Work Text:
September 17th, 2018 3:28 am
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
why the fuck do you look like that
you’re so pretty it’s distracting and i really don’t want to fail this class
-
Renjun came up with the idea a month into his senior year.
It was two in the morning and he was trying to finish his chemistry homework, and he would’ve gotten it done hours before if it wasn’t for his lab partner. Now don’t get Renjun wrong, he was a great partner; they actually got things done, unlike last year, but he’s just so damn distracting.
His partner's problem; he’s too pretty for Renjun to be able to concentrate around. He was too busy staring at the other boy to actually pay attention to their teacher’s lecture, and that cost him understanding their homework.
He met Donghyuck on the first day of Honors II Chemistry. Sure he knew who the younger was, but he’d never said more than a few words to the kid. He didn’t even talk to him that day, just glared when Donghyuck smiled at him. Seriously, it wasn’t even seven, what does he gain by being so happy that early in the morning.
The next time Donghyuck smiled at him was the next class, when they were assigned as lab partners. Renjun wasn’t against it, especially when he heard donghyuck’s friend Jeno complain about him having “the smart kid” as his partner. They worked well together, though there was this little incident where Renjun forgot to turn off the bunsen burner because he got too distracted while listening to Donghyuck talk about the next step.
Renjun doesn’t know if he’s more annoyed at himself or Donghyuck. He just wishes he could tell Donghyuck and his pretty face to fuck off without seeming like an asshole.
A memory floats to the front of his mind. Jisung was complaining about how much he likes Chenle and how much he wants to tell him. When Renjun brought up, you know, telling him Jisung freaked and told him he’d never be able to do that.
Rejun had sighed and brought up figuring out ways to tell him anonymously.
“Like, love letters?” Jisung popped up from where he had fallen dramatically off the bed.
“Yes, love letters. You like to write, especially about Chenle, why not?”
Jisung blushed. “I don’t write about Chenle.”
Renjun rolled his eyes, “Kid, just because Chenle refuses to read your poems doesn’t mean I didn’t read them.
He cursed under his breath. “I still won’t do it, I feel like it’d be too obvious.”
And that was that.
Renjun considered it. Sure sending Donghyuck anonymous letters would give him the opportunity to tell him how annoying he is, but how would he get him the letters? It’s not like anyone uses lockers nowadays.
He sighs, eyes focusing back on his laptop when it dings. Renjun pulls it towards him and opens up his email. Three words into the email he has an epiphany.
Emails. Perfect.
All thoughts about Chemistry homework are gone as he opens up Gmail, clicking create a new account.
And just like that, Renjun made the worst decision of his entire life.
-
Okay, Renjun’s a little dramatic. It wasn’t the worst decision he’s ever made, it was just the catalyst for Renjun developing feelings for Donghyuck. Class the next day was eventful, to say the least. He had gotten to the class early in hopes of asking his teacher for help, only to find Donghyuck already there.
“Good morning!” he said, cheery as ever, eyes shining almost as bright as him.
Renjun unceremoniously dumped his bag onto his seat. “Morning, did you understand the homework?”
“Yeah, do you need help?” Renjun sighs and nods.
Donghyuck perks up and shuffles through his folder, whispering a hell yeah when he pulls out the homework sheet. He gets out of his seat, relocating to sit in front of Renjun.
The next ten minutes are filled with Donghyuck’s soft voice and Renjun trying desperately to follow. He gets it done, with a lot of difficulties, but it’s all worth it for the smile Donghyuck sends his way when he moves back to his seat.
Also, because of the little noise of confusion Donghyuck makes in the back of his throat when he opens up his email.
-
This is the story of how Renjun’s world fell apart.
(He really needs to stop being so dramatic.)
Renjun knew it was going to be a bad day when Jisung and Chenle sat down across from him, the younger of the two with a knowing smirk on his face.
Now if you’ve ever had two juniors sit across from you, looking like they know something you don’t, then you’d understand why Renjun’s fight or flight response kicked in so severely he had to clutch the end of the table to stop himself from escaping.
“I heard the most peculiar thing today,” Chenle tells him, eyes shining mischievously.
Oh no. “And what did you hear?”
“That Donghyuck Lee got a very interesting email the other day,” Jisung replies, picking up one of Renjun’s pencils and twirling it with his fingers.
Renjun freezes. “What does that have to do with me?”
“Jisung was telling me about how you’re very familiar with the concept of secret admirers,” Jisung tenses up at the words, clearly he didn’t tell Chenle the whole story.
“Did he tell you why he knows that?”
Jisung’s eyes widen and he attempts to stutter out a response, but Chenle beats him to it. “Stop trying to change the subject, was it you?”
Renjun briefly considers lying, but he knows he sucks at lying to Chenle. “Fine, it was me. I needed a way to tell him he’s annoying without seeming like a dick.”
Chenle and Jisung take one look at each other before bursting out laughing, clutching at their stomachs and each other.
“Oh fuck off, both of you,” he squints at the two boys, trying to figure out the best way to dispose of their bodies.
Chenle wipes at his eyes and coos. “Aww, Renjunnie has a crush.”
“I hate both of you so much, I don’t have a crush,” Renjun sighs and gets up, starting to pack his things.
