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Thomas looked over the mess that was his childhood bedroom. Well, to be fair it was his current bedroom, but it wouldn’t be for much longer. On the bed lay the two biggest bags he owned, and a few moving boxes stood scattered about. He had been packing all morning, preparing for the move that he viewed as his step into adulthood, away from the dependency of his parents. In three days he’d start college, and would share an admittedly tiny student’s apartment with his best friend since birth. He would still visit his family, of course, but from now on he would only have responsibility for himself, an independent man ready to take on the world.
Having lived for 18 years in this one room made quite the collection of assorted items. The clothes had been packed first - that the easy part. He had stuffed them into a bag without bothering about being neat. They’d get unpacked soon enough. Next had been his laptop, phone charger, everything of obvious value or use. Toiletries, a few books. But then what? He walked a few rounds in his room, trying to spot anything he’d want to take with him. At first there were only a few things, but they quickly piled up, filling the boxes. His mum had said she would store whatever he didn’t bring, so that wasn’t a problem. But if Thomas was honest that wouldn’t be a lot. He reasoned that if he didn’t want to take something with him it wasn’t worth saving anyway. One last time, he went to the closet, opening the door again to check so he would be sure not to forget anything essential. It looked just as empty as it previously had been. In a way, it was almost sad looking at his room like that. This was an end. A beginning too, sure - and one equal in excitement and fear - but an end nonetheless.
As he was about to close the closet doors, something caught his eye. In the back he saw a piece of paper sticking out between two boards that had a large gap between them. He reached in to grab it, pulling it loose. An envelope slid out, thick with letters. At first Thomas didn’t know what he held, but as he turned the envelope over and retrieved the first letter, the memories of it came back.
The letters were old, at least for him. When he was a kid, he’d had a penpal - had sent in a request for one in a comic he liked. He’d received a lot of answers, replied to a few, but after those first answers a bunch of them dwindled and died. The attention span of eight-year-olds is limited, after all. However, one person had continued to write him, keeping up a steady stream of letters. It had been the highlight of his time back then, and it still put a smile on Thomas’ lips when he remembered it. He thought back on the anticipation he’d felt, and the excitement every time he’d gotten back from school and saw a letter addressed to him lying on the kitchen table. And there weren’t always just the letters, often the envelope also contained small trinkets, such as colorful bookmarks, temporary tattoos, wrapped candy and once a woven friendship bracelet he’d worn every day. He had treasured all of this, and now he relived it all as he read over the letters and looked at all the various other items inside. Even the candy wrapper had been saved and stored away.
The letter exchange had continued for half a year, but by then they came with longer and longer intervals, and in the summer when Thomas and his family went abroad for a trip he’d forgotten to answer at all. When he did remember - months later - he’d felt so bad that he put the letters and all thought of them away.
Now he wished he’d written back.
Thomas replaced everything into the envelope and, after thinking it over for a moment, decided he’d bring it along with him. It was nostalgic, and he didn’t want it to be left and forgotten again. As he was about to put it in an outer pocket of one bag, a thought struck him. He took the envelope out again and turned it over. There, just as he’d thought, was a return address. It would be easy to send another letter. For old times sake. But surely the boy he’d so eagerly awaited letters from didn’t still live at the same place after all these years? Then again, Thomas still lived in the same house he always had, so maybe…
Deciding it was worth a try, Thomas rushed out of his room to get something to write on, which was easier said than done. He found post-it notes, grocery receipts, but nothing that was much better. Returning upstairs he pulled a school notebook out of the worn backpack he’d used for years. The notebook was almost filled up, but he did succeed in finding half a page that was still unwritten. He ripped it out, careful not to tear it, and went to sit by his desk.
And then he sat there, pen in hand, staring down at the sorry excuse for a letter paper, thinking over what he would even write. What do you say to someone you haven’t spoken to for so long? But he shook his head, trying to chase away any doubts that this wasn’t a brilliant idea, and started.
“Hey.
I don’t know if you remember me. Or if this still is your address. I’m Thomas - you know, the kid who sent a request for a penpal to a superhero magazine ten years ago that you replied to? So, funny story, I just found all the letters you wrote me! And well, I thought it would be fun to send you a letter again, for old times’ sake or something.
You don’t have to reply, but if you want to, you can send it to the return address on this envelope, it’s to my student’s apartment. Or if you don’t, that’s cool too.
So, eh, hope you have a good day!
Bye!
/T”
He put the scrap of paper into an envelope he’d found and sealed it shut. Then he checked the address written on the old letters and copied it onto this new one. To Newton Samuels. The city was a few states away. Maybe if they’d lived closer, they would have even met up once or twice. Maybe they would have played together, built with Lego, pretended to be warriors chasing each other through the woods. Thomas had wanted to meet him, this kid he’d gotten to be friends with just through written words, but his mum had thought it too far to see someone he didn’t even know. But they had known each other. Once.
He wondered what kind of person Newton - or Newt, if he still preferred to be called that - was now, what had become of the overeager but sweet kid. Perhaps he would find out, perhaps not. Shaking his head to end these musings, Thomas placed the envelope on top of his packed bags, deciding to send it later before he left.
