Work Text:
day 1: conversations
“Do you think he’ll come again today?”
Closing the drawer of sugar packets he was refilling, Byeongkwan dusted his hands off before standing up to shoot his most exasperated glare at his roommate and best friend leaning against the counter.
“Chan, he literally only came in here once . And that was last week.” He slid a (disgustingly sweet) mocha frappuccino towards Yuchan, inputting the order into the cash register with his other hand. “You know, if I didn’t know any better I’d think you have a crush on him or something.”
“Me? Have a crush on Junhee?” Yuchan batted his eyes innocently as he rifled through his wallet for a ten dollar bill. “Why, how could you have come to that conclusion?”
“Oh shut up and pay up,” Byeongkwan muttered, reaching out to flick Yuchan’s forehead affectionately.
The other man flashed him another cheeky smile before paying for his drink. A slight grimace broke out across Byeongkwan’s face as he watched Yuchan take a huge sip, smacking his lips in exaggerated contentment.
“I don’t understand how you can drink even one sip of that, let alone finish a whole large order.”
“You just don’t appreciate the joys of having a sweet tooth, Byeongbyeong,” Yuchan sniffed, turning up his nose before letting out a loud laugh. “Seriously, when are you going drink something fun instead of americanos every time?”
Rolling his eyes, Byeongkwan jerked his head towards the door. “Go enjoy your abomination of three extra vanilla shots at home.”
“Aw, you’re kicking me out so soon?”
“Chan, you have like two writeups due at eight in the morning. And you never focus when you work here.”
Pouting, Yuchan grumbled for a few more minutes before cheerfully waving goodbye, a contrast from just mere seconds ago when he (very seriously) warned Byeongkwan to not work overtime (again).
“I can’t believe you’re still working so late when you’re a honors double major science nerd. Seriously Byeong, clock out when it’s time.”
The half-broken receipt printer finally finished sputtering, a small mechanical click only partially cutting the incomplete receipt from the rest of the paper roll.
Byeongkwan didn’t bother removing it for now.
Instead, he glanced around, assessing the situation. There were a few students typing away at their laptops, dispersed around the cafe (clustering near the coveted outlets). Though it was close to 12:00am, most of the students seemed to be prepared to stay all night.
That was the charm of Starlight, the small cafe tucked away in a quiet row of convenience stores on the edge of campus. Open 24 hours, 7 days a week, the high speed internet and abundant outlets drew night owls away from the countless other study spaces available on campus. Personally, Byeongkwan thought that the menu was way too expensive for broke college students, but at least the items were of high quality. And he could definitely see the appeal of camping out in a coffee shop for an all-nighter instead of at the dorms (better lighting, for one, and depending on which residence, much quieter).
Generally though, he found that most students who ventured here were science majors like him. The artsier ones gravitated towards Dessert & Chill, the 24hr cafe on campus. Much larger, with plenty of modern art from both local and student artists adorning the walls for inspiration. But it could get rather rowdy, and Starlight paid better for longer night shifts like his anyway, so Byeongkwan became a barista here instead.
It was slightly unnerving the first few days to run into so many people he vaguely recognized from his classes, but now it’s almost comforting. At least he didn’t have to live in abject terror every night of those customers that required fifty extra add-ons to their coffee; most of his classmates just wanted caffeine.
There were always exceptions to unspoken rules, however.
And on a rainy Friday night, seven days ago, the rule was broken by an unlikely candidate.
☼
day 0: wonder & smiles
Byeongkwan had his laptop open on the counter, opting to use crates from the backroom as a makeshift chair, completely focused on summarizing his notes from the day’s lectures (genetics and evolution of cnidaria). If it wasn’t for the steady downpour, he might have paid more attention to the entrance in case a customer came in.
So of course, he had no idea someone entered until his furious typing was interrupted by three droplets of water splattering on the keyboard.
“Hey!” Byeongkwan shot up on his feet, more than a little irritated. Whether at himself for not noticing a customer, or at said customer straight up dripping all over his computer, he wasn’t exactly sure. Furthermore, for Byeongkwan, there was always the profound annoyance that came with being interrupted just as he got into the ‘zone’ of actually being productive (which, with finals just two months away, seemed to become more elusive).
The sudden burst of anger quickly changed into confusion when his brain finally processed that the man standing in front of the counter was Park Junhee.
A slightly damp and rather sheepish looking Park Junhee.
“S-sorry, is your laptop okay?” He sounded a little breathless, a rasp at the end of the question, and he had his lower lip caught in between his teeth.
Nervous. A new look on the fifth year senior student.
“Yeah, yeah, sorry…. You startled me, th-that’s all….”
Shifting back into customer service mode, Byeongkwan cleared his throat and tried not to stare too much at how Junhee looked simultaneously like a lost puppy and a kid at a candy store as his eyes roved the menu above the counter.
“So, what can I get for you this fine evening?” He tried for a smile, hoping that it didn’t come out looking pained.
And promptly felt his heart stutter when Junhee made eye contact before breaking out in the widest grin.
Everyone knows Park Junhee. Almost always the lead role in every theatrical production, from traditional theatre to contemporary musicals. His dazzling smile and warm charisma has been a topic of much discussion across the campus, across all departments, no matter what kind of a student you were. It was impossible to avoid him, and yet, up until now, the slightly dazed barista behind the counter had never actually been within five meters of him.
Byeongkwan didn’t know his signature smile would look so stunning up close and in person.
“Um…” The smile grew a little lopsided, embarrassed. Exhalation, halfway between a sigh and a giggle. “Do you have any recommendations? I’m here all night, but I’d rather not have eight shots of espresso right off the bat if you catch my drift.”
“Honestly?” Snapping out of whatever weird haze he was in, Byeongkwan leaned in and stage whispered, a more genuine smile playing on his face, “I’ve been working here since the second semester of freshman year, and the only drinks I’ve had are the americanos and the juice.”
He couldn’t help but chuckle a little as Junhee laughed at his ‘confession’, the atmosphere brightening instantly.
“Fair enough.”
“Although,” Byeongkwan added, voice still pitched low, “I’ve heard the lattes are good. Particularly the rose one. Want to try it?”
A few minutes later, Byeongkwan couldn’t explain why he had such a strange urge to arrange the crushed rose petals on the latte foam in a more aesthetically pleasing way.
