Chapter Text
“This next week is going to be tough, everyone. We have to rush so we have time to add the CGI and make all the editing necessary before the pre-release in a month. Felix you’re going to have to take a break from recording your videos, we need you here to...”
“Not gonna happen” Felix interrupted the series director, “I’m not taking another break. I did it two months ago when I moved here, I won’t take another one. YouTube is my number one priority”.
Noticing the authority on Felix’s voice, the older man lowered his tone, “very well, then. But you’ll have to stay here at night, at least three hours more than before, deal?”
He sighed, “deal”.
“Great. You’re all dismissed.”
The Swede took his car and drove for good 30 minutes before getting home; the sun was setting and the view was beautiful, but how could he possibly enjoy it? The stress was killing him. He kept thinking about how much he wanted this and how much he dreamed about this. ‘I have my own Netflix series! How can I possibly complain about something like this?’ and then he forced a smiled. It’s been like this for the last two months and it was going get harder now, if that was even possible.
Even Edgar and Maya seemed to dislike their new routine; they had literally a whole beach to play and run, but they missed Felix all day. And Felix missed them. He missed Brighton. He missed... he missed his best friend so much.
The last one he couldn’t allow himself to feel, though. After all, he was the one who pushed Jack away. They could still talk on Discord, play games together and even visit each other on the weekends, but Felix decided to act like a douchebag and ignore all his friend’s attempts to reach him. He didn’t respond his messages, didn’t answer his phone calls and even ignored an email Jack sent him weeks ago claiming to be worried about him.
Why did he act like that? He didn’t even know at this point. He was so happy with his new life he just shut everyone down and started over; he wanted to leave his old life behind because this one would be so much better.
How wrong he was.
He fed the pugs and poured himself a drink, heading to the back of his house to relax and look at the sea. He looked at the bottle of whiskey beside him; it was almost empty.
“Oh, great. Now I’ll have to get more. This is clearly not my day” he murmured to himself. He didn’t have to, but the truth was since he moved he could count on his fingers the days he spent without going to bed drunk. He knew he had a problem but, at this point, he didn’t care. So he drank the rest of the bottle in one swig and took his car keys, heading to a gas station nearby.
“Seriously? Jack Daniels? That’s the best you have here?”
“I’m sorry, sir. This is a gas station, you’re lucky we have any whiskey at all” the cashier responded
Felix sighed, bought one bottle and a Snickers and went back to his car, taking a deep breath before turning the engine on. He was drunk already, but would never admit it to himself. He tried to keep his eyes focused before taking the road, turning the radio on to make it easier for him to remember he was driving. ‘Can’t help falling in love’ by Elvis Presley was playing.
“This might be one of my favorite songs, like, ever” Jack said, when they were in their way to the mall.
“Seriously?”
“Yeah! Don’t you like it?”
“Of course I do, but that’s so… cheesy” Felix laughed, looking at the passenger seat so his eyes could meet Jack’s.
“Guess I’m a romantic” he Irish responded.
Felix could smile at the memory, but instead he got sad. And angry. How could he be so stupid? Why did he shut down the only person who made him feel… whole? Did he really thought life would be better off without him? There is no way someone could be this dumb.
“I’m an idiot, fuck! I’m an idiot!” he yelled to himself, taking his eyes off the road so he could focus on the punches he was giving on the steering wheel. The act lasted seconds, but it was enough for him to completely ignore a red light ahead of him and a car stops right by his side, centimeters away from his door.
He should have stopped after that, but he didn’t. He was nervous and panting but he just dodged it and kept going, not looking back. His mind was racing and there was nothing he could want more in that moment than to get home.
When his car was in the garage of his house and he was finally safe, Felix just gave up to his feelings and cried. He cried loud, like he haven’t cried in years. Actually, that was exactly what have happened, he was hiding his feelings for so long he couldn’t even remember the last time he cried.
“What the fuck is wrong with me?” he tried to say to himself between his sobs. He had almost died because he was drinking and driving. He could punch someone who said he was going to do such thing in the past, because he would never believe them… but there he was, panting and crying because he was just too irresponsible to not drive after almost half a bottle of whiskey.
What the fuck was wrong with Felix?
He entered his house and the pugs welcomed him. He could have lost them. In one second of negligence he could have lost it all. He could have died, he could have even killed someone and it would all be his fault… just like it was his fault that he ruined things with Jack. Felix was a complete mess and he had no idea how he could fix himself at this point.
So he just didn’t.
Still crying, he opened his whiskey and drank long sips from the bottle. His throat was burning, his heart was beating fast, his hands were shaking, but his mind was focused. It couldn’t think of anything or anybody else than the person he missed the most. The person he needed the most.