~*~
The first week went by in a blur. New city, new classes, new people. And almost every night there was some kind of outing, a party, a pub night, an evening at a bowling hall. Thomas tried to go to as many as he could, determined to make friends here. There was one guy he’d chatted a bit with, Minho, and he seemed alright. Always joking, always talking. He was easy to be around, and Thomas hoped he’d get to know him more. But even while trying to meet new people he was extremely thankful to have Teresa. She came along with him on all the activities, and she was always great company. They’d stuck together since kindergarten, and their parents knew each other well. Thomas couldn’t have asked for a better flatmate and best friend.
In the constant activity between classes and social events he’d almost forgotten the letter, until one day when a pristine white envelope laid in his and Teresa’s post box. For a second it confused him, he never got mail other than stuff from school, but those always bore the school’s insignia on the front. Then he remembered. Newt! And suddenly it was like he was eight again, tearing the envelope open in unhindered excitement. He didn’t even know why he was so stoked by just receiving a letter, but he was. He’d been every time he got one. The message was short, and there was obvious traces of words getting erased and replaced by other words. It was the best part of Thomas’ week.
“Dear Thomas,
I must say it surprised me to hear from you after all these years. It was honestly the last thing I expected, but I was glad to. It’s been quite a while. I hope you have been doing good.
Letters are pretty inconvenient though. If you want, you could email me instead. [email protected]
/Newt”
Thomas could feel the giant grin he wore, and he didn’t care if he looked goofy. Newt had replied! And he obviously wanted to continue their exchange since he had shared his email. Thomas took the stairs two steps at a time, wanting to get to his laptop so he could reply. This would go much faster than just snail mail, so that had been a good idea. Not even five minutes later he’d booted up the computer and opened the email program. It seemed important to do this right away, as if it would mean less if he didn’t prioritize it.
“Hi Newt!
You have no idea how happy I am that you answered! This is gonna be great, or at least I hope so.
So, what are you up to these days? I’m in law school. Things are just starting up for the first semester, but there’s already a lot of work. I’m sharing an apartment with Teresa, do you remember her? I am sure I’ve mentioned her back when we were kids. Anyway, she’s like my oldest friend. I have met some new people too! There’s this guy called Minho who usually attends the freshmen gatherings, he seems cool. And the girl I sit next to in class, Rachel, is nice too. Quiet though.
Well, I have to start homework. Ugh! While I enjoy classes so far, I could do without the extra work. But you know, what are you gonna do?
Well, hope to hear from you soon, dude. See ya!
/T”
He pressed the Send button, and tried to focus on the other tasks to be done.
Two hours later he took a break. He went to the kitchen to make a cup of hot chocolate and greeted Teresa on the way there. She was sitting with her legs crossed on the tiny couch, a pile of books strewn across her lap, chewing on a pencil. She made a sound of acknowledgement, but seemed to be too far into the world of pages and words to acknowledge much else.
With the cup in hand Thomas returned to his room, and checked his emails, hoping that Newt had already answered. He literally jumped in joy when he noticed the unopened email in his inbox.
“Dear Tommy,
I’m an English major at the local college. I still live at home, though I would love to have a place of my own. Too expensive unfortunately. I will have to save up for quite a while first, and probably find some people who I could share a flat with. But I’m working on it, so hopefully I can afford it soon.
Yeah, I can remember a Teresa. Your parents were friends or something? I really need to see if I can find your old letters, I should still have them somewhere. Maybe. I think I remember you having a little brother too? Who was born shortly before we started talking, so he should be around 10 now, I guess? Chuck, right? You talked about him quite a bit too.
Glad you’ve met some new people and that they seem cool. I mostly hang with Alby still, and sometimes Siggy and Winston. I, uh, don’t socialize much. To be honest, I don’t really like people all that well. Or crowds. But anyway, you shouldn’t have to listen to all my personal issues - I would hate for you to to think I was a freak. Which wouldn’t be all that wrong, but still.
Well, I should stop ranting here. Sorry.
Uhm, so, are you gonna go to some other event tonight? If so, I hope you have fun! And good luck with the homework.
Newt.”
Thomas read through the mail twice. He smiled at the thought that Newt had kept his letters too. Though Newt not really liking people could have something to do with it. By just writing, Newt could stay at home and didn’t need to meet and talk with anyone. Not that he saw Newt as a reclusive shut-in, not at all, just that the letter writing might have been more his comfort zone. Perhaps that was the reason he had continued to reply to Thomas, while the other responds he’d gotten had only bothered with the first letter and then lost interest. That also made Thomas feel bad for stopping the exchange all those years ago. Not this time though, at least not out of nowhere like that again.
“Hi Newt!
I don’t think you’re weird. Trust me, I’ve seen some weirdos, and you’re not one of them. Last year there was this girl in my class, for example, who constantly asked you these super personal questions. Very awkward. She once asked me how long I wore a pair of boxers before washing them. A reeeeally uncomfortable person. And a few years ago Teresa had this trouble with a guy who had no sense of personal space. He had the locker beside hers and always stood super close and then sat next to her in the cafeteria. She changed lockers and she and I took our meals on the roof. He seemed to eventually get it though, which was a relief to everyone.