JIsung attempts to stall him, but if there’s anything Renjun’s gotten anything other than a headache from being friends with Chenle and Jisung it’s a pretty mean stare. He retracts his hand from where it’s placed on one of Renjun’s binders, sending him a sheepish smile.
Renjun closes his eyes and counts to five, “I don’t have a crush, he’s annoying.”
Chenle smiles at him knowingly and nods, raising a hand to stop Jisung from saying something.
He rolls his eyes and walks away.
-
September 20th, 2018
to: [email protected]
from: [email protected]
you’re like the sun.
not because you’re bright and warm but because you’re hard to look at.
bitch
-
Hanging out in the library during lunch used to be fun, up until Chenle and Jisung found out they had the same lunch period as him and decided to annoy the fuck out of Renjun instead of eating.
Renjun loves his boys, he really does, but the thing about Chenle and Jisung is that they have a pension for being so annoying it makes Renjun want to rip off his ears.
Chenle chucks an eraser at Jisung’s head, laughing way too loudly for a library when it hits him square in the forehead. Jisung pouts but throws the eraser back to him. Renjun narrows his eyes at the two before swatting at Chenle’s hand trying to knock it out of his hand.
He smirks at Renjun, leaning back in his chair, the eraser falling to the floor. “How are things with your crush going?”
“Fuck you, he’s not my crush,” Renjun pushes him off the chair, sending Chenle sprawling onto the floor.
Jisung laughs as he watches but immediately shuts up when Chenle pops up and glares at him. He clears his throat. “You literally compared him to the sun.”
“What are you talking about? I’d never compare Donghyuck to the sun, he’s ugly,” He scoffs, rolling his eyes at the younger.
“Okay, first of all, I never said a name, and second of all, your laptop’s open, I can see the email you’re writing.”
Scowling, Renjun slams the lid of his laptop closed and mumbles about nosy juniors under his breath.
“If you actually read it you’d know I didn’t call him the sun because I think he’s,” He pauses and shivers over exaggeratedly, “beautiful.”
“Okay… Chenle says condescendingly, a tone that Renjun doesn’t appreciate very much. Jisung giggles at him, eyes wide in admiration for the other boy.
That’s another thing about Chenle and Jisung that annoys the hell out of Renjun, they’re so disgustingly and obviously fond for each other, and yet they refuse to confess.
Honestly. Renjun deserves an award for putting up with them.
Jisung’s phone dings and he pouts. “I need to get back to class.”
Chenle’s smile falters, but he quickly shakes it off. “Okay, see you after school.”
Renjun waves, and then turns to Chenle when he disappears through the door, “Ask him out.”
“No.”
“Chenle, Ask. Him. Out.”
He sighs. “What if he says no?”
Renjun groans, slamming his head on the desk. “We’ve been over this, he won’t”
Chenle’s eyebrows knit together and opens his mouth to say something, but before he can he’s cut off by the librarian telling them they should probably get back to class.
He pats Chenle on the shoulder and walks away, hoping that those two get their shit together sometime soon.
-
September 30th, 2018
to: [email protected]
from: [email protected]
hoco is overrated. you’re overrated.
why do i want to go with you
-
The second Renjun heard the beginning notes of Shine by Pentagon he knew something funny was going to happen. So he did what every normal person would do in that situation; pulled out his phone and started recording.
His phone focuses first on a very surprised looking Jisung when Chenle starts to sing. Chenle’s voice is shaky from nerves, but he surprisingly keeps eye contact with Jisung. He’s singly softly, gently holding onto Jisung’s hand, his adoration and love for the younger blending smoothly with the cheesy words he’s singing.
Jisung’s maybe three seconds away from crying. (Renjun knows this because he’s very familiar with an emotional Jisung. He’s kind of a crybaby, but that’s okay, he still loves the nerd). He has to hold in a laugh when the first tear falls, quickly followed by more.
The song finishes and Chenle clears his throat, his hand shakes where it’s holding onto Jisung’s, clearly nervous as hell. “Jisung, I uh- I was wondering..”
He swallows again, and for the first time since this started, he looks away. Chenle closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves, “I was wondering, wait no that’s not how I want to do this, Jisung I’ve liked you for so long, you fucking loser, will you go to homecoming with me?”
This time Renjun can’t stop himself from laughing at Chenle and the confused look on Jisung’s face. “Chenle, babe, maybe try English.”
Chenle flushes and looks down at the floor. “S-sorry. Jisung, I’ve liked you for so long even though you’re a loser that cries at everything,” at that he reaches a hand up to wipe at the tears pooled under Jisung’s eyes, “and you like to write dumb poems, but they’re not dumb because you write them and everything you do is amazing.”
“Chenle,” Renjun warns, trying to get him to move along.
“Ah, sorry,” he smiles sheepishly at Jisung who looks a few seconds away from pouncing on Chenle, “Jisung, will you go to homecoming with me?”
Jisung, at a loss for words, nods and pulls Chenle into a tight hug. Renjun sees Chenle breathe for the first time since the song started playing, and he feels a little bit proud of both boys.
He stops the recording and opens twitter, quickly typing out “twitter take a look at this loser” and posting the video.
Platinum tweet here he comes.
-
Football games are not Rejun’s thing, at all. Especially football games that take place on incredibly cold nights. Basically- football sucks, Renjun’s cold, and everyone is way too loud.
