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Things were slow that day, so slow that even the wind blew lethargically against his skin. Outside the sun beat down, drying out the dirt roads and melting anyone who thought they had a chance against it.
Lan Jingyi was at a moral cross road. If you were in the desert and could summon a magic fan, would you?
Fuck yeah!
But that wasn’t the way they structured their society. Not using magic for selfish purposes was rule number one of being part of the Lan witch family. They’d accept any number of bent rules before conceding they couldn’t control one of their own.
But it was also hotter than dragon's breath in here and that was just unacceptable.
Furtively looking around the shop from where he sat on his stool at the counter he looked to see if Lan Wangji was paying any attention to him. Thankfully, the stoic man seemed to be off in the store doing inventory. Muttering a spell under his breath, he cast a cooling spell on the underside of the desk so that at least his legs could get some relief from the heat.
Today, him and Lan Wangji were in charge of working at their family’s local shop. This shop was located in a complex of other magically oriented vendors and they specialized in simple spells, hexes, and curses.
Your lover’s cheating on you? Turn them into a slug. Need to teach your kid a lesson? Make them an adult for the day.
Not to brag or anything (no bragging was rule number 42), but the Lans were actually one of the most prominent families in this city. They were the resident witches and that usually warranted a lot of foot traffic.
As far as Lan Jingyi knew, every moment he was allowed to work in the Cloud Recess, was more than he deserved. As a failure.
And while the goofed around (as the Lans daw it) he tried to be an asset. Honestly.
But all his usual foolishness went sideways today. For some reason he was the only one who could man the front desk.
And honestly, the front desk? Who was stupid enough to let a fuck up like him do that?
Thankfully there were almost no calls.
Today Lan Jingyi was bored. He was bored and melting into oblivion with only Lan Wangji here to entertain him. And that guy was about as interesting to him as watching paint drying.
Sometimes he’d try to talk to Lan Wangji.
He had tried in the past. And present.
Now he’d learned that was the quickest way to get a silencing spell cast on him. Not that it made a difference if his partner was being silent anyways.
Todays ‘spirited’ debate was over the proper protocol to use when addressing a male magic user. Lan Jingyi firmly wanted to be called a witch, sorcerer just made his feel ancient.
“Just call me a witch Lan Wangji!”
“You’re a sorcerer.”
He stuck his nose in the air, “No way! Whatya take me for? Some old fogey? I’m a witch because I’m smart and tricky, not some old guy passing out advice to hobbits.”
“It is tradition.”
Well fuck that.
Deciding to have some fun, rules be damned he started to transform himself into an old man. Shoulders hunching, hair greying, wrinkles aging his face, and a long beard began to form. If Lan Jingyi had to describe how he felt in this form the only word he could use would be, saggy. The earth pulled him towards her center.
Putting on his wisest voice he turned to Lan Wangji carefully, “Hello young travelers. My name is Gandalf and I am here to provide you with information about your quest.”
“Mmmmm.”
He sighed. No visible reaction.
Slowly he shifted into his black cat form. Using the free footedness of this form, he jumped onto Lan Wangji’s shoulder, “See I’m a witch. Lithe, agile, filled with power.”
At first he didn’t know if the wizard could understand him, being a cat and all. But then the words, “Fooling around is prohibited,” we’re whispered in his ear.
Despite the magical stuff that came with it he couldn’t help but complain, “Come on. Where does it even say that? Why does fun have to be illegal?”
He pointed to the scroll or rules and there it was. Rule number 65. That was enough provocation of Lan Wangji to forcibly silence him and turn him back to his human form.
Quickly running to the charm section of the shop, he slapped on a charm to cancel out the silencing spell. He kept a stash of them for days like these where he was working with the revered stick in the mud.
When he turned around, Lan Wangji had disappeared into the back of the shop returned to sitting at the counter and roasting. Waiting for people who were never going to show-
“Helooooo!!!!”
Lan Jingyi sat up, back straight and at attention all of a sudden filled with excitement. Senior Wei was here! That meant something exciting was about to happen.
“Hello to you too Senior Wei. What can I do for you.”