But I’m rambling, haha. Whoops. Point is that you’re not weird for not liking crowds and not being social. It’s all good, you do what you’re comfortable with. And don’t feel bad for telling me. Okay, so I realize we don’t know each other as well as we used to, but still, if you wanna talk I’ll listen. So just vent about whatever. :3
And nope, not going out tonight. It’s honestly been exhausting to be out late every night, but this is when you get to know people around here, you know? So I just go along with it. But I’m not usually one to party all that much. To be frank, I’m a nerd. Hard to believe, isn’t it, since I’m so cool and all. ;) (this was my pathetic attempt to be funny. Did it work?) But nah, I’ve always been the guy who stays home with his books while everyone else has a life. Teresa is the only reason I even have a social life to speak of. So I guess we’re similar in that aspect.
Yep, Chuck is ten. It’s weird being this far away from him. I’ve often helped take care of him when mum worked late. But it’s nice in a way to only have responsibility for myself for once. Does that make me a bad person? I like the kid more than anything, of course, but I also wanna start my own life. You get what I mean?
How about you, do you have any siblings?
Anyway, I should go back to studying. I’ll talk to you more tomorrow!
/T”
~*~
A month passed quicker than Thomas had expected. It felt to him as if he had only started college a week ago. He was unbelievably busy, having to put in at least three hours of homework every day, and that was if he was lucky. There had already been two minor tests, and he thought he’d done well on them. And he still kept in contact with Newt.
He had gotten to know quite a lot about him by now. Newt told him about his parents, his younger sister Sonya, about school and about his friends. Thomas in turn wrote about anything and everything that came to mind, retelling stories and events he’d been a part of, mixing sincerity with humor the way that he would normally only do with Teresa. Little by little they filled the decade big gap that had come between them. Thomas liked it, perhaps a little more than he should. Every day he looked forward to coming home so that he could write Newt, and sometimes he’s even opened his mail in class, reading just a bit of Newt’s newest reply in-between focusing on work. If something interesting happened his first thought was that he’d tell Newt about it later, imagining what sort of expression the other would make at the story. Would he laugh? Smirk? Would he imagine what Thomas would look like if he’d retold the anecdote face to face instead of through the typed letters on a computer screen?
Thomas thought about that a lot; about what Newt looked like. How a smile would transform his features, if his eyes would crinkle up in the corners. It didn’t matter how he looked, Thomas’ opinion of him wouldn’t change anyway, but he’d started to wish for a face to put to his friend. Because by now he could say they were friends - right?
He started up his laptop and immediately went to his email. He had already read Newt’s most recent mail, so now he just double clicked on it to write his reply, but as he moved the cursor to do that he stopped. His eyes were fixed on the little green dot beside Newt’s name down in his contacts list. Newt was online. It wasn’t the first time they’d been online at the same time, but he hadn’t considered what it meant before. Or, okay, that was a lie. It was more so that he hadn’t known if Newt would be up for an actual chat before, when they practically were strangers. He still didn’t know, but he wanted to try.
He moved away from the mail list and instead hovered the cursor over the little chat icon. His heart pounded, it felt like it jumped up and seated itself in his throat - determined to make a new home there - and the sound of it made his whole head throb. He shouldn’t be this nervous, but he had no idea how Newt would react. He didn’t want to fuck up the first treads of the potentially strong friendship that had begun between them. But still… If he could chat with him… Deciding that nothing would come out of just dwelling on it, he clicked, quickly, before he could change his mind.
THOMAS: Hi! What are you up to?
A minute went by. Two minutes. Then, three little dots appeared by Newt’s name.
NEWT : Tommy? Uh, nothing really. Watching a show on Netflix that Alby recommended.
THOMAS: Cool! What show?
NEWT : Just some supernatural mystery thing. A bit cliché, but so far I quite enjoy it. What are you doing?
THOMAS: I just came home. So not much here either.
NEWT: Wow, you got home right now? Isn’t it pretty late there? Another tough day?
THOMAS: Yeah. It’s a lot of work, and you have no idea how much I long for a weekend - hell, even just one day - of nothing at all to do. But otherwise it’s still good. Counting down the weeks to thanksgiving though so I get to sleep for more than five hours.
NEWTS: Geez, that sucks. Glad you’re enjoying the work, but still, that little sleep would crush me.
THOMAS: Speaking of which, how are you doing?
NEWT: With school? Or in general?
THOMAS: Both?
NEWT: School’s okay. You know, reading about dead poets, things like that. Quite interesting stuff, but our teacher is the most dry person you’ll ever meet. And the rest… well, mum’s working more than normal as to not be home, though she would never admit that’s the reason. But of course it is. Dad’s been in a Mood since he lost his job and doesn’t really get up off the couch. When mum’s home they only get into arguments about when he’s gonna look for a new one. So… well, there’s that.
