaching the end. Apparently, he’s had multiple cardiac ischemic episodes since the past two days. Yesterday, he had severe chest pain and was rushed to the hospital. He was confined in the regular ward first but was later on transferred to the ICU as per his attending doctor’s perusal.
The digital clock posted on the wall reads 2:28. Time for Seongwu to check Mr. Kang’s vitals.
Seongwu was halfway to entering Daniel’s cubicle when he heard a raspy but cheerful voice coming from the person on the bed.
“Hello!!”
First thing Seongwu notices is that Daniel is big. Big in the sense that even though he was lying down and is wearing a normal hospital gown, Seongwu could make out his buff torso and shoulders that are probably comparable to the size of the Pacific Ocean. His hair was dyed to a wine red color and his complexion was very fair. According to the charts, his height was 5’11. Same height as Seongwu. But Seongwu is sure that he is very much wider than him.
When Seongwu’s gaze fell unto Daniel’s face, he was smiling, his two front teeth slightly protruding, reminding Seongwu of a bunny he used to have as a pet when he was a kid.
Daniel was handsome. (Definitely Seongwu’s type, honestly. But according to his own nonexistent code of ethics, thou shall not do relationships with patients.)
But what made the most impact to Seongwu, is that Daniel looked nowhere near depressed, nor dispirited, nor sad at all.
In fact, he seemed to still be glowing, like a literal ball of sunshine and an excited puppy. A handsome excited puppy, that is.
Dude stop, you don’t do relationships with patients. Seongwu mentally scolds himself.
For a second he wonders if this person in front of him was the right patient.
Daniel must have noticed Seongwu’s confusion because his smile was replaced with a concerned frown. “Are you alright? You look like you just saw a nipple grown on a lemon.” Daniel asks.
“A-ah yes. Good afternoon Mr. Kang. I’m Ong Seongwu. You can call me Nurse Ong.” Seongwu flashed him a reassuring smile he shows to all of the patients he handles.
“Ong? What an interesting surname… You know, you’re the first Ong I’ve met in my 23 years of existence.” Daniel excitedly says despite the breathing apparatus stuck on his nose.
Seongwu responds with brief nod and smile.
Daniel keeps his eyes on Seongwu as he scribbles down notes on his clipboard.
“Is there anything wrong, Mr. Kang?”
Daniel blinks (cutely) multiple times before he realized he was actually staring. “Ah, sorry. It’s just… I’ve been to confined to hospitals a lot but I’ve never seen a nurse as handsome as you. Maybe I died? Don’t you think? I died, this is heaven and you’re an angel?”
Seongwu chuckles at Daniel’s not-so-subtle flirting. He’s had his own experiences with flirty patients before, some even trying to touch him inappropriately but thankfully he easily brushes them away.
“If you’re jealous of my handsomeness, you have to be reborn.” Seongwu jokingly chimes in and laughs for a second before he realizes he just half-insulted a patient he just knew for like two minutes.
Luckily, Daniel did not seem to mind.
Instead, Daniel looked flustered, a light blush creeping in on his cheeks. “I’m not jealous Nurse Ong, I’m just.. I’m- anyways, nevermind.” the younger boy laughs awkwardly. “How are my vitals? Am I still going to live?”
“Your heart rate is still a bit unstable.”
“Oh well, better than having none, don’t you think?”
Seongwu nods. Truly better.
“You have a constellation on your face.”
“Excuse me, Mr. Kang?”
“The moles on your cheeks, Nurse Ong.” Daniel pointed to Seongwu’s cheeks. “I think they look like constellations.” Daniel was wearing a stupidly cute expression on his face where he was smiling but only his two front teeth were sticking out.
Seongwu finally registered what Daniel was trying to say.
“Yeah, I get that a lot. You’re the first one to call it “constellation” though.” Seongwu said.
Daniel was the first one to describe Seongwu’s moles as a constellation. Most of the people Seongwu met simply told him they looked nice, some even said that he should get it removed because it looked like a blemish to his otherwise flawless face.
“You know, I have a set of constellation moles too!” Daniel excitedly adds in, gesturing at the right side of his body. Seongwu swears he does not understand how this person in front of him is sick. He’s never handled patients that were this jolly (well, except children) and interested in keeping up a conversation with a nurse.
A puppy. A big white puppy who was spoiled by his owner. But in a cute way. That’s how Seongwu can describe Daniel, so far.
The nurse curiously squints and puts his face closer so he can see his patient’s moles.
“Oh, yours is like an expanded version of mine. That’s cool!” Seongwu’s tone gets an octave higher and from the looks of it Daniel got a bit surprised at how high pitched the nurse’s voice became. “I got shocked, sorry!”
Daniel’s moles were on the right side of his face, opposite of Seongwu’s moles, and if the moles were to be brought together and concentrated on the center of Daniel’s cheeks, it would somehow mirror Seongwu’s own moles.
Strange. But science-y.
“Actually Nurse Ong, I have another set of constellation moles!” There’s a hint of mischief in Daniel’s tone, but Seongwu most likely had missed it. “It’s a bigger constellation actually.
“It’s this one.” Daniel pointed to the one under his eye. He moved his hands so fast that Seongwu feared that the needle of his IV would slip out even though he knows it’s impossible.
“One here.” Down to his shoulder. “And another one here, you can probably take a peek of it when you change my catheter.”
“Mr. Kang!” Seongwu exclaimed, almost choking on his own saliva.
“What!? It’s true!! I have a mole beside my balls!”
Unfortunately, Seongwu can feel the blood rush northward (at least not southwards, he pats himself on the back for that) and he’s most definitely sure his face is beet red. A loud laugh reverberated inside the room. Daniel’s laugh.
