Work Text:
“Alright boys, are we ready to start?” Kairi asked, eyeing their audience in front of the curtain. “Sora?”
“Yep,” Sora said, feeling nowhere near as confident as he sounded. It had taken years (exactly two, but to him, that was worth boasting) of training to finally be skilled enough to reach the finals. Destiny Islands State University competitions were notoriously hardcore, after all. And now, as a junior, he’d be facing off against the semi-legendary Haiku Master, the current champion known as much for his cold, dismissive nature as his mastery of syllable counts.
Or so he heard. Truthfully, that was just what Sora, a lowly education major with arguably weird hobbies, heard from his writing-department friends. Kairi had prefaced most of her stories with I promise he’s nicer once you get to know him, but Roxas did not hold back. At all. This Haiku Master was apparently a real piece of work, but so far Sora thought the guy just seemed more hesitant, perhaps, than cold. Not that it mattered. Sora would tear him to shreds.
“And Riku?” Kairi continued, oblivious to Sora’s internal monologue.
So that’s his name. Riku shrugged and pushed the curtain aside, taking his seat without even looking at Sora. How in-character.
“Right, I guess that does it,” Kairi said, shaking her head in frustration. “Good luck out there.”
The audience was larger than one might expect for a midsize university’s strangely competitive haiku club, but the correct reason (being, of course, that the whole event was for charity) didn’t even reach afterthought status in Sora’s mind. He took his seat across from Riku, flexing his fingers over the club-provided laptop. At this stage of the game, intimidating the competition was key.
Riku simply raised an eyebrow, the bastard. What, are my fingers not flexed enough for ya?
“Thanks for coming, everybody!” Kairi said, taking her place in front of the competition table. “Let me just go over the rules really quick – not that I don’t you guys, honest,” she continued, working the crowd.
Based on Roxas’s evaluations and the past five minutes, Sora expected Riku to scoff at the mere notion he might break the rules (or the notion that anyone could stop him), but he remained impassive. Only a methodological crack of his knuckles revealed Riku’s acknowledgement of the situation.
“Grammatical correctness is not necessary, however, there should be a clear message in each haiku! Our panel of judges over there,” Kairi said, pointing at a few older students in the back, “will declare the loser the first time a submitted haiku is off-form, not finished in time, or not safe for work! Remember, this is raising funds for local food shelves, and I don’t want any of my little cousins to see me swear on camera.”
It’s a test of endurance, Sora thought to himself as Riku continued to stare him down. Don’t let his posturing get to you. All I have to do…is outlast him. Truthfully, Kairi had the hardest job, bless her heart. She had to read off whatever the two competitors typed as it was projected on the wall behind them (a change made last year, when the runner-up had a speech impediment. But the new format proved to be far more entertaining and the change was kept).
“Last thing: the haiku club has a hundred-munny Heartdunks gift card to give to the winner!”
Sora clenched his fists. Screw the competition, I need that gift card. Christmas was coming up. Finals were coming up. Who knew how long it would be before Kairi scammed that much caffeine money off a bad Tinder date again!?
As Kairi started counting down, Sora squeezed his eyes shut, willing his corneas not to dry out for however long it took to win. He couldn’t afford to blink, he couldn’t afford to think (well, actually, thinking was kind of necessary so he let it slide, but it was on thin fucking ice). This was the haiku zone, an in order to beat the master, claim victory, and drink some God Damn Coffee, Sora had to reduce his poetic margin of error to exactly zero.
“Our reigning champion, Riku, will write first. Go!”
-
I’d like to open
By saying how great it is
To be champion.
-
Not for much longer
That title you boast? In time
It’ll be mine. Watch.
-
Watch? I don’t intend
To lie down and get beaten
By a shrimp on stilts
-
The crowd ooh’d. Sora gritted his teeth, letting the jab at his height be lost in time, like tears in rain. Wait. That’s plagiarism. He composed the next haiku to be as classy of a rebuttal as he could manage. If nothing else, the fact that Riku was already resorting to insults said much about his stamina.
-
I know that good things
Come in small packages, so
Why are you so tall?
-
Well, if nothing else,
I don’t have a small package ;)
Genetics blessed me.
-
Sora dared to steal a glance at the judges’ panel, where all three of those damn graduate students were giggling like schoolgirls. Doesn’t that fall under ‘not safe for work!?’ ARE EMOJIS EVEN ALLOWED?! If that’s how this game was gonna be played, Sora would play it. Gladly.
-
But did genetics
Give you the energy to
Outlast me, Riku?
-
I have stamina
More than you, and that’s a fact.