And that night, stealing glances at the dark haired man seated at a corner booth, his latte lasting for the entire 4 hours that Byeongkwan was working, he wondered why tonight of all nights, Park Junhee decided to go off campus to pull an all-nighter.
☼
day 1: recontrer; to meet
Giving a little shake of his head, back to the present, Byeongkwan pushed the makeshift chair to the counter again and pulled out his laptop. Technically, he didn’t need to turn in his final lab writeup till two weeks before finals, but he should probably start now―instead of thinking about a senior acting major who likely isn’t going to talk to him again.
About six old episodes of Naruto later, a soft ring of the bell above the door interrupted his impulse bingewatching session, and Byeongkwan quickly pulled out his earphones before standing up, trying to look like he was being productive the whole time.
He kind of wished he had a co-worker working this particular night shift when he saw who it was.
“Oh, hello again!”
For a good two seconds, all he could think about was that Junhee had no right to look like he just walked off a catwalk at 2am in the goddamn morning; even dressed in a striped maroon button down, half tucked in skinny jeans that had little stylish tears at the knee, round black wire glasses perched on his nose.
Pushing his beanie a little further down onto his head, Byeongkwan silently prayed that his bangs covered his forehead before tentatively returning his smile.
“Hello to you too, what would you like?” As soon as the words left his mouth, a thought suddenly sprung up, unbidden. Ask him about the latte.
“I could uh… Recommend something else if you’d like…. It seemed like you didn’t particularly like the latte?”
“Oh no, nothing like that…” The sheepish smile again. “I think I was just caught up in my work.”
There was a small beat of silence as Junhee scanned the menu again, eyes wide, curious.
“I’ll try the mocha this time,” Junhee decided, a note of hesitation in his voice. A part of him wanted to double check, but Byeongkwan just gave him (what he hoped was) a reassuring smile and turned to the coffee machines.
He nearly spilled the milk when Junhee called him back to the counter.
“Yes? Would you like to change your order?”
“Ah no… It’s just…” Hunching his shoulders, Junhee gave him a crooked smile again, his hand behind his head, and Byeongkwan, were he holding anything, would definitely have spilled it.
“....I’m so sorry but, I didn’t catch your name? The other night, I mean….”
Junhee looked so apologetic that Byeongkwan couldn’t help but start laughing, raising his hand to cover his face. Out of embarrassment for himself or for Junhee, he’s not quite sure.
“No worries, I’m Kim Byeongkwan.”
“Ah okay, I’m-”
“-Park Junhee.”
Hours later, his shift had ended and he was back in the dorm, tuning out Yuchan snoring in the bed on the other side of the room. All Byeongkwan could think about was how surprised Junhee had looked when he had laughed at his confused expression and explained that he’d be hard pressed to find someone on campus who doesn’t know who he is.
Because, well, it was Junhee .
☼
day 2: vending machines
Out of all the things Byeongkwan imagined doing on a Monday morning, making a detour to the art department just to get his morning fix of caffeine was not quite the first on his list.
Yuchan had left a smiley face sticky note on top of the busted coffee machine in their dorm, with three lines full of apologies (and plenty of crying kaomojis) ending in a promise to buy a replacement once he was done with his afternoon classes. Byeongkwan tried not think about what exactly Yuchan did to the poor machine for it to have a huge crack down the middle.
And of course, because the universe hates him, every single one of the ten vending machines dispersed throughout the building for biological sciences were out of coffee.
He could just drop by the Starbucks on the ground floor, but it would be expensive.
It was only until he was halfway up the stairs that he realized this particular building was for the department of performing arts.
And nothing cemented the unusual situation more than encountering Park Junhee crouched in front of the ground floor vending machine with approximately five bottles of strawberry yoghurt in his arms, a hand pulling out another one from the machine, at 7:20AM.
“Please don’t tell me you’re drinking all of that in one sitting.”
“Oh, good morning!” Junhee quickly stood up to greet him, one of the bottles slipping and falling to the floor in his haste.
Stopping it from rolling away with his shoe, Byeongkwan leaned down to pick it up, handing it over to a slightly embarrassed Junhee. He chalked it up to his uncaffeinated state of mind when he became overly conscious of Junhee’s hand brushing his as he retrieved his yoghurt.
“And no, I’m not,” Junhee laughed, raking a hand through his hair. “It’s…. For…. a project.”
“Oh?” Byeongkwan suppressed a smile, eyeing the soft pink packaging. “What kind of project requires six bottles of strawberry yoghurt drinks?”
“For uh…. Props!”
“Right.” For a moment, Byeongkwan was tempted to push him more, but Junhee was fidgeting so much that he let the subject drop. A part of him wanted to just tell him it’s fine to like strawberry yoghurt. But that would be weird.
“Do you have a show coming up then…?”
“The others do,” Junhee said, suddenly looking less awkward and more nervous. “I have an audition coming up soon though….”
Just then, their conversation was interrupted by one of Junhee’s classmates greeting him, so with a wave, Byeongkwan watched as he discreetly shoved all the bottles into his backpack and head towards one of the lecture halls down the hallway.
He wondered if there was such thing as strawberry coffee.
☼
day 3: library
channie:
byeong?
when are you coming back?
im hungry :<
kbk:
go eat!!!!
ill be in the library for a while
channie:
take a break and go eat too :<
youre so busy and you never take breaks smh
kbk:
chan its only 7, ill eat at 8 dont worry
im fine
its just copying notes, my lab was approved already
channie:
if you come home at 3am again im going to strangle you
Byeongkwan was in the middle of typing a reply when out of the corner of his eye, he saw someone walking towards his general direction.
Panicking, he flipped his hoodie up and mashed his face into his arms, pretending to be asleep on top of his textbook. One of his highlighters was digging into his cheek, but as the person drew closer Byeongkwan stayed still and tried to even his breathing.
His brain short-circuited when he realized who it was.
“Hi Byeongkwan! Could I sit―oh―”
A pause.
“....You can stop pretending now,” Junhee whispered, amusement in his voice. “I won’t bother you, I promise.”
With a sigh, Byeongkwan lifted his head (after checking that his hair covered his forehead) to see Junhee sitting diagonally across from him, looking as if he were about to laugh at any moment.
