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I’m not ready to leave, he thought. I’m not ready to leave them.
But really, what he wasn’t ready to leave was him.
Tucker. Tucker, who had grown so much since Blood Gulch - though Epsilon hadn’t been there for all of it. Tucker, who had trained and fought and probably gotten a shitload of PTSD, who had touched so many lives during Chorus whether he knew it or not.
Who had touched Church’s life whether he knew it or not.
As Epsilon watched him put on the Meta’s armor, he realized that he really wasn’t ready. Not for this, not to leave him behind like this.
His speech, which he had practiced in his head, had rehearsed over and over away from Carolina, away from Tucker when he’d switched over, rang out in his mind. His last words, picked so carefully, now echoed in the void of his thoughts. There was no coming back from this. After this fight, it would all be over for him.
But not for Tucker.
Tucker would go on. He always did. He always found a way to push through, Epsilon had seen it, Alpha had seen it, and while he didn’t have all the memories or all the feelings, he had enough.
Tucker would go on. But as he put on the gloves of the suit, Epsilon realized - truly realized - that he would be going on alone.
And that broke him.
“Hey, Church. You ready, man?”
Tucker’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts and into reality. He was suited up, and Epsilon knew he was grinning underneath the helmet that was distinctively not his, the visor blocking Epsilon’s view of his face.
He wished he had the chance to see his face one more time.
“Church. Hey, Church, you good?”
He snapped out of his thoughts again.
“Oh. Uh.”
“What’s up, dude?”
“Nothing. Let’s… let’s do this.”
“Church…”
“I’m fine, Tucker. Let’s go, okay?” Tucker hesitated. He knew something was off, Church had told them so many times that this would work, that everything would be fine. Why was he freezing up now? Why would Epsilon, so resilient in the face of struggle, be afraid of what they were about to do, when it paled in comparison to the feats they’d managed hours or days before?
“Church.”
“... Yeah?”
“We got this.”
The others moved into their formation. Tucker felt Epsilon flit into his mind, where only he could hear.
“Yeah. You do.”
The doors began opening slowly. But not slowly enough. Epsilon felt the panic reach his head, felt the fear wash over him as he realized this was it, he was leaving everyone he’d ever known, all his friends, all the people he’d grown to love despite their stupidity, despite their flaws and their failures, despite everything they’d done to and with each other.
He was about to let time slow when-
“Church?”
“Yeah, Tucker?” He knew no one else could hear their thoughts. They were alone.
“I love you, man.”
If Epsilon had been in a body of his own, he knew he’d have shed real tears.
“I love you too.”
He let everything slow to a near-halt, took a breath, and began recording his last words.