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Changcheng knew he was pretty open about his emotions. He made it obvious when he was scared, smiled brightly when he was happy, cried loudly when he was sad. He was an open book, emotions stamped on his forehead instead of on his sleeve. His boyfriend, however, did not share the same sentiment. Shuzhi was quiet, stoic, and the one emotion he showed on a regular basis was anger. Sometimes Changcheng was still confused on how they became a couple since he was the embodiment of sunshine and unicorns while his love was storm clouds and death. It wasn’t that Shuzhi didn’t like sharing his emotions; he was just bad at it. His face made it hard for people to believe him. Monotonous ‘I am very happy you showed up’ led to people thinking he was rude. Changcheng knew better- knew Shuzhi better- and the little things Shuzhi did make his feelings obvious, at least to his tiny boyfriend.
A hand on the shoulder was almost equivalent to a hug. Shuzhi did hug; he was the biggest cuddle bug Changcheng had ever met when they were in private. In public, however, physical touch from Shuzhi was rare. Changcheng didn’t really know why, but he never complained. Shushi's comfort was his main priority and if Chu-ge wasn’t comfortable touching in public, then so be it. The first time his hand landed on Changcheng’s shoulder was after the smaller boy squatted down to pat a dog they saw on the street. He stood, waving a quick goodbye at the owner when a heavy hand landed on his frail shoulder. He looked up to see Shuzhi staring at him, face devoid of emotion but eyes sparkling with a look that Changcheng rarely saw. The younger boy felt his heart swell a bit and his smile widened as the two continued to walk. The hand never left his shoulder.
A brush of a hand was rare, but it always made Changcheng’s heart race. It happened when he needed it most, stress making a lump form in his throat. He would sit at his desk in the office, file open in front of him, the evidence making no sense to him. He would whimper quietly, his head thumping hollowly on his desk as he let it fall. Tears would build and he would inhale shakily to quench them, not wanting to let his frustration get the better of him. A call of his name would make his head rise slightly, eyes red as he stared at the broad-shouldered man in front of him. His Chu-ge would brush his fingers across the red mark on his forehead a singular time, eyebrows furrowed so subtly that even Changcheng had an issue noticing it. Shuzhi would glance at the lab quickly, before walking in the direction of the doors, leaving the younger with another gentle stroke, this time on his cheek. A silent look back would make Changcheng stand and follow his boyfriend to the lab, heart pounding at the love he felt coursing through his veins.
On special occasions only did Shuzhi initiate any kind of noticeable touching in public and that was purely hand holding, never any different. Changcheng never complained. Call him cliche, but his hand felt perfect when it was interlocked. His hand was so small compared to Shuzhi’s, his palm only could around a half of Shuzhi’s. The calluses on Shuzhi’s hand reminded Changcheng of everything his Chu-ge went through, and Changcheng loved the fact that he could see and feel how much Shuzhi grew as a person. Hand holding only happened when the older was jealous, and it was a rare day that Shuzhi admitted he was jealous. He trusted Changcheng, trusted him more than almost anyone else, but he didn’t trust other people. There were so many bad things in the world that could corrupt Changcheng and Shuzhi hated every single one, he made it quite obvious. This also included humans who flirted with what was his. Changcheng would be talking to someone and Shuzhi would walk over and wrap his hand around Changcheng’s, fingers locking before he’s being dragged away from the other person and brought back to where he belonged: beside Shuzhi.
There were more, so many more, and Changcheng loved every single one of them, but admittedly, he had a favorite. It happened all the time. When Changcheng would make their coffee in the morning, there would be a little taptaptap on his hip bone as Shuzhi held him close. In the office, a taptaptap on his thigh as Cheif Zhao would go over their latest case material. A taptaptap on his cheek as they fell asleep and a taptaptap on the top of his head when they awoke. Shuzhi was never good at verbally expressing his emotions, specifically ones that are more positive than anything. This tapping was how Shuzhi told Changcheng he loved him, each taptaptap making Changcheng’s heart race and always making a grin grow on his face. Shuzhi never verbally told Changcheng he loved him, excluding the first confession and almost every time they had sex, but that’s okay because Changcheng knew.
He knew.