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As the plane taxied gently towards the gate, Raina found herself forgetting to breathe. She’d spent the entire flight full of nervous energy, constantly fidgeting and talking way too much, but now it felt like all of her muscles had locked up.
“You okay, hon?”
Raina managed to turn her head to look at her seatmate, a tall black lady with flame red hair. “I, um. Yeah. Sorry, was I saying something?”
“Only for the whole flight,” the woman said with a quiet laugh. Her name was… Tina? Tiva? She’d definitely introduced herself, but true to form, Raina couldn’t remember. Of course, right now she wasn’t sure she’d remember her mother’s name. “Most people are afraid of flying, not being on the ground,” she said, “but you suddenly look terrified.”
“Yeah, well. Most people aren’t about to see their girlfriend for the first time in five months.”
“Why is that something to be scared of? From everything you’ve said in the last two hours, she’s the most amazing person in the world.”
“She is,” Raina agreed quickly. “But what if she’s realized that I’m not? What if she’s not here? What if she is here, but she takes one look at me and decides she doesn’t want me anymore? Or maybe everything seems fine, but then we get home and everything is weird and different and we’re like strangers to each other? What if she’s met someone else, someone smarter and more worthy of her, and she just didn’t want to break up with me over the phone? Or --”
“Sugar.” Her seatmate stopped her with a gentle hand on hers. “A wonderful person does not do bad things to good people. And you are a good person. So you have nothing to worry about.”
Raina took a moment to work through the logic. “I guess…”
They pulled into the gate and began unloading. Raina watched people ahead of her step out of their seats and file off. Eventually it was her turn. Her seatmate -- Tira, that was it! -- patted her shoulder. “Go on. Don’t keep your girl waiting.”
Impulsively, Raina spun around and gave her a hug. “Thank you. I’m sorry I talked your ear off the whole way.”
Tira grinned. “That’s completely fine. It made for a fun flight. Now get going!”
Raina grabbed her bookbag and hurried up the aisle.
Inside, a small throng of people stood around the gate, waiting for friends and loved ones to get off the plane. Raina stopped and scanned the crowd, heart in her throat. There were so many people...
She spotted Darby in the same moment as Darby spotted her. For a split second, Raina froze again. Oh, she looked good. She’d grown her hair out a little, and her eyes were sparkling, and her lips were smiling… Raina felt her feet moving, taking her through the crowd. She closed the last couple of steps in a rush and flung herself into Darby’s open arms. Darby swung her around, laughing joyously. The moment Raina regained her feet, she took Darby’s face in both hands and kissed the hell out of her.
When they parted, it was by centimeters. Raina rested her forehead against Darby’s. “I missed you,” she whispered.
“I missed you, too,” Darby whispered back.
They stood like that for another couple of moments before reluctantly stepping apart. Darby caught Raina’s hand and laced their fingers together. “Ready to go?”
“Very.”
They headed towards baggage claim, holding hands and snuggling as close together as possible while walking. “How was your flight?” Darby asked.
“Fine. Apparently I talked about you the whole way. My seatmate says hello.” She grinned at Darby, who laughed her beautiful low laugh. “She was great. She helped me out of my “what-if”ing.”
Darby squeezed her hand. “What were you “what-if”ing?” When Raina hesitated, Darby’s eyebrows raised. “Were you “what-if”ing me ?”
“Well… You’re so amazing and smart. What if you’d found someone better for you?” She felt her face flush. “I know I shouldn’t doubt you. I’m sorry.”
Darby shook her head bemusedly. “Raina, we talked on the phone last night . Did you think I would have met and fallen in love with someone over brunch?”
“I fell in love with you in an instant in a high school lunchroom,” Raina pointed out. “There are stranger things than a meet-cute in a cafe.”
Darby shook her head. “Not going to happen. I’m yours and you’re mine. Right?”
Raina beamed at her. “Right.” She stole a quick, sweet kiss.
Her baggage came quickly. They hit the road, Darby driving, their hands linked over the center console the entire ride. At every red light, they stole kisses, occasionally earning them annoyed honks from behind if they missed seeing the light turn green.
The drive to Raina’s house was over far too fast. They sat in the driveway for a few minutes, the car idling while they said hello and goodnight and I missed you and everything lips could express while words never could. Raina eventually pulled back, reluctantly. “I should head inside. My parents will come out here if we take too long.”
