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The first big task Lily and James had to tackle as the new Heads was the mystery of the Love Potioneer. Students were scared to eat or drink anything in fear that it would be laced with a love potion. Every day at least one person would declare fake love to another. No matter how hard the pair tried to catch the culprit though, they remained elusive. Eventually, Dumbledore announced at dinner one night that if the antics continued, the person or persons responsible would face suspension.
It stopped after that.
Everyone was still skeptical the first few weeks following the completion of the awful prank but slowly the castle went back to normal and the Love Potioneer was a distant memory. After all, no one would dare try again once Dumbledore started pulling threats.
It was for this reason that Lily didn’t hesitate to down her goblet of pumpkin juice one crisp November morning.
“You alright, Lily,” her best friend, Marlene, asked as Lily shoved another piece of bacon in her mouth.
“You’re a prat, Mar,” Lily said. “Why didn’t you wake me up this morning?”
“You were up late doing homework! I thought I’d let you sleep in.”
Lily willed her blush to go away. She couldn’t tell Marlene the only reason she was up late was because she spent hours talking to James. Again.
“Whatever. Let’s just go.” Lily finished off her toast as she slung her backpack on her shoulder. That was when she took her cup and took a huge swig of the pumpkin juice. Her thoughts started to get a bit muddled and Lily shook her head to clear them. “I don’t want to be late.”
When they reached the Transfiguration classroom, Marlene started toward the front but Lily held her back.
“Let’s sit in the back today,” Lily suggested.
“Why?”
“James sits in the back,” she said simply.
Marlene grinned at her and plopped down into a seat near the marauders. “Does this mean you’re finally admitting your crush on the boy?”
Lily shook her head frantically. “It’s not a crush. I love him.”
“What?”
“He’s perfect, isn’t he?” Lily sighed. She looked over. Two desks down, James was swatting Sirius with a quill.
Marlene didn’t have a chance to respond because Professor McGonagall walked in. Not that Lily noticed; she was too busy staring at the way his long nose looked in profile. Absolute perfection. Unable to keep it to herself anymore, Lily jotted a quick ‘hey’ and sent it to him.
James looked up, surprised. He scanned the classroom for the author of the note until his eyes met Lily’s. She winked at him and he smirked.
Hi.
Can we talk after class? It’s important.
Sure. Is everything ok?
Yes! Everything is wonderful. You’re wonderful.
James glanced at her and she beamed. He gave her an uncertain smile and nodded before returning to the lesson. Every once in a while he would look her way, smile, and resume his notes. Lily watched as he became antsier with every peek—his leg bouncing and quill tapping.
The class finally ended and Lily hadn’t a clue what they learned.
“I’ll meet you in Potions,” Lily told Marlene, staring pointedly at James who was whispering frantically to his friends.
“Good luck.” The girls grinned at each other before Marlene headed out and Lily started toward the boy who had infiltrated all her thoughts.
“Hi James. Boys,” she greeted the marauders.
“Hi Lily. We were just leaving,” Remus said. He grabbed Peter and Sirius’ arms and pulled them out the door.
Lily and James were left alone in the classroom, staring at each other.
“Er, do you want to walk and talk so we don’t show up late?” James asked.
Now that she was there, with James, Lily was feeling incredibly nervous. “Okay,” she squeaked, her voice coming out much higher than usual.
“So… what’d you want to talk about?”
Lily took a deep breath. “I love you,” she blurted.
James froze, causing Lily to stop walking as well.
“Can you—” he cleared his throat. “Can you repeat that?”
“I love you, James.”
“Really?”
“Of course. Why would I lie about this?”
Lily shuddered at the intensity of his gaze. His face slowly bloomed into the most heart-melting smile Lily had ever seen. “I love you, too.”
She thought her heart would burst from happiness at his admission. James Potter loved her. She giggled as she flung her arms around his waist, burying her head in his chest as he squeezed her. Merlin, he smelled good.
“Bloody hell, Lily. I…”
Lily loosened her grip a bit so she could raise her head to look at him. He was trying, and failing miserably, to keep the smile off his face as he looked into her eyes.