“Sorry, if I made you flustered Nurse Ong!” Daniel said in between his laughs, his eyes forming little crescents that reminded Seongwu of little strawberry macarons. “It’s the truth, though! I’m not lying.”
Seongwu pursed his lips until he can no longer feel the heat in his cheeks. He grabbed the discarded IV bag and made his way to leave Daniel’s cubicle.
“I’ll get going, Mr. Kang.” Seongwu says before finally exiting the cubicle. When he finally gets out, he leans on the nearby wall and for the second time today, mentally scolds himself for being too affected by such greasy words.
You knew him for like what? 5 and a half hours? Stop acting like a damn teenager Ong Seongwu!
When he is finally sure that his face is nowhere near the shade of a tomato, he rushes towards the nurse’s station and prepares to attend to another patient.
✬✬✬
September 5, 2017.
Seongwu was on his way to Daniel’s cubicle when a man, some inches shorter than him with fair skin and round cheeks that reminded Seongwu of dumplings, emerged from within the sliding door.
He’s already a familiar face. Ever since Daniel was confined in the ICU the only two visitors were this guy and another guy who had a really pointed nose.
To be fair, Seongwu keeps himself from overthinking about Daniel’s private life, but he can’t help but wonder where Daniel’s parents were. Or his other friends?
“I’ll be back tomorrow, Niel-ah!” the guy says, he waves at Daniel and turns around, resulting to him almost colliding with Seongwu who has his hands full with equipment. The shorter man mutters a “sorry” before walking past him.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Kang. I see you had a visitor.”
“Nurse Ong!” Daniel’s face visibly brightens upon recognition.
Daniel tells him that the person who just visited him was Jaehwan, his best bud in college who turned out to be his right hand man in everything he does. But he has a job so he couldn’t stay with Daniel full time. Seongwu did not ask further, but as he scribbles down notes on Daniel’s charts, the younger male also tells him that the other visitor who visits him is Jisung. He’s a close friend who lives in the apartment beside Daniel’s.
All of his other friends are too busy and some are in his hometown in Busan (which explains his accent) that’s why Daniel seldom gets any visitors.
“If you’re confused why I have no family members who visit me, there’s a reason.” Daniel blurts out with a cheeky smile on his face.
Seongwu almost chokes, was he that obvious? “Uh no, if you don’t want to tell me it’s okay, you don’t need to.” he says, placing the pen cover back and sliding it inside his pockets.
“It’s okay. I want to talk too, I miss talking. I’m a talkative person, as a matter of fact. Hehe.”
Seongwu tries telling him to not exhaust himself but before he could even do so, the stubborn patient has already started talking.
Apparently, Daniel’s mom and dad are divorced. His mom has been the only one by his side ever since he was a toddler. Combining the monthly support sent by his father and the reasonable salary his mom gets in her job in a networking company in Busan, Daniel and his mom was somehow able to make it.
“Mom is on a vacation with her friends now in Italy. Uh, that vacation was my gift for her 50th so I kinda don’t want to tell her about me, her vacation will be ruined! I’ll just tell her when she comes back in three days.”
Seongwu nods, “I understand. I’d do the same if I was in your place, Daniel-- I mean Mr. Kang! Sorry!
Seongwu’s eyes went wide upon hearing himself. How dare he call a patient by his first name?
Daniel laughs at him, “It’s okay Nurse Ong. You can call me Daniel, I like the way it sounds when it comes from your lips.”
Seongwu chuckled. “Let’s get this straight Mr. Kang, You’re flirting with me aren’t you?” he feels his cheeks going against gravity as a smile slowly appears on his face.
“Uh yeah, I was trying to make it obvious since yesterday.”
“My my my, who would think that you just survived an almost-heart-attack huh?”
“C’mon Ong hyung, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Daniel winks at him, “It’s okay if I call you hyung right? I asked nurse Sungwoon and he said you’re older than me by a year.”
Seongwu almost loses it at how straightforward Daniel is. Dealing with patients who flirt with him is no news for Seongwu, but this time with Daniel, it somehow feels different.
Seongwu shrugs off the thought as quickly as it came because NO HE IS NOT HERE FOR THE FLIRTING.
“Fine, you can go call me hyung but could you tone down the flirting? You’re still a patient, in the ICU, you need to rest, okay?”
Daniel chuckles at him before nodding. “Anything for you my princess.”
“Hey!”
“What?!”
“I’m not a princess!”
“Well, I can make you feel like one!”
Seongwu can feel his face heat up again so he resorts to storming out of the cubicle, leaving behind a very amused patient.
It’s almost midnight and Seongwu had just came home from his shift at the hospital. After tossing his white shoes somewhere in the hallway and stripping off his scrub suit, he crashes on his bed and stares at the ceiling.
Dance... Dance… I love dance... I’d be able to dance again, right? Hehe…
Seongwu groans and rubs his hands down his face.
So this is what happened.
When he went earlier to check on Daniel’s vitals before the end of his shift, Daniel was already fast asleep.
But as Seongwu was about to leave, Daniel started sleep-talking. It was mostly a string of incoherent words but Seongwu was able to make out some of it and unfortunately, it got stuck in his mind.
Daniel, most probably was a dancer. A passionate dancer who lost one of his legs. It sounds like a work of fiction, but sadly it could have been a reality to Daniel.
He couldn’t imagine how painful it was for Daniel to be torn away from his passion forever. Unless, he gets prosthetic legs of course, but still it would be different.
You see, Seongwu was also a dancer. The days of his youth were spent inside a so-so dance studio and he had always dreamt of pursuing a career in the field of dancing. He wanted to be a choreographer or a theater performer or a back-up dancer to idols, he didn’t mind it as long as he was able to dance.