THOMAS: Sucks, man. Hope it’s not too hard on you and your sister.
NEWT: Nah, it’s okay for the most part. Sonny usually stays over at her girlfriend’s, and I keep to my room or go over to Alby. It’s just difficult to see them like that.
THOMAS: I can imagine. Hopefully they’ll get over it soon.
NEWT: Yeah. Thanks for listening to my crap though.
THOMAS: Anytime. And it’s not crap.
NEWT: Thanks. And same to you, you know? If you need someone… Well, I’m aware it’s none of my business, but if you do need someone, I’m here for you.
THOMAS: Thank you, Newt. It means a lot to hear that.
NEWT: Yeah. Uh, well, that’s about all the sap I can handle for one day, haha. I’m probably interrupting your studying anyway, so… Yeah. I’ll talk to you later.
The light beside Newt’s name turned gray. He’d gone offline. Maybe Thomas misinterpreted it, but it seemed like he’d been embarrassed, and that thought kinda made a slight tingling sensation flicker on in his guts. Just for a second. A tiny smile tugged at Thomas’ lips as he opened his homework.
~*~
Yet another month went by. Thomas’ mails to Newt were now also mixed with frequent chats. Newt seemed to have grown more comfortable with them, and despite saying he was closed off when interacting with people he was very open with Thomas. Thomas found that he quite enjoyed it - it made him feel special. Like he was the only one Newt relied on enough to say whatever was on his mind. Thomas knew the real reason likely was because he was so far from Newt geographically so no matter what he knew, it wouldn’t impact Newt’s life anyway. But even so, Thomas liked to imagine there was another explanation. And just as Newt seemed to trust Thomas, so did Thomas also trust Newt.
THOMAS: Mom called today. Again.
NEWT: Didn’t you say she called yesterday too?
THOMAS: Yeah, and two times last week, and three the week before!
NEWT: I mean, at least you know she cares?
THOMAS: She cares too much ! She always does this! She’s come to schools, she’s been helping out at summer camps, she just has to check up on me! Why can’t she let me become an adult! She doesn’t need to baby me all the time!
NEWT: That’s a tough situation. But you’re not living at home now so wouldn’t that allow you more freedom?
THOMAS: I mean, yeah, some. This is exactly the reason I wanted out though. I mean, she’s my mom and I love her and all, but I felt smothered in that house. And now with the phone calls… And if I don’t answer, she’ll just continue until I do. I get that she worries, but I can’t deal with it anymore.
NEWT: Maybe tell her not to call so often? Like say she can call only once a week? Or say that you’ll call her, because you’re busy with school or something and can’t always pick up.
THOMAS: Yeah, maybe. No harm in trying. Anyway, how are things at home?
NEWT: So-so. Dad’s still sulking, but at least he’s applied for some new jobs. Hopefully he’ll get one and everything can go back to normal.
THOMAS: I hope it works out. And you, how are you?
NEWT: I don’t know. I’m tired, Tommy. It’s… a lot right now. I don’t even know what exactly it is. Maybe it’s mum and dad, or school, or maybe me. I dunno. But I want to curl up in my bed and sleep until everything just works .
THOMAS: Gosh, Newt, that sucks. I’m so sorry. You know I’m here for you. Just imagine me sitting beside you or something, and we’ll talk about whatever so you could think about something else for a while. Watching a really stupid movie and making awful puns.
NEWT: Haha, okay! Thanks. :P
THOMAS: Hey, you used a smiley! I’ve never seen you do that before.
NEWT: Eh, gotta do it sometime, I suppose. Just don’t expect it to happen again. Besides, you don’t use them either.
THOMAS: Well, not while chatting with you. You seemed too… well-wordsy for that.
NEWT: That’s not a word.
THOMAS: The point still stands. Anyway, you should see me when I text. You wouldn’t be able to understand anything, and just have the emojis as guide to guess what it means. :3
THOMAS: XD :thumbsup: ;) O.o :D
NEWT: You‘re a doofus.
NEWT: …I like it.
THOMAS: Uh, hey, Newt?
NEWT: Mm, what?
Thomas paused. He knew what he wanted to ask, but still… Newt hadn’t volunteered the information, so maybe it would be too much? But lately he’d thought more and more about Newt, and he wished for more than just words on a screen. He wanted a person.
THOMAS: What do you look like? Do you have a picture?
THOMAS: Sorry! Sorry, that was stupid to ask! You don’t have to send me anything if you don’t want to. Really, I mean that!
THOMAS: Let’s pretend I never said anything!
NEWT: Calm down, Tommy. It’s alright.
THOMAS: R- really?
NEWT: I have one condition though.
THOMAS: Of course! Anything.
NEWT: I want to see you too.
Thomas felt a twitch in the corner of his mouth, but it also relieved him. Newt wanted to see him as well! And he would get to see Newt! He pulled up to his folder of photos and chose the most recent to send. It was a picture that Teresa had taken of them when they’d moved in to the apartment. They both wore wide grins, sitting on the floor among the moving boxes, sharing a pizza. He pasted the picture into the chat box.