“Is there something funny about forcing me to socialize?” Byeongkwan grumbled, reaching forward to push the enter key on his laptop to wake it up, his chin still resting on one arm.
“No not that,” Junhee said, looking up from the stack of paper in his hands and pushing his glasses up his nose. “Just…. It was funny seeing you try to pretend to be asleep.”
Byeongkwan felt slightly miffed. “I know you’re the actor here, but was it really that bad?”
“I’ve never seen someone fall asleep with their arms that tense,” Junhee pointed out, then his tone softened, “Seriously, it was like you were having an arm wrestling session with yourself. Anything you want to talk about…?”
“Oh.” Byeongkwan kept his eyes on the slideshow open on his screen, feeling his face heat up a little. “No it’s fine, I’m just stressed, that’s all. A lot of work to do.”
“Oh, sorry,” Junhee said hastily, straightening in his chair and turning his attention back to the script in front of him. “I’ll stop bothering you now.”
In the next few hours, Byeongkwan wanted to tell Junhee that he was very much bothering him. A million questions filled his mind as he pushed through the monotonous task of textbook readings and rewriting notes, namely, why someone like Park Junhee, arguably the most popular guy on campus, would be sitting at a table tucked away in the back corner of the library with a lame marine bio student he only met twice.
At 12:30am, as Yuchan was fussing over him and squawking about how he should really eat dinner at a reasonable hour instead of slurping up a cup of instant noodles at midnight, it suddenly occurred to Byeongkwan that Junhee never left the table to eat either.
☼
day 4: hands
Junhee has really small hands.
It wasn’t very clear, when Byeongkwan had only seen him from a distance around campus, or on broadcast in yet another interview, or on stage, when the spotlight was on him and all Byeongkwan noticed was how alive Junhee looked, in his element.
But that Wednesday night, as they both settled in for another evening of studying (at the exact same table), Byeongkwan couldn’t help but compare Junhee’s hands relative to the A4 papers he keeps holding in front of him.
He tried not to think about what it might be like to hold them.
Even when Junhee grabbed his arm and pulled him out with him to eat dinner at the canteen, despite his protests. He always kept the day’s flashcards with him in the pocket in his jacket, but still. Food could wait till later.
Especially not when they ended up chatting for an hour over bowls of noodles, about so many things, and all Byeongkwan could properly remember was how soft Junhee looked in his pink turtleneck sweater, hands wrapped around a mug of hot chocolate.
Especially not then.
☼
day 5: friends
Some people would describe Byeongkwan as impulsive. And frankly, considering the amount of commitments he jumped into without fully thinking it over, he couldn’t really deny it.
“Hey Junhee?”
“Yeah?” Looking up from his scripts, Junhee tilted his head to the side, blinking slowly. Byeongkwan nearly chickened out, but the question had been plaguing him all day (and to be honest, almost all week).
“....Why aren’t you studying with your friends?”
“Aren’t you also my friend?” Junhee asked, and Byeongkwan’s heart nearly stopped when he gave him a huge smile.
“W-well….” He fumbled for words, nervously uncapping then recapping his pen. “I just meant it like…. I mean we’ve only met recently.”
Seeing Junhee quirking an eyebrow, Byeongkwan wanted to shrink into his skin, but of course he kept talking and made everything worse instead.
“I mean like, you have a ton of friends you’re probably much closer with and it must be pretty lame to look over and see nothing but flashcards and textbooks and oh I always take up so much space I’m sorry-”
“Byeongkwan,” Junhee interrupted, giving him a slightly concerned look. “Really, it’s fine. About the space thing I mean, I don’t mind. And I like hanging out with you, my other friends can get a little rowdy even though it’s the library.”
“O-oh. I… I like hanging out with you, too.”
The smile Junhee gave him in response probably could power an entire city. It certainly set his heart racing, just a little.
☼
day 6: pokemon
channie:
are you just going to camp out at the library every night now smh
leaving me all alone like this ( ´•̥̥̥ω•̥̥̥` )
kbk:
.
dont you have other friends to bother
channie:
cant believe ive been replaced by park junhee
no actually i can believe it
someones Whipped
kbk:
. i Breathed
ive literally only known him for a week
channie:
mmhm
okay but seriously though why are you working so late :<
dont burn out before finals….
its okay to take a break or two (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و
kbk:
chan im fine
really
its just that theres a lot of work and i cant focus at home either
junhee and i alternate between dragging each other to go eat
so
im not skipping dinner i promise
channie:
okay Fine
actually speaking of junhee ask him whether he knows he looks like bulbasaur
kbk:
oh my god chan youre a genius
HE REALLY DOES-
i
okay i cant unsee it now
im telling him lmao
Chuckling to himself, Byeongkwan put his phone down and met Junhee’s puzzled gaze, eyebrows arched.
“Hey Junhee, has anyone ever told you that you look like Bulbasaur?”
A brief look of confusion flashed in his eyes before the lightbulb lit up above his head, and Junhee proved his point by breaking out into an amused smile.
“Actually, yes. My best friends call me that a lot… Though, I feel like maybe I look more like Charizard.”
Delighted, Byeongkwan rested his chin on his hands and leaned forward, asking eagerly, “What pokémon do I remind you of?”
“Jigglypuff,” Junhee blurted out, his grin growing a little wider. “Because you’re cute. And also because of your phone case―”
The record scratch sound effect played in his head.
“My… my what now…?”
“Your phone case?” Brow furrowed, Junhee reached over to flip his phone over, showing the round pink character printed on the otherwise clear case. “I think I just end up associating Jigglypuff with you because of it―”
“Junhee.” Byeongkwan blinked, still trying to process the magnitude of what just happened. “That’s.... That’s Kirby, a whole different franchise.”
The confusion on his face deepened. “Oh. Sorry, I actually have never watched any pokemon―”
“You what ?!?!?!”
A few students on the opposite side of the area turned and glared in disapproval, and Byeongkwan ducked his head, hastily lowering his voice.
“Are you serious?!”
“Well….” Junhee’s ears reddened, a chagrined look on his face. “One of my friends said I wasted my childhood.”