“Right, yeah, of course.” Darby looked like she’d forgotten where they were for a moment. “Let me help you with your bags.”
They got out into the warm night air. “You’re coming to the barbeque tomorrow, right?” Raina asked as they pulled her two bags from the backseat..
“Wouldn’t miss it. Kayden and Sat both said they’re coming, too.”
“Yep.” Raina bounced on her toes. “I am really looking forward to seeing them. It’s been way too long.”
“It has.” Darby pulled her in for another kiss, soft and lingering. “Good night, my love.”
“Good night, my love.”
**
The Annual Fuller Family Memorial Day Barbeque was always guaranteed to fill their giant backyard with friends, family, coworkers, and the occasional random person no one seemed to know. There was plenty of food to go around, with Raina’s father acting as maestro to four separate grills and a small army of helpers. Raina had been one of those helpers some years, but this year she had no duties but to enjoy herself. The perks of having flown in only the night before.
She kept an eye out for her friends. Around 12:15, she spotted Sat and Kayden lingering a bit on the outskirts, peering into the crowd. Raina grinned and bounced her way to them, calling their names. They both brightened the moment they saw her.
“Hi! Oh my god, it’s so good to see you both!” Raina flung her arms around Sat, who gave her a tight hug in return. Kayden’s hug was just as tight, and he pressed a kiss to her forehead before letting her go. “I’m so glad you could both come.”
“Wouldn’t miss this for the world,” Kayden said. “Your father makes the best polish sausages.” He grinned when she wrinkled her nose at him. “I guess I wanted to see you, too.”
“He did,” Sat assured her. “He really did.”
“I believe you,” Raina said with a smile. “So how are you guys? You both look great. I can’t believe you have a tan , Kayden.”
He made a face. “Neither can I. Why the fuck did I get a construction job?”
“Because you like getting paid,” Sat said. “And don’t lie, you love it.”
Kayden shrugged. “It’s alright.”
Raina grinned at him, knowing that that translated to “I love my job.” He’d talked about it enough when they’d spoken on the phone over the last few months. She turned to Sat. “You really do look great.”
“Thanks,” Sat said. “I feel great.” She looked healthier and happier than Raina had seen her in a long time. Not so rail thin, no dark bags under her eyes. Raina wondered if she’d started going to AA meetings with Kayden. “But I mean, look at you! Miss Muscles!” Sat reached out and squeezed Raina’s arm, making her giggle.
“Yeah. I guess the self-defense classes are having an effect.” She shrugged a little. “A nice side benefit.”
“You’ll be able to kick the ass of anyone who bothers you,” Sat said with what Raina thought might be admiration.
Raina flushed a little, pleased and embarrassed. “That’s the idea.”
Sat hesitated, shifting on her feet. “Maybe you could show me some moves? Not right now, I mean, obviously. And it’s okay if you can’t --”
“No, no, of course! I’d be happy to.” It would be kind of amazing to teach Sat something, given how much Sat had taught her about art over the years. “Really.”
“Okay, great!” Sat smiled, relief in her eyes. “I’ve thought about taking some kind of class, but… You know, one thing at a time.”
“Yeah, definitely. We’ll do something while I’m here,” Raina assured her.
Darby showed up a few minutes later, looking scrumptious in linen pants and a lightweight shirt. She joined them, kissing Raina sweetly in greeting.
“Fashionably late,” Kayden said. “Spend too much time primping?”
“Honestly, I couldn’t decide what to wear,” Darby said, unfazed by Kayden’s smirk.
Raina snuggled into her side. “You look great.”
“Thanks.” Darby smiled softly at her. “So do you.” She kissed her again.
“I’d almost forgotten how cute you two are,” Sat said.
“Sickening,” Kayden countered.
“It’s good to see you guys,” Darby said to the two of them, expertly ignoring the commentary. She even smiled at Sat and got one in return. Raina relaxed a little. She wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting, but Darby and Sat had never gotten back on the best of terms after… everything. So this was good.
Further conversation was interrupted by Raina’s father announcing that food was ready. Despite the crowd, it didn’t take too long to get their plates. Her parents had mastered the coordination of this party a long time ago. It was still a lot of people elbow-to-elbow, though. Raina’s neck and shoulders started to tense up, skin prickling. Once she and her friends had their food, Raina gestured towards the house. “My room?”