Chenle really gets into this sort of thing- and in extension Jisung too, he can never stay more than three feet away from the other boy- because he’s kind of a social butterfly, and everyone knows him so he can spend the whole of the game fluttering from group to group, leaving Renjun alone in the bleachers.
Honestly, Chenle would make a pretty great cheerleader, he’s excitable and has a strange ability to hype anyone and everyone up.
“You look lonely,” Renjun jumps in his seat, he was too focused on the game to have noticed someone come up behind him.
He turns around to face the person, “Oh, Hi Donghyuck.”
Donghyuck smiles at him and eyes the game, “I didn’t peg you as a football kind of guy.”
“I’m not, Chenle likes coming to the games and it is the Homecoming game so,” he trails off, pulling the blanket on his lap to wrap tighter around his body, “What about you?”
“Jaemin and Jeno are on the team, so I kinda have to come,” he leans into Renjun, a cheeky smile on his lips, “they’d pout too much if I didn’t come.”
Renjun laughs awkwardly, not knowing what to do about the close proximity, “Do you want to come sit next to me? My friends kinda ditched me, maybe you can keep me company?”
Donghyuck smiles at him again and unceremoniously climbs over the seats and plops down next to Renjun. He laughs at the other boy, and Donghyuck winks at him.
‘God, you’re so smooth, all the girls at UHS are shaking,” he says, reaching a hand up to tame Donghyuck’s hair.
“That’s… not really my type,” Donghyuck answers, eyeing Renjun closely.
“Same,” he says softly, somehow unable to tear his eyes away from the other boy.
Up close, Donghyuck is even more mesmerizing than he is from across a classroom. Renjun’s breath hitches in his throat, mouth dropping open ever so slightly. Donghyuck’s eyes follow the action closely, and Renjun swears he sees him lean in before everybody around them screams as their school’s team gets a touchdown.
Donghyuck lurches backward in his seat, surprised at the interruption, and sits up slightly, head bobbing around as he tries to see who scored. “Holy shit, I think that was Jaemin.”
“Good for him,” Renjun’s slightly out of breath and shocked, head not quite wrapped around what just happened.
Donghyuck smiles at him and settles back into the seat, stretching an arm out to rest of the back of the row. “He’s going to be insufferable for the next month.”
Renjun laughs loudly, throwing his body forward and slightly to the side. He doesn’t move when he’s calmed down, somehow finding himself back in Donghyuck’s personal bubble. The other doesn’t push him away, just scooches closer to him, moving his arm from laying on the seats to wrap around Renjun’s small frame.
“Are you cold?” He asks, squeezing Renjun further into his side.
“Kinda, thank you,” Renjun whispers into Donghyuck’s neck, snuggling slightly into him.
An annoyingly warm natural body temperature is something Renjun needs to add to the list of annoying things about Donghyuck, though it’s coming in handy today, but it’s making Renjun think about cuddling with him in his room while soft EXO songs play in the background, and that’s not good.
All in all, Renjun thinks as another one of their players scores a touchdown, maybe football games aren’t as bad as he thought
(He takes that back the next morning when he finds Jisung and Chenle sitting on his couch, laughing at something on Chenle’s phone, and sees that it’s a picture of Donghyuck and him snuggled up to each other in the bleachers.
“I thought you said you don’t have a crush on him,” Chenle drawls, hand coming up to pinch at his cheek.
Renjun swats away the hand, “Shut the fuck up.”)
-
October 10th, 2018
to: [email protected]
from: [email protected]
you looked like shit at hoco
and by shit i mean really pretty can you please fuck off
-
Homecoming was beautiful. Jisung and Chenle were beautiful.
Donghyuck was annoyingly beautiful.
In all actuality, it was a pretty shit night. Imagine third wheeling two very annoying and very in love Juniors- it’s not fun. The after party was the best part of the whole night.
And by after party, he means IHop at midnight with Donghyuck and his friends. Renjun sat across from him throughout the meal, and it was probably the most enjoyable conversation he’s had in a while.
Jeno and Jaemin were… something. Jaemin immediately grew an attachment to Jisung, who got incredibly tired of hearing Jisung you’re so cute after about the fifth time Jaemin said it. Jeno sat next to Donghyuck and from time to time he’d add something to whatever they were talking about. He seems like a pretty cool guy, Renjun wouldn’t mind hanging out with him more.
He might get the chance to if Jisung and Chenle ever stop stealing Donghyuck away from the two. Ever since IHOP, he’s become a part of their little friend group, and Renjun can’t believe it happened.
The best case scenario was he got over his dumb crush on the other boy, but that’s really hard when you see him every day outside of school, and if Donghyuck’s pretty at school, he’s downright gorgeous when he’s in a more comfortable environment.
Basically, instead of getting over him, Renjun’s feelings have grown to an enormous amount, so big he can’t sleep without thinking about the younger for at least ten minutes.
Stupid Donghyuck and stupid him for being so weak for stupid pretty boys.
-
Missing class sucks, missing a test sucks even more.
Now, missing class and a test and having to take it during his study hall sucks the most.
Renjun was really looking forward to finishing his book, but instead, he has to walk into a classroom full of people he doesn’t know—or worse, a classroom full of people he does know—-and use trigonometric functions to find side C, given sides A and B, and angle C.
