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Despite what you might think, Peter Parker had been in worse situations.
He won't be the one to admit it, especially after risking his life for the younger spiders and making himself somewhat of a living legend, but his own reality was not all it was cracked up to be. Mary Jane wanted things he couldn't give, he had to bury his family, getting older and bigger, growing up seriously sucked ass sometimes. So when he was given the chance to be a Spider-Man he could be proud of, of course he would take it and leave behind anything he used to be. His new life was with the spiders.
Peter thought dreamily about his new life, in an apartment that wasn't too far from Mile's school so he could visit whenever possible. All the spiders lived with him. Gwen taking the basement, Noir taking the attic, Peni and Ham taking the upstairs, and Peter on the couch. He could deal with it.
There had been some sort of distress call that had been heard in the middle of the night throughout the house, and Peter made the decision to be the one to go out instead of dragging everyone else out with him. Noir had put up a good fight, but Peter reminded him that he had to help Peni the next day and he couldn't do it if he was running on two hours of sleep. The house had settled behind him as Peter pulled his mask down his face and swung between buildings and over cars.
Eventually he saw in a backalley, a man with a gun pulled on someone else. Peter stuck to the roof above them, listening to their back and forth.
"Cut the shit, you've been dodging me for days, did ya think you could run forever?"
"I-I just need a few more days, I promise!"
"That's what you always say-"
The gun's safety had been flicked off, and Peter took that as his queue to intervene. He jumped down between the two, noticing the gunman's eyes widen in shock.
Peter threw his fist across his jaw, causing the man to fall to the side and onto the ground. Peter caught the falling gun and flicked the safety back on, before tossing it down the alley.
He turned to the cowering man behind him. "Didn't mean to intrude your fun conversation, I just had something to add."
"H-Holy shit... you're Spider-Man!" The man said with a grin. "Oh my god you're real and right in front of me-"
"In the flesh," Peter said. "Are you hurt?"
"No way man, thanks to you!"
Peter nodded and his eyes flicked to the man on the ground, out cold. "You should probably get out of here, I can take care of everything from here."
The man nodded and sped off and away. Spider-Man turned to the man on the ground and quickly webbed him to the wall, his head hanging limply. He then webbed his mouth shut and took a small piece of paper out of the pocket on the thigh of his suit along with a pen, and quickly scribbled "PUT ME ON THE NAUGHTY LIST :(" with a chuckle.
He then turned to the forgotten gun, but was interrupted by a voice. "You really gonna leave this gun here for any adoring fan to snatch?"
Peter ran down the alley and saw the gun was missing from it's place on the dirty pavement. His eyes scanned the walls and the ledges above the buildings. His spidey-senses should've told him someone was near him but somehow, they had gotten past him. Peter mad a small note to check on himself when he got back to the house.
"What kind of celebrity would I be if I didn't offer to autograph it?" Peter replied slowly, eyes still roaming.
"You bring up an excellent point!"
Peter sensed someone behind him, finally, and spun around, shooting a web at the feeling. In a blur, a mass let out a squeal and was stuck to the wall. Peter turned and faced them. The person had a mask on their face, red and black in an almost mockingly similar to his own. They were massive in muscle and Peter could almost see their eyebrows raised in disbelief behind their mask.
"Holy shit, where's our safeword? Papaya? Papaya!" The man yelped.
Peter walked forward and stomped on the gun to ensure it was broken. He looked up. "How long have you been following me?"
"Oh god.." the man groaned, "do you count weekends? Because if you do I think you'll be truly horrified. And while I sure as fuck should be quaking in my CareBear boxers, might I just say you're looking as dashing as ever, Spidey-"
Peter rolled his eyes and yanked the mask off the man's face. The skin was hard and painful looking from scars and Peter bit down a gasp in shock. The man was hairless and had almost hauntingly blue eyes. Peter knew he would've remembered a face so... unique.
"Who are you?" He asked.
The man glared at him. "You've been awfully rude to me, I don't know why I should tell you."
"You just admitted to stalking me!"
"Actually I admitted to nothing. All I wanted was a chance to meet my hero!"
Peter's eyes narrowed as he weighed his options. He knew this man was not a spider person, but certainly one did not walk around with such an elaborate suit if they didn't have such a gift. His eyes fell down, and suddenly noticed the man's foot, peeking out for the bottom of the webbing. It was bent at a repulsive angle and most certainly broken in multiple places. Peter winced. "I think I broke your foot."
The man looked down. "Well shit, you sure did."
"Does it... hurt?"
"Not too much, I bet it did a few minutes ago."
Peter stepped closer to the wall. "Who are you? You're not like me, but you're also not like... them."
