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It was that time of sweep again. The festive holiday known as Yulepassing. Where trolls would spend time with their matesprit or kismesis, boxes would be passed around to those they care about, songs will be played over the radio followed by twenty hours of commercials, and shopping courts will be painted with the blood of those trampled over by other shoppers. Almost every troll on Repiton liked Yulepassing a lot. But Arcjec Voorat, who lived in the woods, did not.
Arcjec hated Yulepassing, the whole corporate season. Don’t ask him why, cause then he won’t stop talking about the reason. He was once blinded by the blatant commercialism. The way Yulepassing was presented was all phony, acting like a time for friends, loved ones, and hated ones to hang out together and be happy. But no, it was really about people going broke just to buy something no one really needed for someone, only to receive something they didn’t want either. But because it was the holidays, no one could be mad. Ever since Arcjec was awakened to this reality, he made sure not to fall for corporate’s tricks ever again and that no one get him anything for Yulepassing.
Unfortunately, someone didn’t get the memo.
Right outside Arcjec’s doorstep was a box with a bow wrapped around it. The box was wrapped in white wrapping paper patterned with light silver dots. The bow was a deep crimson, making the box even more tempting to open. Of course, Arcjec wasn’t an idiot who would fall for the biggest corporate scam known as Yulepassing. Unfortunately someone else fell for it and decided to make him take the fall.
Even if he long figured out this holiday was complete bull, Arcjec had to admit he was curious what was inside. It wasn’t because he was happy to be given a gift, he just wanted to know what it was then throw it away. Why would anyone even get him anything? Those he knew and those who knew of him know how much he hates Yulepassing and anything having to do with corporate.
Looking left and right, making sure no one was around and thinking he was willingly taking the gift, Arcjec snatched up the present and slammed the door shut. He dropped it on the ground carelessly. If whatever was in it broke, then good. Arcjec then noticed a tag on the box. Kneeling down, he read it.
Happy Yulepassing Arcjec-
Anonim Mousue-
Dammit Laivan, Arcjec thought. Even if his name wasn’t on it and it was written in a different color, the way it was written gave him away immediately. Though there was no way he could’ve come up with something like this on his own.
And so, Arcjec tore off the wrapping paper and bow and opened the top of the box to find…
An empty box.
Arcjec was confused. Why wasn’t there anything in the box? Wasn’t this supposed to be a sick joke meant to annoy him? There was supposed to be an expensive, materialistic item inside that box that Arcjec didn’t want and was also broken due to him dropping it, even though Arcjec made it very clear for no one to buy him anything-
And then it hit him like a rock to the face.
He didn’t get anything. And that was the point.
Arcjec groaned and threw the box at the trash can, knocking it over. So it was just a joke. This day was nothing special, but it already turned rotten like that. Whatever, all he had to do was get rid of the box and everything will be over. Then he got a message notification on Skorpe. It was Laivan, who was messaging him rather quickly. As if he knew he got and opened the gift. Arcjec really didn’t want to talk to him right now, or anyone for that matter. Nevertheless, he sat himself down in the chair and opened up Skorpe.
-- windlessArtificer [WA] began trolling animatedHumorist [AH]--
WA: Hey-
WA: Did you like the gift-?
WA: If you didn’t then that’s fine-
AH: XDXD So you’re Anonim Mousue? XDXD
AH: XDXD Actually, I already knew that since even when you’re not pretending to be you, you still give yourself away by your writing style. XDXD
AH: XDXD Very clever name by the way. XDXD
AH: XDXD It must’ve taken you what, five minutes to come up with that? XDXD
WA: Four actually-
AH: XDXD And how did you even know I opened it? XDXD
AH: XDXD For all you know I could’ve just taken one look at it and ignored it. XDXD
WA: Murrit told me you opened it-
AH: XDXD Of course. XDXD
WA: So-
WA: What do you think-?
AH: XDXD Do you really want to know? XDXD
WA: Yes-
WA: That’s why I asked-
AH: XDXD Well at first I was disappointed since you know that I don’t buy the bullshit that is Yulepassing and giving gifts to others and have asked that no one get me anything. XDXD
AH: XDXD And then when I found there was nothing there I was confused, only to be immediately disappointed to realize that I basically got what I asked for. XDXD
AH: XDXD Nothing. XDXD
WA: I see-
WA: Did you like it though-?
