Work Text:
It’s hard to let the people you love go. Sometimes it’s for the best, and the members of NCT Dream knew that. They knew that Mark had bigger and better things waiting for him; his time had come, and theirs would too, someday. They knew he had to leave, and they understood why, but they didn’t have to like it.
The day had come, the day for Mark to officially move out of the dorm. The rest of the Dream members had been ignoring this moment for a while, pretending that it was a problem that was far away.
No one was quite sure how to react. Should they cry? Should they smile? Should they congratulate Mark for graduating? All felt like appropriate options, and Jisung felt like doing all three at once. Everyone was in a haze, making themselves busy around the dorm to avoid facing the reality of what was happening around them. Jisung and Chenle busied themself with Jisung’s computer, trying hard to ignore the sounds of rustling duffle bags being filled with clothes and drawers being emptied. Jaemin and Jeno stayed in their room, not wanting to venture out and see all evidence of Mark disappearing from their dorm. Renjun and Haechan sat on the couch, not really watching television, the program being nothing more than white noise while they sat wondering just how the day could be here already. No one could seem to grasp the situation, and they chose to ignore it as they had for so long, but it was becoming harder not to listen to the unhappening of Mark Lee around them.
Mark was suspiciously calm and level headed. He emptied his dresser and closet, neatly packing away shirts and socks, leaving nothing behind. He loaded boxes and bags with his possessions, and the sound of his productivity was alarming. The others wondered how he could be so meticulous at a time like this, so serene and accepting. Their distress grew and the issue no longer became something that could be ignored, and they found themselves drawn to his room. Chenle and Haechan would pop in occasionally with a sweatshirt or pair of shoes they had borrowed, not wanting him to leave anything behind even if it meant losing one more piece that connected Mark to the dorm. Jaemin and Jeno found themselves helping Mark pack, wanting to be helpful even though helping meant he would be gone sooner. But they wanted the best for him, and they wanted him to know that.
Jisung and Renjun were tentative in being around Mark while he packed. Jisung didn’t want the eldest to leave, someone he’d known for so long. He didn’t want to be painfully aware of how with each box that was packed the room grew emptier. Lonelier. Renjun didn’t want to face the reality that he was to be the oldest in the dorm now. He wasn’t Mark, and had never viewed himself as such. How was he supposed to be there for everyone in the wake of Mark’s departure? These were things neither Jisung nor Renjun wanted to face, but knew they had to. So they helped, gathering Mark’s favorite snacks from the pantry and picking up whatever they could find around the dorm that was his. His earbuds, one of his coats, his favorite book. None of them wanted to accept that he was leaving, or that they were helping him do so, but they knew it was futile to try to prevent it. What would they do otherwise?
With a resigned demeanor they packed up everything that was his, and memories of him along with it. Renjun gently folded a shirt Mark had spilled soup on while laughing at the best joke Jaemin had ever told, the stain faint but still there. Jeno packed away the hat Chenle loved to borrow the most. Haechan loaded a backpack with the chips Mark always made sure to share with him because he knew how much he loved them. Bits of memories resurfaced with each item, making it all the harder to put away. They didn’t know how Mark could be so oblivious to the situation and the weight it carried.
In his head, Mark had everything figured out. He knew he had to leave, he knew that graduating led the way to a better future for his career and his life. He had accepted that he had to move out, that he no longer was a member of NCT Dream. This allowed him to so easily begin to remove himself from their dorm, knowing it was the right thing to do. The situation definitely wasn’t something he could ignore, but the emotions were. He pushed down those feelings of loss and sadness, the crushing reality that he was leaving the team he had led for the past two years. He pushed away the remembrance of when they were just rookies, talking hopefully of being in their own unit. He tried to ignore the way he felt so wistful looking at everyone now, having seen them grow so close to each other, a bond forming he knew could never truly be broken. He shook off the memory of their first win, of each and every victory they had celebrated together. He refused to acknowledge all of these things that came with each and every item he packed, because he knew if he did he would never be able to leave.
Soon, it was done. Everything was tucked away into boxes and bags, which they put on a dolly that was taken down to the waiting car outside. With each box they hefted onto it, they felt the reality of the situation set in. When the dolly wheeled away they knew Mark was leaving. They had always known. They hadn’t accepted it until now. It was a grim sort of acceptance, but that didn’t mean they weren’t insanely happy for him. Inside, each and everyone felt like they could burst with congratulations, because they knew what it meant for Mark to move on to the next level with an already stellar career before the age of 20. But these words stuck in their throats as they looked at him standing by the door, the last bag on his back and the last suitcase in his hand. He was ready, whether they liked it or not.
They all gathered at the front door, unsure of what to say. Lucky for them it was Mark who spoke first. He looked up at all of them, eyes gliding over the huddled group in front of him. He mustered up a grin and set his suitcase aside. He opened his arms and asked, “Do I get one last hug?” Stupid Mark, they thought. It wouldn’t be his last hug. But why did it feel that way?