Everyone agreed quickly enough that she suspected they were having the same issues she was. Too many people, too many noises, too much outside . These days, inside always just seemed safer.
They settled in her room in the same way they’d done so many times: Raina and Darby at the head of the bed, Sat at the foot, Kayden on the floor. Even now, none of them took the desk chair. When Raina had hesitantly pointed out to Kayden that he didn’t have to sit on the floor, back in the fall, he’d shortly said, “I’m fine.” No one had suggested it again.
The food was without a doubt the best Raina had eaten in months. From the way her friends gobbled theirs down, they felt the same. No one said much til they’d finished and sat back with a contented sigh. “That was so good,” Sat said.
“Thanks. I’ll pass that on to my dad,” Raina added hurriedly, since it wasn’t like she’d done anything to contribute to the food. She didn’t want to seem like she was taking credit for it.
Sat leaned forward. “So… can we see some of your art? I know you mailed me a couple of things, but I’d love to see more.”
Darby’s eyes lit up. “So would I.”
“Oh, um. Sure.” Raina had expected this, and she’d shown them plenty of art over the last year, but her heart still thumped faster as she reached for her notebook. Darby’s gentle hand on her leg steadied her, though.
Kayden got up and pushed at Sat’s shoulder til she moved over. “Any naughty pictures?”
Raina blushed hotly. “No! Of course not! My parents have looked at that notebook.”
“So you keep the naughty ones stuff somewhere else. Smart.” Kayden grinned at her glare.
“Keep it up and I won’t show you what is in this notebook.”
He lifted his hands in surrender. Raina took a breath, opened the notebook, and set it on the bed where they could all see it. They flipped through it slowly, Raina telling them the locations she’d sketched, the people they didn’t recognize. A lot of the faces were familiar, though. A lot of them were Tanner. Happy, pensive, taking photos -- everything she could remember. Everything except those last moments.
They were all silent through those pictures. When they reached the end of the notebook, Raina cleared her throat. “I, um. I have something for each of you.” She got up and retrieved three items from the bag on her desk. She handed one of them to each of her friends. “I… hope you like them.”
Breath caught and eyes dampened as they looked at the framed sketches of Tanner in their hands. No one said anything for a long, long moment.
Sat traced the lines of his face with her fingers. “This is -- Thank you, Raina.” She leaned over and gave her a tight hug.
“Yeah.” Kayden hadn’t looked up from his. He cleared his throat. “Thanks.”
Darby gave her a hug and kiss on the temple. “Thank you. It’s lovely.”
In for a penny, in for a pound , Raina thought. She reached into her bag again. “There’s one more thing.” She pulled out another notebook and flipped it open to show the comic she was working on. “I’m telling our story. Drawing it helps,” she explained in a rush. “It gets it out of my head and onto paper where it’s static. Safe.”
“I get that,” Sat said. She turned a page, apparently fascinated. “This is gorgeous.”
“Thanks. I was… sort of wondering if you’d want to collaborate on it? I mean, it’s all of our story, and there’s some stuff you could draw way better than I could.”
“I don’t know about that. You are really good.”
“Thanks,” Raina said with a hot blush. “You’re so good at details, though. And your style would be so perfect for some things. The inside of that house was like a whole other world, and your style contrasted with mine would be such a great way to highlight that.”
She realized belatedly that everyone had flinched at the mention of the house. Shrinking in on herself, she said, “Sorry. I -- It’s easier to talk about it when it’s in the context of the comic. Making it fictional makes it less real.”
She didn’t miss the looks that passed between the three of them. “Raina, are you still trying to pretend that it wasn’t real?” Darby asked, worry in her eyes.
“No! No, no, that’s not what I -- I meant it makes it less immediate. We know it’s real, but telling it like it’s fictional takes away some of its power. At least… for me.”
Kayden nodded agreement while the other two looked thoughtful. “So are you going to write it, too?” Darby asked.
“Actually, Kayden said he would,” Raina said, brightening.
“I said I would think about it,” he corrected her.