Mrs. Brown smiles at him when he walks through the door and sets down the pass on her desk. He spots an empty seat and quietly sits down, pulling out a pencil and a calculator.
“Do problems six through nine on your own,” she says and makes her way over to Renjun, “Let me go grab that test for you,” she tells him quietly, before leaving the room.
He looks back down at his calculator, not wanting to accidentally catch eyes with one of the students in the class when he hears the door open again. Renjun doesn’t look up, expecting it to be Mrs. Brown, but realizes his mistake when his chair is pulled back and someone sits down on his lap.
Startled, Renjun shoots back in his seat, almost knocking the both of them to the ground.
“What are you doing in my classroom Huang?”
Renjun laughs, “Hello Donghyuck, why are you on my lap?” Despite his words, he wraps his arms around Donghyuck’s waist.
“I asked you first,” Donghyuck responds, leaning back against Renjun’s chest.
“I have to take a test,” Renjun says into his ear, leaning forward in his chair. He smirks at the shiver that runs down Donghyuck’s spine.
He’s about to respond when the door opens again and Mrs. Brown walks back in. “Donghyuck, I don’t remember assigning Renjun’s lap as your seat.” the class laughs and Donghyuck winks at him, before getting up and making a show of waltzing back to his actual seat.
Taking a math test is hard, but taking a math test with Donghyuck Lee in the room is even harder.
-
October 20th, 2018 9:38 pm
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
i wish you would just disappear and stop making me feel like this
-
Renjun knew something bad was going to happen when he made his way out to his car after school and found Chenle and Jisung with Donghyuck mingling around it.
“What’s going on?” He asks, slowly opening the door to put his bag in the back seat, trying not to get too writes out by the staring.
“We’re going to Mcdonald’s,” Chenle starts
“And I need a ride,” Donghyuck finishes.
Fuck.
Chenle winks at him and climbs into his car, Jisung following suit.
Renjun scoffs and makes a few hand gestures to try to get him to roll his window down.
Chenle complies.
“Why do I have to drive him? We all can fit in your or my car?”
Chenle sucks his teeth, “Sorry, my love for Jisung takes up all the room in my car,” and with that, he rolls up his window and drives away.
Renjun groans and turns to Donghyuck, “If you get anything other than chicken nuggets I’m not driving you home.”
Donghyuck smiles at him, beautiful and bright, and Renjun swallows hard, trying to not fuck up getting in the car.
The first thing Donghyuck does when he gets in the car is asks for the aux cord. Renjun briefly thinks about how much of a bad idea this could be, but Donghyuck looks too happy holding out his hand and his phone open to his favorites playlist.
Tempo by EXO starts playing through the car speakers and Renjun forgets all about it being a bad idea. Donghyuck looks over at him and laughs at the smile on his face, and begins to sing along.
Renjun needs to start a list of times the other has taken his breath away. He grimaces, looking at the other in his peripheral, it’s going to be a long list. Donghyuck looks at him oddly for a second but relaxes when Renjun turns up the volume and starts to sing with him.
The car ride to McDonald’s is fast but eventful, Donghyuck has a really good taste in music, and he’s somewhat disappointed when he pulls into the parking lot. It’s weird, just yesterday he needed at least one person in the room with Donghyuck and him and now he wants to spend more time alone with him.
Jisung and Chenle already have their rood when they find the couple sitting in the play area. For a moment he holds Donghyuck back from disturbing them, taking a few seconds to appreciate how happy they look together.
“They’re such a cute couple,” Donghyuck sighs longingly. He raises his eyebrows at the other but doesn’t comment on it.
“It’s nice to see them like this, acting all sweet on each other.”
Donghyuck looks at him oddly, “I thought they always act sweet on each other.”
“One time Jisung refused to talk to Chenle for a week because he went off on a whole rant about how much he hates poetry,” he laughs, remembering how annoying the whole situation was.
“I’m assuming Jisung loves poetry,” Donghyuck murmurs, a little bit too close to his ear if Renjun’s steadily rising heartbeat has anything to say about it.
Renjun sighs, “All he does is write poems about Chenle.”
Donghyuck laughs at that, though not loud enough for the two lovebirds to hear him, “That’s whipped culture.”
“Yes it is,” he turns to look back at Donghyuck, “the most annoying part is that they’re really beautiful. If Chenle had actually read at least one of them before this year they would’ve gotten together a long time ago.”
Donghyuck smiles at him and once again Renjun’s heart goes crazy. He’s about to say something when Chenle finally decides to speak up, “Go order your nuggets and stop staring at us.”
Renjun rolls his eyes and Donghyuck laughs, placing a hand on Renjun’s lower back to guide him towards the counter.
Okay, this whole heart-going-crazy-around-Donghyuck needs to stop, it can’t be all that healthy anymore. Renjun should see a doctor about that, or tell Donghyuck to fuck off, it’ll probably be the latter.
Donghyuck pulls out his wallet and pushing Renjun out of the way the second he finishes ordering. Renjun makes a noise of offense in his throat and tries to grab the wallet from Donghyuck’s hands. He pushes Renjun again, harder and yet gentle at the same time, and in the time it takes Renjun to balance out again Donghyuck’s already paid for both of their meals.