However, reality hit him hard during last year of high school, when he had to choose whether he should follow his dreams or pursue a course that would most probably guarantee him with a stable, well-paying career. Young Seongwu had gone through more than a week of confusion, anxiousness, and worry. Later on, with the advice of his parents, he decided to give up on his dream of being a dancer and became a nurse for the sake of assurance that there’s a good future for him out there to help him support his family.
Dancing itself, surely cannot pay all their family’s bills, unless Seongwu is given a big break in the industry which was not the case at that time. He did not want to disappoint his parents by being a failure. His parents supported his passion for dance but he knew they had wanted him to pursue a career in the medical field. Therefore, he went to college and decided to give up his passion. After that, he lost all his will to continue his passion for dancing.
Dancing was not hard to forget anyway, college was such a rigorous juncture of Seongwu’s life. He had to work part time at the cafe near his college so that he could pay for the expensive medical books he needed in order to at least get a damn passing grade.
At nights when Seongwu is not busy with studies, he roams the streets of Seoul and sees street dancers perform at night and he wonders what could’ve happened to him if he went to an arts school instead of a medical school.
Seongwu had no regrets, though. This was what he wanted. He wanted a job that wouldn’t disappoint his parents and would be able to pay the bills. And he has it now. But sometimes he gets this thought, that giving up his passion way back then might have been the reason why he has such a pessimistic attitude towards his job
✬✬✬
September 6, 2017
“Hey Ong, it’s almost the end of your shift. I can change Mr. Kang’s IV bags.” Minhyun, one of the nurses who just started his shift, asks when he sees Seongwu fiddling with some of the supplies.
Seongwu shakes his head, “It’s alright. I’m not rushing home anyway. I can change Daniel’s- I mean Mr. Kang’s IV bags.”
“What?”
“I said I can do it. Don’t worry about it.”
Minhyun raises an eyebrow at him, “Oh really? Just a few weeks ago you were practically shoving your work at me because it’s ten minutes before my shift ends and I want to go home already.” Minhyun mimics Seongwu in a weird tone and Seongwu thinks it is very annoying and offensive.
“Ya Hwa--”
“And wow you’re on a first name basis with Mr. Kang now? Yeah, okay fine go and change Mr. Kang’s IV bags. My conscience won’t let me sleep knowing I cockblocked you from your potential prince charming.” Minhyun waved him away. Seongwu scrunched his nose at Minhyun but went ahead anyway.
When he arrived at Daniel’s room he was surprised to see Daniel awake. “Oh, Daniel? Not yet asleep? Last night you were already sleeping at this hour.”
“I can’t sleep.” Daniel says with a pout and puppy eyes. “What about you? Shouldn’t you be heading home now?”
“I still have to change your IV bags. And my shift doesn’t end in a few minutes. I can manage, Daniel.”
After successfully changing the IV bags, Seongwu was ready to leave when he suddenly felt a wave of hesitation rush through his body. It’s like there’s something pulling him to stay.
“Ong hyung?” Daniel calls out.
“Hmm?”
“I know this could sound selfish, but if it’s alright with you… can you please stay for a while? I mean until your shift is done? You said there’s still a few minutes left right?” Daniel looks up at him expectantly from the hospital bed.
Seongwu does not know whatever had possessed him that moment, he swore he might need to consult an exorcist soon, but he immediately says yes to Daniel. Seongwu just hopes he did not sound too enthusiastic because the last thing he needs right now is to be teased by Daniel.
Seongwu flops himself on the small chair on Daniel’s bedside. “So, Mr. Kang, what do you want to talk about?”
“Actually... I don’t know.”
“What? Then why did you ask me to stay?”
“Because… I wanted to talk…?”
“Daniel!”
“Okay, fine. I just. I don’t know. I’m sorry. You can go home now, hyung. Sorry for wasting your time.”
Seongwu frowns, Daniel seemed a little bit distressed. He remembers how Daniel told him yesterday that he was apparently a talkative person. And as a talkative and outgoing person, being cooped in this small four-cornered cubicle for more than three days could have already taken a toll on him.
He probably misses being with people. Seongwu thinks. Man, he’s such a puppy.
“No. Okay fine, we talk. I’m not leaving.” Seongwu pauses, “Let’s start with a simple and easy topic… like… do you spit or swallow?”
“Hyung!”
“Kidding. Never thought you were such an innocent baby boy after all those flirting.”
“Ha, I’m not innocent. You caught me off-guard! So to answer that question, I-”
“Don’t say it.”
“Swallow. But I’m always the… you know, recipient of the action so, that might be inaccurate for now.”
“Oooookay. TMI. Moving on.”
How to unhear that?
Conversation flowed smoothly from then on, at some point Seongwu just realized that they were already talking about their pets.
Seongwu found out that Daniel has four cats at home, Rooney, Peter, Ori, and Zhang-ah. Upon knowing that they were all girls, Seongwu doubled over in laughter because how could someone mistake a female cat as a male cat and name it Rooney and Peter? Daniel only.
“You know hyung, you kinda look like them. Especially Ori.”
Seongwu blinks a few times, “Okay no, now that’s a reach. I don’t know if I should get offended or not, so I’m just going to keep quiet.”
Daniel heartily laughs, “No! Don’t worry, I meant it in a good way. You look like a kitten sometimes, hyung. A really cute kitten.”
“Is that why you keep flirting with me then? You have a kitten kink don’t you?” Seongwu taunts him, pretending to sound disgusted.
“No! I- um- it’s not like that- I-“ Daniel stutters and obviously panics.
“Meow.”
Seongwu does not know whatever feline spirit possessed him again that night because why the fuck did I just meow in front of a patient? Daniel laughed heartily at him. “Did you just meow? Oh my gosh, you’re so cute hyung! I’m dying, how can your meow be cute too.”