Her heart sank. “Oh, right, sorry. I shouldn’t assume…”
He shrugged. “It’s okay. I have been thinking about it. And honestly…” He leaned over to look more closely at the art. “I was gonna say yes anyway, and seeing this just clinches it. It’s fucking brilliant.”
Raina beamed, bouncing a little in place. “Thank you! For the compliment and -- that was a ‘yes’, right?”
Kayden chuckled a little. “ Yes ,” he said with exaggerated patience.
“Oh, that’s perfect,” Darby breathed. “You are the only one of us who could do it justice.”
“Did you know he writes?” Raina asked her, a little surprised. Darby and Kayden had never been as close as they’d each been to Raina and Sat.
“Of course. He lets me read a lot of his stuff.”
“You two ooh and ahh over the worst shit I’ve written,” Kayden said, looking between Raina and Sat. “She actually tells me when something sucks.”
“Finally, a use for that judgemental nature,” Sat quipped.
“Sat,” Raina started to protest.
Darby cut her off with a shrug. “Everyone has a skill.”
Sat flashed her a small but genuine smile. Raina frowned slightly, glancing between them. Neither seemed tense or out of sorts, so… what was that? Was it just how they talked to each other now? Or was something else going on? Had she missed something?
Well, yeah, she had. The last five months.
She sighed. “I miss you guys.”
“We miss you, too,” Sat said, reaching out and squeezing Raina’s ankle.
Darby wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close. “So, so much.”
Kayden shrugged. “I guess.” Sat smacked him in the back of the head, earning her a cheeky grin. He looked back at Raina, expression getting more serious. “Tons.”
Raina smiled at him and Sat, leaning into Darby’s embrace. “At least I get to be here for a couple of weeks.”
“You’re seriously going back to school for the summer?” Kayden said skeptically.
“Well, yeah. Art doesn’t have a season. Plus, the more classes I take in a year, the faster I get done. And I’ve got to make up for missing fall semester.”
“I can’t believe you won’t be here for the anniversary,” Sat said.
Raina looked away. Her gaze landed on the desk chair, where Tanner would have been sitting. Should have been sitting. She took a deep breath against the usual tide of guilt and pain that came with thinking of their fallen friend. “I’ll go to his memorial while I’m here.”
“It really is a shame, though,” Kayden said. “We’ve got something special planned for the anniversary.”
“Oh?” She tried to sound casual, but the stab of regret made its way in.
Kayden grinned at her. “A camping trip.”
“ What? ” Raina stared. “You’re not -- you can’t really --”
Darby threw a pillow at Kayden. “Jerk.”
Kayden laughed. “Everyone has a skill.”
Raina let out a breath. “So… no camping trip.”
“No camping trip,” Sat assured her. “I think we’re all finally sane enough to agree that that would be a bad idea.”
“The area was cleansed,” Darby pointed out. “It should be perfectly safe to camp out there now.”
“Safe is relative, man.” Kayden shook his head. “Did you see the giant fucking bear they found out there? We could have survived everything else just to get eaten by that . No thank you.”
“What? No. When was that?”
“A couple months ago. I swear.”
“Were they sure it was a bear?” Darby asked intently. “Could it have been something else? There’s all kinds of local folklore…”
The rest of them groaned. “Darby…”
She chuckled. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to suggest chasing after it or anything. I was just curious.”
“Right, you’re doing that minor in… Folklore and Mythology? How is that going?” Sat asked.
Darby’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “Yeah, that’s what it is. I love it.”
“What do you actually study in that? I mean, obviously, folklore and mythology , but that’s kind of broad.”
“It is, and that’s part of what’s fun about it,” Darby said. “I just finished a class in local folklore and another that compared ancient mythologies. I already knew a lot of the local folklore, obviously, but it was taught well and I picked up some details I hadn’t known. The comparative mythology class was mostly new to me, and it was super fascinating. Did you know --”
As Darby launched into her favorite stories, Raina settled back into her embrace and just listened. She’d heard these stories before, over the phone, but she didn’t mind. It was fun to watch her friends chatting and enjoying themselves. She filled her mind with it as much as possible. These moments were balms against the loneliness she still felt back east, against the nightmares she still had on so many nights. Nothing would ever make things the way they used to be, but maybe that was okay. They were all moving forward. Moreover, they were doing it together . If they’d learned anything over the last two years, it was that together, they could get through just about anything.