Work Text:
Jihoon wakes up to an empty space beside him and usually it doesn’t send him whatever feeling that is swarming into his chest right now, because he knows Woojin would just be in the bathroom or the living room – sipping beer from his favorite Winnie the Pooh mug while binge watching a drama.
The digital clock on their nightstand reads 2:05 am. He wants to picture Woojin’s scrunched face as he focuses on the television, with his feet resting on the coffee table, sinking even deeper into the couch, but another image pops up into his head. It gets worse as Jihoon runs his hand along the mattress, realizing it’s cold.
It really would’ve been okay if it were any other normal day, but it isn’t a normal day – not when the first thing they did when they woke up was to argue over something so little and then come home to each other with anger in their hearts, which only lead to another fight.
“Babe, why didn’t you pack these yet? I’m going to be late for work.” Woojin asked with annoyance evident in his tone while he transferred the freshly-cooked meal into his lunchbox.
“You’re not the only one who’s going to be late though? I cooked our meals for us, couldn’t you be a little more appreciative?” Jihoon, who wasn’t having any of Woojin’s attitude, couldn’t help but snap back. “Look, we’re equally tired from Daniel’s party last night and we woke up later than usual, but I still cooked while you’re here bitching about why I – for fucking sake – didn’t pack your meal.” He continued, brushing past the other Park.
“Why are you so fucking irritated when I only fucking asked?” Woojin muttered under his breath, but loud enough for Jihoon to hear.
They ended up going to their respective workplaces separately; Jihoon taking the cab, while Woojin drove himself.
And then coming back home only to create an ugly picture.
As soon as Jihoon entered their shared apartment, he spotted Woojin on the dining room – already eating up his dinner – it enraged him, that Woojin couldn’t even wait for him, or at least have the decency to set another plate for Jihoon if he really cared, but it seemed like he didn’t.
Jihoon told himself he was going to control his emotions because Woojin might turn around, stand up, tell him he’s sorry, hug him, and then they could eat dinner together.
Woojin doesn’t, though. Not even when Jihoon’s standing in front of him, not taking his stare away from him.
“Oh, you’re home?” He didn’t look up and continued eating.
“Why are you being like this?” Jihoon bluntly asked, already too tired of biting his tongue. “I was waiting for you to-“
“Jihoon-ah, don’t start.” Woojin cut him off and this time, he locked eyes with him. “Why can’t we just forget what happened a while ago and act the same?”
It felt like a huge slap to Jihoon’s face, to hear that from Woojin – from the love of his life, the person who he wanted to build his future with, the Woojin he’s known since they were young and ignorant. Because of all people, Woojin knows that Jihoon takes everything to the heart and it’s hard for him to pretend everything’s okay when they’re not.
“You can’t even say sorry.” Was all that he could say, and it was even cut short, because he could already feel the lump in his throat. “Sorry? Jihoon. We’re. not. kids. anymore.” Woojin hurled causing the older between the two to step back a little.
Jihoon was just in utter shock, at how Woojin had responded to him, and though he could see the glint of regret in the latter’s eyes, his heart sank. “Okay.” Although barely inaudible, he tried to let that out. He quietly made his way to their room, feeling the other Park’s stare, and just before he could completely enter and shut the door, he heard the chair being dragged to be followed by the door out, slammed.
Now biting his nails, Jihoon couldn’t help but feel so bad. He blames himself for accepting Daniel’s invitation, for begging Woojin to come with him – they wouldn’t get drunk and then none of these would have happened. He blames himself for not being understanding enough because he knows Woojin had every right to be upset for not having such a little thing done – well, Woojin could’ve been a little too harsh as well, but Jihoon is Jihoon. He’s the type to self-blame even when the other person’s in the wrong.
It’s not what bothers him the most though. It’s because Jihoon knows Woojin is beating himself up for it too, and Jihoon doesn’t want that.
Although he tries his best to convince himself that the latter is just out there taking a breather, like what he always does when he’s mad or sad, Jihoon feels scared. The back of his mind screams at him to call the younger and ask him to come home, but Jihoon remembers what Woojin asked him before;
“If we ever fight, please just give me space. I don’t want to make things tougher. I’ll come back to you, I promise. So whenever that happens, just wait for me, okay?”
“Alright, I will be waiting no matter how long.” Jihoon warmly smiled, eyes on their intertwined hands. “Thank you.” Woojin faintly said, planting a kiss on the former’s forehead.
So he’ll wait. Jihoon will wait until Woojin comes back because Woojin promised he will come back.
He doesn’t realize he’s in the living room when he snaps out from his thoughts. He lets his body fall on the couch and curls himself, regretting that he didn’t take a blanket with him because it was way too chilly. He finds the remote control and switches the television on – just to distract himself from worrying too much.