“You’ve no idea how long I wanted this,” he whispered, removing one of his arms from her back in order to stroke her face.
“Let’s skip class.”
“What?”
“I can’t stand the thought of enduring another second without you by my side. Please, James, let’s just spend the day together.”
“Lil, as amazing as that sounds, you know we shouldn’t cut.”
Unwanted tears started to build up in Lily’s eyes. She tried her best to keep them from shedding but a few escaped and James blanched at the sight.
“Are you crying?”
This was not the right thing to say. She began full out bawling. “You d-don’t want to spend time with me?”
“What? Of course I do,” he said softly, rubbing her back in what was supposed to be a soothing manner. “We were just talking last night about how important this year is, with N.E.W.T.’s and all. I’m just—I’m just trying to be responsible.”
“I don’t want to be responsible. I want to be with you!”
“How about this: we sit together in potions. That way we can still be together but also go to class.”
Lily sniffed. “I guess that’s okay.”
“Great!” He grabbed her hand and led them to the dungeons. With her hand in his, Lily was completely over her crying spell and had to instead focus on how to breathe.
“Lily’s sitting with us today, Lads,” James said proudly. His three friends stared at the couple’s entwined hands. They were all so happy that James finally got the girl, Peter barely put up a fight when he got kicked out of the table.
Lily had no idea what potion they were supposed to be brewing. She was too busy with more important things, like how perfect James’ hands looked when they cut up a caterpillar.
“Evans, are you even doing any work?” Sirius’ voice vaguely registered in her James-addled brain.
“Hmm?”
“You’ve been staring at James’ ugly face this entire time.” Lily didn’t recognize the friendly teasing in Sirius’ voice. Fury like nothing she’s ever felt bubbled up inside her and Lily reached over the table, knocking Sirius’ cauldron over.
“Fuck!” Sirius said, leaping out of his seat. “What the hell was that for?”
“Don’t insult James like that!”
The most enchanting sound Lily’s ever heard caught her attention. James was laughing and it was beautiful.
“Better listen to the lady,” he told Sirius. “Wouldn’t want another accident, now would we?”
Lily received a detention but she didn’t mind because James—sweet, thoughtful, kind James—split the blame so they would be able to take their punishment together. She was going on a detention-date with James!
At lunch, Marlene and Lily sat with the marauders. Sirius decided the cauldron incident was a hilarious display of Lily’s affection towards James but he still wanted payback so he started flinging mashed potato at her. This caused James to retaliate in an attempt to protect his lady-love. All six of them received another detention for starting a school-wide food fight.
–
Needing more time just to themselves, James and Lily took a walk around the castle. Lily looked up at her boyfriend, who was laughing at the awful joke she just said, and couldn’t contain herself any longer. She grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him down so she could press her lips against his. His reaction was immediate. He grabbed her waist and pulled her closer so there was no space between their two bodies. She ran her hands through his hair, moaning at how silky it felt. Her moan caused James to buck his hips forward and she found herself being pushed up against a wall as he brushed his tongue over her bottom lip. She greedily opened her mouth, letting his tongue explore all parts of her mouth.
He pulled away, panting, and just when Lily was about to protest their lack of kissing, his lips made contact with her neck.
“James,” she gasped, letting one of her hands curl into his scalp. She could feel his smile as he sucked on her pulse point. It was too much but not enough and her head was swimming at the contradiction.
She pulled his face off her neck so she could resume kissing him. He groaned the moment their lips met which sent Lily into a tizzy. She needed more. With clumsy hands, Lily attempted to remove his shirt. Once James realized what she was doing, he stepped away.
“Lily,” he said, his voice husky and breathless. “Maybe we should slow down.”
“What? Why?” Lily once again felt a stinging in her eyes.
“I really want this relationship to go somewhere and I don’t think it’s a good idea to get that physical so soon.”
His reasoning was awfully sweet but that didn’t stop Lily from feeling rejected by the man she loved.
“No, Lily, please don’t cry. I just don’t want to rush into things so quickly. You can understand that, right?”