“Tell your friend they’re right,” Byeongkwan whisper-yelled, grabbing his computer and dragging his chair next to Junhee. “I can’t believe this. You play League and Overwatch but you’ve never even watched Pokemon?!”
A few quick keystrokes later, Byeongkwan launched into a passionate lecture (accompanied by a 110-slide powerpoint) to a slightly overwhelmed Junhee. He still had a lab report to write, but that can wait until later, until this sacrilege was corrected. At least Junhee could finally tell apart Kirby and Jigglypuff by the end of it.
Later, back in the dorm, Byeongkwan laid awake for a good two hours, playing Junhee’s voice over and over in his head.
“Because you’re cute.”
☼
day 7: phone number
“If it wasn’t for the fact that you work out more than I do, I’d drag you back home right now,” Yuchan said, shooting Byeongkwan a baleful look as he sipped at his peach soda.
Returning the stare, Byeongkwan rolled his eyes pointedly as he poured milk into heart on another order. The back of his head felt heavy, and he focused his attention back on the latte art, trying not to let his hand shake and ruin it. As it was, the soreness permeating every limb still hasn’t faded, even though it’s been two whole days since his last dance workshop.
He prayed he won’t collapse halfway through his shift.
“Chan, I’m fine, really,” he muttered, pushing the cup on the counter for his co-worker to serve. “It’s just a bit of fever.”
“Isn’t working while sick a health hazard?”
“I’m not sick anymore,” Byeongkwan insisted, pulling the face mask further up his nose, trying to ignore how the back of his skull started throbbing again. “Stop worrying about me, you have too much going on as it is.”
Sighing, Yuchan put down his drink on the counter and leaned forward on his elbows, looking up at Byeongkwan. “Kim Byeongkwan, if you don’t clock out right at midnight tonight, I’m putting you on house arrest.”
Before he could reply, the door opened, and Byeongkwan took a step back as Junhee rushed towards the counter, his heart rate spiking as he watched the man in front of him yank down the scarf wrapped around his face (red looked good on him, bright against the black leather of his coat).
“Where were you yesterday night?” he asked, face pinched with worry as he pushed back his hair with one hand, agitated. “I looked everywhere for you―”
All Byeongkwan could do was blink, trying to process his words without making a fool of himself (at least, not anymore than he already has).
“Well somebody ,” Yuchan cut in, glaring at Byeongkwan, “keeps overworking himself and was bedridden all day because of a growing fever.”
“I-it wasn’t that bad―”
“Oh my fucking god Byeong.” Crushing the plastic cup in his hand, Yuchan tossed it into the recycling can next to the counter, with a little more force than was necessary. “Don’t deny it. When was the last time you let yourself take a break? Or go out to karaoke with us? Or even let me just, take care of you for more than five minutes?”
Something was prickling at the back of his eyes, blood pounding in his ears as Byeongkwan simply stared back at Yuchan’s frustrated gaze, words dying in his throat.
“Yeah. That’s what I thought.” Exhaling harshly, Yuchan shoved his hands in his pockets and turned away, disappearing out into the night before Byeongkwan could even react.
It was as if he took all the air in the room with him. Because even though the thoughts that he wasn’t doing enough only intensified with every step Yuchan took away from him, on some sinking level, Byeongkwan knew he was right.
He just couldn’t do anything about it.
“Hey.”
He couldn’t cry. Though his chest tightened and the heat in his face spread, Byeongkwan knew he couldn’t cry. Not like this, with Junhee biting his lip and looking so worried, at 11:53pm when the stars still hadn’t come out from behind the clouds and instead, resided in the softness of his eyes.
“Hey, Byeongkwan…”
Woodenly, he tore his eyes away from the faded, incomplete receipt, still stuck in the printer from a week ago.
“What?” He winced inwardly, his voice sounding too loud, too raspy. Like he was about to burst into tears.
Pulling up a chair, Junhee sat down at the counter, his hands steepled under his chin, nothing but concern etched on every perfect line of his face.
“Look, I… I don’t know, why you’re doing this,” he began, clearing his throat roughly. “And you don’t have to tell me. But I want you to know, I understand. Pushing yourself, I mean. I think I suffer from the same thing.”
He managed a nod, but stayed silent, wishing to just disappear into the floor. And hopefully, never reappear.
Junhee took a deep breath, before continuing. “I know we only just met recently, but I’m worried about you.”
“Don’t be,” Byeongkwan stated, averting his eyes. “I’m worried about you too. Don’t think I didn’t notice that you also skipped dinner that first night. Or that you wake up before anyone else in your department and head to the building to study.”
“You wouldn’t know about that if you weren’t also always up at 5:30 in the morning.”
The silence stretched, suffocating.
Junhee was the first to break it. “So, how about we help each other? Relax a little, I mean.”
Record scratch, for the second time that week.
Symbiotic relationship, his brain supplied helpfully.
Byeongkwan had too many questions. What kind of help. When was the last time ‘relax’ was a word he could apply to himself. Could apply to Junhee. Where were Junhee’s friends.
Why Junhee was even talking to him.
In the end, all he could whisper was, “I don’t understand.”
Because he really didn’t. He couldn’t wrap his head around why Park Junhee, a fifth year senior with the brightest future ahead of him, with the confidence to rival that of actors twice his age on stage and with the kindest, dorkiest personality off stage, would even suggest spending more time with someone like himself.
Junhee’s voice was quiet, warm, like he is. “I was just thinking, we could, hang out once a week maybe? Do something that isn’t studying.”
“Don’t…” Byeongkwan adjusted his face mask again, hoping that Junhee couldn’t hear how loud his heart was beating. “Don’t, you want to hang out with your other friends?”
“They’ve graduated,” Juhee said simply, tilting his head to one side. “And I like hanging out with you. So, what do you say? Want to be idiots for an hour each week?”
He wasn’t sure if his legs grew weak due to the fever that wasn’t fully gone, or due to the fact that Junhee smiled so brightly it was as if the sun shone through him, in response to his slow nod.
And on his way back home, wrapped up in two coats and a thick beanie after waving goodbye to Junhee, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the glowing screen of his phone, held tightly in his gloved hands.
A screen that showed a new contact in his phonebook, a photo taken by Junhee on his phone framed into a circle in the profile picture.