Thomas sent image.jpeg
NEWT: Nice! Though I admit I had pictured you with shorter hair. You also look like a girl. And who’s that ugly dude beside you?
THOMAS: Jackass. xD
NEWT: Kidding kidding. You look good. But I honestly didn’t think you’d wear glasses. I like them. Seriously; they fit you. I bet you have a trail of girls following you around campus. They apparently go for that nerdy look, I’ve heard. Or maybe Teresa is more than just a friend?
NEWT: I’m poking fun at you, in case that was unclear. I know I’m not always the best at that, people tend to take me too seriously.
Poking fun? Thomas wondered if Newt had only meant about the girls and Teresa thing, or about thinking Thomas looked good. He somehow really wanted it to only be about the girls.
THOMAS: Dang, and here I hoped I could keep my multiple women secret from you. ;P Haha, nah. Sorry to disappoint, but nope. No girls. And gee, dating Teresa would be like dating my sister.
NEWT: Oh. Yeah, that would be, uh, uncomfortable.
THOMAS: To say the least. Anyway, your turn! You promised me a selfie!
NEWT: I promised no such thing.
Newt sent iambetteratnamingpicturesthanyou.png
He snickered at the file name. He put his cursor over the image and closed his eyes. And he clicked. For one second he kept his eyes shut, somehow wanting to drag out the anticipation now that the moment actually was there. Then he opened them to look. And met a pair of dark brown eyes, staring back through the still image. Thomas’ heart pounded as he took in the appearance of this person, of Newt. He had blond hair that seemed in desperate need of a trim, a mouth with thin lips - the corners lifted in a sarcastic smile - and dark raised eyebrows… And again, those eyes… He was gorgeous, no doubt about it, and Thomas was uncertain if he’d ever thought that of another person. Sure he’d found girls pretty, some beautiful, and guys good looking and even hot. But he’d never called someone gorgeous.
NEWT: Tommy? Are you still there?
Thomas was pulled out of his awe by the ping of the chat. He shook his head to clear his thoughts, and set to reply, to act like he wasn’t just drooling over his friend’s picture.
THOMAS: Yep, still here.
NEWT: Did ya faint from my smokin' hot appearance or what?
THOMAS: Haha, hilarious. Nope, no fainting.
THOMAS: …you do look great though.
NEWT: :) Thanks.
THOMAS: I thought you said you weren’t gonna do more emojis?
NEWT: I guess I’m fine with making an exception for you, Tommy.
~*~
Thanksgiving was coming up and both Thomas and Teresa were preparing to go home for the weekend. Thomas didn’t really need to pack his laptop, he could do without it for two days, but he had almost grown dependent on his frequent chats with Newt. And there was something he’d want to suggest.
They went by car, an old jeep that didn’t look like it could go another mile, but still worked decently enough to make the journey home. They blasted music out of the speakers, starting a familiar argument about who had better taste.
“How can you even listen to that crap?” Teresa asked, gesturing to the radio.
Thomas huffed in mock irritation. “Don’t diss country. And I’ll have you know that Dolly’s songs have a deep meaning.”
“Yeah, like what? ‘Don’t take my guy’? ‘I’m working a normal job with normal hours’? Incredibly deep.” Thomas did not even need to look away from the road to know she rolled her eyes dramatically. He’d seen the gesture enough times that he could picture it in his dreams.
“As if your music is any better. It doesn’t say anything!”
“Please, swing is supposed to be for dancing. Music doesn’t always have to have this underlying complicated message.”
This was a discussion they’d had a multitude of times, and they both intentionally pushed for the one genre they liked that they knew the other disliked. Those arguments often resulted in them playing something they both enjoyed, which was also the case this time. Soon a Taylor Swift song boomed out in the tiny space and they both screamed their throats off singing the lyrics. In warmer weather they did it with the windows down, laughing at all the reactions people had to the noise.
In this manner they spent the two hours home to their home city where Thomas first dropped Teresa off at her house before going the three blocks over to his own. His mother had heard the car pull up and gone outside to greet him. It was great seeing her again. As much as Thomas valued his independence, his family was always family, and he knew he was damn lucky to have such a warm one. He thought of Newt, and of his parents fighting over the dad’s unemployment and unwillingness to do anything about it. It was awful that Newt and Sonya had to be stuck in the middle of that. He wished he could be a greater support, but that was kind of hard when you lived 14 hours away.
Thomas took his duffle bag from the trunk and followed his mother inside. He had barely even taken a step into the hall when something - or rather someone - crashed into his midsection, causing him to lose his breath in an audible “oof!”. Tightening his grip on the bag so he wouldn’t drop it, he chuckled and wrapped his other arm around his younger brother in a hug.
“Heya, Chuckie!” He grinned at the beaming younger boy.
“You talk weird,” Chuck responded and darted back to the tv, as if he hadn’t at all been excited to see him again. Thomas just shook his head. He supposed his way of speaking had been mixed with all the new influences that came with going away to a school somewhere you hadn’t lived before.
