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He always did this. When Ray fell in love, he fell fast and hard. It never seemed to end well for him – Anna died, Felicity and Kendra both left him for another man – and yet he couldn’t seem to help himself. Ray had always wanted the perfect, white picket fence life. He wanted to get married, he wanted to have a family, he wanted it all. Recently, he’d given up on the dream – it had never worked out before, and life on the Waverider didn’t exactly fit in with it all, but some part of him couldn’t let go. And this time, it felt different than before.
With Anna, he’d been happy. He had no idea that things would end so badly. Losing her was like having the rug ripped out from under him. It had taken him a while to regain his footing, but he was okay now. He still thought about her sometimes, fond memories, happy memories, but she was a part of his past. With Felicity, he liked her from the beginning. She was so smart and they had so much in common. They hadn’t been together for very long before Felicity broke up with him for Oliver. It had hurt him, but it hadn’t come as a surprise. With Kendra, he’d known from the beginning that they were doomed. Her and Carter’s connection was too strong, too powerful, too eternal for him to compete. Still, he’d tried. He tricked himself, let himself believe that they could get their happy ending. And, like every time before, it had ended, leaving Ray heartbroken.
But with Nora, things were different. When they met, they were on opposing sides. She was the enemy. Still, he was attracted to her even then. It wasn’t merely a physical attraction, although yes, she was beautiful, but something about her always seemed to pull Ray in. they hadn’t even kissed, the truth was they barely knew each other, but what Ray felt was strong, possibly stronger than ever before.
Everyone told him to stay away from her, that she was bad news, that she was evil, that she would hurt him, but Ray didn’t see that. He saw a girl, desperate and lonely who’d been made a victim when she was at her most vulnerable. Ray saw her as innocent, and he was determined to prove this to the Time Bureau. He hated that she was locked up. He hated it even more that Ava wouldn’t let him visit her. When he’d given her the Time Stone for the second time, turning herself in was the last thing he expected her to do. He wanted her to run, anywhere, to be free, and (although he could scarcely admit it) if she’d asked him, he would have run away with her. Any time, any place, as long as they were together and she was free. Still, although Ray wished things weren’t the way they were, he understood her decision and he was proud of her. She had, objectively, done the right thing. Ray knew this, his moral compass had never steered him wrong, but everything about the situation still felt wrong. His heart told him that this was all wrong.
Writing letters was a great comfort to him, and he cherished each one that she sent. He read them over and over, lingering on every word, relishing the chance to get to know her a little better. They talked about everything. Ray told her about his family, his work (both as the Atom and before with Palmer Tech), he told her about his favorite books and movies and musicals, he told her about his missions with the Legends. Nora talked mostly about what she was doing now, in prison (mostly about the books Mona had brought her to read, as there wasn’t much else to do), and about her childhood, before Mallus had taken over. With every letter she sent Ray fell a little deeper in love, and with every letter he wrote he had to refrain from telling her exactly how he felt.
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These feelings were all new to Nora, and the truth was, they scared her. It wasn’t that they were unpleasant, but they were strong and she knew that she could get hurt. She’d been possessed by a demon as a child and raised in a cult, so falling in love hadn’t been her top priority. Even when she was older, she’d been too busy doing Mallus’ bidding and preparing to resurrect her father to even think about romance. And then Ray came along, so bright, so happy, so good. And somehow, he cared about her, more than anyone ever had. He showed this in a million little ways, and, being Ray Palmer, in big ways as well. Nora had never trusted anyone, but she trusted Ray, and that was what scared her.
It scared her, the power she seemed to have over him, and worse, the power he had over her. She knew, beyond any doubt that Ray would do anything for her, and she was starting to realize that she would do the same for him, including turning herself into the Time Bureau. She hadn’t planned to, but then Ray had told her that he cared about her, and that he was willing to risk getting in trouble with the team and maybe even the Bureau by setting her free, and she knew she couldn’t let that happen. So, she turned herself in.
Ray wasn’t everything Nora had dreamed of – she’d been far too busy to ever entertain romantic fantasies – but maybe he was everything she didn’t know she’d needed. Nora knew he deserved someone far, far better than her, but for some reason he still seemed to want her. And Nora wanted him, too. He was sweet and he cared about her, and Nora was in serious danger of falling in love. Or maybe she already had fallen, she wasn’t sure anymore. This was all new territory, and despite herself and the messed-up situation they (or at least, she) was in, Nora didn’t want to do anything that might risk the tenuous relationship they were building.
Truth be told, prison wasn’t so bad. She and Ray were allowed to exchange letters, which, although maybe not ideal, was a good way for them both to get to know each other a little better. That was something Nora was realizing, that in spite of everything they’d been through together, they still barely knew each other. But Nora wanted to know him, and, although her past was far from pretty, she wanted him to know her. So, she continued to write to Ray, for the first time in her life allowing herself to be completely open, completely honest, and she treasured every letter she got in return. She pored over every word that he wrote, and she saved every letter, re-reading them every chance she got.
When she wasn’t reading or writing letters, Mona brought her books to read. When she’d mentioned this in one of her letters to Ray, he started sending her books to read, which gave them something else to talk about in their letters. It was the small, sweet gestures like this that had Nora falling in love with him a little more every day.
It was Ray who inspired Nora to be better, and it was the possibility of a future with him that gave her hope as she lay in prison at the Time Bureau. Maybe, if she could redeem herself, if she could do enough good to make up for all the bad she had done, then maybe, just maybe the Time Bureau would release her, and she could have that fairy tale ending that she’d never dared to dream of.