The man grinned at Peter and gave him a quick wink, casing Peter's cheeks to flare. "The name's Deadpool, Wade if you're nasty, which I like to think you are under all that spandex."
Peter had never heard of the name. He dropped the mask by Deadpool's broken foot and ripped the webbing slowly while the man watched, fascinated. "Stop following me. It's dangerous and I don't want to be responsible if you get killed."
"While I love you worrying about me, fret not. I am very careful and stealthy."
Peter glared up at Wade and small grin in return. Once all the webbing was torn off, Deadpool tugged his mask back on and fell to the ground. He leaned his back against the wall. "My hero-"
"Please stop talking. I have places to be and I don't have time to chat about... whatever the past 10 minutes has been." Peter rotated his neck and suppressed a yawn. He had no idea what time it was but he thought he saw the beginning rays of sun peaking out from building tops, and the spiders would start to worry soon if he wasn't home. "Sorry about your ankle, again."
"Not a problem at all," Wade purred. "I'll be seeing you again!"
Suddenly, Deadpool was on his feet and prancing towards Peter, whispering a sultry "call me," in his ear before running off into the city. Peter rolled his eyes for the fifteenth time and swung out of the ally and towards home. Once inside and out of his suit, with a cup of coffee he made his way to the computer and began a long journey with Google to figure out who the fuck he just met.
Peter didn't tell anyone about Deadpool, because the absolute last thing he wanted was one of them to go searching for him and stumble upon a man who knew way more about Spider-Man than Peter was comfortable with. Time passed and the rush of life eventually swept Wade from Peter immediate focus. Winter was approaching, so Miles would soon be out of school and spending lots more time with the spiders, to everyone's joy.
The spiders had all wanted to get each other gifts, and Peter eventually caved. He went many years in his own dimension with little money but for his spiders, Peter would scrape any amount he could to get them all something. It had been longer than he cared to admit since he spent the holidays with someone else.
While all the spiders were occupied, Peter snuck out and into the city to fetch some gifts. Along the way he picked up some ingredients to make Matzah balls and a Babka, to his best ability. He wanted to treat everyone to traditions Aunt May had given him from a young age, let them experience how Peter knew the holidays.
While at a local toy store, he heard a familiar voice. "All these Spider-Man suits are too small, have you seen how massive my muscles are? The fact that you think I could shove them into whatever cheap fabric that is is frankly insulting!"
Peter turned to see Wade, donned in his full suit and leaning over the counter to scold the poor cashier. He looked absolutely huge, now that Peter could see him not webbed to a dirty brick wall at 4 am. He debated simply minding his own business, but he knew he had to save the poor kid behind the counter from Wade's wrath. Besides, there was no way Wade knew his voice outside of the suit.
He walked up to them. "Listen man, the kid has no control over your muscles."
Wade turned to Peter and let his eyes roam over seemingly every inch of his form. Peter fought to keep still under the intense scrutiny.
"Who let this homeless man into this place?" Wade turned and asked the kid, who looked about ready to piss his pants.
"Leave the kid alone, check another place to find what you're looking for," he tried again, and chose to not take the insult to heart, despite the fact that he had shaved that morning and had been trying to clean his wardrobe up with the help of Gwen. "This is a kids store, after all. What were you expecting?"
Deadpool crossed his arms. "Well, 'tis the season' and all that other shit. You would think that during the merriest of times someone would try to help me find what I'm looking for!"
Behind his back, the kid had quietly sunk behind the counter. Peter let out a breath. "Why do you need a Spider-Man suit, anyway? Aren't you, like, wearing a suit right now...?"
Wade rolled his eyes as though Peter was the one out of line. "Well, what do you expect, me to look at myself in the mirror while I jack off?"
Peter's jaw dropped and his face quickly got hot in embarrassment. He didn't know what he was expecting Deadpool to say, but he never would've expected something like that. "Are you serious?"
"Not really. I mean, it sounds enticing as fuck, but I actually have plans with an orphanage later on that I need a Spidey suit for. But after that, who knows-"
"I have one," Peter blurts out before he can stop himself. He doesn't know where the outburst came from, but Peter decides to take this as an opportunity to get to know Wade better and figure him and his deal out. "I'm a.... performer for kid's parties. They really love Spider-Man."
"Kids got good taste, then. I'm Spidey's biggest fan and I thought to myself, 'hey, maybe if this gets big enough it'll be on the news and Spidey himself will see it and will just have to give me the time of day!' I met him before, and his ass is even better looking in person-"
Peter waves his hand in front of Wade in an effort to stop him from talking about his ass. Deep down, though, it was flattering in a weird way to hear especially in his older age. "Too much information. Just... give me your number and I'll find the time to give you the suit when we're both not busy."