He kicked off his shoes, placing them on the shoe rack for once since he knew his mum hated when everyone’s outdoor clothes just lay in a pile in the middle of the hallway. Then he went up to his former room. Not much had changed there. There were clean bedding, and that was all. It still had his posters and some old items lining the mostly empty shelf. All things he’d told his mum she could throw she’d instead chosen to leave. Thomas sighed. Just another reminder that she still saw him as a young boy who had yet a long way to go.
Shaking his head violently he pushed away the thoughts. This was a holiday. It was supposed to be fun. And speaking of fun…
He pulled out his laptop from the bag and booted it up, immediately logging into his mail. It was mid day for him, so it should be early evening for Newt. They usually talked later at night because of Thomas’ schedule, but he knew Newt often was around at this time too. And bingo! There he was.
THOMAS: Hey Newtie!
NEWT: Don’t ever call me that again.
NEWT: ...Hi Tommy. You’re at your mum’s now?
THOMAS: Yep! Back in my old room and all. Feels weird, man. I’ve gotten used to the apartment.
NEWT: Yeah, I guess that would feel strange. But I bet they were happy to see you again.
THOMAS: Yeah. How is it with your parents? Still not better?
NEWT: Not really. Kinda tense. That’ll make for a bloody fun Thanksgiving, won’t it?
THOMAS: That would suck, yeah. Maybe you can get away for a while? Stay at Alby’s again?
NEWT: Maybe.
THOMAS: But, hey! I had an idea!
NEWT: Shoot.
THOMAS: You don’t happen to have Skype or something? FaceTime? We could video chat!
THOMAS: Only if that’d be okay with you, of course.
NEWT: Uh, yeah, I guess. I do have a Skype account - Alby made me get one - though I haven’t logged in for ages.
THOMAS: Sweet! It’ll be great!
NEWT: Please, I’m always great.
Thomas smiled at the computer screen. Newt wasn’t wrong. He opened Skype, gave Newt his username and waited for Newt to update the program. It seemed to take forever. But finally, finally, a friend request came from AreYouHappyNowAlby. Thomas snorted out a laugh at the name, accepted and pressed the call button.
One signal went through.
Two.
And then a pixelated and lagging image slowly appeared, getting clearer each second. It eventually caught up, revealing Newt. For a heartbeat Thomas’ breath caught in his throat. Newt in video was so much better than Newt in photos. It wasn’t that he glowed, nor did he look carefree or like he’d stepped right out of a magazine. On the contrary he looked tired, brows furrowed and expression sort of absent. But he was so… real. And when he met Thomas’ eyes through the screen, his mouth turned up in a soft smile and his eyes seemed brighter somehow. As of just seeing Thomas made his worries disappear, even for a little while. And damn, if that didn’t make Thomas feel like the most special person in the world.
“Hi,” He exhaled. For all he had planned this, he couldn’t find the words he’d like to say. He just wanted to sit there and look at Newt, to get in into his head that this boy was real, that he was there.
“Hey Tommy.” Newt’s voice was deeper than he’d expected, and Thomas could’ve listened to it forever. He wanted to hear Newt just talking about anything, nothing, even if he was reading the dictionary.
“It’s… so good to see you.”
Newt’s smile widened, and there was something warm in his eyes. Or maybe that was a trick of the camera lens.
“Yeah, it’s right good to see you too.” He said, and Thomas noticed he had a British accent. Somehow that surprised him.
“You’re from England?” He asked, and Newt let out a short laugh.
“Oh, so you don’t think I’m hiding my accent very well,” he replied, exaggerating his lilt. “And I thought I was doing such a grand job.”
“Haha, very funny,” Thomas said, but he was grinning.
“Aren’t I? But yes, mum got a job here when I was a kid and we all moved. I was only five, but the accent was stuck. Sonny was too young for that though, so she sounds as American as everyone else. I think that made it easier, she didn’t get teased as much.”
Thomas scoffed. “Why would anyone wanna tease you for that? I like it. It’s cool.”
“Heh, thanks. I don’t mind it anymore though.”
“That’s good.” Thomas grew quiet, and gazed at the boy on his screen. There seemed to be so much he wanted to say to him, but the words fled and he could only just… look.
“You’re staring, Tommy.” Newt’s voice broke through his thoughts, and he jerked into awareness.
“Oh! Sorry!”
Newt gave another smile, small and secretive. “I don’t mind that either.”
~*~
Maybe it was time he admitted it, at least to himself. Thomas was hard-core crushing on Newt. On a guy he had never met, but he knew him, on a deeper level than anyone else. Despite the distance, he felt closer to Newt than any other person in his life. He’d even started to dream about meeting for real.
Thomas could see it every time he closed his eyes. He would drive there, or maybe take a bus, or train, perhaps a flight and Newt would wait for him in the airport. Otherwise they would meet in town, maybe go to a cafe first before going back to Newt’s house. In some scenarios Thomas drove straight there.
These dream had gotten quite troublesome, and he worried that they bordered on stalkerish. But Teresa helped ease his mind.
“They’re only fantasies, right? Besides, it’s not like you’re harassing him, he’s not unwilling since he obviously likes you back. And hasn’t he said he’d want to meet you too?”