“Oh Lan Jingyi it’s been to long,” he said rushing behind the counter to wrap him up in a hug.
“Senior Wei, please let go. It is to hot!”
“Oh come on. Aren’t you guys a family of witches and sorcerers. Shouldn’t there be something you guys can do to beat the heat.”
“Tell that to your husband. If it were up to me this place would feel like an icebox.”
Wei Wuxian reached out a had to ruffle his hair, “Don’t you worry. I’ll have a chat with him when he comes back out from wherever he’s hiding. I know he’s here. He is why I came by actually.”
“Well is it anything I can help you with?”
“Sometimes it is just so difficult to get advice out of my husband on matters like this. So maybe you are exactly the person I need to talk to.” Wei Wuxian exclaimed, jumping up to sit on the counter like he owned the place.
He then shoved his face right next to his and squinted his eyes as if examining him, looking for clues, “Do you know how to help someone who has no luck in love?”
“Well, you know we have some charms we keep on the shelves here for such-”
“No, I mean someone who is so terrible in love they have managed to get blacklisted by the entire town.”
“Senior Wei, I’m sure somebody like that cannot possibly exist.”
“That’s where you’re wrong my good friend. Alas, this poor man is mine own brother.”
“Well, I’m a witch not a miracle maker. You want a miracle, go next door. Honestly, can’t anyone read these days?”
“I know, I know… and thankfully, I’m not actually here today to buy a miracle, I like both my eyes thank you very much. No… unfortunately said poor brother got himself hexed last night and now has a little bit or a problem.”
Slamming his hands on the counter he stood giving Wei Wuxian a determined look, “Please let me guess. I love trying to figure out a fun hex.”
Wei Wuxian nodded.
“Classic pig snout. If you act like a pig you become one.”
He shook his head.
“Turned him into a dog because all men are dogs?”
He shook his head.
“Twenty four hour gender reversal, walk a mile in my shoes trick.”
He shook his head again.
“Well then what the fuck is it!?”
“Honestly, all those other ones sound a thousand percent more satisfying then what they did do. No, they just gave him cat ears and a tail. No deeper purpose other than a laugh I think.”
“Oh come on that’s not even that bad. I bet he looks adorable even. And it’s an easy fix.”
“Yeah well you don’t know my brother like I do, he could never pull off adorable. To much anger in that one. He’s got a lot of pride and he kinda has a thin face. He’s actually waiting outside because he didn’t want anyone to see him.”
Giving Wei Wuxian a knowing look he subtly tried to ask, “And I assume he will be the one paying for this and not you?”
Wei Wuxian then let out a peal of laughter, “No, no. I’m getting my brother the friends and family discount.”
“Senior Wei, when will you ever have any money?” he asked. Honestly this man was so exasperating. Without Lan Wangji he has no idea how this man would survive. If he could be certain of two things in his life, it was that Lan Wangji loved this man and that Wei Wuxian had no money.
He personally also had a soft spot for this man, he was quick witted and very strong, but he had this strong urge to just tell him, “Sleeping with the boss is not currency.” just to joke around. But no, Lan Wangji said his second biggest flaw was not respecting his elders-
Then Wei Wuxian started laughing so hard he fell off the counter. “Oh my God Lan Jingyi, I can’t believe you’re a Lan sometimes.”
Oh no. Feeling all the blood rush up to his face, he proceeded to bury his head in his hands. Why was he cursed? Cursed to be the most un-Lan like Lan to every Lan.
Now desperately trying to leave this incident in the past he shouted, “Why don’t you get your brother and I’ll get Lan Wangji and we can get rid of this hex.” Then he darted into the backroom to get as far away from Wei Wuxian and his own motor mouth as possible.
~
Returning shortly with Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian gave a run down of the entire situation with the alleged brother trying desperately to hide under a large cloak.
Lan Jingyi should have known better than to expect professionalism from Lan Wangji when his husband was around. They immediately started making eyes at each other and then Lan Wangji gestured with his head as if to say, “You’ve got this one?”
“Don’t worry. This should be an easy case.”
And that was all the cue the two needed to link hands and disappear into the back of the shop. Knowing exactly what was about to happen Lan Jingyi blushed and looked up at the brother, “You’re his brother right, so I don’t have to explain their behavior?”