Wade beamed at the promise and gripped Peter's hand, taking a pen from the desk and scribbling barely legible numbers before patting the hand affectionately. "All set. By the way, I don't think I have a name to this admittedly rugged-yet-handsome face I'm looking at and will be seeing later. I'm the one-and-only merc with a mouth himself, Deadpool."
"Peter," he responded. "I'll see you around then."
"I hate to see you go but I love to see you leave, Petey baby!"
Peter felt eyes glued to his ass and hurried out of the store with a number on his sweaty palms and bags of groceries he needed to get to a fridge. He made sure to transfer the number to a post-it before scrubbing the ink off and set off to making diner for the spiders. Peter couldn't remember the last time someone made him blush as much as Wade did. Or the last time someone looked at him like he did. Really him too, not Spider-Man, but Peter Parker. Professional fuck-up, cracking joints and graying haired Peter Parker.
He suddenly didn't hate the idea of running into Deadpool again.
"Spidey!"
Peter cringed as he swung between buildings and over the heavy flow of traffic in hot pursuit of a string of robberies. He had brought the spiders along with him, they tended to get restless if they went too long without breaking someone's arm, but now he was starting to regret that on account of a large red and black distraction currently following them.
Miles looked back for a second before throwing Peter a confused look. "Uhh, we've got company? But I'm not sure it means any ill will."
"Don't get distracted, we have a job to do," Peter reminded them.
"Jesus that guy is moving fast. How is he keeping up with us?" Gwen questioned.
"He's not a spider, we would've known," Peni chirped.
Ham gasped dramatically. "Maybe he got bit by a lady bug. It'd explain the dumb suit."
"Or maybe he's escaped a psych ward," Noir grumbled.
Peter looked back quickly to see Wade gaining speed on the spiders. He didn't know how he was keeping up so effectively, but what he did know is that the last thing everyone needed was a seven person pile up on a busy road while robbers were still at large. "Doesn't matter. Ignore him."
Peter took the spiders through busier and longer roads in an effort to lose Wade. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to him, it was that he didn't want to talk to him right now. While he had his kinda kids with him and they were chasing a lead. It was dangerous for everyone involved, and besides, Peter still didn't know if he wanted the younger ones to meet Deadpool yet. Plus, it seems like him and Ham would get along almost too well for anyone's comfort.
Eventually, when Peter looked behind them all, Wade was gone. The spiders shortly thereafter landed at their point of interest, watching from an above ledge as the robbers crashed through a window and shouted from within. Peni in her mech looked closer to hopefully get faces while Miles and Gwen snuck behind the building for a hopeful sneak attack on the robbers. Peter spoke into their comms.
"How is everything looking?"
"Pretty good, we have an open back door for easy access, once we get that open we can enter and try to get control over the situation," Gwen said. "I'm working on a hack for the passcodes and I'll send Miles in to short the power out. After that, we'll let you all know."
"Plus, it's only two of them, if worst comes to it we can easily over power them," Miles added. "Anyone up for ice cream after?"
"Me!"
Peter turned around and saw Deadpool standing behind them, not visibly out of breath somehow and grinning behind his mask. Noir stood and gripped his collar, lifting him off the ground a few inches.
"Oh wow, look at the muscles on this silver fox!" Deadpool crooned. "I'm flattered, but I'm afraid my heart belongs to another, sug." His eyes drifted to Peter.
"Who the heck are you?" Ham asked. "We have a running belief you were bitten by a lady bug, and you confirm or deny?"
Deadpool scratched his head. "I might've, let me get back to you on that little man." His eyes moved off Ham then quickly moved back to him, the size of saucers. "What. What the fuck?"
"Language!" Miles chided through the comms. "Is everything okay up there?"
"Everything is super duper, don't mind us, just work on the codes," Peter replied in a mock sugary tone before shutting the comms off, trusting Gwen and Miles. He threw the device on the ground and slowly approached Deadpool who was still staring at Ham in shock. Peter had no idea how Wade found them, but he knew that this was the worst possible way for everyone to be introduced to his sort of stalker. "Deadpool, what are you doing here?"
Wade ripped his eyes off Ham and beamed at Peter. "That's the Spidey I know and love! Hey, are you aware that there's a fucking pig that's talking?"
Peter tapped Noir's shoulder and he took the hint, dropping Deadpool in a heap on the ground.
"You know this guy?" Noir asked.
Peter rubbed the back of his neck in guilt. "We've run into one another a few times. But I swear I didn't tell him anything about this."