“I understand,” Lily nodded, trying in vain to control the waterworks. “I’m s-sorry, I don’t know w-why I’m crying.”
“Come here,” he said before engulfing her in a hug. “I love you so much.” He pressed his lips to the top of her head.
Those words relaxed her. “I love you, too.”
They stood like that for some time before walking, hand in hand, to the common room. Lily suggested they sit in a corner by themselves for a bit of privacy and James happily complied.
“I have to ask,” James said, stroking her hand with his thumb. “When did you realize you were in love with me?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Lily said. “I can’t even really think of a time before I loved you.”
“Seriously?” James asked enthusiastically. “But I thought you used to hate me!”
“How could anyone ever hate you, James? You’re brilliant and handsome and funny and perfect! You’re all I think about.”
He smiled at her and stared into her eyes. Lily watched with disappointment when his smile slowly slid off his face.
“What’s wrong?” she asked quickly.
“So. You’ve loved me forever.”
“And I’ll continue to love you forever.”
“How do you know you love me?”
“I can’t stop thinking about you. And it feels like… like if you’re not there I might die. I’ve been distracted all day because you’re the only thing on my mind. It’s like I’m addicted to you but in a good way.”
“Oh no,” he said, clamping his eyes shut. Lily’s heart nearly broke at his pained expression.
“James? What happened? Are you okay?”
He took a deep breath before opening his eyes and screwing his face up into a smile. “I’m fine, Lily. Actually, I just remembered I was planning a surprise for you.”
“A surprise? What kind of surprise?”
“I can’t tell you. It’ll ruin it! But you’re gonna love it, promise. I just… need to get things ready. Can you go up to your dorm and I’ll have Marlene fetch you when it’s ready?”
“But… then you’ll be down here and I’ll be up there.”
“It’s just for a few minutes. It’ll be worth it, trust me, love.”
“Okay… if that’s what you want…”
He kissed her forehead and sent her upstairs. Lily sat on her bed impatiently. She didn’t like being away from James. There was something about being apart from him that felt inherently wrong. But it was so adorable that he was going through such lengths to do something nice for her. She should have planned a surprise for him. After she gets hers, she would do one for him as well. It’s only fair. He definitely deserved it.
“Lily?” Marlene finally showed up after what seemed like eons. Lily was almost tempted to march back downstairs and demand her surprise.
“Marlene! Finally! Can I go see James now?”
“Before you do, he wanted me to give you this.” Marlene handed Lily a small vial.
“Why?”
“James wants you to drink it before you go downstairs.”
Lily looked at the potion suspiciously. But it was James and he would never do anything to hurt her so she gulped it down in one go. She blinked and then slowly her cloudy brain cleared and she could think properly once again.
“Oh my Merlin and Agrippa,” Lily exclaimed, mortified. “Please tell me today didn’t happen.”
Marlene winced. “I’m so sorry, Lily. I should have caught on earlier.”
“No,” Lily groaned, sinking into her bed and hiding her face in her pillow. A million emotions were battling for most prominent feeling. Humiliation at her behavior, anger at the Love Potioneer, fear that he or she had returned.
But then a horrible realization came crashing over her and it replaced all of those thoughts. As torn up over the whole affair as she was, it could be nothing compared to how James must have been feeling. He thought she genuinely loved him. He… told her he loved her back. No wonder he looked so heartbroken earlier—he figured out that she was under the effects of a love potion. She accidentally just broke James Potter’s heart.
For the third time that day Lily started crying but this time it wasn’t because the love potion was making her head all loopy. She couldn’t believe the mystery person would make her love James Potter, of all people. Why did the fates have to hate her so much?
“Lily?” Marlene asked, rushing to Lily’s side. “Look, it could have been worse. James can be an ass but he won’t hold you to anything you said today.”
“Marlene. He—he told me he loved me.”
“Oh. Shit.”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“How do you feel about him?”
“I…” Lily paused, trying to make sense of all the thoughts swirling in her head. It was hard to properly separate her pre- and post-love potion thoughts. “We grew closer this year. He’s much more mature but still silly and he’s less cocky and more confident. I liked that about him. And I thought he was fit. I fancied him before the potion, didn’t I?”
