Chapter Text
Today is the day.
He was bouncing across the street, moving from streetlamp to streetlamp, giving his jump a bit of flair with a trick here and there. His breath was ragged, feet hot and sweaty, but that wouldn’t stop him. He had been preparing this for a while now, and he would go through with it.
Today is the day.
He had been postponing it for some time, but it had been too long. He had to tell her. He had to let her know. Every fiber of his being was yearning to be with her, near her. He wanted to be the one to hold her, comfort her, laugh with her. He wanted to share his everyday life with her. He had had enough of chasing her around. He was going to do it.
Today is the day.
As he kept thinking this to himself, he arrived at the spot they agreed on for the start of their patrol. A careful jump made him land on the roof of the building with a soft ‘thud’. From here he had a perfect view of the Eiffel Tower. It’s lights were glittering, a strong contrast with the inky sky surrounding it’s form. The famous monument of Paris, known all around the world. An icon.
But for him, the real icon of Paris was sitting right there. Her back turned towards him, knees seemingly tucked up underneath her chin. The hero of Paris.
And she looked absolutely stunning.
The ribbons that neatly kept her hair into their pigtails were met with a slow breeze blowing past, making Ladybug visibly shiver. He had to resist the urge to swoop in and give her the warmest hug he could muster, but considering their current situation, it would be highly inappropriate. Instead, he went for the second best option he could think of.
“I know I’m cool, but this is a little exaggerated even for me, My Lady.”
A wide-eyed Ladybug turned around to face him, but soon that fear melted away into a playful smile. At the realization of his pun, she rolled her eyes.
“Oh, of course it’s you. I couldn’t see you over that huge ego you got there.”
Mi-auwtsch. Leave it to his Lady to throw his attitude right back at him. Yet instead of feeling insulted, his ears laid back and his lips turned into a fond smile. This is just one of the many reasons why he loved her. In his civilian life, people were way too careful around him. They were either intimidated by his father, or thought of him as a baby that just started exploring the world. It made him feel as if he’s not even capable of doing anything on his own.
But that’s where Chat Noir comes in, and his Lady. The first time they met she literally fell out of the sky into him, almost smashing them to the ground if it weren’t for Ladybugs jojo keeping them a safe few inches from crashing. It made him chuckle when he thought back to that time, if only considering the puns he could have made.
What a way to meet each other for the first time, only to become partners in fighting crime the very same day. From then on it had been a series of putting themselves in danger for the civilians of Paris, and occasional dares to see which one of them could get to the top of the Eiffel tower first that left them both with a few scratches here and there. It was a liberating type of fun, and the scratches never bothered him.
“What are you smiling at silly kitty, we have a patrol to get to! Crime doesn’t stop itself you know.” With a flick of his bell she brought him back to the moment at hand. Ahh, yes, that was why we came here. Focus, Chat. This can wait until later.
“Alright My Lady, let’s kick some bad guy’s behinds!” As he got ready to leap off the roof, he could hear a funny sound besides him. He turns to see Ladybug muffling her giggle. “What’s so funny?”
“You know, for an alley cat you sure know the way to delicately pick your words.”
The grin that spread across her face was nothing short from competitive. He felt his own lips curl up into one of his own.
“Oh yeah? Then what do you say I race you, bug? Show you the alley cat in his natural habitat.”
“Is that a challenge I hear? Fine, I’ll take it on the conditions that there will be no sore loser. Looking at you here.”
“Don’t worry My Lady, I’ll show you the way of the streets.” She returned his wink with a giggle.
There must be some of her luck shining down on him right now. Tonight was already looking great.
***
From here the view was mesmerizing. At the very top of the Eiffel tower, he almost felt himself king of the world, though the only place you could see from here was Paris. But looking up was a whole new world of it’s own.
Without the bright lights of the literal city of light around him, looking up was a whole new experience. The stars were shining bright, the moon a beacon of peace above the busy city. Being a superhero certainly had it’s perks.
But his mind wasn’t wandering up above.
Today is the day.
Though he wished he could let it go for a little while to focus on patrol, his thoughts were constantly with his Lady. She seemed to outshine the whole city even from where they were sitting. It felt right to be here with her. It gave him a safe sense of belonging.