And just when his eyelids start to feel heavier, he hears the familiar sound of creaking only their front door makes. He gets up and whips his head towards the direction of the sound, and thank God, he sees what – or more like, who – he hopes to see.
Woojin just stands there, not uttering a word nor moving, until Jihoon comes close and their bodies crash against each other – Woojin hugs the older tightly, and Jihoon thinks it’s because he felt just as bad as he did, so he rubs circles on Woojin’s back. “It’s okay, it’s okay. Don’t think about it anymore. It’s okay.” He mumbles.
“Did you miss me that much?” Jihoon jokes, as he let go but Woojin still has his arms around him. “Just a little more. Please” Woojin begs, too desperately, that Jihoon starts to feel his heart ache. There’s something about Woojin -- weak and fragile Woojin – that hurts Jihoon more than anything, because Woojin has always tried his very best to put on a mask that he’s tough, even when he really isn’t.
He feels Woojin soften and then he wiggles out of the younger’s embrace, tilting his head while playfully smiling. “So you missed me?” he asks one more time, just to lift the heavy atmosphere. But it’s when he actually looks at Woojin’s face that he notices his hair is damp and his jacket’s a little wet.
“Hey, why are you—was it raining? Go seat, let me dry you up-“ Jihoon rambles as he pulls Woojin across the room and lets him sit on the kitchen chair. He gets stopped by Woojin’s hand around his wrist though.
“It’s okay Hoonie. Can you just make me coffee?” if it weren’t for the look on Woojin’s face, Jihoon would’ve protested. “Okay fine, but you will get changed.” He states which only caused Woojin to laugh.
His laughter doesn’t give him the same feeling as before though. It feels a little too pushed, a little too scripted, a little too fake. Jihoon just knows he’s at fault, he hurt Woojin somehow and it’s killing him inside. While he waits for the water to boil, he thinks of what to say to Woojin – what could make Woojin feel any less bad?
He sits himself just across the younger, who looks like he wants to tell him something. And he does. Woojin reaches for Jihoon’s hand and interlocks them, which sends shivers down Jihoon’s spine at how cold the other’s touch is. He really should’ve dried Woojin up first. “Hoonie…” he starts, but Jihoon’s phone bursts with a ringing. “You can answer.” The younger encourages weakly.
The screen displays Lee Daehwi and Jihoon shoots a confused look at Woojin but he only shrugs. Jihoon slides his finger across his phone and brings the device to his ear. “Daehwi-ya? Hello?” Jihoon answers, his eyes on his and Woojin’s hands. He sways them as he waits for the other line to speak. “Hello?” He checks in.
“Hyung… Hyung… H-hyung… Why weren’t you picking up? Why weren’t you- Why weren’t you picking up?” Daehwi responds in between sobs. Jihoon hears Daehwi whimper, mumbling words he doesn’t understand. “Daehwi’s crying” Jihoon mouths to Woojin. He feels the younger tense up, so Jihoon tightens his grip around Woojin’s fingers.
He knows how much Daehwi means to Woojin.
Jihoon can’t provide any sort of comfort to Woojin right now except to keep holding his cold hand, hoping his warmth would warm him up too. He doesn’t peel his eyes off Woojin’s hands and it’s when he sees the tint of purple on Woojin’s fingertips.
“Jihoon hyung please… just come…” Daehwi cries. “Just come.” He repeats, but Jihoon doesn’t seem to comprehend what was going on. “What do you mean? Where are you? What happened-“
Some type of white material peeking from the edge of Woojin’s sleeve catches Jihoon’s attention, and though he really wants to try understanding what Daehwi’s trying to say, his curiosity of the material gets the most of him. He can still hear Daehwi crying when he slowly pushed Woojin’s sleeve up.
“Woojin hyung- Woojin hyung is dead.” At the exact moment that rang into Jihoon’s ear, realization hits him that what’s around Woojin’s wrist is an identity tag.
A hospital wristband.
A band that reads ‘Park Woojin. Dead on arrival.’
Jihoon drops his phone and slaps his hand over his mouth, his eyes welling up with tears – that it’s hard to see if what’s in front of him is real. His other hand is too numb too move and it’s not like he wants to move. He’s afraid he’s going to lose what—or who he’s holding, if he’s still there… if it’s still there, if it was ever there.
He could feel his heart breaking and it’s so fucking painful. He’s so angry and he’s so… so… fucking sad. He doesn’t even try to blink the tears away, he lets them fall, and it’s stabbing him even more that when the tears have dried up, Woojin might be gone.
But he hears Woojin’s shaky voice.
“I’m sorry.”