That seemed to trigger the hooded man to look up at him and his eyes met the most piercing purple gaze ever. Not to be a romantic but a book he read recently definitely would have described them as ‘amethyst pools’. Gods that man was handsome. Wonder why he was having such trouble with the-
“Fuck no.”
“Huh?”
“Fuck no you don’t need to explain it to me. Wei Ying drives me up the god damn wall every single day with his Lan Zhan this. Lan Zhan that. I don’t wanna think about that crap anymore.”
Ahhhh. That’s why he couldn’t get a partner.
Trying to laugh away the awkwardness he felt at hearing such crude language he said, “Well good. Anyways, if you could remove the cloak so I could see the problem areas we can get this nasty hex lifted off you.”
“No.”
“Ummm… no?”
“You heard me. No. Fix it without that. I don’t want anyone to see.”
And while true that he could probably fix the hex without him removing the cloak that was first off, half the fun. And secondly, no way he was gonna capitulate to that demanding tone.
“Hahah, sorry sir. But I’m going to have to insist. It’s policy here and a liability issue.” Liar.
“Well that’s not going to happen.”
“Well, I’m going to have to insist.”
Both men were now full out glaring at each other and the already sweltering room rose another ten degrees with the pure heat between the stares.
The brother averted his gaze first shouting, “Fuck no!” he shouted. “I won’t do it!”
Losing his own temper he yelled, “No yelling in The Cloud Recess! It’s rule number ten to be allowed to do business here!”
“Well that’s fresh coming from you!”
“What’s that supposed to mean? Stop being arrogant and take off the damn cloak!”
“How are you missing the irony here? And no that’s not gonna happen.”
Ducking below the counter so the customer couldn’t see him Lan Jingyi let out a silent scream trying to find his inner Lan. After taking a few calming breaths, he plastered on the nicest smile he had and popped back above the counter.
This purple eyed mother fucker looked noticeably alarmed at the sudden change in demeanor as he then proceeded to say in his kindest ‘the customer is always right voice’, “I am so sorry about earlier. Please let me go get the proper charm to undo this hex. I’ll be right back.”
Leaving the customer dumb founded, Lan Jingyi walked to pick up one of the dime a dozen spells they sold on the shelves at the store. Then walking back over to the brother he declared, “”This should do the trick.” and proceeded to pat him on the shoulder.
And with that the entire cloak disappeared. The man obviously didn’t notice at first and walked away to go check himself in front of one of the mirrors. Lan Jingyi then used this time to put himself back behind the relative safety of the counter for the inevitable fall out. But no matter what, this was a point for him in whatever weird battle of wills they were having.
Taking the last few seconds before this man strangled him he admired his handiwork. No wonder the girls had decided to put this hex on him. While not nice to talk to, the cat ears and tail certainly made an already beautiful man absolutely adorable. A silencing spell would fit him nicely and then he would be perfect eye candy. He had adorable black ears and a tail which matched nicely with the long black hair streaming down towards his waist. He wondered if the man just woke up like that in the morning. Probably? God, he was so jealous. Lan Jingyi had met sexier looking undead then what he looked like when he woke up. Why world why?
Then that attractive backside swung around face contorted in rage. If Lan Jingyi were from another timeline, he would describe this man as having Big Dick Energy.
He stormed up to the counter and slammed his fist on it before gritting out, “Where the fuck is my cloak?”
“Don’t worry, you’ll get it back as soon as we finish up here. Unless you don’t want us to break the hex? In which case you can have it back right now.”
With the realization that this was not a fight he would be winning, he finally seemed to let the the tension drain out of his shoulders hunching inwards as he sighed, “I am so tired of living in this world.”
“There, there. It’ll all be alright. I’ll have you fixed up in no time, witch’s promise. Now can I get a name to attach to this hex?”
“Jiang Wanyin,” he sighed even deeper this time. Lan Jingyi thought that is this man’s pride would allow it that he would be slamming his head into the counter forcefully and repeatedly.