"You didn't have to!" Wade exclaimed. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened an app, proudly showing it off. "I'm far from your only stalker, pretty boy. There are whole forums dedicated to tracing your guy's every mood, from what you're eating to where the crimes are. I just so happen to be a mod on a few message boards, and I'm quicker on my feet so I got here first!"
Peter rubbed the bridge of his nose. This was far too much to decompress on a roof top while they stake out a robbery. He knew the first thing he was going to do when he got home was to shut those message boards down and send a few very strongly worded emails.
"We don't have time for this," Peter sighed. "I'll stay up here with Deadpool while you two," he gestured to Noir and Ham, "go help out Miles and Gwen. Yell if you need me."
The two spiders nodded, trusting Peter and their team, and jumped from the rooftop. It left only Peter and Wade. There was a thick silence in the air while Peter decided if he was angry or not.
"So..." Wade sighed. "Come here often?"
Peter turned to Deadpool and crossed his arms. He wasn't mad that he had shown up, he was mad that he put the other spiders in danger. He didn't know what he would do if any of them got hurt, even thinking about it made Peter feel like throwing up. He could take any damage so they wouldn't have to, but let them think he was a crotchety old man. "You could've gotten them hurt."
"Who?" Deadpool asked. "The little ones? Please, I know even that freaky talking pig could kick my ass two times from Sunday. We're on the same side."
"Oh really? Because I know more about you than last time, and it makes me reluctant to not throw you off this rooftop myself."
"My reputation ain't no thang," Wade drawled. "You know me better than a few gossip articles you find while on Buzzfeed at 3 am, I know it pretty boy."
"So you don't kill people for money?" Peter asked, eyebrow raising.
Wade stops. "Well that I do do that, but you know what those articles never discuss? My night time regime so I get a blissful night sleep-"
"You're a murderer," Peter cuts him off. "That alone, is enough to stay away from you."
"Try again sweetheart. I kill the bad guys to ensure they can't do anymore wrong doings. You’re welcome, by the way."
Peter tries to bury his anger, quickly lighting like a house of straw. He clenches his fists and grits his teeth beneath the mask. "Thank you? Who gives you the right to kill people, to make that decision? That's not justice!"
"How is it not?" Wade sneers. "In a few seconds you wouldn't have to worry about a school building burn down in the middle of the night because I don't give them the chance to make mistakes."
"You don't give them a chance to get better, either!"
"They lost that privilege!"
Peter throws a punch and clocks Deadpool in the jaw, knocking him off his feet in shock. It feels good to get his emotions out, especially when everyone is away. Deadpool falls to his knees and spits out a glob of bloody spit, and for a moment Peter feels guilty. He himself had never seen Wade kill anyone, so it feels wrong to cast such a quick judgement. But at the same time, he had no remorse about the idea of killing someone he deemed evil, so what's to stop him from deciding on a whim that one of his spiders have "lost the privilege?"
"Careful Spidey," Wade grumbles roughly, "hit me like that again and I'm not responsible for my next actions."
"It doesn't matter." Peter casts a hand to Deadpool to offer him help to stand. "Just... leave the other ones out of it. They're young and don't need to be around things like that..."
"...and people like me," Wade finishes, standing up. "I get the message. 'Don't kill in front of children.'" He moved his jaw carefully. "Didn't know you had such a hook on ya tho, pretty boy. And just so ya know, when I said I wasn't responsible for my actions, I wasn't talking about slugging you back."
Wade moved closer to Peter and dragged his hand across his shoulders in a flirtatious way. Peter's cheeks flushed red under the mask.
However, before Peter could squawk in retaliation, the comms rang and Peter picked it up, speaking into it. "Everyone okay?"
"Yeah," breathed Miles, tiredness seeping into his voice, "we took care of it with minimal damage. We're all pretty pooped though, so we better scram before the police finally catch up. And for the record, I wasn't kidding about the ice cream, but you didn't hear it from me."
Peter chuckled fondly. "Copy that. I'll meet you guys at home, and we'll work out the ice cream situation there."
Miles whooped back and ended the comm. Deadpool dropped his wandering fingers and frowned dramatically.
"Do you have to go so soon?" He asked.
"Duty calls, kids and whatnot." Peter walked to the edge and looked over his shoulder. "I was serious about them, by the way. Stay away from them."
Deadpool smirked. "And what about you? Should I stay away from you too?"
Peter rolled his eyes. "I'll see ya later, Wade."
He cast the web out and jumped from the building, cold air rushing past him and allowing him the breathe freely. A smile was planted on his face, so long it hurt and even after behind him, he heard a shriek of, "Is that a promise?"
Peter allowed himself a small victory over Deadpool. Call it payback, or maybe a reason for him to see Wade again. A win win either way, if you asked him.