☼
day 8: lab, trial two
Byeongkwan couldn’t help but wonder if Junhee would like going to the aquarium sometime.
He should probably be focused on his lab, considering this is the second trial after the first trial resulted in insufficient data, but observing the distribution of parrotfish in fifty different tanks was much less exciting than imagining Junhee’s delighted laugh.
☼
day 9: an interlude
“Byeong?”
He contemplated ignoring him. Weariness rooted his body to the bed, and his arms tightened around one of his plushies, teeth grazing his bottom lip. After all, it was likely well past one in the morning, and he had nearly fallen asleep.
“Byeong, I know you’re awake.”
Yuchan knew him too well. It was one of the reasons why they were roommates. Yet, while logically Byeongkwan knew that they both just needed a bit of space, he’s never been particularly great at listening to his more rational side when it came to interpersonal matters. For the last twenty-four hours, he had avoided talking to Yuchan, a stifling mix of fear and guilt pulling away all his words.
“You… You don’t have to answer me, I suppose. But I’m sorry for yelling at you.” Letting out a sigh, Yuchan’s voice became a little muffled, and in his mind’s eye, Byeongkwan thought of how he had a tendency to rest his arm over his face whenever they’d chat at night.
“I was really frustrated…. I don’t like feeling helpless when you get into these phases. Y-you scared me a lot, you know? When you were really sick the other day.”
“Oh Channie….” Byeongkwan sighed and rolled to face Yuchan, who did the same. “It’s okay, I’m not mad at you. I’m more mad at myself than anything.”
He could feel the eye roll from across the room, and suddenly they both starting laughing softly, lightening the atmosphere. It felt nice, to laugh with Yuchan again.
“I know I’ve asked before, but why?” Yuchan murmured a few minutes later, still awake. “You don’t need to push yourself so hard, Byeong. You’re already a top student, go to the gym nearly every other day, and still you’re always working late nights on the weekend.”
But it’s not enough .
“I don’t know,” Byeongkwan whispered at last, blindly grabbing another plushie to hold out of habit. “It’s okay Chan. I’ll figure it out. Besides, Junhee gave me his number and―”
“He what ?!”
Saying it out loud, the magnitude of the previous night finally hit him, and he couldn’t help but laugh again, squeezing the stuffed toys on his chest with both arms.
“Yeah. He…. He wants to hang out. Every week, I mean. Said that after meeting me, he thinks he has the same problem.” Another giggle rose out of his chest as he heard Yuchan gasp dramatically. “So I guess… we’re going to peer pressure each other into relaxing.”
“That’s very on brand for you two.... So what you’re telling me is that you and Park Junhee are going to have weekly dates?”
The room was filled with Yuchan’s laughter as Byeongkwan launched five plushies in his general direction.
He was glad it was already dark, or Yuchan might have seen the heat that rose in his face.
☼
day 10: lectures
It was difficult to focus in the lectures after lunch, and Byeongkwan felt more than a little lightheaded by the end of the day.
Maybe it was the lack of sleep, causing his vision to unfocus a few times.
Or maybe it was just how boring the professor was this time, droning on and on about the molecular structure of acidic pollutants without actually providing any diagrams.
Certainly, the stuffy room didn’t help much either.
Or.
Maybe it was that Junhee finally ate in the canteen today, sitting next to him, right at the very moment that he almost gave up and retreated back to the library, since Yuchan had to stay back to ask questions. It was a little difficult to eat alone.
All they did was chat, though.
☼
day 11: texts
bulbahee:
hey byeongkwan, is this you?!
[link attachment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qnf3cTJC_Ik ]
you dance so well!!!!!!!
kbk:
oh my fucking god
are you serious
where the fuck did you find that
i knew i should have deleted that channel
bulbahee:
noooooo
youre such a great dancer!!
also yuchan sent it to me haha
dont kill him pls, i pestered him to send me a link
kbk:
.
jesus christ
out of all the videos he sent….
bulbahee:
dont say that :(
really youre an amazing dancer
i hope youre still dancing :(
kbk:
.
yeah
i am
i do like dancing a lot
bulbahee:
it shows!!
do you want to go and goof around in a studio tomorrow?
my classes end at 3pm
and yours ends at 4 right?
kbk:
yeah, thank god
but sure
that sounds fun
bulbahee:
:D
ik i said no studying but uh
can you help me practice my lines?
unless there are a lot of customers ofc
kbk:
oh
yeah sure, np
you mentioned an audition….?
bulbahee:
yeah haha
its next saturday
im really nervous about it tbh
kbk:
youll be fine!
bulbahee:
haha thanks
i hope so
sorry gtg back to my work
kbk:
same
wait before you go
[image attachment]
whos this
bulbahee:
uh
mewtwo
?
kbk:
.
close enough
its meowth smh
mewtwos the purple grey one
okay bye for real now
bulbahee:
haha okay
see ya!
☼
day 12: dances & lines
Junhee was an absolute monster when he danced.
It started off tame enough. Following google maps to the address he sent him, Byeongkwan left his beanie on after shedding his coat and exchanging his boots for much more practical sneakers upon entering the practice room.
It’s been a while, since he’s been in a proper dance studio.
Arriving a little later, Junhee greeted him cheerfully before turning on the speakers, dressed in black sweatpants and a plain white shirt.
Byeongkwan already knew he was a good dancer. It’s how he was almost always the lead role for every musical production, the shining triple threat of the performing arts department.
But watching him move without inhibitions, without needing to sing or act, well. It was an experience for sure, one that left him awestruck with every step Junhee took, every precise flick of his wrist. He turned the simple studio into his own stage, every move powerful and clean, and Byeongkwan thought to himself that he could watch him dance for all eternity.
And when he found out that Junhee also loved Shinee, he couldn’t recall the last time he was so happy to dance with someone. So carefree.
It was almost, liberating, in a way.
Hours later, they were sitting at the counter of Starlight, laptops open and cups of coffee at their elbows. Byeongkwan was already on his second cup while Junhee barely touched his (he wondered whether he should point it out or not, as he had been wondering for a while now).
They had been studying together for the past three hours, Byeongkwan helping Junhee memorize his lines and Junhee helping Byeongkwan with a hundred something flashcards of key vocabulary.