Renjun pouts at Donghyuck when he turns around to grab their drink cups, “I could’ve paid for mine.”
“Consider it gas money,” Donghyuck says, winking at him before making his way to the drink dispenser.
Usually third-wheeling Chensung- as Donghyuck so lovingly dubbed them- is the worst part of his day, but with Donghyuck there it’s a little more tolerable. It’d be a lot more tolerable if Donghyuck didn’t have the same annoying humor as the two juniors, but all in all, he makes the experience more fun.
-
One thing Renjun learned today: Donghyuck sucks at giving directions.
(“Donghyuck, left or right, it’s not that hard!”
“Listen I’m not used to telling people where to go, Jeno and Jaemin have had my address memorized for years.”)
Donghyuck doesn’t make a move to leave the car when he pulls into the driveway, instead, he turns to stare at Renjun, “Thanks for the ride.”
“No problem, thanks for the chicken nuggets,” Renjun smiles at him, eyes flitting towards the front porch where two young boys have appeared.
Donghyuck follows his eyes and smiles, “My brothers, I should probably go before they start throwing things at your car and demand you let me go.”
He laughs and Donghyuck shakes his head, smiling bashfully. Donghyuck goes to open the door but pauses before he can. He thinks for a moment before turning back around, leaning forward, kissing Renjun on the cheek, and then grabs his book bag and practically runs out of the car.
It’s all over in about five seconds, but those five seconds are the best seconds of his life.
Renjun watches as he runs up to his brothers and pulls the both of them into a hug. He watches as the brothers make their way into the house, and is about to pull out of the driveway when he notices Donghyuck glance back at him. His cheeks are pink, or maybe Renjun’s just pushing his feelings onto the other; he hopes he isn’t, the hope that Donghyuck may like him back is loud in his ears.
He remembers all of his talks with Chenle about his feelings for Jisung. Once, Chenle told him that hope is paralyzing; He’s starting to understand why the idea of confessing to Jisung scared him so much, hope and terror intertwine together in a way that’s suffocating.
Renjun takes a deep breath and puts his car in reverse, burying the panic that climbed up his throat, focusing on getting home before he collapses in a heap of anxiety and self-pity.
-
November 1st, 2018 4:18 am
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
i want to protect you from all of your fears
why do you make me feel this way
-
“Okay bitches! I have the popcorn let’s get this show on the road!”
List of things Renjun has learned since his senior year began: Jisung and Chenle together are more annoying than them pining after each other, he’s really weak for pretty boys, and Donghyuck is annoying in every sense of the word.
“Just hurry up and sit down Donghyuck,” Renjun says exasperatedly, pulling his legs up to hug against his chest.
Donghyuck smiles cheekily at him and plops down onto the couch, jostling him and spilling some popcorn on his lap. Renjun scowls, picking up the pieces and throwing them at Donghyuck’s head.
His eyes widen and he takes a handful to throw back when Jeno yells back at them, “Please don’t start a popcorn fight, my parents would kill me.”
Donghyuck winks at Jeno and shoves the popcorn in his mouth, chomping down loudly.
This is going to be a long night.
Halfway through the movie things turn from expected to unexpected. They’re watching some shitty Halloween movie Renjun couldn’t care less about, but if the movement on the couch next to him has anything to say Donghyuck isn’t enjoying it very much.
A jumpscare plays on the TV and Donghyuck jumps, a sound almost like a whimper coming from the back of his throat, and then sinks into the back of the couch. It’s comical, the fact the Donghyuck is afraid of these kinds of movies, but Renjun doesn’t get the chance to think more about it when his eyes refocus and he finds Donghyuck glaring at him.
“It’s scary,” he whispers, bottom lip jutting out in a pout.
Renjun huffs out a laugh, “Didn’t peg you as the scaredy-cat type.” Donghyuck slaps his arm and then jumps again when a loud scream comes from the television. “Hey, come here.”
Donghyuck hesitantly shuffles closer to him on the couch, arms still protectively wrapped around himself. Renjun throws an arm around his shoulders and pulls him closer.
And that’s how they spend the rest of the movie; snuggled up to each other on the couch, Renjun desperately trying to stop himself from thinking that the red on Donghyuck’s cheeks is because of him and not the movie.
-
November 19th, 2018 5:57 pm
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
part of me knows i should probably tell you already but the other part wants to keep living in this fantasy world where the thought of you liking me back isn’t so unrealistic
-
If you told Renjun at the beginning of the year that he’d be spending at least a half hour of his time in the back of some kids truck waiting for the parking lot to clear out after school he would’ve laughed.
And yet here he is, in the back of some kids truck, waiting for the parking lot to clear out.
He feels like he’s walked into an alternate universe.
Apparently, Renjun in this alternate universe has the same taste in boys he has in his normal one.
Renjun’s ripped out of his thoughts when someone climbs up into the truck, the vibrations of their steps rattling his body. He looks up to find a very tired looking Donghyuck.
“Hey,” he looks up at the other boy, eyes squinting against the sun.
Donghyuck nods at him and sits down, “I’m tired.”
He smiles at the younger and stretches an arm out across the side of the truck, trying to subliminally tell Donghyuck to rest his head on Renjun’s shoulder.
