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When Steve’s 14, a doctor looks him the eyes and says, “You’re not going to live a long life.”
He looks back and nods. He knows.
He mentions this to Bucky later, who punches the wall, curses the doctor (“How DARE he?”)and then stomps off, only to return later with noticeably reddened eyes.
“You know that’s not true, right?” Bucky says, grabbing Steve by the shoulders and looking into his eyes for confirmation.
Steve nods. It’s a lie.
“We’re gonna be old men together. And still best friends. You and me,” Bucky insists.
“Til the end of the line,” Steve tells him, and wishes it could be true.
Every year they celebrate his birthday more extravagantly than they can afford to.
“Gonna outlast us all, Stevie,” Bucky says with a wink.
Steve smiles and looks away. It’s a miracle he’s made it to twenty. There’s no way he’ll reach thirty.
Then the war starts. Suddenly he’s struck with the possibility that maybe he will be the one who ends up alone.
“Hey, you gotta come back, you know,” he says, that last night, lying on the cushions on the floor, neither of them sleeping.
“Course I will” Bucky replies, with his usual tone of over-confidence. It’s fake.
“You gotta come back with some new stories to tell,” Steve continues. “I’m tired of all your usual ones.”
“The ladies seem to like ‘em just fine.”
“I mean it. We’re supposed to be old men together,” Steve presses on. “You and me, right?”
“Til the end of the line,” Bucky affirms.
He’s not going to believe that Bucky’s dead, not without a body, no matter how many miles behind enemy lines he has to go.
This isn’t how it was supposed to go…he thinks selfishly, as he runs through miles of dark forest. Bucky was never supposed to go before him and leave Steve alone. Bucky was the one who was supposed to grow old.
He has Bucky back, but the war isn’t over and their lives are still in danger. It’s the night before a risky mission and Bucky is kissing him like it might be their last night on earth and Steve wasn’t scared before but he suddenly feels as if Bucky’s fear is contagious.
“Hey,” he whispers, as Bucky moves to kiss his neck. Steve lifts Bucky’s chin gently and looks into his eyes. “We’re not going to die tomorrow, I promise.” It’s not one he can keep, but he always tries.
“Damn right,” Bucky says, but his false confidence never sounds convincing anymore. “We’ve got to grow old together.”
Steve freezes at that. He had been saying the words for ten years and never once believed it possible. But now…things were different. He certainly wasn’t in any danger of dying of his ailments anymore, but would he even grow old? How long would that take?
“Steve….” Bucky breathes out, heartbreak evident in his tone, as if he realizes exactly what Steve is thinking.
“No, you’re right,” Steve insists, suddenly hopeful. “You and me. For years and years to come.”
Bucky smiles and it’s pained, but he surges forward and kisses Steve once again.
But Steve can’t stop thinking about it, as he has never allowed himself before, about what they could do with years to come.
Months later, that didn’t matter.
He was never supposed to be the one left alone.
He thinks of Bucky, of what he would have looked like, his hair gray and face weathered from age, as the plane goes down.
It was never meant to be.