“You always denied it when I asked. I never really believed you but I don’t want you starting a relationship with him because you’re confused and feel bad for him.”
“No, I wouldn’t want that either.” Lily stared helplessly at her friend, wishing the girl would come up with a magical solution to solve all her problems. “Maybe you could obliviate me and James. Then I won’t have to worry about it.”
“Yes, because that’s the best way to handle things.”
“Isn’t it, though?”
“You should really be talking to James about all this.”
“I can’t face him yet, are you kidding?”
“Just as well, I suppose. He looked a right mess when he forced the antidote into my hands. He’s probably up in his own dorm crying over you.”
The image of James crying in his bed with Sirius comforting him flashed through Lily’s mind. She couldn’t help but think she had more in common with the messy-haired boy than she’d like to admit.
“You’re not helping.”
–
“James can we please talk about yesterday?” She finally managed to catch him before dinner; she was pretty sure he had been avoiding her all day.
“I talked to Professor Dumbledore and he’s agreed to have Slughorn monitor the supplies closet more carefully and every package sent here is going to be examined by Filch before it gets to its owner and the house elves are on high alert for any intruders in the kitchens. So hopefully whoever’s doing it will be stopped before too many people are hit. And I’m sure you heard his announcement this morning, warning everyone that the bastard is at it again.”
“That’s—well, that’s all very nice, I’m glad they’re finally serious about catching them—but that’s not what I meant.”
“Right. Look, I swear I had no idea. I mean, I thought you were acting a bit funny but I just thought that was because… anyway, I never would have done any of that stuff if I knew. I don’t want you to think I was taking advantage of you or anything.”
“No! That didn’t even cross my mind, James. Of course you weren’t taking advantage of me. Even when you thought… you were truly a gentleman.”
“Okay. Good, then. I guess I’ll be seeing you—”
“Wait. I really think we need to talk about this.”
“Oh! I forgot to mention, you’re cleared of the detentions you managed to rack up yesterday. Since you weren’t yourself they’re not holding you accountable for any of your actions. So, no harm, no foul, right?”
“James.”
He sighed. “Lily, there’s really nothing to say. Can’t we just go back to being friends and forget it ever happened?”
This was her chance. Heart beating wildly, Lily said, “And if I don’t want to be friends?”
“Oh.” He averted his gaze. “Erm, yeah. Yeah, I—yeah. No, I—I understand.”
“No, I didn’t mean… I meant it like… I don’t love you.” Oh Merlin, everything was coming out wrong.
“Yeah, I gathered that myself, thanks,” he said steely.
“Crap. James, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Don’t worry about it. I get it. Honest.”
“You don’t get it, though. I’m trying to tell you I want to continue being your girlfriend.”
James let out a humorless laugh. “I don’t need your pity.”
“It’s not pity, James. I… I don’t love you but I do fancy you. Quite a bit, in fact. And even though yesterday was a lie, it, well it made me like you even more than I did before the stupid potion.”
“You’re confused,” he said, shaking his head.
“I am not. I spent a ridiculously long time crying over you last night, James Potter. I barely slept trying to sort out my feelings and I figured it out and I’m not about to let that go to waste because you think you know how I feel better than I do.”
“So…” He was so adorable, trying not to look hopeful.
“So, if you have a better reason to not date me other than you doubt my feelings, I would very much like to snog you because if I recall correctly, you are a wonderful kisser.”
“That kiss didn’t count,” he said, stepping closer to Lily. “We should probably try again.”
There was no stopping the laugh that escaped Lily’s mouth. He was trying so hard to be smooth but he was just an adorable dork that made her insides flutter.
“Probably,” she agreed before his lips pressed against hers. It was much more chaste than the desperate snog they shared yesterday. Soft and sweet, yet passionate enough to have her body craving more.
“Come on,” he said, pulling away from her. “Wouldn’t want to miss dinner.”
She hummed in agreement and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers. “Just don’t drink the pumpkin juice.”