Both of their faces fell upon realization of what Daniel just said. “Oopsies. Wrong joke.”
Daniel pursed his lips, “Anyways, you know, I used to be allergic to cats. But it eventually went away because I refused to let go of Rooney when I first got her.” Daniel shrugged.
“Hold on, so you’re trying to tell me your allergy went away? Just like that?”
“I believe it’s the power of love.” Daniel said in such a prophetic way that Seongwu had to blink multiple times before he was able to react to that.
“Yeah, sure Prophet Daniel.” and Daniel winks at him.
Next, Seongwu talked about how he likes dogs, and then Daniel butts in and says so you like me right? My friends say I have these extremely strong puppy charms?
And then he deadass barks afterwards.
(Apparently, they both might have this weird animal kink but who knows for sure?)
Daniel tells Seongwu about his seafood allergy. He tells him about how envious he is of his friends that they were able to eat crabs, abalones, and shrimps. Meanwhile, Daniel can only smell these foods. Seongwu does not know why he makes a mental note of Daniel’s crustacean allergies but he still does so anyway.
Seongwu tells Daniel about his choding taste buds. He tells him how he doesn’t like eating sophisticated or complicated food because his taste buds could not really appreciate those types of cuisines. He’d actually prefer delivery jokbal at midnight rather than spending hundreds of dollars in those fine dining restaurants. But he would like to eat at one during really special occasions.
Daniel tells him about the movies he likes and surprisingly it matches well with the movies Seongwu likes. Their music taste clashes at some points but there are also similarities in some.
Seongwu tells Daniel his fascination for poems. Seongwu doesn’t know how it happened but at some point in their conversation he’s already promising to show Daniel his poem collection stashed in his phone after he gets discharged.
Daniel talks to Seongwu about science - how much he’s fascinated by the entire concept and studies of it.
Seongwu talks to Daniel about mathematics - how much he loathes the subject and how much he owes his life to Blaise Pascal, the inventor of the calculator.
Lastly, Daniel talks about his preferences. Daniel apparently is bisexual, it does not come off as a surprise for Seongwu since Daniel hasn’t exactly been subtle in his flirting. In return, Seongwu also admits that he’s homosexual.
That night, Seongwu realized that talking to Daniel was so... easy and light. It’s like he’s known Daniel for years now, when in reality, it hasn’t even been one week since he knew Daniel. Ever since, Seongwu always had this pressure to make sure that the people he’s interacting with should see the very best in him, but with Daniel, it just feels so comfortable, and so relaxed. It almost feels like he could recite all of his insecurities and flaws and Daniel would just laugh it off.
It felt nice.
“Ah, I wonder when I’ll get another chance to talk to you freely like this again, hyung.” Daniel regretfully says.
“We’ll see.” A playful smile appears on Seongwu’s lips which immediately seemed to boost Daniel’s mood again. “Get some rest, Daniel. You need to recover soon.”
“Good night, hyung. See you tomorrow.”
Tonight, Daniel makes Seongwu look forward to tomorrows at the hospital.
✬✬✬
September 7, 2017
“So, answer me honestly hyung, I’m your favorite patient, aren’t I?”
“What makes you say so? Don’t think too highly of yourself, Daniel~”
“Do you usually extend your shift here in the hospital just to stay with a patient? I don’t think so?” Daniel says with an annoying smug smile on his face.
It’s 10:15 in the evening - already way past Seongwu’s shift. But here he is, inside Daniel’s cubicle.
“So, what are you gonna do if you’re my favorite patient?”
That little smug smile that appeared on Daniel’s face before answering was enough to make Seongwu’s unusually weak heart do somersaults. “Then I’ll do my best to maintain that title so no one can take it away from me.”
“Good.”
Okay, so maybe he liked Daniel. Seongwu isn’t stupid, and most especially he isn’t dense. The moment he realized he was smiling like a lunatic idiot while on the way home last night thinking of Daniel and his ridiculously loveable personality, he figured that he did have non-platonic feelings for the guy.
Daniel was like a magnet and Seongwu was a metal. No matter how much he tries to keep himself from being attached to Daniel, he just naturally does so.
Actually, if Seongwu was to admit something, Daniel was simply not just a favorite patient but instead, in a span of three days, he became Seongwu’s favorite person.
“The fuck are you looking at Minhyun?”
“Nothing~”
“I might space out a lot but I’m not stupid. What’s inside that little brain of yours and why are you looking at me like that?” Seongwu asks while arranging his things, ready to leave two hours and thirty minutes after his shift had ended.
Minhyun stands up from his swivel chair and stands beside Seongwu with crossed arms while leaning on the file rack. “It’s like 12:30. In the morning. I just want to know what the fuck on earth are you still doing here? It’s like two and a half hours past your shift! I didn’t even know you were still in there if I didn’t go to check Mr. Kang’s vitals!”
“What do you mean 12:30 it’s just-- Oh.” Seongwu quickly glances at his wristwatch, surprised to see how much time has already passed. Before he went inside Daniel’s cubicle, he had checked the time and it read 10:15, he did not even realize that that much time has passed by already.
Minhyun sighs, “Don’t try denying the obvious, Seongwu. You’ve grown attached to Mr. Kang haven’t you?”
“I- I don’t know, maybe, ah fuck. Sorry, I, um, Minhyun, I know I bully you a lot but please don’t report me--”
“Ong, chill. Reporting you to the higher ups would be the last thing I’d do.” Minhyun placed a comforting hand on Seongwu’s shoulder. “It’s the first time I’ve seen you like this in the two years that we’ve been working together here. And by like this I mean looking annoyingly happy and bright and radiant and in love after talking to a patient.” Minhyun looks at him questioningly. “Hell, you look like you absorbed the sunshine itself. You’re not usually like that Ong, no offense but your two-faced ass only smiles fakely when you’re in front of a patient.”