AH: XDXD Of course not! XDXD
WA: Ah-
AH: XDXD I doubt this was all your idea, since you’re not really one to come up with something like this, so I’m going to take a wild guess and say someone put you up to it. XDXD
WA: Yep-
WA: It was Serpaz’s idea-
WA: She thought it would be funny-
WA: I didn’t think it would-
WA: But I still went along with it-
AH: XDXD Why would you do this though? XDXD
WA: I dunno-
WA: Had nothing better to do-
WA: Also she got the idea after talking about your PSA in one of the old memos-
AH: XDXD Oh god that old thing. That memo is still around? XDXD
WA: Apparently-
WA: Though nobody uses it anymore-
WA: In it you said not to get you anything- so that’s what I did-
AH: XDXD No, I said not to BUY me anything. XDXD
AH: XDXD Get and buy are two completely different words. XDXD
WA: Oh-
WA: Well- technically I didn’t buy you anything-
WA: The present itself doesn’t count as it’s some old stuff from past Yulepassings-
AH: XDXD I don’t care about that! XDXD
AH: XDXD Let me make this more clear for you since you didn’t get it at all. XDXD
AH: XDXD Don’t BUY me anything, don’t GET me anything, don’t turn what I say into a joke, and leave me out of anything having to do with Yulepassing, or so help me. XDXD
AH: XDXD I would say bah humbug to Yulepassing, but that came from one of the most overrated Yulepassing stories about a troll who’s fooled into the corporate bullshit by spirits when all he wants to do is sleep! XDXD
AH: XDXD So instead I say fuck Yulepassing. XDXD
AH: XDXD Fuck everything about it. XDXD
WA: Okay then-
WA: Sorry you didn’t like the gift-
WA: Next time I’ll actually get you nothing-
WA: Not even a box-
WA: Have a very unmerry Yulepassing-
WA: Or just keep being mad at it-
WA: Whatever you want to do or not do during it-
AH: XDXD Trust me, I will make sure I’m more clear and understandable with anything I do or say from now on. XDXD
AH: XDXD And tell Serpaz what I said and make sure she understands. XDXD
WA: Okay-
AH: XDXD I mean it, you make sure she gets it and that it’s not a joke. XDXD
WA: Okay-
AH: XDXD Tell Murrit to mind his own business. XDXD
AH: XDXD And if he says no, then just tell him to spy on me less often. XDXD
WA: Okay-
AH: XDXD And stop saying okay in response whenever someone tells you to do something. XDXD
AH: XDXD There are many other words you can use that convey the same point that’ll make you sound less repetitive. XDXD
WA: Okay-
AH: XDXD Forget this. XDXD
AH: XDXD I’m going to get rid of your gift before anyone thinks I’ve gotten back into the Yulepassing spirit. XDXD
AH: XDXD You go back to, I don’t know, eating glue or whatever shit you like to do. XDXD
WA: Okay-
-- animatedHumorist [AH] has left and wishes you a merry fuck off. --
Arcjec closes Skorpe and pushes his feet against the desk, moving the chair away from the desk. He slouches down the chair, rubs his hands against his eyes, and lets out a huge sigh. Why do the others do things like this to him, he wonders. Can’t they just leave him in peace. The gift may have been a nice, comedic gesture, but not one he wanted.
Hearing a rustling sound, Arcjec turns the chair towards the sound and finds his lusus in the box and chewing on the wrapping paper. Somehow he got the bow wrapped around his neck as well. Arcjec gets up slowly and picks up the box, telling his lusus how chewing on the cheap paper wasn’t good for him and how you were going to throw it out. It seems the opossum has gotten attached to the box. Arcjec sighs and places the box down while throwing the paper and bow away in the bin, this time not missing it.
His lusus sleeps upside down, so why would he want to be snug up in a cramped box? He’d never understand. Arcjec placed the box underneath his lusus’ sleeping pole and sat back down in the chair. Thinking a bit, he rolled the chair back to the computer, opened up Skorpe, and typed one last message to Laivan.
AH: XDXD Thanks, by the way. XDXD