Since he made the important decision yesterday to tell her how he felt he had been more upbeat than he had ever been before. Even Nino seemed to pick up on that. He remembered his supportive but confused face in their conversation from earlier that day. When his father scheduled a new photoshoot for him during his only free time that day, Adrien wasn’t even a little bit bothered. Normally he would be gloomy all day, so naturally his best friend had the right to be a little worried to see him simply shrug it off. But it was true, nothing could shake up his mood today. Even Hawkmoth would have a difficult time getting to him right now.
Basking in her light was all he ever wanted. And right here, right now, the setting was perfect. The moon above them, the stars around them, the whole city below him, and the love of his life beside him. The moment couldn’t possibly get any better than this.
It could obviously get worse though. The same words have been dancing around his brains for most of the day, and while he was ecstatic about his decision, he also realized that as the day passed on, the tiny knot in his stomach turned into a confusing ball of wire. There were no beginnings or ends to find, only knots and loops, and what’s and if’s. Most of the time he could shake the nerves away, but as the time crept closer upon him, he had to finally surrender to his growing unease. And though everything was perfect right now, he could feel the nervous kitten inside him started to take over.
But it was time.
Today is the day.
Next to him sat Ladybug. His Lady. Love of his life. His partner, his friend. Someone he trusted with his own life. He knew all of her strengths and weaknesses, her favorites and dislikes. He knew how fiercely she loved her family and friends, and how she would do anything to keep them safe. To a certain extent, he knew everything about her.
The only thing he didn’t know was her name. And it was killing him.
But maybe, just maybe, that might change after tonight.
He took a deep breath, quieted the noises in his head and hid his hands behind his back. No one would ever say Chat Noir was nervous around a girl, and neither would Plagg.
“Ladybug? Could I, um, could I ask you something? Right now?”
The moment he opened his mouth to continue, she faced him, and the words got stuck in his throat.
“Sure Chat, what’s on your mind?”
He could hear her say the words, but they never registered in his brain. Her eyes immediately captured his attention, and all he could manage was a little sigh. The sparkle in her eyes, the slight freckles dusted across her pale cheeks and her rosy lips made her look like a tender porcelain doll. Though he knew the power she was capable of, he couldn’t stop staring at her like she was a work of art. Why did she always leave him breathless like that?
He must have been quiet for longer than he thought, because her face started to pucker.
“Chat? Are you okay?”
Embarrassed, he looked away. Scratch his previous statement. He could already hear Plagg making fun of him tonight, his tiny laugh echoing in his giant room. Behind him, his hands were shaking more violently every passing second.
“I’m… I’m fine!” He was not. He could feel the cold sweat sticking to his back. “It’s just that…that I gotta tell you something, kinda… and… it’s difficult.”
“Come on Chaton, I thought we said no sore losers tonight.” The little smirk dancing on her face would normally spark a fire within him, but for now it only made his nerves skyrocket. “And besides, the bird wasn’t my fault.”
“It’s not the bird, My Lady.”
“Oh, well what is it? Can’t get the taste of dust out of your mouth?” Was she being smug for the both of them tonight? Because if she was, she was definitely succeeding. Too bad his mind wasn’t really there to provide him with a proper comeback. He had other things to worry about right now.
He took a deep breath. She was in a playful mood. He could do this.
Today is the day.
“Ladybug…”
His hands were fidgeting.
“Chat Noir.”
His legs were dangling off the edge, rapidly tapping against the cold metal of the Parisian symbol.
“My Lady…”
He was burning up.
“Chaton?”
He shut his eyes. He could do it. He prepared for this all day long. He wanted this from the start, since the day they met. Just spit it out!
Today is the day.
Today is the day.
TODAY IS THE DAY.
His mind was running all over the place, chanting. His suit was stuck to him, itching everywhere. The blonde mop of hair, normally so free and messy, stuck to his forehead and his stomach flipped upside down, the butterflies inside going crazy. He had to get it out now, or never open his mouth again.
And so he did. He opened his mouth, and there it was.
“Ladybug, I love you.”
And for a moment there, time froze.
It was barely a whisper, but they were the loudest words he’d ever spoken.
Yet around him it was quiet, the beating of his own heart echoing through his body.
She didn’t say anything yet. What did that mean? Did she love him too? Did she hate him for telling her? Did it mean something at all?