Donghyuck takes the hint. He whines and tries to snuggle further into Renjun’s neck, causing him to laugh, but instead of pushing him away, he pulls the boy closer, arm falling to wrap around him.
Renjun calms down after a while, Donghyuck tucked into his side while he plays with the younger’s hair, “I can’t believe you’re friends with somebody that owns a truck.”
Donghyuck laughs, “Hey, I can’t be mean to Jeno,” he pauses to look up at Renjun, “now, if Jaemin had the truck he’d never hear the end of it.”
He laughs again, and Donghyuck joins in this time. This is the most content Renjun’s ever felt at school, kind of cold and cuddling for warmth in the back on a truck. Maybe it’s the company, or maybe he’s just given up on caring.
A tiny voice in the back of his head knows the truth, that it’s Donghyuck that makes the experience enjoyable, but it doesn’t say it aloud, because deep down Renjun knows that his feelings for Donghyuck are growing to worrying amount, he’s known it ever since the day he drove the younger home, but at least for a little while longer Renjun wants to bury them and enjoy his closeness with Donghyuck before he won’t be able to anymore.
-
December 2nd, 2018 6:35 pm
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
hello secret admirer!
or at least i think you classify as a secret admirer. when i first started getting these emails i wasn’t so sure what your feelings for me were, you sounded more exasperated than adoring, though i think that’s how most people talk to me.
i want to start this email out with saying thank you for sending them to me. you have no idea how happy it made me to wake up to a new one, and how much easier it was to get through the day or week when i had the excitement of when i’d get a new one to guide me through. i’ve never had someone go through this much effort to say passive aggressive things to me.
also, i hope i didn’t affect your grade too badly! that wasn’t my intention at all! please update me with how your gpa is doing and if i’ve made it suffer i can give you compensation in the form of tutoring or food.
i have so much i want to say to you but i can do one better than ranting about it in your gmail inbox.
would you like to meet up sometime?
i know that sounds scary, trust me i’m terrified at the thought, but i think it’s time to meet up and talk about everything. if you’re willing please meet me at the mcdonalds on vine friday after school.
it’s okay if you don’t come, i understand why you wouldn’t, but it’d be nice to put a name and face to these emails.
with love,
donghyuck <3
-
Fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck.
Renjun’s been awake for twenty minutes and he already wants to die.
He’s been sending Donghyuck emails for months, but the last thing he expected was him sending one back; and asking to meet up? Did Renjun wake up in a different timeline where everything goes wrong?
Closing his eyes, Renjun takes a deep breath and counts to ten. He opens them and, fuck, the email is still there. Renjun rolls over to lay on his back and stares at the ceiling, contemplating his options.
He could go and finally get everything off his chest, and he almost considers doing it, but then he imagines the disappointed look on Donghyuck’s face when he sees him and scraps the thought immediately. Or, he could not go and see Donghyuck be disappointed at school, and live with the guilt and the what ifs that come with not telling him.
Renjun sighs and presses the forward button on the email, typing in both Chenle and Jisung’s emails, and presses send. He opens up the message app and clicks on their group chat. Renjun thinks about what to say but then sighs again, exiting out of it and clicking the facetime app instead.
Chenle answers almost immediately, “Good morning Junnie!” he’s way to excited for ten in the morning, but fortunately mellows when he sees Renjun’s face, “What’s wrong?”
“Donghyuck sent me an email on my other account and asked to meet up.”
His mouth drops open slightly and he turns his head to the side, “Jisung, wake up.”
Renjun can hear Jisung grumbling and smiles. He wants something like that; a tiny part of his brain tells him that if he wasn’t such a coward he could have something like that with Donghyuck. Renjun sighs, and shakes his head, physically getting rid of the thought.
Chenle tries to frown at the younger but fails, smile blooming on his face, “Sungie, c’mon, it’s important.”
“My sleep is more important,” Jisung replies, voice deeper than ever.
Chenle sighs at the younger, brushing a hand through his hair, “Renjun needs help.”
“And I need cuddles, I think that’s more important.”
Chenle bites back a laugh, “I’ll tell you what, if you get up and then we can stay in bed all day and watch movies.”
Jisung raises his head from the pillow, pouting, “And cuddle?”
“And cuddle,” Chenle confirms.
Jisung nods and gets up to get a better look at Renjun through the phone, “What happened.”
“Donghyuck wants to meet up with his secret admirer,” Chenle tells him, voice suspiciously condescending.
Jisung thinks for a moment before nodding, “Okay, here’s what you do: fucking meet up with him and leave me alone to cuddle with my boyfriend.”
Renjun sighs, cursing the part of his brain that thought asking Jisung and Chenle would be a productive use of his time, “Thanks, Jisung. I’ll keep that in mind.”
Chenle bites his lip, “Sorry Renjun, he’s right but I wouldn’t have been that blunt about it.”
“It’s okay Lele, enjoy your lazy day,” Chenle smiles at him before ending the call.
Renjun throws his phone down and screams into a pillow.
-
December 3rd, 2018 4:18 am
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
okay
i’ll be there
-
Renjun can’t concentrate.
Chenle and Jisung are worried, he can tell—Chenle tries to cheer him up with random encouragements and Jisung does his usual I’m saying mean words but I’m really worried who do I have to kill routine—but it’s not enough to stop Renjun from curling into himself whenever he sees Donghyuck.