The others stumbled over themselves in an effort to get to him and envelop him in an embrace, a tight, uncomfortable, but earnest and sincere hug. He accepted it wholeheartedly, hugging back with all his might. They stayed there for a moment, a moment full of arms wrapped around waists and shoulders, tucked together almost too tightly, until Mark began to shift and they let go. As everyone withdrew, Mark wheeled his suitcase back in front of him. He looked at them all, a pensive look on his face.
“Well, this is it, I guess,” he said with a hint of sadness. “It’s been the best two years, these ones I’ve spent with all of you. Being your leader was something that meant more to me than you could ever know,”
Haechan scoffed at the sincere if a little cheesy words, looking away in an effort to hide the dampness in his eyes. They didn’t want to hear a goodbye speech, it would only make everything all the more painful, but they wanted to have this last moment. They wanted to speak, but only Mark seemed to be able find any words. Mark looked over them all, each glance meaning something different for each member. “I knew most of you as trainees, but since our debut I’ve been able to grow close to all of you, and this unit has always been something special.”
Chenle’s eyes began to water at Mark’s words, feeling helpless and unsure of what to do. He hung off his every word, even though every sentence pushed him closer to breaking. He was stuck in an odd limbo between the extremes, not knowing how to feel. He pressed closer to Renjun in a subconscious effort to ground himself. Renjun loosely draped his arm across the youngers’ shoulders, doing his best to focus on what Mark was saying.
“We’ve come so far and accomplished so much, and we couldn’t have done that without all of you,” Mark added, eyes settling on Jaemin with a smile.
“We grew so close, all of us, no matter our age,” he grinned at Jisung who was biting his lip, doing his best not to wring his hands from nerves.
“We spent hours practicing, building ourselves up to who we are now, and we overcame so many setbacks,” his gaze flickered over to Jeno and Haechan with a grin.
“Now I guess I gotta go, but I know I’ll be leaving you guys in good hands,” He winked at Renjun who shifted, taking a deep breath and giving a subtle nod.
There was a moment of silence that fell over the hallway, everyone seeming at a loss for words at Mark’s speech.
“We...we’ll miss you, hyung,” Chenle said quietly, a few tears sliding down his cheeks.
The others nodded.
“Thank you for being our leader, we couldn’t have gotten this far without you,” Jeno added, making Jisung sniffle slightly.
“You were always there for us, and know that we’ll always be here for you,” Haechan added, rubbing his arm and doing his best not to look at the elder.
They each went around and said their peace, words finding them now to allow them to make their own speech. As cheesy as it was it was important to them they they let Mark know what he meant to them. As much as they teased him and gave him a hard time, Mark had been their guiding force since debut, and they needed to let him know the impact he’d had. After everyone had spoken a solemn silence fell over the hallway again, which Mark shattered with a small laugh.
“It’s like you’re all sending me off to war or something, I’m still in this group!”
“We only said all of this because you started it!” Haechan cried indignantly, a smile stretching across his face as hard as he tried to fight it. The others began to laugh, feeling the need to lighten the mood.
“Don’t give the hyungs such a hard time, we won’t be there to keep you in check!” Jeno snickered, patting Mark on the shoulder.
“If anyone kept anyone in check, it was me!” Mark whined, a grin on his face despite the teasing.
“It’ll be alright, the hyungs will be better at making sure he doesn’t burn the dorm down while cooking!” Jaemin burst out, the others collapsing into giggles.
“Hey, I’m not that bad,” Mark grumbled as he pushed Jaemin playfully.
“That’s right, with your specialty dish, a peanut butter and jelly!” Renjun lost himself in a fit of laughter after getting one last jab at the former leader’s cooking skills.
Mark laughed along with them, a wry smile on his lips. After the last few giggles had died down he grabbed the handle of the his suitcase once more and turned toward the door. Inside it took him all he had to open it, and he hesitated briefly before stepping out into the hall. The others followed, spilling out into the hallway with him. He took a few tentative steps before pausing and turning back to face them. Call him selfish, but he opened his arms for (another) last hug, not wanting to leave without at least one more. They all crowded in again, this time feeling slightly more desperate for the comfort of having Mark with them before he was truly gone. They stood there in the hallway wrapped up in each others arms, feeling a rollercoaster of emotions ranging from sadness to happiness that they couldn’t control. Once they had all gotten their last hug in, they broke apart, retreating back to the doorway and Mark back to his suitcase. He looked them over for a final time.
“Well, this is it I guess,” He said once more, his smile a little less bright than before. They all nodded. This was it. Mark wasn’t sure what to say, after all, what would you say in a moment like this? All he could think of was his customary goodbye, his signature, “See you guys later,” and so he did. The words added a touch of familiarity to this foreign situation, making it seem as though Mark was just heading out to a schedule and would be back soon, but they knew he wouldn’t, at least not in the same way. Nevertheless they found the phrase comforting and all shared a smile, agreeing that they would see him soon, and wished him well.