It was kind of unnerving how quickly he became comfortable with Junhee, no longer holding back his laughs, able to sip at his coffee without feeling too self-conscious.
He supposes it was just part of his charm. How he remembered many things about Byeongkwan, even though he couldn’t remember half of the things they talked about the first night they ate dinner together. How he was encouraging, with infinite patience even when Byeongkwan got frustrated at the list of reactions he needed to memorize.
How he made Byeongkwan want to stay there forever, despite the heaviness in his head.
☼
day 13: strawberry milkshake
“You know Junhee, you don’t have to order coffee if you’d rather have something else.”
Junhee froze, slowly tearing his eyes away from the menu, looking like a deer caught in headlights.
“W-what do you mean―”
“I mean, you don’t have to keep up appearances or something,” Byeongkwan explained, trying to smile encouragingly. “You don’t... like coffee do you?”
Chastised, Junhee’s lips twitched upward in a self-deprecating shadow of a smile, his feet shuffling nervously.
“Ah....”
“There’s no one else here anyway,” Byeongkwan added, gesturing to the near empty cafe. There was a huge promotion at Dessert & Chill for 24 hours, so it was understandable, especially considering it was 3am in the morning. “Go ahead, buy something you actually enjoy.”
The sudden brightness of his eyes at the suggestion made all the stress and overthinking leading up to his decision to point this out more than worth it.
“Hmm....” Puffing out his cheeks, Junhee suddenly turned back to Byeongkwan, a slow grin spreading on his face. “You pick.”
When Byeongkwan set down a tall glass of strawberry milkshake, complete with a twisty straw and extra berry pieces, Junhee let out a laugh of delight, clapping his hands in glee.
It was the most beautiful sound in the world.
☼
day 14: videos
The cursor on the screen hovered over blue text.
Byeongkwan thought of Junhee, as he clicked on the link.
Thought of the way his eyes scrunched up in laughter that day at the dance studio.
Thought of when he caught him staring at him through the mirrors as Byeongkwan did some simple freestyle to cool down, his small hand clasped around a metal water bottle stilling for a few seconds.
Thought of how he had insisted on filming a proper dance cover with him one day, once finals were over.
He closed the window, the black text reading, “Deactivate your account?” disappearing without a trace.
☼
day 15: kithee
Junhee kind of looked like a cat when he smiled. Especially with his little canine teeth, always peeking out when he grins really wide, where his nose scrunches up and Byeongkwan has to resist the urge to poke the tip of it.
It was kind of cute.
Well, okay, really cute.
☼
day 15.5: an interlude [2]
chanshine:
hey scary upperclassman
junhee:
excuse me
im not scary im perfectly amicable
chanshine:
dont use big words u might scare off byeongs braincells
n e ways
just wanted to pop by n tell u that byeong just stared at u during lunch
n said ‘kithee’ (❤ ω ❤)
junhee:
he
he what now
chanshine:
ε=ε=ε=(~￣▽￣)~
my work here is done
junhee:
what
wait no
yuchan you cant just leave like that
yuchan
kang yuchan
what else did he say about me
☼
day 16: ocean
jasonderulowo: ok i didnt want to clown u as soon as we started playing but
jasonderulowo: since its like midnight now
jasonderulowo: is ur name srsly fiyahocean
fiyahocean: n what abt it
jasonderulowo: i
jasonderulowo: what did i expect from a loser who mains symm
fiyahocean: Look ive been here since 2016 ok im a bit sentimental
fiyahocean: im not breaking my streak
jasonderulowo: cute but also lame
jasonderulowo: cant believe im playing w a sentimental old loser
jasonderulowo: id suggest giving moira a try once u finally want to actually play w skills
jasonderulowo: also u do know that u can change your tag right
fiyahocean: wait what
fiyahocean: u can?!?!?!
jasonderulowo: .
jasonderulowo: gnight loser
jasonderulowo: gl on ur audition go sleep
[player jasonderulowo#0813 has logged out]
kithee: :(
day 17: storms
It was a slow day (or night). Only three students were in the cafe tonight, all with a pile of binders, textbooks, and a laptop on their respective tables. The fact that his final lab report document was still nearly blank tempted Byeongkwan to just leave the shift up to his co-worker, especially since he spent a good hour or two the previous choking Yuchan for telling Junhee, then yelling into his pillow. It was as if he passed through the seven stages of grief, except acceptance wasn’t quite there yet.
Junhee definitely had a sense of humor, kind of, so Byeongkwan tried not to think too deeply into his tag change.
He definitely tried not to think too deeply into the last message Junhee sent to Yuchan.
“Hey Jason, is the printer still broken?” His co-worker, Sammy, poked at the slip of paper still stuck in the machine, frowning.
“O-oh, uh, yeah…” Reaching over, Byeongkwan tore the old receipt from the rest of the paper roll, flicking it into the trashcan. “I’ll send a message to the manager later about it, sorry.”
“No worries, it’s just annoying, that’s all―”
Just then, his phone buzzed in his back pocket, and he held it up to his ear, heart racing when he saw the contact name.
“H-hey Junhee.”
Silence. Byeongkwan turned away from Sammy (who motioned that he can man the counter for now) and walked towards the back of the counter, pacing a little. One of the lightbulbs at the corner of his eye flickered.
“Junhee? Can you hear me?”
His chest tightened as the silence stretched.
One second.
Two seconds.
Three seconds.
“...yes. I can hear you.”
It could be just the airwaves. Especially considering the weather the past couple of days, snow caking everything in seconds at night. But to Byeongkwan, the voice that whispered a confirmation sounded rough, raspy. As if he had just finished crying.
He didn’t think, just grabbed his coat and hat and gloves and ran out of the cafe, dimly recognizing that just maybe, he might get fired.
Honestly, he didn’t really care at the moment.
“Junhee, please tell me where you are. I’m coming to get you, don’t do anything rash okay? You’re going to be okay.”
When Byeongkwan stepped off the bus, he was expecting a lot of things.
What he didn’t expect, was to see someone huddled up in the corner of the bus stop, head thrown back to lean against the clear plastic walls, deep lavender shadows under the eyes accentuated by glowing advertisements.
Without anything on except a woolen sweater and black jeans and polished brown shoes.
“Junhee!”