Slowly and very, very carefully, he opened one eye.
And she seemed… well… How could he put this delicately?
She seemed horrified.
Her eyebrows reached so high they were hidden underneath her bangs, her eyes as big as they could possibly get. Bright blue staring back at him. Her mouth hung open ever so slightly, hardly covered by her hand hovering in the air. It didn’t look good for him. It didn’t look good for him at all.
His adrenaline shot up. Every nerve in his body tingled. His mind was screaming.
What now? Should he say anything? Should he keep quiet? Should he get up and leave? Turn around and never look back? Should he even feel worthy of the position he’s asking for? Should he go home, empty his bank and move to Canada to spend the rest of his life as an animals rights activist?
The leather ears atop his head fell flat against his hair.
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
She hadn’t said anything yet. Maybe there was a speck of hope left. Maybe she would return his feelings. Maybe, when this would all be over, they’d fall into eachothers arms, and they’d laugh and hug and be safe with the other. Maybe-
“Chat, I…”
His ears perked up at the sound of his name. There it was. The moment that could turn his whole life upside down, one way or another.
Please, My Lady. Please say you love me too. Please.
Ladybug must have picked up on the pleading in his eyes, for she averted her eyes with a sigh.
If hope was a candle, it was flickering more and more every passing second. But before he could give up all hope he needed her answer. He needed to know. He has been in love with her since the first day they met, and he’s been at her side ever since.
And it felt selfish, trying to claim her for himself like that. But he couldn’t hold it any longer. He only wanted this one thing from her. He’d ask no more after this. Just this. Cat’s honor. Please.
“Chat,” Ladybug tried once again. She wasn’t looking at him. Instead, from the way she was sitting, it looked like she’d rather be anywhere but here right now.
Please.
“You’re my partner, and my best friend. And I… I trust you with my life, but I…”
Her eyes were closed. Why were they closed?
Please, My Lady. I’m yours.
He noticed her deep intake of breath. A sign she was trying to be tough.
One thing was for certain. He’d get his closure today, one way or another. Though he had a hunch about the outcome, he noticed himself holding his breath. His candle was still flickering ever so slightly. He wasn’t giving up, not yet.
She looked up, yet still not meeting his eyes. Hers were somewhere far off in the distance, which almost made it weird to hear her voice from so close.
“I’m sorry, Chat. I can’t return your feelings.”
And in that moment, the little candle blew out.
He felt empty. Weird. Conflicted. He didn’t feel the way he thought he’d feel after she rejected him. Something about her rejecting him was off?
“Oh…” It was all he could bring up in that moment. He shook his head, trying to get rid of the unpleasant thought, but all it got him was a headache.
“I’m so, so sorry Chat. I-“
His voice was hoarse, rough, as he cut her off. “Is there someone else?”
The question was out before he even took the time to properly think it over, play it on repeat in his head and go over all the possible outcomes before deciding not to do it at all. He even startled himself.
He felt like an idiot right now. First, he put a stop to the light atmosphere between them by asking her a stupid question, and then he made matters worse by asking her another one that invaded her privacy and, quite possibly, her secret identity as well. How long has he known her for? Long enough to know secret identities wasn’t anything she wanted to bring up, ever.
The way Ladybug looked at him didn’t make matters any better.
Though she covered her face with her hands, save for one eye poking out at him, he could see that she was furiously blushing.
“I’ll… take that as a yes then?”
Sighing, she dropped her hands. Her face was still red, but it looked less like she was a girl in love. It looked more like she was embarrassed. Did he do that?
“Oh, I see…” He still sounded pathetic. He really did make a mess of everything. Another shake of his head and scraping of his throat, he continued. “I’m sorry Ladybug. I didn’t mean to-“
“It’s okay Chat. It doesn’t matter.” She looked away. “It’s not like he notices me anyway.”
What?
“What do you mean?”
She took a deep breath before answering. The words seemed forced when she spoke. “Like I say, he doesn’t notice me. I’m invisible to him.”
Ladybug? Invisible? How?
Though the evening took an unexpected turn, he couldn’t just let his lady… Ladybug… sit there and doubt herself like that. She shouldn’t feel that way. No one should.
“Excuse me? You’re telling me this guy doesn’t notice you?”
“Chat, I think now is not exactly the ideal time to talk about my love life, do you?”