Looking up once again at the mans face he was overcome with an urge to touch. So strong was the urge he reached out slowly to touch the top of the man's head, right where the ears met and against all preservation instinct, pet him. In response, the man below his hand let out a pur. And honest to god pur.
Both of them snapped their gazes to each other in shock, faces coloring red as this Jiang Wanyin reached up to cover his car ears grumbling out, “This is why I had to start wearing the coat. People have been doing this to me all day.”
Now embarrassed out of his mind and a casualty in the war this hex was waging if the flush on his face was anything to go off of, Lan Jingyi got to work gathering up ingredient to make a potion. Placing them all in the mortar, he then grabbed the pestle and got to work grinding the ingredients.
The silence was to much for him however and he just had to open up his big mouth and ask, “So get hexed often?”
The man quirked an eyebrow at him as if deciding whether to be angered or amused by the question, “Well, this is my first time this week.” he joked..
“Ohh, so we count our hexes by the week?” he attempted to joke back.
“I don’t know why, but I think my face just manages to piss women off.” he complained. Managing to somehow scowl even deeper. But at this point Lan Jingyi considered his scowls almost endearing. They were definitely there to cover up other emotions.
“Hah, I don’t think it’s the way your face looks that does it. Maybe just the expression you wear on it?”
“Is it really that bad?” he teased. Some of the deep lines melting off his face. Anymore of this and the man might actually smile. Lan Jingyi would be screwed then.
“My point is as someone who just met you twenty minutes ago, you’re face coupled with your words can be intimidating.”
“That’s just the way I am. I guess some people just get used to it. But this hex really had me pissed off. Wei Ying literally came up with a thousand new nicknames to tease me with last night. And you know it’s bad when the man named his own pet Subian.” Oh shit. Abort conversation, the man was now smiling and Lan Jingyi needed his coworker to revive him immediately.
Trying to pretend his heart was not going a mile and minute he tried to say, “That does sound like him. Poor Subian. He is such a troublemaker, but I know he means well.”
“Thanks for reciting my morning mantra.”
“He is in the store all the time these days so I think I’ve numbed myself to him,” he said putting the finishing touches on the liquid. “And here you go, one potion to cure animal centric hexes. I even made an extra one for the next time you get hexed. Cost is on Lan Wangji of course.”
“Of course.” Now Jiang Wanyin was smirking at him with the confidence of ‘I know something you don’t’. It was not just the heat melting him now.
The two stared at each other for a minute, both of them struggling to maintain eye contact with the other.
“So yeah, I should… go. I’m assuming Wei Ying is already lost to me.”
“The same way I assume I’m gonna be running this shop alone for the rest of the day.”
The two made eye contact again, this time managing to hold it, the sound of the hot summers day surrounding them, a light wind blowing through the shop somehow managing to make the heat even more stifling. Opening up his mouth in an attempt to say something the other man has a similar thought and blurted out, “Go out with me.”
“Huh?” he said eloquently. Not quite believing he was hearing this man correctly.
“Tonight.”
“Huh?” he repeated just as eloquently.
“You, me, dinner tonight? Only if you want to of course. I think it would be great if you did.” Then the man started to ramble, “But if you didn’t it’s not like I’d care. I mean… what I mean is-”
“Yeah.” he found himself blurting out. Lan Jingyi was just the mast of the spoken language right now wasn’t me.
“Yeah?”
“Meet me here at 7:30?” he squeaked out, giving himself a silent pat on the back for actually managing to get out six whole words.
“Ok.”
“And bring your antihex potion in case you piss me off.” he cringed at himself, mentally berating himself for how unfunny he was.
The other man didn’t seem to mind though, he even looked like he was trying to suppress a small smile, “Ok. That’s great. I mean… ummmm… I’ll see you then.”
With that Jiang Wanyin stumbled out of the shop, trying to somehow walk backwards and wave at him. Even after the door closed behind him Lan Jingyi’s heart was still racing double time, his entire body tingling. Hiding his face in his hands, he attempted to hide himself behind the counter for the second time that day. God, what was he doing? However, his momentary crisis was ruined by a low wolf whistle from one Wei Wuxian declaring, “I thought you guys said the miracle worker was next door?”