Byeongkwan grabbed his hands, panicking, and he opened his eyes slowly, the veins on his eyelids etched in purple from the cold.
There had always been a certain fire in Junhee’s eyes. On stage, under the spotlight, they shone with the kind of passion that only true performers hold, intensely beautiful. Off stage, when the only lights were from the amber glow of the cafe, his eyes shimmered with the kind of warmth that one receives from a hearth fire, soft.
No one has ever seen Junhee lose his fire. Not when he had always seemed so full of life and vigor and a fierce determination to succeed despite the odds.
The eyes that stared blankly at Byeongkwan were cold. And very, very red.
“I fucked up.”
He could feel the numbing cold from Junhee’s cheek pressed against his shoulder, seeping through the fabric. Streetlights flashed by them as the bus trucked on, flakes of snow starting to fall.
“Junhee, I’m sure it was-”
“No.”
The single word hung between them, his harsh whisper amplified by the silence. Smothering. Wrapping them in a chokehold in which Byeongkwan could do nothing but give the ice cold hands wrapped in his ungloved palms a squeeze and hope that they will stop trembling.
Something wet seeped into his sweater.
One thing that Byeongkwan knew about storms, was that they never appeared out of nowhere. There has to be a build up, high pressure meeting low pressure, the clash of air masses driven by just the right amount of wind, building tension. Perfectly chaotic conditions. It’s just that half of the time, no one notices until it's too late.
In between quietly murmuring reassurance and gently stroking his hair, Byeongkwan tried to hold on to Junhee. Held him as he finally collapsed, turning his face towards Byeongkwan’s shoulder and sinking back into the threadbare seats. Held him as he sobbed and shuddered and bit his lip so hard that little droplets welled up, red against pale mauve. Held him long after his tears have stopped, shakily drawing breath into his lungs, the frigid air rasping against his throat.
“I’m sorry,” Junhee whispered, sniffing and pulling away, but leaving his hands were they were.
“No need to apologize,” Byeongkwan replied simply, eyes widening slightly when Junhee tried to smile and laced their fingers together.
They held hands all the way until Junhee gave him a tiny wave goodbye at the door to his residence, with a quiet promise that he’ll talk about it later. Byeongkwan tried to tell himself that it didn’t mean anything, that it was just because his hands were nearly about to freeze off of his bony wrists.
It was a miracle he was able to fall asleep at all, the image of Junhee, usually so perfect, nearly unconscious from the cold burned into his mind.
☼
day 18: ♡
bulbahee:
hey kwan
are you busy?
kbk:
ive gtg in ten minutes :(
but anyways
how are you feeling?
i didnt see you at all today….
or yesterday
i mean like youre a senior but
i was really worried :((
bulbahee:
im sorry
i should have said something
kbk:
how many times do i have to tell you that you dont need to apologize
bulbahee:
.
touché
but yeah i
might have taken the entire day off for two days
i feel kinda terrible about it but
kbk:
dude dont
seriously
i think you nearly got hypothermia
bulbahee:
ive got two empty tissue boxes on my bed as we speak
but well
i think i feel better
kbk:
:D !
im really glad to hear that
...if youre okay talking about it
what happened :(
bulbahee:
well
ik youre just going to say that im overreacting
but kwan
i really fucked up
i just panicked
i was okay for the first part
but the last two lines
its like my mind just went blank and
god
idk
i just kinda bolted after it ended
kbk:
but you said the first parts were fine right?
and you also told me you were the only college level actor who made it through the first round
i think theyll take that into consideration
bulbahee:
no you dont understand
its one of the biggest talent agencies that accepts college level talent
if i could have just done well
and gotten in
they have connections everywhere
even hollywood
im sure they have about a hundred other college students in the other global auditions
plus they already know im a fifth year student
kbk:
:((
okay but junhee
youre a phenomenal actor
a triple threat, and an amazing one at that
i have no idea how performing arts works
but honestly i dont think there are many people that can sing dance and act like you can
bulbahee:
youd be surprised
i just feel like such a failure
it feels like every decision has been a bad one
maybe i should have just stuck with psych
kbk:
not that you arent a great listener but
seriously
youre so talented
and skilled
and passionate
even if you dont get a callback
that doesnt mean you wont be successful
and it definitely doesnt mean youre a bad actor
i understand how you feel
i felt that way when i screwed up big time in hs
and im still working on yknow, not working myself to death haha
youre going to be okay
and its also okay to not be a big name yknow
i mean you probably will be
but
i think you get what i mean
bulbahee:
yeah
sorry for just dumping this on you haha
kbk:
what did we say about unnecessary apologies
really junhee
i think youll make it
and even if not for this audition
youll definitely make it
or ill break everyones necks
bulbahee:
i appreciate the sentiment but no neck breaking please
kbk:
#sleeponyourbedsnotparkjunhee
bulbahee:
stop it im going to blush
kbk:
im just stating the truth
how are you feeling now?
bulbahee:
much better haha
thank you
for everything
kbk:
its what friends are for
sorry to cut this short but ive really gtg :(((
ill ttyl
sleep earlier tonight please
bulbahee:
its okay
gl on your work!
and thank you ♡
you too ♡♡♡
☼
day 19: eyes
“Kwan?”
“Hmm?”
“Could I ask you something?”
Looking up, Byeongkwan nodded and rubbed at his eyes, mentally kicking himself for sleeping at 3am again the night before. All over a few emojis that probably don’t mean a thing.
He watched as Junhee’s lips twitched, a stream of increasingly paranoid thoughts stampeding through his head.
Did I say something wrong? Maybe I’m taking too much space? God this is way too many flashcards. Oh no, what if he actually wasn’t feeling better and wanted me to push more? Does he think that I’m the kind of person who only cares in the moment? Should I have pulled away? Oh my fucking god what if I-
“Has anyone…” Coming to a decision, Junhee grinned widely, leaning on one hand.
“Has anyone ever told you, your eyes are really pretty?”
“I-”
Mortified, Byeongkwan chucked a highlighter at him, hiding his face in his hands briefly. He couldn’t decide if he was more annoyed or more embarrassed as Junhee evaded his attack and laughed softly at the way he ducked his head, cheeks burning.
He didn’t comment on the fact that the tips of Junhee’s ears were pink too.