“Well, sort of?” They had mentioned it a few times, but Thomas was unsure how serious those conversations were meant to be taken. Usually they consisted of comments such as “We should watch that movie when it’s out in theatres” or “There’s this restaurant here that I know you’d love. We should go sometime.” But was that just words? Just one of those things you said?
Recently though, Newt had grown more solemn. He had told Thomas that matters hadn’t become better with his parents, they fought about everything, and both Newt and Sonya were often caught in the crossfires. They even accused each other of their children’s shortcomings, of Newt’s social anxiety and of Sonya’s more frequent absence from the family home. It tore Newt down, and Thomas wished more than anything that there was something more he could do.
“You’re already doing plenty,” Newt told him during one of their video chats. “Just knowing you’re there and that I can talk to you eases some of it, y’know? Thank you for that.”
“Always. Anytime you need. I wish I could help more.”
“I appreciate it. Truly, I do.”
“Uh, hey, if you want, maybe you could come visit me at my mom’s for a few days after Christmas?” Thomas crossed his fingers that Newt wouldn’t think he was too forward.
Newt quite literally lit up, and there was a glow in his eyes. “Do you mean it?”
Thomas nodded, a bit too fast. “Of course! I’d love for you to come, and that way you could also get away from everything for a while.”
“That sounds… God, I don’t think you know how good that sounds, Tommy.”
Thomas saw that soft, warm expression on Newt's face again, the one he had noticed more frequently. It mirrored how he felt himself. This was something, he was sure of it. There was more than friendship between them.
Newt gave him a knowing look, like he could tell exactly what Thomas was thinking. “I can’t wait either, Tommy.”
~*~
Christmas Eve. Thomas was once again back home, enjoying the break from school. The last few weeks had been exhausting, full of finals and deadlines, but now he could finally allow himself to catch up on some sleep. And in three days Newt would arrive. An excited shiver ran through him every occasion he thought of it. It was a mixture of nerves and absolute joy. Soon, soon. Time couldn’t pass fast enough.
He was awoken in the middle of the night by his phone ringing insistently. He reached out to his bedside table and grabbed it, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with his other hand. The clock showed that it was 1:13 am. Why would anyone call so late?
After the bright screen light stopped hurting him, he could finally read the name displayed. Newt. Shit. Something must have happened for him to call at this hour, especially since it was much later for Newt.
He hurried to press the answer button and lifted the phone to his ear. “‘Ello. Newt? What is it?” He could hear the grogginess in his own voice.
A sniffle came through. “S- sorry, Tommy… I shouldn’t have called.” Newt’s voice sounded a little thicker than normal, like he had been holding back tears.
“Newt? Newt! It’s okay, just tell me what happened.” The worry and not knowing was suffocating.
There was a moment of silence, and then Newt sighed. “It’s nothing big, really. Mum worked late and came home to a dad being drunk off his ass, and she sort of… exploded. They’ve been screaming at each other for the better part of an hour, and I’m just so tired of all of this!”
“I’m… so sorry, Newt. Is Sonya there too?”
“No, thank fuck. She stayed at Harriet’s tonight. God, Tommy, I want to get out of this house already! I wish I was already at your place! I wish you were here. Just… please .”
“Okay.” It was that ‘please’ that made Thomas decide. He’d never heard Newt sound so dejected before. “I’m coming, alright?”
He was met with a stunned silence. “You- what ?”
“I said I’m coming. You don’t have a car, right? I’ll drive to you, and then we can both return here.”
“Tommy, that’s a 14 hour drive. It’s in the middle of the night! Hell, it’s Christmas Day, for crying out loud! Are you crazy?” Newt’s tone had risen, but at least he wasn’t sobbing anymore.
“Maybe I am,” That sure would explain a lot. He sighed. “Newt, just… do you want me to come? If you don’t, I won’t do it, but honestly, do you?”
More silence, then a quiet “…yes.”
Thomas nodded, even though he knew Newt wouldn’t be able to see him. “Okay. I’ll come, alright?”
“Yeah, alright. Thank you.” Newt breathed out, and Thomas could practically hear the relief he felt. “I’ll see you soon, then.”
“Yeah. Soon. If I leave now, I’ll be there in the afternoon or early evening. Uh, you have a licence, at least, right? I’m not sure I’d be up for the drive back right after.”
Newt let out a short snicker, the first happy sound he’d made all night. “Yeah, I’ve got a bloody licence, you shank. You think I’m some greenie or what?”
~*~
The drive was slow and dreadfully boring. Thomas spent most of that time listening to the most obnoxious music he could find to stay alert. He wasn’t tired, simply bored enough to not stay focused if he allowed his thoughts to drift off. It got a bit easier after around 12 hours when he saw the first sign pointing him towards the city Newt lived in. By then he’d already asked himself about a dozen times what the hell he was doing, but the thought of Newt’s soft ‘please’ made him motivated to continue. As stupid and impulsive this move was, it was worth it. Newt wanted him there. He would get away from the toxicity that his parents were spewing and they would spend their Christmas break together.