Every time Donghyuck smiles or waves at him in the halls all Renjun can think about is how disappointed and angry he’s going to be when he finds out, and that’s enough to make him want to crawl into a hole and die.
He never meant for things to get this far, all he wanted to do was tell Donghyuck to fuck off and stop being distracting, and now he’s all Renjun can think about. It’s not his fault, Renjun fell annoyingly hard for Donghyuck, that’s his problem, not the other boy’s, and he knows it’s not fair to put all the blame on Donghyuck, Renjun’s responsible for his own feelings but Donghyuck made it incredibly difficult to not gain feelings for him.
Basically: Renjun is wholly and completely fucked, and it’s nobody’s fault but his own.
-
Tuesday was easy; he didn’t see Donghyuck at all, but it lured him into a false sense of secureness, so when he walked into Chemistry Wednesday morning and Donghyuck practically jumped on him, Renjun sent a prayer to any deity out there.
“Renjun! We haven’t talked in forever! How’s life been?” He asks, eyes shining and Renjun finds himself wondering why he didn’t skip today.
He sits down in his seat, flinching when Donghyuck sits down in front of him, “It’s been fine, nothing much has happened.”
Donghyuck cocks his head at him, clearly sensing something wrong with Renjun. Thankfully, he doesn’t press, instead turning around to look at the whiteboard, “Are you ready for the test?” Oh, that’s why he didn’t skip.
“Hopefully, Chem’s never been my strong point,” Renjun sighs, already imagining a big fat C on his paper.
Donghyuck pats his hand, “Next time I’ll help you study.”
Renjun smiles, and as class starts all he can think about is how much he doesn’t deserve Donghyuck in his life.
-
It’s Friday morning and Renjun doesn’t want to get out of bed. Ever.
Pictures of Donghyuck’s angry face flash through his mind faster than he can process them. He’s always considered himself a brave person, but today he feels like a coward, actually considering not going.
The idea pops to the front of his mind and it’s so incredibly tempting; but then he thinks about Donghyuck waiting and waiting and waiting for someone that’s never going to show up, the disappointed and sad look on his face as he gets up to leave, regretting ever sending that email, and he realizes he can’t hurt Donghyuck.
Sighing, he throws the comforter off of himself and starts to get ready for school.
-
“Quit panicking, it’s so obvious he likes you back.”
Renjun’s too exhausted to be in the cafeteria right now, especially with Jisung and Chenle, and yet here he is, wishing the ground would swallow him whole.
He opens his mouth to say something but closes it when he sees Jisung’s eyes widen.
“Uh– Hey Donghyuck!”
Fuck. “Hey. Jeno and Jaemin ditched me for their football friends, can I sit with you?”
Donghyuck pouts as he speaks, and Renjun is royally fucked. “Yeah, go ahead.”
Donghyuck sits down with a gentle smile thrown in Renjun’s direction.
He needs to leave right now.
Renjun chugs his milk carton as Chenle makes conversation with Donghyuck, shoving the last of his sandwich in his mouth when he finishes. He chews as fast as he can, swallowing a little bit too early, but the pain of that is nothing compared to what it’s like sitting with Donghyuck and acting like nothing’s wrong.
“We should have a movie night again sometime! This time cheesy Christmas movies!” Donghyuck’s eyes light up as he speaks, sparkling more than Chenle’s mother’s prized diamond earrings.
“That sounds like so much fun. When are you free? We can go to my house again.” Chenle says excitedly, hand clutching at Jisung’s.
Donghyuck hums, “I’m busy today after school, but maybe this weekend?”
Renjun all but flings himself out of his chair, flinching when it clatters to the floor. Donghyuck, Chenle, and Jisung stare at him in shock as a smattering of applause breaks out all around the lunch room.
Damn you stupid high school traditions.
“I uh– I have to go,” he squeaks out, picking up his tray and speed walking away.
He misses the sad look on Donghyuck’s face.
-
He can see Donghyuck through the window, sitting at a table in the play area. How very Donghyuck.
Renjun’s brain was on autopilot as he walked into the McDonald’s, and now that he’s here he can’t help but hyperventilate.
He takes a deep breath and makes his way toward him.
Donghyuck’s scrolling through Twitter, eyes trained on his phone, not noticing Renjun, “Hey.”
He jumps in his seat, “H-hey,” his eyes shift toward the door, “sorry, I’m uh– kind of waiting for someone.”
Renjun takes a deep breath, “I know.”
“You know?” Donghyuck cocks his head to the side, and if Renjun wasn’t so nervous he’d mentally scream about how adorable it is. He watches the gears turn in his head, before he blushes, “Are you…?”
Renjun flushes, “Uh– Yeah.”
Donghyuck’s face is flushed a deep red, his eyes sparkling. He stares at Renjun for a moment, before bursting out laughing.
He can’t even feel mad or embarrassed, Donghyuck’s laugh is too beautiful. It freezes him in his seat, not able to look away.
“You’re uh–You–,” he pauses, shaky hands pressing against his cheeks in an attempt to fight off the blush, “You.” He marvels at Renjun, mouth slightly open, and Renjun feels incredibly vulnerable.
“Me,” he says lamely.
Donghyuck’s eyes widen, and he flushes even more, if that’s even possible, “Oh shit– Sorry I shouldn’t have laughed. I was just surprised. I was really hoping it’d be you.”