☼
day 20: question
“So when are you going to ask him out?”
“Chan!” Indignant, Byeongkwan hurled a plushie at him, trying his best to sound irritated instead of ready-to-bury-himself-in-a-pile-of-blankets. “I’m not asking Junhee out, oh my god. That’s the worst thing you’ve said this week.”
Yuchan wiggled his eyebrows, a mischievous smirk on his face. “I didn’t say a name did I.”
Groaning, Byeongkwan smashed his face into his pillow. “You’re the literal worst.”
“Oh come on, don’t be so dramatic.”
He decided to stay silent, radiating as much distress as possible in hopes that maybe, just maybe, Yuchan would leave him and his dumbass feelings alone for once.
Oh, who was he kidding.
“Bye~ong,” Yuchan drawled, throwing the plushie back onto his bed. “I’m serious, when are you going to ask him out?”
“Chan, he’s a senior.”
“Your point is?”
“My point is, it’s not happening. He’s probably already had half the campus ask him out already.”
“You know, for a science student, you’re remarkably illogical.” Tsking playfully, Yuchan finally gave up and turned away in his bed, drawing the covers up to his chin. “False equivalency is going to get you nowhere Byeong. He likes you, so just go for it.”
Silence fell in the dorm, only interrupted by muted sounds of Yuchan shifting in his sleep. And in the stillness, Byeongkwan’s thoughts were racing at a million miles per hour.
Namely, Park Junhee.
☼
day 21: hoodie
To be honest, under the persona of refined confidence, Junhee was kind of lame.
Like now, where he was showing Byeongkwan some badly-filmed cat videos from a dead channel on Youtube, giggling and clapping his hands like some deranged seal. Byeongkwan laughed along with him, but really, his eyes were on the way Junhee finally seemed to relax, tension from previous weeks falling away from his shoulders. It was a good look, especially here in Starlight, where the cozy ambience matched well with the faded blue jeans and pastel pink hoodie he was wearing.
A hoodie that, Byeongkwan remembered belatedly, is actually his.
“You know you’re going to have to return that eventually right?” he said, laughing more at Junhee’s mock confusion, complete with a concerned hand over his heart.
“Of course, of course,” he replied airily, leaning down to rest his chin on Byeongkwan’s shoulder, nearly tangling the wire from the earphones they were sharing. “I might consider returning it after finals.”
“Seriously?” Letting out an exasperated sigh, Byeongkwan tried to ignore the way Junhee leaned against him in response, diverting his attention.
“Yes, seriously,” Junhee chuckled, hugging Byeongkwan’s arm and resting his left cheek on his shoulder, eyes still on the laptop screen in front of them. “It makes me feel loved~”
Byeongkwan made an honest attempt at not sounding strangled, his heart erratic as Junhee snuggled close to his side. “God, you’re so lame.”
The other man only hummed in response, and they refocused their attention to the ridiculously fluffy cat chasing a laser on the screen.
An hour later, after three ten-minute long cat video compilations and one episode of One Piece (Byeongkwan had insisted on starting a rewatch with Junhee), he had to go to work, the second hand on the clock hanging above the door inching towards 11:30pm.
But before he could untangle himself from a particularly clingy Junhee, something made him freeze.
“I wasn’t kidding,” Junhee mumbled, and if it wasn’t for the fact that he had already removed his half of the earphones, Byeongkwan might not have heard him.
He kind of wish he didn’t, considering the spike in his heartrate was probably not anywhere near healthy.
“W-what?”
“Nothing,” he replied quickly, flashing him another smile. “Go work your shift, I’ll probably just stay here to do my work.”
Throughout the entirety of his four hour shift, Byeongkwan couldn’t help replaying Yuchan’s words from before as he stole glances towards the corner of the cafe where a certain dumbass was sitting.
He likes you.
(The printer stuttered a bit, but otherwise, was functional again.)
☼
day 22: coffee?
Working in the food service industry means that one ends up putting up with a lot of crazy shit over the weeks, including handling the aftermath of things like customers being a tad bit demanding, or overstepping their boundaries.
That being said, Byeongkwan was definitely not prepared to handle Park Junhee slamming the door to the cafe open, hair frosted with snowflakes and cheeks flushed from the cold, and promptly reaching over the counter to give him a rib-crushing hug at 3:35am in the morning.
“Wh-”
“I got the part!” He yelled, pulling back and smiling widely, his eyes shining with joy.
It took a second for Byeongkwan to process what he said, his mind still stuck on noticing how ridiculously good Junhee looked in black leather.
“Congratulations!” Sparing a brief glance to make sure the cafe was indeed empty, Byeongkwan ran around the counter to initiate another hug, his cheeks aching from the stupid smile on his face. All the weariness of the night fell away as Junhee hugged him back, letting out another incredulous laugh in his ear.
“See, I told you it’ll be fine,” Byeongkwan teased, watching in amusement as Junhee ducked his head, embarrassed.
“Well, I wouldn’t have gotten it without your help.”
He didn’t have much to say to that, only hugging Junhee back when the other man pulled him into yet another embrace.
“We should celebrate,” he said a little absent-mindedly, still buoyed by an odd mixture of light-headed exhaustion and overwhelming happiness for his friend. Hyper-aware of the fact that for some reason, Junhee still held his hands, fingers interlaced in the small space between them.
“That would be nice,” Junhee agreed, and Byeongkwan wondered if the pink at the tips of his ears were from the cold or from, well, this.
“D-do you have something in mind?”
Yeah, his ears were definitely reddening.
“Well….” Trailing off, Junhee’s eyes flickered to the menu and back, suddenly squeezing his hands lightly. “I was thinking, do you want to go out for coffee sometime? Not here, obviously, somewhere downtown maybe?”
He blinked. Then slowly, smiled.
“Yes. I’d love that.”
☼
day 22.5: phone call
(“Junhee, you don’t even like coffee.”)
(“Yeah, but Byeongkwan does.”)
(“...What did I even expect of you.”)
(“Well maybe if you were around to do more than just yell at me to make a move over the phone, Donghun, you’d know that I’ve acquired a taste for lattes.”)
(“Right. If you don’t give me a full report of what happens at your date, Sehyoon and I aren’t visiting this year.”)
(“You’re actually the worst.”)
☼