The next two hours seemed to go by a lot quicker, the continuing signs illustrated the remaining distance getting shorter and shorter. Then, he drove part the first houses. Consulting the gps on his cell phone he knew that there were only mere minutes left. And finally he turned onto Newt’s street.
The house stood out amongst the others. Unlike those - which were decked out with thousands of colorful lights - this house was almost entirely bare. The only bit of decoration seemed to be a single string of lights around the porch step railing. No one had had the energy to bother more.
Thomas parked his car on the road outside and took a deep breath before he opened his door and stepped out. He barely even reached the porch before the front door swung open. And there he was. Newt. For a few seconds they both stood staring at each other, neither of them saying a word. Somewhere in his jumbled thoughts Thomas realized that Newt was taller than him. Another heartbeat passed, and suddenly Thomas found himself with his arms full of a blond, British boy. He was here! He was really here! Thomas squeezed Newt even closer and felt him bury his nose in Thomas’ hair. Thomas hid his face in the crook of Newt’s neck. A faint citrusy scent lingered on his skin, and Thomas thought he smelled like sunlight.
“I can’t believe you’re actually here,” Newt murmured right by his ear. “Gods, Tommy…”
Thomas took a deep, shuddering breath. “It’s crazy, right?” He said, but he was grinning like an idiot.
He felt Newt’s answering chuckle reverberate through his body. “Not as crazy as falling for someone I hadn’t even met before."
Heat. Warmth. It was like someone had lit a fire in Thomas’ chest. Newt had said it, he had really said it! It seemed so surreal, almost as if he was dreaming again. But he wasn’t. This was all real , as unbelievable as it might sound. “If that’s crazy,” Thomas said, words trembling from sheer emotion, “Then I guess we’re both mad.”
Thomas was the one to break the embrace, rubbing at the moisture that had gathered in his eyes. “Are you ready to go, then?”
Newt nodded at a bag Thomas hadn’t noticed before that stood right inside the door . He also got a glimpse of the room inside. Dirty dishes, pizza boxes and empty bottles were stacked on a living room table, and a distinct snoring came from the big lump on the sofa. He got even more thankful that he had driven over, that Newt wouldn’t have to spend the rest of his holiday with this. Newt grabbed the bag and threw the door shut with a bit more force than strictly necessary, which told Thomas everything he needed to know about the anger Newt held for his parents.
Newt led the way over to the car and climbed into the driver’s seat. He threw Thomas an apologetic glance. “Sorry, Tommy. I guess this wasn’t quite the Christmas you expected.”
Thomas reached out and placed his hand over Newt’s where it lay on the steering wheel. “It’s okay. I’d much rather spend Christmas with you anyway.”
The smile he got in reply to that could rival the sun itself. “Hey, do you think it’d be moving too fast if I kissed you now?”
He swore his heart was about to jump out of his chest at those words. Swallowing, Thomas slip his other hand around Newt’s neck, fingers playing with the soft curls of hair as he pulled him closer. “Not at all.” And then, he leaned forward to erase the distance between them.
~*~
Newt ended up staying at Thomas’ the rest of winter break. He got along great with Chuck, and he got to meet Teresa, who had been dying of curiosity over him for months. She ended up telling him several embarrassing stories from when she and Thomas had been kids, and Newt laughed so much he had tears in his eyes when he told Thomas he’d remember every single one of them so he could use it as blackmail material. Thomas swore that he’d get Sonya to tell all of Newt’s embarrassing secrets when he met her.
The day before Newt was about to take the train back home, Newt got a call with the news that his parents were divorcing. Thomas did what he could to be an emotional support.
“I don’t care,” Newt said. “On the contrary, I think it’s for the best. Maybe then they can actually be parents again, when they don’t exhaust all their energy being angry at each other.”
But still, when he said that, Thomas could feel him tightening the hug, just a little.
“If it’s not getting any better, Teresa and I have a spare room in our apartment. We’ve just been using it as storage until now, but if you want it, it’s yours. It’s kinda small though, and of course it’s far and another school, and-” Newt interrupted him by pressing his mouth against Thomas’. He was unsure whether it was good or bad that Newt had discovered how quickly that shut him up. As he melted into the kiss, he decided it didn’t matter.
Newt snickered at Thomas’ dazed expression when he pulled away. “That’s a very tempting offer,” He said. “I will have to look up schools around there first and see which I’d wanna apply to. So maybe, next fall. If you still want me there by then.” He got quiet for a spell, seemed to think of something. “I’d have to leave Alby though. I might be able to convince him to come along, I know he thinks our town is dryer than dust…” He trailed off, already planning it out in his head. Thomas smiled and leaned his head on Newt’s shoulder. Almost immediately Newt started running a hand through his hair. It didn’t even seem like a conscious thing. Thomas loved it. And Newt too. He loved Newt. Maybe it was too soon. Or maybe it was something he’d felt from the beginning. He didn’t know - and like Newt, he didn’t care. He’d just savor the moment, savor the love and Newt’s presence in his life. That was enough. It was everything.