Experience, too
-
Were it not for the
Laws of this land, I would have
Slaughtered you, butthead
-
I’m not a butthead
Although I wouldn’t mind yours
On mine, so to speak
-
There was no way to stop Sora’s mind’s eye from conjuring up that exact image, tactile sensations and all. He felt his entire face go red as that bastard cracked a smirk with that sexy mouth of his. Wait, what?
“Alright, we’re speeding up the clock! Keep it up, boys!” Kairi said, obviously far more amused by this than he was.
-
Anyway, the kids
That we’re raising money for
This Christmas season
-
Excuse me, Sora
Don’t change the subject on me
It’s about your butt
-
We’re not here to flirt
I WILL out-haiku you, but
Your lips distract me
-
My lips distract you?
You say we’re not here to flirt.
Yours distract me, too. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
-
Emojigate continues. Sora bit his lip in concentration, eliciting a hiss from the other side of the table. Quite frankly, he didn’t want to look up from the screen, because he figured there was a good chance that whatever expression Riku was wearing would make him lose his focus.
“Speeding up the clock!”
He couldn’t squander his chances of getting that gift card. Finals. Coffee. Yes. Remember what’s important. Push him over the edge and the money is yours. Maybe Sora could push Riku over the edge again later, in one of their apartments, with some nice music and – no, no, no!! He couldn’t lose like this, he wouldn’t.
-
I know you’re slipping
Hey, audience? He hisses
When I bite my lip
-
That’s below the belt
Though I realize maybe you
Wanted to go there
-
The suffix: noted
I’m laughing, because in truth
Present tense, baby
-
Sora, don’t make me
Lose my composure on stage
I won’t cross the line
-
He had him on the ropes now. Sora had the overwhelming desire to crack his knuckles seductively (if it was possible to crack knuckles seductively, he figured Riku would be into it). Instead he leaned his head back, flashing a bit of neck that probably looked like prime real estate to Riku’s mouth. Almost there; all that’s left is the home stretch. Going in for the kill.
-
How ‘bout a deal
Forfeit. I’ll go out with you
If I’m the winner
-
That’s a hard bargain
You forfeit. I’ll take you out
If I’M the winner
-
You hot idiot
The same result either way
Why should I give up?
-
We seem to be at
An impasse, one forged from wills
Stronger than our fears
-
I respect you, dude
But you put far too much faith
In your strength of will
-
And with that, Sora enacted the plan he had set up about five minutes ago. What Riku didn’t put together in his dehydration was 1) the table was covered by a curtain, obscuring the space below the table from the audience, 2) Sora had slowly been slouching further and further in his seat, and 3) he’d kicked off one of his shoes. Riku might not be willing to cross the line, but Sora absolutely was.
As Sora’s foot made contact with Riku’s thigh, he could see the other man snap. Riku’s eyes opened wide, and as he kept glancing between his lap, his hands, and Sora’s waggling eyebrows, the buzzer went off.
I did it. Victory is mine! COFFEE IS MINE!!
“Wow, thank god it’s over!” Kairi said to the audience after the applause died down. She pretended to wipe sweat from her brow, never one to end the act early. “I was wondering how much farther that was gonna go. Well, give a big round of applause to our new champion, Sora!”
Sora made to stand up, but physics decided to fuck him over and he fell backwards in his chair instead. “Ow…”
“You kind of deserved that,” Riku said, before getting out of his own seat and reaching out a hand. “Here, I’ll help you up.”
Sora accepted the help, noting with no small amount of satisfaction and confusion that their hands fit very well together. “Well, a promise is a promise. What are you doing tonight?”
“W-w…you were serious?” Riku asked, like an absolute dumbass.
He can talk like THAT via haiku but has zero charm otherwise. Cold? Dismissive? More like a nervous wreck. Poor guy. “Uh, yeah. Were you not serious? I’m sorry—”
“No, no, I mean yes, I’m serious. Not in a stalker-y way either, like, I know some of your friends pretty well and I dunno, I did think you were pretty cool even before today, so, um…”
Sora looked over at Kairi, who gave him a wink and a thumbs-up. “How about 9? I don’t have a car, but we can just walk somewhere if that’s alright.”
“Fine by me,” Riku said, cheeks turning a very nice shade of pink.
-
And with that, the Third Annual DISU Haiku-Off came to an end. Sora won the title, the glory, and the previous champion’s hand in boyfriendship. However, in his rush to set up their first date, he accidentally left something very important at the competition: the hundred-munny Heartbucks gift card. May it rest in peace.