Taking his phone from his pocket, he checked the time. It was 8:45PM. He forced his eyes to read the small letter on the device, looking for Jack’s name on his contacts. “There you are” he whispered when he finally found it, a picture he took of his friend in his house making the cutest pout was looking back at him. God, how he missed that stupid boy…
Siting on the couch, Felix petted his pugs and calmed down for a while before pressing the call button. His heart was still racing and his mind still focused. He had now idea of what he would say but he need to say something.
“Felix?”
“Jack. Hey” he replied, a lot less confident that he wanted to sound.
“Are ye fine, buddy? What happened? Are ye mad at me?”
“Yes. I mean, no. I mean… I’m fine. I’m not mad at you… actually you’re the one that should be mad at me”
There was silence for some seconds, “I’m sure ye had your reasons to ignore me, Fe. You’ve been busy with your series and stuff, I don’t mind if ye…”
“The only reason I did that is because I’m a stupid son of a bitch” Felix’s voice cracked in the end.
Jack changed his voice tone, “Felix, are ye okay?”
He sighed, “no, Jack. I’m far from okay. I’m a mess and I miss you and I almost died because I’m so stupid and I’m so stressed and I just want things to go back to the way they were! I was so wrong when I thought it was a good idea to start a new life here in LA, I’m…”
“Felix!” Jack yelled on the other side, “what do ye mean with ‘I almost died’? What happened?”
Felix sighed, louder this time, than took another long sip from the bottle he was holding on his other hand. “I told you, I’m stupid. I did a stupid thing and I almost caused an accident”.
“Are ye drinking?” Jack asked, almost interrupting him again.
“Yes”
“Fe, did ye drink and drive? Is that what happened?”
He took another sip, “yea, Jack. Godammit, why are you like this?”
“Like what?”
“I ignored you for weeks and you keep treating me like someone you really care about…”
“Felix”, his voice was so soft Felix forgot about the rest of the world for a while, “I care about ye. I’m always going to care about ye and if I knew you were having problems with drinking before I would have flown to there at the same instant”.
“Why?” There was no response. “Why, Jack? Why would you drop whatever you’re doing to be here with me after what I did? You should let me rot in here and choke in my own vomit…”
“Felix!” he yelled, louder this time. “Stop this! How long have ye been going through this?”
He drank another sip, “I don’t know and I seriously don’t care at this point”.
“Well, I care. I care a lot. So, please, make an effort and tell me how long have ye been depressed”
“I’m not depressed,” he said sarcastically, “I’m just drunk”.
Jack sighed; he was clearly worried. “Can ye stop drinking whatever it is that you’re drinking now? Can you do it, Fe? Can ye stop it and go to bed?”
He couldn’t. “I don’t know”.
“Felix, please. I can’t do much for ye from here, please promise me you’re going to take care of yourself for me”
‘For me’ he said, and the Swede’s heart tightened. He wished he could do it for him, that he could be fine because Jack wanted him to be and only because of that… but he couldn’t. In a low tone he whispered “I can’t”.
The line was silent for a while and he was sure Jack had hung up by now, he was going for another sip when he heard his friend’s voice. “I’m going there, then”
“What? What do you mean?”
“I mean exactly what I said. I can’t let ye live like this, Felix. I just can’t. If ye can’t take care of yourself I’m going to do this for ye. I’m leaving tomorrow.”
“Jack, you don’t have to…”
“I’m doing it , Felix. Text me your address”
He sighed, “look, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to worry you, I just... I just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you so much” his voice broke in the end, like he was about to cry again.
He could almost hear the other man smile, “I miss ye too, Fe. So much”
He smiled, looking at the bottle and feeling nauseous all of the sudden. “Are you… are you doing okay?”
“Yeah, I am. It’s kinda lonely since ye left but every time I miss ye I just watch your videos and remember why you’re not here anymore, than I smile and move on. I’m glad ye called… even though you’re drunk and possibly depressed”
“I’m not depressed”
“God, I sure hope you’re not” Jack groaned. “I just want ye to be okay, Fe…”
The blonde smiled shyly, “don’t worry about me”.
“I told ye I do worry. Don’t try to change that. Just… try to hang on till tomorrow, okay? Can ye do this for me? Can ye at least try?”
Felix looked down at the almost full whiskey bottle. He was considerably drunk already and that was a long day, perhaps he could do that. He could try to do that that for Jack.
“Okay. I’ll try it. I promise”
Jack smiled, “thank ye, Fe. Stay home, okay? I’ll be there as soon as I can”
“Okay” he responded softly.
“Hey…”
“What?”
“I love ye, bud. Take care” and then he hung up.