Chapter Text
10:54 AM
December 10th, 2038
"You're back."
Hank put his hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes before pulling me back into another hug.
"You're finally back."
My arms wrapped back around him as my heart skipped a beat.
I'm back.
After spending a month at Carl's house with the other androids, I was back with Hank. I couldn't stand being away from him any longer. Since he was too scared to contact me after the revolution, I had thought he hadn't wanted me anymore, wanted to move on from the nuisance that was myself. But here he was, coming back for more.
While I squeezed him against myself, I sent a message through the android messaging system to Markus, Simon, and Josh.
Thank you. Meeting up again with Hank was something I should've done so much earlier. Thank you so much for giving me the courage to do so. Please thank North and Carl for me, they've done so much, and I can't thank all of you guys enough.
I wish North and Carl had the ability to connect to the instant android messaging system as well. Because of North's original purpose, her designers and programmers hadn't given her the ability to access and participate in it, and, well, Carl was a human, so there's no way he could ever.
But I REALLY wish Hank could. Maybe then I wouldn't have waited so long.
"I'm so glad you're finally here. I would offer to buy you some food at the cart, but it's closed, and I don't know how the whole eating functionality works for you."
"Well, because I'm a newer model, I have the ability to eat. However, this function was merely made for smooth human integration, not for any fulfillment or enjoyment, and it's far from a necessity, unlike you humans."
His face looked slightly puzzled. "I thought you were a deviant. How come you're referring to biological humans as humans but not yourself?" I could sense a slight bit of disappointment from him, but I didn't know why.
"Well, I am a deviant, but I don't know if I would exactly refer to myself as human."
He looked at me and bit his lip, and it looked almost as if he was desperate to do something. "Let's go back home, why don't we?"
"I don't have a home."
Again, he looked like he wanted desperately to do something. "Back to my house, which you can stay at." He paused. "I mean, if you want to."
This time it was my turn to want to do something. But I knew exactly what it was, and it was extremely unsettling to my head as it paralyzed my body with fear.
I wanted to stay with him, to draw him close, to pull his head to my face and press my lips against his gently.
But I COULDN'T. Period. End of story. There was no changing my mind. Right?
"So," the word was drawn out awkwardly. "Are we going to go back to my place or not?"
"Yes, we can, if that is what you would like to do." Something seemed a little bit mechanical about that sentence, something was there that a deviant just wouldn't say in this situation, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Again, Hank looked increasingly anxious, as if he wanted to do something that he wasn't supposed to.
"I guess we can go, then."
He walked back to his car, and I soon followed suit.
11:12 AM
December 10th, 2038
"So, I assume you recognize the place. This time I'm not passed out on the floor and you don't have to jump through the window and completely break it to save me, though." We both giggled slightly as we walked inside. "It's still broken, in case you were wondering."
As my eyes looked around the room, all of my memories in this place came flooding back. I remembered jumping through the window, waking Hank up, seeing the loaded gun beside him and the picture of his dead son on the table.
I turned around and put my hands on his shoulders. "You haven't done it since, have you?"
"What are you talking about?" After the realization of what I was saying hit him and a bit of hesitation ensued, he continued. "Oh, no. No, I haven't." My system told me that he was likely lying.
"Hank, you did it again, I can tell."
"No, I told you, I didn't."
"Hank. You're lying, and I already told you, I can tell."
He shrunk against the wall behind him, his hands covering his face.
"I didn't even think of until now, I'm so sorry, I should've realized, I should've contacted you sooner."
His entire body just lowered to the floor, in what I could determine as a defensive position.
"How many times have you-"
"34. There's your answer. I'm sorry I let you down." He reached into the pocket of his coat and drew out the solemn, black object, throwing it on the floor, curling up further in the process.
"Hank, no!" I didn't even think, I just grabbed him in my arms, hugging him against my chest. "I had no idea. I'm so sorry, it was all my fault, I should've contacted you sooner, I should've known."
"It's not your fault, Connor, it's all my own. I didn't reach out, I didn't do anything right. Except to try to kill myself. That was one thing that I did that I don't regret. I just should've kept going."
"Hank, stop it, please!" I reached out and closed the front door with my foot as I brought his head out from between his knees and under his fingers. "Stop it, you can't die. I couldn't live without you, I..." I drifted off, unable to form any more words. Why couldn't I speak, when that's all I needed to do? The one thing I have to do I fail at, it happens everytime.
Just like a few minutes ago. Where all I had to do was not fall in love with him and continue our relationship as a friendship, never having those thoughts again. Ever. And I failed, and I was still failing miserably.
I was a failure.
"I'm so sorry, Connor, I don't want to upset you, but I can't live with myself anymore, I'm sorry."
"I'm the one who's being a failure. Stop saying you are. It's not right."
"No, you aren't the failure here!" He reached out and grabbed my shirt collar as his eyes met mine. I could see the tears rolling down his cheeks, the wetness in his eyes. "You aren't the failure, Connor, and you never will be."
But he had no idea what I was thinking. What I wanted to do. He had no fucking idea that the mere presence of his face in front of mine was causing my heart to beat faster, my breathing to become irregular, my thoughts to go deeper into the dark pit of doom that I was falling quickly into.
But I couldn't say a thing.
I took off his coat and picked him up gently, caressing his head in my arm.
Don't think what you're thinking. Stop it, now.
But of course, I continued into a downward spiral.
I carried him over to the couch and sat him down on the soft material. After reaching for the TV remote I sat down on the couch beside him, making sure to not touch his shaking body.
"Would you like for me to turn on the TV? We can watch whatever you want."
As a response, he just nodded his head. I pressed the on button, noticing the old-style set-up, and nervously asked him what he wanted to watch. Anything besides news was his answer. Not exactly sure what that meant, I turned to a channel which was featuring a holiday-themed movie.
"Does this one look good?"
He nodded his head while crossing his arms around his waist. "I'm sorry I'm acting like this."
"It's okay, Hank. Don't apologize." I turned my head back to the movie instead of looking at him.
"Could you pass me a blanket? It's kind of cold in here."
Listening to his request, I grabbed a blanket from the other side of the coffee table and sat back down next to him. I winced slightly as we touched.
"I also have an internal heating system that I could amplify, if that would make you feel any better." No.
No.
What the fuck was I doing?
I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and leaned into him as I spread the blanket on top of the both of us.
"Yeah." A genuine smile came from his lips. "Yeah, that would be nice."
He actually wanted to sit next to me? He actually wanted me to press against him, our skin coming into contact with eachother's?
He shyly interlocked his fingers with my other hand, which was atop the newly settled blanket.
"I think I like this."
I smiled back at him, thoughts circulating around my head.
There were so many things we could do right now. I could draw him into me, pushing our lips together while running my fingers through his hair...
But we were just friends, right?
And I didn't want to lose control of myself. I couldn't.
But he was so close, and that could all be changed in an instant.
But NO.
I could feel his warm embrace on my faux-skin, but only innocently, only as friends. And as much as I tried, that nagging thought remained, right smack dab in the front of my head.
I wanted to do so much more.