“No! I mean, yes? Ugh… What I mean to say is, this guy you’re talking about? He should be ashamed of himself. I just can’t believe he’s so blind he doesn’t notice someone as amazing as you.”
“Not now Chat.”
“I mean it Ladybug. I think you’re amazing. You’re kind, and brave, and loyal to the people of Paris. You’re nice and talented and funny and beautiful and… and a real hero.” He knew he was ranting at this moment. He didn’t care though. “You’re more of a hero than anyone could ever dream to be. More of a hero than I could ever be.”
“Chat, please, stop. I really don’t want to talk about it right now. None of it. Let’s just… I mean…” Her hands were flailing around her in the air, trying to grasp the words she had trouble saying. “This evening is just all kinds of messed up and I’m sorry, I really am. I’m sorry I can’t return your feelings. We’re partners and you’re my best friend, but I can’t risk tearing all that apart.”
He could see the tears welling up in her eyes. She was right. This evening was all kinds of messed up. Nothing of what he had planned out happened. He confessed his feelings for her, and by that he made her insecure about their superhero relationship. At the same time he learned that she didn’t just have no romantic feelings towards him, but she’s in love with some other guy. A guy that apparently doesn’t notice her, even though Ladybug is the most amazing person in all of Paris and – for him – in all of the world. But neither was it very sensitive of him to attack this stranger like he did.
He messed up. He really did.
But he didn’t want her to leave with a bad feeling. He owed her that much.
“Well… about that guy…”
She sighed. “I don’t want to talk about it Chat. He doesn’t notice me.”
“I know, I know,” He raised his hands in defense. “I mean, you told me, but what I’m trying to say-“ Yeah, trying alright. It was almost a battle within his own body to force the words out.
He swallowed. “-is that I hope that when this guy does notice you and sees how amazing you are, you’ll be very happy with him.”
As she looked up, he could almost see the confusion on her face.
“Chat, I-“
“Granted, he’s an idiot,” Hopefully his face didn’t look too strained as he tried to pull off a smirk. “but I think he’ll come around.”
Thankfully, it earned him a smile in return.
“You know what, kitty, I think you’re right. I think he should notice me.”
“There! That’s the Ladybug I know!”
“But that won’t happen if I never talk to him.”
His heart shattered right then and there. But his face kept a smile. “I’ll be cheering you on, Ladybug.”
***
Holding back on emotion had never been an issue for Adrien Agreste.
Too bad that right now, Chat Noir was the one with the emotions, holding his sobs back as he vaulted across the rooftops, eager to be confined to the emptiness of his room.
His lungs were burning with every breath he took, his vision clouded with tears. He violently shook his head to get rid of them, which led to him stumbling over his own feet. Crouched on his hands and feet, he let out an ugly sob.
Empty meant he would be alone. Being alone meant he would not get his feelings hurt by another. Being alone meant isolation, and isolation has been his guardian since he was a little kid. Being out in the open made him feel vulnerable; made him want to hide. He felt like a fool, tearing himself open for everyone to see. Wasn’t he supposed to be the hero of Paris? Wasn’t he?!
You’re being pathetic. Get up! Move!
Scrambling to his feet, with the hope that no one had seen his inner conflict play out, he resumed his previous pace, back to his room.
He raced across the rooftops, achieving more speed with every move. His breath was ragged and uncontrolled, his lungs burning up in his throat.
He tried to focus on the pain. It gave him a break from the disarrayed state of his mind.
The open window in the nearby distance almost felt like a beacon of hope. Soon, very soon, he’d be back in the confinements of his room. There, it would be safe to let his feelings run free. There, he would be able to scream without being heard.
And so it would be done.
As he landed on the cold floor, Chat Noir wasted no time in undoing his transformation.
Even Plagg seemed to have picked up on his chosen’s mood from the evening, for instead of reading his lists of inappropriate insults, the little kwami wisely kept his mouth shut.
Adrien took a straight bee-line to his bed, ignoring the new clouding of his vision.
Ungraciously, he let himself fall on his bed, pressing his face in his pillow as deep as he possibly could, and screamed.
As his body shook with wild and uncontrollable sobs, he wondered if maybe, just maybe, he had been terribly wrong all this time.
There wouldn't be a better day.