Jihoon cries harder. His shoulders have completely slumped and his entire body’s shaking. He keeps crying. He wants to scream at Woojin, punch him – just to feel the pain of his knuckles against Woojin’s body, to feel Woojin’s touch, to convince himself that Woojin is alive. He wants to ask him why he’s sorry, he wants to tell him he shouldn’t be sorry, but all he could do is cry his heart out.
Woojin wipes Jihoon’s tears with his thumb and it pains him to see Jihoon flinch a little under his touch. “I’m sorry” he repeats. He doesn’t know what else to say, and even that felt wrong. Jihoon deserved much more than just a sorry but Woojin couldn’t give him anything anymore.
“Why?” Jihoon manages to croak out. “Why are you gone?” He wishes he hadn’t look at Woojin’s eyes because for a moment, it felt too real. The spark in them are gone. Woojin’s eyes no longer shine the same way they did.
“It was raining so hard and-“
“Don’t… I don’t wanna hear it.” Jihoon pleads and his heart starts to ache again. “Were you hurt? Please tell me you weren’t hurt.” He shuts his eyes, afraid of Woojin’s answer. “I wasn’t.” Woojin assures, fixing his hair. “I wasn’t hurt, so don’t worry.”
Woojin lied. Under his thick black jacket are broken bones, and just right below his nape is dried blood from tiny scratches the rough road caused. Woojin could remember the pain, but Jihoon doesn't have to know that. Jihoon doesn't need to know that Woojin was hit by a speeding car who swerved a little too late because of the pouring rain... Jihoon doesn't need to know that Woojin was killed that way.
It doesn’t feel comforting at all though. Even Woojin’s touch doesn’t feel comforting. It just feels cold… icy… dead… and Jihoon hates it. Jihoon hates Woojin. He hates Woojin for breaking his promise. “You told me not to call you because you’d come back” he starts feeling ill and the tears haven’t stopped.
This is when Woojin moves closer to him and pulls him close to his chest. He wraps his arms around his shoulders, resting his chin on Jihoon’s head. Jihoon just feels restless, in pain, betrayed, hurt. He doesn’t even have the energy to hug Woojin back anymore.
“Please don’t blame yourself for our argument, it wasn’t your fault. We were both irritated from the lack of sleep. Don’t blame yourself for whatever happened a while ago too, it was my problem for being insensitive. Please, Jihoon-ah, please don’t blame yourself for what happened to me. This isn’t your fault. Please. Tell me you aren’t blaming yourself.” Woojin doesn’t realize he’s crying until he opens his eyes only for his vision to be clouded. He tries to fight them back, he doesn’t want to show Jihoon that he’s hurt. “And I kept my promise, didn’t I? I came back… so please don’t get mad anymore.”
Only Jihoon’s weep fills the silence. He doesn’t know what to tell Woojin. He thinks it’s pathetic. It’s wrong. It’s so mean of the world to take the person he loves so dearly away from him, and though he’s not ready to let go, he knows that what Woojin wants to hear is the only way to put him in peace.
So he responds. “I will not blame myself anymore Woojinie. Not anymore… and thank you for keeping your promise, I will keep mine too.”
He hears Woojin whisper, “Thank you Jihoonie. I love you so much.” Against his hair, and then he feels his cold lips against his forehead.
Woojin just kisses him a little longer, before he moves back, and then Jihoon catches a glimpse of his small smile before his body falls to the floor.
Who was Jihoon kidding when he thought there was nothing more heartbreaking than facing Woojin himself? Having to receive “I’m sorry”s here and there and people giving him the look of pity hurts so much more, because it feels so much more real.
Having to embrace Woojin’s Family, his friends, Daehwi, who are all mourning harder than him. Because at least Jihoon had the chance to see Woojin once more – they didn’t.
Jihoon doesn’t know if it’s alright to tell Daehwi what happened but something tells him Daehwi at least deserved to know. “Daehwi” he softly calls out. “Yes hyung?”
“Woojin was there last night.” He says carefully, studying Daehwi’s expression. “I know you won’t believe me but…”
“I believe you hyung.” Daehwi squeezes his hand. “They say, when people die, they’re given the chance to do one last thing before they could completely go.” Jihoon told himself earlier this morning that the Woojin he saw last night could’ve been just his subconscious, that’s what he learnt from all the research he’s done, so he’s a little too shocked hearing this from Daehwi. “Woojin hyung wanted to see you before passing.” And it takes those words for Jihoon to crumble again.
Jihoon had a little hope that this was just a bad dream, but it’s not. Whether what Daehwi said about people passing is true or not – or if it’s the article he’s read about subconsciousness – Jihoon saw Woojin with his own two eyes, and though that may not be enough to keep him going, he has promised Woojin one thing and he isn’t going to break that.
He will wait for Woojin to come back.