Seongwu chuckles, “I don’t know. I have no idea what happened. He flirted with me non-stop, I swear at first I was shushing him and ignoring him, but eventually I just found myself, flirting back? It’s scary, Minhyun. We know each other for like four days. And he’s a patient. With a heart disease. What the fuck.”
“It’s the attitude isn’t it? He’s like, the sunshine itself. Honestly, if I didn’t have Jaehwan then I might have fallen in love with Mr. Kang as well.” Minhyun cocked his head.
Seongwu pinched him on the arm, “Dude! Hold on, Jaehwan? Jaehwan as in Daniel’s friend or a different Jaehwan?”
“Jaehwan as in Mr. Kang’s friend.”
“Oh, small world. Never knew you were dating someone.”
“Because I’m not as obvious as you. But again, Ong, don’t worry, your secret is safe with us. We’re all happy for you.”
A frown emerged on Seongwu’s face. “Wait, what do you mean we?”
“You think I’m the only one who noticed? Dude, all the nurses here noticed that already, even those not in the same shift as you because every time Mr. Kang would ask them “Did Nurse Ong already arrive?” Minhyun chuckles. “Seongwu, I’m telling you, Mr. Kang is as smitten as you are.”
✬✬✬
September 8, 2017.
It’s Daniel’s fifth day inside the ICU. He was supposed to be released from there in the morning and be transferred to the regular ward since his vitals were stable the last two days, but just thirty minutes before his transfer, there was a sudden fluctuation to his normal vitals. The oxygen level in his blood dropped so low that he almost had a heart attack again, luckily, he didn’t. But his stay in the ICU prolonged since Doctor Im advised that he stay there until he gets stable.
Seongwu was at home when a major episode happened. It was 11am and he was just preparing to leave for his shift. Youngmin called him to tell him about it and Seongwu’s body felt like he was doused with ice cold water.
The situation brought him back to the reality that he seemed to have forgotten. That Daniel has cardiac complications. That Daniel is not as normal as he seems to be. That despite Daniel’s ever so cheerful and bright disposition, he was fighting his own battle with his life and health.
Seongwu enters Daniel’s cubicle after his shift. He wasn’t able to visit Daniel at all that day because he, of all the nurses in that damn station, was assigned by the head nurse to reorganize the files which took him almost his entire shift. But after he was done, he was asked to assist in a transfer of a patient from the regular rooms to the ICU and the thought of visiting Daniel was thrown out the window just like that.
Fuck you, head nurse. Seongwu thinks.
“Hi, Daniel…” Seongwu says in a soft voice upon seeing Daniel lie awake on his hospital bed. Seongwu noticed that even though Daniel was smiling upon his entrance, his eyes were somehow droopy, lacking the brightness it had just yesterday. It must have been because of his ischemia earlier.
“Ong hyung.” Daniel grinned, “I thought, you did not come to work. I did not see you all day. I was worried.”
Seongwu shakes his head and settles on his usual spot beside Daniel. “I went here to check on you when I arrived from my shift, but you were asleep, I went back at around seven and you were still asleep.” He then explained that he was not able to see him again because of the head nurse’s assignment. “Nurse Youngmin told me about what happened to you earlier. You should rest now, Daniel. You really look weak.”
He fixes the stray hair strands of Daniel’s messy bangs.
Daniel quickly shushes him and tells him that he’s fine. “No, I’ve been sleeping almost the whole day. I want to talk with my favorite nurse now.”
“Well then, your favorite nurse is here at your service. What do you want to talk about?”
“You know, you never asked about what happened to my leg. I don’t know if you’re naturally just not interested or…” Daniel’s tone was weak. As much as he wanted to Seongwu did not want to push him anymore.
Seongwu quickly waves his hand, “Ya. Of course, I want to know. But, I was afraid it was a sensitive topic for you.
“It’s not. Actually, I’m proud. Because you know what, I felt like a hero when I lost my leg.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I saved a kid from being hit by car while crossing the road that’s why I lost my leg. I thought I was fast enough to dodge the car, but I was only able to push the kid. I was hit. The car crushed my left leg. Damn it was so painful, but it’d be more painful for me to see that child getting ran over by that car.” The both of them were silent, with Daniel reminiscing the days and Seongwu waiting for the right timing to speak.
Seongwu almost felt like crying, Daniel’s voice was evidently more weaker than it was just yesterday.
“You know, Ong hyung. It was a terrible accident. But I’m proud of what I did. That kid I saved from the accident is now part of his school’s dance team and he’s been winning contests all over the country. When he sends me pictures of his medals, I was so proud that I cried. I felt like a hero.”
Seongwu smiles at him, reassuringly. “You were a hero, Daniel.”
“Yeah, but you know, being a hero has its consequences. Now, I really miss dancing. I used to be part of a dance team too. I join b-boy competitions and sometimes volunteer at the daycare center to teach little children. Not a day goes by before that I don’t dance.” Daniel laughs with melancholy, “So when I lost my leg, it felt like a part of me was literally and metaphorically taken away from me.”
Seongwu takes Daniel’s hands in his and squeezes it tightly. Daniel squeezes it back. They stay like that for a while until Daniel decides to break the silence.
“Hyung, what about you? Do you like dancing?”
Seongwu chuckles, “Honestly? Dancing was also my life before I went to college.”
Daniel’s eyes went wide and Seongwu is sure if Daniel had puppy ears it would have perked up already the highest that it could. “What happened?”