The tears gleaming in Jaemin’s eyes had begun to fall when Mark had stepped out the door. Teartracks now appeared on Jeno’s face as he watched Mark turn with a small wave and began to head down the hall. Jisung and Chenle were past crying at this point, looking drained as they leaned on their hyungs for support. As Mark pressed the elevator button to take him down to the lobby Haechan felt tears spill onto his cheeks, not bothering to wipe them away. They all watched, glassy eyed, as the doors opened and Mark stepped in. Once he turned, he offered them a bright smile, which they returned with a sad wave. He seemed so far away already, all the way at the end of the hall. He was still here at least.
And then he wasn’t.
The doors clicked shut with a hum, taking their former leader with them. As the doors slid to a close, Renjun felt the sheen of tears in his eyes begin to tumble over his lashes. The six of them stayed there for a moment, staring at the elevator doors. They remained, as if hoping the doors would open and he’d come bounding back down the hall. But he didn’t. Mark was gone, and that was that. After a few moments they began to swipe away the tears that dotted their cheeks, Renjun beginning to gently herd everyone back into the dorm. They didn’t protest and did as instructed, not seeing Jisung poke his head out into the hallway, still crying softly, taking one last glance at the elevator doors. Once they were all inside, they fell back into a daze, a different one this time. Now they weren’t ignoring the fact the Mark was gone, they accepted it, but how were they supposed to feel now? They passed by his room as they made their way down the hall, and couldn’t help glancing in.
The room was no longer strewn with shoes and clothing and the bed was stripped of its sheets and colorful blankets. The desk no longer held the many notebooks Mark was always jotting down lyric ideas in, and the drawers were no longer filled with snacks the younger members liked to steal occasionally. The shelf no longer held picture frames or stuffed toys and the wall was no longer covered in posters and polaroid pictures. The room held no trace of Mark, not the slightest hint that he had ever been there, which was what hurt the most. They turned away from the now plain room, the dorm feeling so much emptier than before.
Each step to the end of the hall took Mark effort, and at the same time he felt as if he was gliding in a dream, unable to focus on reality. He reached the elevator doors sooner than he had expected and numbly pressed the button. Stepping over the threshold into the elevator was hard, but once he did and turned around to face them, he froze. The sight of all six of his members standing so far away at the end of the hall made him pause. He looked them over, Chenle glued to Renjun’s side as he hung onto him, Renjun’s shoulders slumped as he took a stuttering breath. Jisung standing in the middle looking lost, tears in his eyes and hand tucked in Jaemin’s, who looked to be doing his best to send the former leader a smile. Jeno was leaning gently against Haechan’s shoulder, the emotional ordeal of the situation was so exhausting, with a few tear tracks on his face; but offered him a small, cheerful wave nonetheless. Haechan was shifting from foot to foot, biting his lip, eyes wide and filled with unshed tears.
He watched them with a smile of his own and waved. There they were, all six of them. His members, all his.
And then the doors clicked shut, he hadn’t even noticed them beginning to close. Suddenly they were gone, and all Mark could do was stand there in shock. He stared at the doors, trying to see through them until the elevator shirted and began to move downward. As he let his gaze slide down from the doors to the soft carpet below him, the reality of it all hit him. All of those memories and feelings had been trying so hard to push down came bubbling up and he couldn’t stop them. He felt tears begin to slide down his cheeks as he came to the realization that they were gone, that it was over. His shoulders began to shake with quiet sobs, eyebrows furrowing in sadness. He let the tears fall, unashamed of them and feeling terribly alone in the small elevator. He leaned against the wall for a moment, sniffling as he let out the grief he had been holding in for so long. After a few minutes he had cried himself out, the steady flow of tears reducing to a trickle and his sobs dying down. Now he just felt empty, so empty, as he stared down at the carpet. He sniffled, then looked over at his suitcase. He remembered why he was here.
He had graduated, he was moving on, he was beginning a new chapter. The painful part was over, now all that was left was the future ahead. Now that he had graduated, so many new opportunities would open up for him, and he would always have those memories of his members. They would always be there too, they were still in the same group. Things were just different now, and he hadn’t truly left them behind like it felt he had. So he scrubbed the tears off his cheeks and took a steadying breath. He grabbed his suitcase once more and raised his head. As the elevator bell dinged Mark sqaured his shoulders and nodded to himself. He paused for a moment once the doors had opened before heading out into the lobby, a new sense of purpose in him. He felt content. Yes, he’d miss them all so much, but he’d always have them, and they’d always have him. They let him go, now it was time to let them go. He wanted to say this was the end, but like Jisung said, there was no end, and he agreed. All that was left was to move forward, so that’s what Mark did, taking his memories of NCT Dream with him.