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How Peter ended up here he didn't even know... do it his father told him. It will be a good way to introduce you to the world, it'll be fun he said.
Well god was he wrong!
Not only was Peter now regretting that decision in its entirety but he also was sitting face to face with James Corden gagging over having to shove a piece of cow testicle in his mouth instead of revealing his and all of the Avengers deepest darkest secrets ....life was going great.
He had to remind himself to never listen to Tony again, he had horrible ideas. Why didn't he just listen to Pepper and go on Ellen like planned.
He loved Ellen!
Its better for public image Peter his fathers voice rang in his ears.
Stupid famous life, stupid press, stupid image. He could care less keeping up a 'good, can't possibly be a super hero because he's to sweet image' right now.
He was one hundred percent certain he destroyed that image ten times over anyway when he and Shuri accidentally blew up a whole floor in the Tower because they tried to make cookies at 2000 degrees Celsius and caused the press to be convinced it was actually a terrorist act and not two genius teenagers being idiots.
Stupid press! It's not his fault cookies take 20 minutes in the oven.
Pulling himself back to the present, Peter focused on trying to tear his mind from his bad decisions and tried his hardest to get the bitter taste between his teeth out of his mind before he threw up.
He glanced over at Corden who was smugly sniggering at Peters reaction to the horrible taste.
"Okay next question." James said with a slight chuckle, moving the table so cod sperm was in front of him.
Oh God WHYYYY!!!!!
"Peter last year you were adopted by not only one of the richest people in the world but also one of the founding Avengers, Tony Stark AKA Iron Man." Oh no this is not heading in a good direction.
"List your three favourite Avengers from best to worst." James couldn't even hold his laugher after finishing the sentence, even he knew Peter was fucked on this one.
Peter looked down at the cod sperm and the back up to James gulping. Cod sperm or death by Avengers. Hard choice.
"You said Avengers right so Mom, Happy and stuff don't count." James nodded.
Was he really going to do this?
"Okay... Number one has to be Tony, no one can really beat giving me a home, a family and a chance at a new life, number two has to be Auntie Nat and number three..."
Oh God he really didn’t want to die today.
Yeah nope.
Peter quickly reached down bringing the cup to his lips, chugging the entire cup cod sperm before spitting it out into the bucket next to him.
"Ewwww, yuk! That was so disgusting." Peter quickly grabbed a bottle of water trying his best to wash out the taste from his mouth.
"OH MY GOD! Peter you were so close, why did you do that!?" James was already laughing hysterically alone with the audience.
Peter chuckled putting the glass down. "The Avengers are very vengeful people James. Cod sperm is a lot better of an alternative then even a death glare from one of them." Peter waited for the audience to die down before looking at the table. Now for the fun part, his turn.
“Okay James I think I will give you,” Peter looked over the choices trying to find the perfect one before looking at James with an evil smile.
“The Salmon Smoothie.” James winced and Peter laughed. The sweet taste of payback.
"Okay James,” Peter chuckled looking down at the card. “Oh now this is getting fun.”
“James,” he repeated. “Last month you had Uncle Bruce on your show to talk about his new book, in which you said you read the whole thing and loved it.”
“Name four therories he discusses in his book.” James turned around sending his writers a glare.
“Who wrote these?”
“Come on James it’s not that hard.” Peter chuckled.
“Oh don’t look so smug how many can you name?” James questioned looking back at Peter.
“I can name all 327.” Peter said smugly. “I helped co right the book.” He was starting to like this game.
“Show off.” James muttered before chugging the smoothie.
“How is it?” Peter snickered.
“Amazing.” James replied sarcastically as he spat it into the bucket.
“Okay we have time for one more question, Peter,” He paused as he read the card before smiling widely.
“Okay Peter, there is one question that you have been asked a lot ever since you were announced as Tony Starks child but you constantly avoid.” Oh he knew were this was going.
“So Peter, are you dating anyone and if you are who?”
Peter looked down at the cow’s tongue considering his opinions before looking back at James.
He really had no hope here. Peter took a deep breath and sighed.
“Okay everyone always asks me this and I know you all want a good answer, but the truth is, no, currently I am single.”
“Really, not anyone you’re even interested in?” James asked looking at Peter.
Peter sighed it would be a risk but...
“Well okay there is this one person,” The audience started awwwing and Peter blushed slightly.
“I don’t think I have much of a chance but you never know.”
James smiled. “Okay well Peter thanks for letting us have you on our show.” He turned to the audience before continuing.
“This has been Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts with the newest Stark member, Peter Parker. And we’ll be right back after the break.”
Once Peter got off the stage Peter got out his phone to see a few texts and missed calls, three of which from Michelle. He immediately called her back as he headed for the exit.
“Oh so your alive.” The girl greeted nonchalantly, a hint of fake disappointment in her tone.
Peter chuckled lightly. “Thanks Mj that makes me feel so loved.” He said teasingly, “What’s up.”
“Oh nothing much, you’re just, you know missing our annual movie night again.” He could hear the blantant sarcasm in her voice and cringed.
“You’re two hours late Parker, I think Ned’s getting seperation anxiety.” Michelle sighed as Peter walked out of the lot towards Happy. God dammit he forgot again. He really needed to stop doing that.
“Shit Em, sorry I got caught up at a publicity thing, I’ll be there in half an hour I promise.” She didn’t seem to upset but he still felt bad.
“Yes a saw that,” Michelle said with a slight tone of glee.
Oh hear we go.
“You know seeing you eat cod sperm nearly made up for the whole bailing on us thing.” He could practically see her smirking through the phone.
He knew she would have fun with this, “You saw that huh? Trust me it was not as fun as it sounds.”
“I don’t know I heard about all the secrets you had to spill. They were quite juicy. Remind me to send Cordan a gift basket for that.” Peter chuckled, he wouldn’t be surprised if she actually did it.
Part of the reason he actually agreed to the whole thing was he knew she would enjoy seeing him in agony and her happiness nearly made it all worth it.
Nearly.
“Thought you might like it.” He said with a slightly smug tone.
“Yes I especially liked the part when you expressed your love for someone random bimbo, that was fun.” Peter chuckled.
“I would hardly call you some random bimbo Mj.” Peter said smirking.
“We both know you’re an angel and I’m just lucky to have you look in the same direction as me.”
Michelle scoffed but he knew she was blushing over the phone.
“You’re such a nerd.”
“Your nerd.” Peter quipped. He could practically hear her cringe at the cheesiness of the line. It only made his smile wider.
“Uh, say that again and I’m breaking up with you. Speaking of which I’m quite impressed with your lying skills. You’re getting pretty good Parker.”
“Well I do learn from the best.”
“I am the best aren’t I.”
“You know you are.” Happy signalled for him to get in the car, he seemed to be on the phone to someone, most likely his father.
Yay.
Peter sighed. “Okay I have to go now Em but I’ll see you soon okay. Love you.”
Michelle muttered a love you too Loser before hanging up. An even goofier smile appearing on his face.
God he loved her so much.
And yes, okay maybe he did lie to the world and his whole entire family about the whole no girlfriend thing but sometimes you just had to keep the good things to yourself for a little while.
He knew how it would go with all the teasing from his family and publicity from the public and he and Michelle both really didn’t want all that right now.
Plus what the Avengers didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them.
Right?