“Long story short. I had to choose between a stable and well-paying career or an uncertain future in dancing. My parents wanted me to be a nurse as well, so here I am hitting two birds with one stone.”
“Hyung, if you’re a good dancer, can you dance for me? I wish I could do beatbox for you if not for these breathing tubes stuck in my nose.”
There’s a first time for everything. Seongwu thinks as he ponders on the fact that he had never danced inside an ICU cubicle, more so in front of a patient.
Daniel was really an exception.
After Seongwu’s little dance number, Daniel clapped for him. “You were amazing hyung!”
“Well, that’s given, dancing was and is still my passion.” Seongwu confesses. “But I guess even if it is my passion, dancing was not meant to be the main spectacle of my life.”
“Don’t lose hope, hyung! You still have the chance to dance.” Daniel quickly counters him, “Look at me, I lost a leg and now I’m fighting this heart malfunction but I’m still holding on to the hope that I am going to be able to dance again.”
Seongwu sighs, “Don’t take this the wrong way, Daniel… but how? How do you even have hope at this point?”
“Oh, hyung. You won’t understand the value of hope until it’s the only thing you have.”
“Daniel…”
“But now, I have you. Which means I have more reasons to fight and overcome this battle.”
Seongwu smiles at him and squeezes his hands tighter. They paused for a brief moment before Daniel started talking again.
“I already told you that I loved dancing right? But more so, teaching dancing to children. The smiles on their faces when they finally master a step and of course the cheerful laughter when they mess up a move, the hopeful eyes whenever they get ready for a recital or a contest. Ah, nothing could compare to the satisfaction I feel.”
He’s such an angel.
“Hyung, that’s why when I recover, I’m going to work my ass out to save up for a prosthetic leg so that soon I can dance again. Hopefully some time in the future, I can also start my own dance academy. And hyung! Hyung will be one of the instructors! If that’s okay with you?”
“Daniel… I’m working 6 days a week. I don’t think I’d still have time for that.”
“But hyung, you said dancing was your passion right? You can be a part time dancer or just an occasional special guest in my dance academy classes.” Daniel laughs while scratching his head. “I would really be happy if we can both dance together. That’s like a dream come true. It will make me so fulfilled that I could probably die after.”
Seongwu glared at him, “Okay, wrong joke again. But you get me.”
Maybe, it was Daniel’s enthusiasm, maybe it was the sense of hope Daniel has given him after all these years of suppressing his desire to do what he’s passionate about, maybe it was the feeling of excitement knowing that he could possibly dance again…
“Okay, I’ll do it. But promise me one thing.”
“Yes, Nurse Ong!”
“Promise me that you will choreograph our dance collaboration, I suck at making choreographies.”
“I promise, Ong hyung. I promise.”
For the first time in a long time, Seongwu finally starts to feel the feeling of having hope.
✬✬✬
September 9, 2017.
Today, Daniel’s mom finally was able to visit her son. From the airport, Jisung drove her and told her what happened to Daniel. Without even changing her clothes, they rushed to the hospital. But Jisung had to run immediately, leaving Mrs. Kang to Seongwu.
Seongwu carefully accompanied Mrs. Kang to Daniel’s cubicle. She immediately started crying after seeing her one and only son lay on a hospital bed with numerous tubes stuck on his body. Seongwu leaves them for a while and returns to the Nurses’ Station. Luckily, Daniel’s doctor was around during the time Mrs. Kang was there so Daniel’s mother was able to talk to him after she visited her son.
Seongwu continued on his other tasks as Doctor Im and Mrs. Kang were talking.
A few minutes later, Seongwu was surprised to see Mrs. Kang approaching him. She was smiling widely.
“Good evening Mrs. Kang, is there anything I can do to help you?” Seongwu immediately stood up from his seat, even bumping his knee on the corner of his desk while doing so.
Mrs. Kang lightly shakes her head with a smile, Seongwu notices that her eyes were a bit puffy - probably because of too much crying while she was with Daniel.
“Oh no dear, I’m actually about to leave. But, I could not miss this opportunity to say thank you.”
Seongwu blinked multiple times.
“Thank you? For what?”
“Daniel… Daniel told me a lot about you. Don’t worry, they were all positive things, that’s why I want to thank you. For making him happy. You see, Daniel is the type of person who wouldn’t show it if he’s stressed or having troubles. Instead, he craves for companionship. You know... just a good friend to talk to, to help him forget about all his worries and troubles. Jaehwan and Jisung, his two closest friends here in Seoul can’t do that for him right now and I believe he’s found that in you. Companionship and maybe even something more.” Mrs. Kang smiles knowingly at him and Seongwu immediately blushes. “Thank you for being there for my son.”
“What I did… what I did for Daniel is not much compared to the impact he had on me Mrs. Kang. And a part of it was just me doing my job as well. I would not elaborate much, but Daniel is a wonderful and precious person. You raised him really well, Mrs. Kang.”
“I’m glad to hear that, dear. Anyways, I need to get going now to change my clothes. I will be back in the evening.”
Seongwu nods and accompanies her to the exit of the ICU. There he also spots Dr. Lim.
When Mrs. Kang has left the premises, Seongwu turned around to go back to the Nurses’ Station until he was stopped by Dr. Lim.
“Nurse Ong, can we talk for a while?” Dr. Lim said with a tone in his voice that Seongwu doesn’t like.
“Yes, Doctor Lim? Can I do anything for you?”
“You see, I’ve noticed that you’ve grown… fond of a certain patient, haven’t you? Mr. Kang, right?” Dr. Lim asks, “And it seems like the feeling has become mutual?”
Seongwu nods meekly, afraid of what to respond at such an ominous questions.