It’s Renjun’s turn to be shocked, “You were hoping it’d be me?”
Donghyuck looks away bashfully, “I’ve kinda had a crush on you since sophomore year.”
Renjun’s brain shuts down as he tries to process Donghyuck’s words. He stutters out an attempt at words and Donghyuck raises a hand to cover his mouth as he laughs.
His brain is foggy from the information; Renjun blinks a couple times, shaking his head to help clear it out, and stares at Donghyuck.
“Do you want to go out with me? Not as friends—like on a date,” Donghyuck giggles and nods, and Renjun sits back in his seat, staring at the other in awe.
-
Renjun’s gay, oh so very gay.
His face flushed to a tomato red when he first saw Donghyuck walking towards his car, dressed casually but not really for their first date.
(He refused to let Renjun come in and introduce himself to his parents, saying that if he did they’d miss the movie.)
“You’re…” he trails off, not able to find the right words to describe how gorgeous Donghyuck looks right now.
“Thanks,” Donghyuck smiles cheekily at him, “You don’t look too bad yourself.”
Renjun internally swoons and externally scowls.
-
“That was a shit movie,” Donghyuck tells him as he pulls into his driveway.
Renjun smiles as he turns his car off, blanketing them in darkness, “A shitty movie is the perfect excuse to cuddle in the back row and make dumb comments about it. Be honest, I did a great job on picking the perfect first date.”
Donghyuck grabs his hand that’s resting on the glovebox, intertwining their fingers, “Yeah, you did.”
He smiles and leans forward, pressing his lips against Renjun’s cheek.
Renjun remembers the last time this happened, the hours spent curled in his bed feeling like shit because he thought there was no way in hell Donghyuck would ever like him back. There’d be none of that tonight because he was wrong, Donghyuck does like him back, very much if the way he looks at Renjun is anything to say.
Donghyuck pulls away after a beat too long, smiling that smile of his that make Renjun weak in the knees, “I had a lot of fun.”
“I did too,” he breathes out, the need to kiss Donghyuck is overwhelming right now, but Renjun knows that he should take this slow, so instead he cups the other boy’s face in his palm.
Donghyuck brings a hand up to touch his on his face, bringing the hand over to his lips so he can kiss the back of it, “Good night.”
“Good night Donghyuck,” he smiles at Renjun one more time before exiting the car.
It takes a few moments for Renjun to come back down to earth. Tonight was amazing, Donghyuck is amazing, and he can’t wait to do this again.
-
Renjun can’t help the butterflies that erupt in his stomach when Donghyuck spots him waiting for him outside his third hour and smiles the most beautiful smile Renjun’s ever seen.
“What took you so long?” he asks when Donghyuck walks towards him.
“Had to ask my teacher a question,” he responds, looking around the hall, “How’d you get here so fast, what was your last class?”
Renjun starts to walk forward, ushering Donghyuck along with a hand on the small of his back, “Apush, you have DECA next, right?” His question falls on deaf ears, as something across the hall seems to have caught Donghyuck’s attention.
He follows Donghyuck’s line of sight and his eyes fall on a couple holding hands. He scoffs, “Ugh, that’s so disgusting, why do they have to do that in the hall?”
Donghyuck pouts, eyes not turning away, “Shut up, it’s cute.”
“Why doesn’t the fact that you’re a hopeless romantic surprise me?”
Donghyuck smirks and his hand brushes against Renjun’s. He pulls his hand away with a gasp, “No. We’re not going to be that kind of couple,” Renjun glares at Jisung and Chenle conveniently walking past them, Chenle’s hand practically swallowed whole by Jisung’s giant one.
“We’re not a couple,” Donghyuck’s eyes fall to the floor, “I wish we were,” he adds on, barely audible in the crowded hallway.
Renjun stops in the middle of the hallway. Donghyuck continues on but pauses when he realizes Renjun isn’t beside him anymore. He turns around to face Renjun, a silent look of what the fuck are you doing gracing his face.
Students part around them, not paying them any attention except for a few groans here and there. They stare at each other for a moment, Donghyuck’s face softening and Renjun gathering up the courage he so desperately needs right now.
“Donghyuck, will you be my boyfriend?”
Time stops for a moment as Donghyuck registers Renjun’s words, and he feels like he’s going to throw up. This was the least romantic place to ask Donghyuck that, but what’s done is done, there’s no taking it back-not like he wants to or anything.
Donghyuck smiles softly, walking towards him. He pulls Renjun into a hug and only then is he able to breathe, arms wrapping around the other’s waist.
“Of course,” he whispers into Renjun’s ear, pulling away, the flush on his cheeks making him look even more beautiful than normal.
Renjun bites his lip and shakes his head, stuttering out a breath and grabbing onto Donghyuck’s left hand. Donghyuck smiles brighter than a thousand stars, leaving Renjun breathless. He mentally chides himself for saying that, a tiny part of his brain remembering Jisung once saying the same thing about Chenle. Renjun draws the line at holding hands in the hallway, no way is he going to be as disgusting as those two.
Donghyuck tugs on his hand, “C’mon, if you make me late to class I’ll break up with you.”
No, I won’t, his smile says, and Renjun can’t believe he got this lucky.