Work Text:
Helios, Apollo, Hermes, Persephone, and someone he’s never met before are all lined up in Icarus’ living room. Their postures are contrite, but their faces clearly betray their amusement.
Icarus stands before them, arms crossed over his chest and frowning sternly.
“Okay. I know that it’s April Fool’s Day and Easter at the same time, but this is ridiculous and it’s gotten out of hand. So I am firmly but respectfully going to insist on a return to status quo before I go out of my mind… Helios!”
The Titan of the Sun is snickering. “Sorry, Mop-Head, it’s just really hard to take you seriously when you’re dressed like that.”
“Right. That’s the first order of business.” He points at Hermes, who pretends to be shocked and confused. “I need my clothes back. Okay? All of them that you replaced with embarrassing Easter costumes.”
“You know, I was gonna make you wear the sexy version…”
“And I am truly, sincerely grateful that you didn’t. But please. I need my clothes back.”
Hermes’ smile slowly widens before he nods. “Okay, sure, you got it, Icarus! All your clothes back. Just like you asked.”
And Icarus knows, absolutely knows, that the god is going to turn around and do something different now – probably something worse. They probably all will, actually. WHY ARE THESE GODS IN HIS LIFE.
No use dwelling on it. He takes a deep breath and turns to the goddess next to Hermes. “Queen Persephone –”
“It should be Kore, up here.”
“O-oh?”
“Right, I’m the Goddess of Springtime now!”
“Okay… uh, Queen Kore… I really love all the flowers, but…there’s too many.”
The entire apartment is stuffed with flowers. They cover every available surface area not already claimed by the fruits of the other gods’ pranks. Most of them are standard springtime flowers –lilies, carnations, hyacinths… but some of them are, well, odd.
“I know that every flower is precious and wonderful and I love them all too. But the ones that look like dead people, the ones that look sexy lips or naked people – all the ones that look like genitals – they gotta go. And that one disgusting one in the bathroom has GOT to go.”
Pers-Kore pouts. “But that one’s my favorite! If you wait a few months for it to fruit, you’ll get a really delicious berry that you can eat or use as a face wash – ”
“Queen Kore, I’m sorry, but I will never know what that berry tastes like because I don’t want a flower that smells like the back endow a cow to bloom in my bathroom for months. They gotta go. All the gross and weird ones have to go.”
“Okay, okay… spoilsport…”
“And Apollo. I appreciate that you replaced all the songs on my phone with recordings of you singing Easter music. Your voice is just, so amazing. But I miss listening to my old music, so put ‘em back.”
“I like this dominant Icarus,” Helios says, smirking. “Very hot, Mop-Head.”
“And you!” Icarus flings a finger at Helios. “All these animals! What – Helios – There are laws! I can’t keep all these animals here!”
“Oh, untwist your panties, Icarus, I know that. I’ll bring the baby chicks and lambs back to my farm. Sheesh, kid.”
“Do you need me to reclaim Malaina, then?”
The unidentified person is speaking. Icarus has been reluctant to address her,directly – something about her makes him shy, and he fights a blush from his face.
“W-who – uh…”
“I’m Aphrodite,” says the goddess. Her voice is like the light, playful tinkling of a wind chime. The lady is soft and round, with long wavy pink that seems to sway gently with each movement from her, and bright teal eyes and mottled skin tones and Icarus is gay! He doesn’t even like women like that!! It must be some terrible power of hers, to make people have a crush on her, or at least be enthralled by her.
“Rabbits are sacred to me… you know, because they have so much sex. So when Hermes told me of his Easter-themed plans to prank you, I thought I’d contribute in a small way. But I can take Malaina back with me, if she's distressing you…”
Malaina, then, must be the tiny adorable black lop bunny that turned up in his living room. “N-no,uh, Lady Aphrodite, I was gonna say that I’m keeping the bunny. She’s cute, and quiet. Thank you for the gift, I like her.”
All the other gods and goddesses start to complain about how he didn’t appreciate their gifts bathe crosses his arms again and scowls. “No! All the rest of it has to go. Starting with the dumb Easter costumes,Hermes. Please and thank you. I don’t want to offend anyone but I insist.”
They all start shuffling off to (hopefully) undo their pranks, all chuckling still.