“I talked to Mrs. Kang. We agreed that Mr. Kang is going to undergo coronary artery bypass surgery soon.” Dr. Lim says with a serious expression on his face.
“Why… why are you talking as if Daniel’s surgery is a bad thing? Shouldn’t you be happy? He’s going to get better after that.”
“Seongwu, you’re a nurse. Among everyone, you should know that cardiac surgeries are a make it or break it kind of case. Add in there that ever since the last fluctuation of Daniel’s vitals he hasn’t been doing any better.”
Seongwu frowns, “Just go straight to the point doc.”
“Mr. Kang can die at any moment even before we are able to do the surgery. But then again, he can make it or break it during the surgery. I made Mrs. Kang aware of this and I think it would be most appropriate if you knew it too.”
“But Daniel… he’s still so lively when we talked yesterday, he can’t possibly die soon right? He’ll be able to make it until the surgery?” Seongwu says with a shaky voice. He can’t cry in the middle of a hospital hallway, and most importantly, he can’t cry in front of a doctor.
Dr. Lim sighs, “Again Ong, you’re a nurse. Heart diseases are silent killers and you should know the implication of that.”
Seongwu wishes he was deaf. Seongwu wishes he did not know.
“But, there is hope, there is always hope! We have the best doctors here! Plus, Daniel is a strong man, he would not give up without a fight.”
“That sounded strange coming from you Seongwu. But yes, I think Daniel is a fighter. I just pray that he can overcome this and he would not give up without a fight. But Seongwu, even the strongest fighters eventually lose. And I hope you keep yourself ready for that.”
✬✬✬
September 12, 2017
“Ong.”
“Ong..”
“Ong!!”
Seongwu snaps out of his reveries when he feels a hand slap his arm. It was Sungwoon’s.
“Dude, can you just tell me what’s going on? You’ve been out of it for like two days.” Sungwoon hands him a roasted chicken sandwich, “Are you sick or something? Here have some.” The elder even touches Seongwu’s forehead and neck to check if he had caught a fever or something.
“I’m fine, hyung. I’m just thinking of… things.”
Things like what Doctor Lim said to him three days ago.
“Are you sure? You do know that if you have things troubling you, you can always talk to me or anyone of us here.” Sungwoon faces him fully and smooths out the creases in the shoulder area of his uniform before patting his forehead twice. “We don’t want our baby Ong to have wrinkles.”
“Hyung! I am not a ba--”
“Oh look next shifts are here, I’m off now. Bye~”
With that Sungwoon quickly gathers his stuff and leaves the Nurses’ Station. Seongwu saw the nurses assigned to the next shift come in, which is a signal for him that his shift is ending too.
Which means he can finally spend time with Daniel.
When Seongwu arrived at Daniel’s room, he noticed that Daniel’s lips were paler and his eyes were droopier than usual. He’s also lost a lot of weight since the first time he came here. But despite that, upon seeing Seongwu, Daniel’s lips formed into the beautiful and bright smile Seongwu had undeniably grown fond of.
“Hi there,” Seongwu greets in hushed voice, as he makes his way beside Daniel, “you look tired?” Seongwu worriedly reaches out to run a hand through Daniel’s scalps which elicits a small smile from Daniel.
Daniel shakes his head lightly, “I was waiting for you to come. I wanted to ask you something.”
“Silly.” Seongwu pinches Daniel’s cheeks, “Can’t it wait until tomorrow?”
Daniel again shakes his head, the ghost of a smile on his face making his bunny teeth come into full view. “I already gained all the confidence I needed to ask you this. And it’s now or never.”
“Confidence? Daniel what--”
Daniel weakly grabs Seongwu’s hands despite all the needles and devices connected to it. “Hyung. When I’m… when I finally undergo the surgery, get better, and get discharged soon, can I take you out? I would really love to treat you to dinner. Maybe some jokbal since you mentioned before that you really like those. Then we can go to the pet cafe or to the movies and maybe grab some ice cream afterwards? Or we can go to the amusement park if you prefer that? Or we can go to the bookstore so I can treat you to books with collection of poems-- ” Daniel must have noticed Seongwu’s shocked expression because he briefly stops talking and squeezes the elder’s hands lightly. “But it’s okay if you don’t want to… I mean, I just tried my luck haha, who would even want to go on a date, with a person who lacks one leg and has a dysfunctional heart—“
“Well, I don’t know about the others, but I would.”
“What?”
“Figure it out yourself Niel-ah~”
“You… did you just agree to go out with me?” Daniel’s eyes turned wide.
Seongwu nods and Daniel smiles the brightest that he could but the older can still see how droopy and tired they were.
Daniel was already having a hard time. Seongwu bites his tongue to prevent himself from crying.
“That’s it. Fuck this heart disease, I am going to beat the shit out of this.”
“I hope so too Daniel, I really hope so.”
The smile on Daniel’s face was brighter than any of the stars Seongwu has ever seen.
✬✬✬
September 13, 2017.
It has been almost two weeks that Daniel is staying in the ICU. But hopefully that would end soon because in two days, he’s going to undergo surgery.
Tonight, on what Daniel liked to call the “Ongniel Midnight Session” they talked about the stars and constellations. To Seongwu’s surprise, Daniel knew so much about the constellations more than him. Apparently, Daniel’s favorite constellation is the Andromeda. Seongwu confesses that he hasn’t gone stargazing before nor had seen a constellation so Daniel tells him that on their second date they’d go stargazing.
(Seongwu teases him afterwards of being too confident that there would be a second date.)
Much to Seongwu’s dismay, their “Ongniel Midnight Session” got cut short. It was no more than fifteen minutes when Daniel declared that he was already tired and sleepy. Seongwu was too. The both of them decided that perhaps they should call it a night since both of them were already sleepy.
As Seongwu drives home, he thinks of Daniel. He always does that anyway, isn’t new. But this time he figures out why Daniel had such a huge impact on him. Seongwu believes that maybe Daniel was his star. Stars were meant to guide a person to his destination. It gives a person hope that someday they will finally get to where their desired place is.
Daniel made him discover a new meaning of hope. Daniel allowed him to open up doors he refused to reopen or never even considered opening before. Daniel was the light that made his dull days in the hospital turn into bright ones. Daniel gave him hope despite the uncertainty of the future. Seongwu was in the dark and Daniel was the light that made him see the color in everything.
That night, Seongwu tries to sleep.
But every toss and turn he makes he hears Daniel’s soothing voice, comically telling him stories about the most seemingly uninteresting things that he strangely finds interesting.
Everytime Seongwu closes his eyes, he sees Daniel’s optimistic, radiant, and ever-so-hopeful smile that made Seongwu’s days brighter than it has been in years now.
And everytime Seongwu takes a breath, he is reminded how anytime now, Daniel could take his last breath and be gone forever.
Seongwu cries himself to sleep.
Seongwu dreams of Daniel.
It was such a vivid dream.
A healthy Daniel with two fully functioning legs.
They were onstage together performing a collaboration performance in front of an audience. He can hear the music; it was Get Ugly. Dream Seongwu felt a strange kind of adrenaline rush and exhilaration he had never felt for so long while dancing with Daniel in his dream. Daniel was smiling brightly as he looked at him while they were conquering the stage together. Daniel was born for this; he was born to be on stage. And now, being able to share both of their passions with each other had Seongwu’s heart go overdrive. His heart was beating fast, his blood was rushing, he was in an all-time high.
When they ended the performance Daniel pulled him into a tight and bone-crushing hug. Seongwu lost track of how long they were hugging. It was just a dream but Seongwu felt the raw and unguarded emotions the hug brought. Daniel was holding unto him like his life depended on it. And Seongwu did hope it does because if that’s the case then he would never, ever let go of Daniel’s embrace.
They separated, and Daniel cradled his face gently in his hands. They were cold, shaky, and sweaty, but Seongwu did not mind.
Daniel brought their foreheads together. Seongwu noticed that Daniel was crying. Seongwu wipes a stray tear that fell from Daniel’s eyes and laughs lightly.
Ong hyung… Thank you. Thank you for letting me dance with you. This is one of the best moments I have and I’m so happy that you’re here to share it with me. I… I will never forget this, hyung. I will never forget you. Please, please, please promise me that you will never forget me too, no matter what happens.
Of course, not! Hey puppy, what are you talking about? Why are you crying? We just finished our dream collab! We should be celebrating! Seongwu pinches Daniel’s cheeks. They were warm.
I’m just really grateful for everything. Hyung, you made my last days on earth worth living.
Wait- Daniel, what are you talking about?
Don’t worry Ong hyung, we’ll see each other eventually during the right time. But I hope not anytime soon, you still have a long way to go, but mine is cut short here. I want you to live your life to the fullest, okay?
Daniel!
Daniel plants a long kiss on his forehead.
Sorry for breaking my promise…
Daniel sighs.
Goodbye, Ong hyung. Thank you.
He was about to respond, but the surroundings shifted and everything disappeared and became pitch black, even Daniel.
A persistent ringing could be heard.
His heart was beating fast.
And then he wakes up.
He looks at the clock. 3:21 am.
His phone was ringing.
He picks it up.
It was Minhyun.
His world crashes.
Seongwu, Daniel... Daniel had a heart a ttack The doctors revived him the best they could but... I’m sorry, Seongwu. Daniel is… Daniel is gone.
Today, a star died.
✬✬✬
EPILOGUE.
2022
“KD Dance Academy launches first foundation for handicapped children and teenagers, the KD Foundation for the Handicapped Youth. And our show is lucky to have the founder and president of the KD Dance Academy himself with us, let’s all welcome, Mr. Ong Seongwu!”
Seongwu, clad in a simple ensemble of a white dress shirt and black slacks, entered the studio. He takes a seat on one of the couches in front of the news reporter. It’s his first television appearance and he’s quite nervous.
From the corner of his eye, he sees Jaehwan at the back stage, giving him a big thumbs up.
“So, Mr. Ong, congratulations on the launching of your very first foundation! Would you like to tell the audience the reason why you chose to start a dance academy?”
“Well, I wanted to pursue my passion in dancing and share it with others.”
“Then what about the foundation? What inspired you to start a foundation for the handicapped youth?
Seongwu smiled, “It isn’t a what, but a who. Years ago, I met a friend. He’s very special person to me and he inspired me to be a better person. He taught me how to have hope in the toughest of times and how to see the good in everything. But most importantly, he made me realize how to be an optimist. He was also one of the reasons why I established that dance academy because he also had a strong passion for dancing. As for the foundation, my special friend was also handicapped. He lost his leg after saving a child from a car crash. But despite that, he never lost hope that things would eventually get better. He was actually saving up for a prosthetic leg so he can continue dancing. But sadly, due to circumstances he was not able to pursue that dream. So, I took the chance to be able to share what I gained from him to the youth. I want to make them feel that there is always hope. I want to know that there will be people who would help them overcome their handicap no matter what happens.”
“What keeps you going Mr. Ong? We know that there aren’t many financial returns but what inspires you to move?”
“Hope and passion. And of course the special person who was the reason behind all these.”
“Mr. Ong, would you care to disclose the identity of the person that inspired you to do all these? Or is it confidential information?”
Seongwu smiles, “Oh no, the academy and the foundation was actually named after the initials of this person. His name is Kang Daniel.”