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All that remained had been summed up in a short council meeting. A handful of the companions planned to stay although some would leave within a few months to see to their own endeavors. Solas’ disappearance had weighed on Valerie more than anyone expected, and it was her melancholy and detachment during the meeting that started it all.
Cassandra had a certain quirk that revealed her annoyance without uttering a single word. Her breathing grew more and more audible until her disgust spilled out in a loud scoff.
Cullen and Leliana exchanged several glances; neither wanting to broach the cause of Cassandra’s distress. Valerie remained transfixed on the near empty war map in front of them, refusing to answer any of Cassandra’s questions or join in the discussion.
Leaning over the table to face Valerie, Cassandra rested on her clenched fists, her exasperation carried in her words. “If you are going to sulk instead of offer your opinions Valerie, I see little reason to continue this meeting.”
Leliana shifted closer to Cassandra. “Be patient, we can continue this another time.”
“Agreed,” Cullen said, gathering his papers and report folios. “If there is nothing else, the hour is late.” He paused, his gaze rising to find Valerie’s hoping to lead her away from the room, but she remained unfocused and lost in thought.
Cassandra’s scoff nearly caused Cullen to cringe, the last thing any of them wanted was an argument. With a final glance toward Leliana, her head nodded toward Valerie; Leliana’s brow creased in an effort to show she agreed with whatever he planned to do. The unspoken exchange between them settled the evening. Cullen would see to Valerie and Leliana would distract Cassandra to aid him.
“Cassandra, a few moments of your time?” Leliana’s casual walk toward the War Room door and repeated request earned Cassandra’s exasperation, but she still followed, leaving Cullen and Valerie the room.
Soft hands touched Valerie’s elbows without a reaction. “Val, we’re adjourned. Shall I walk you to your quarters?” His voice delivered the question just above a whisper. “Is something wrong?”
Without meeting his eyes, she spoke to the map on the table. “You could have said something-anything. Instead you played it safe rather than support me. Cullen, we’re supposed to support one another, remember?”
He wouldn’t engage her, not now. What they all needed was rest. “It’s late, you’re tired. We’ll talk more tomorrow.” He realized his mistake too late.
“I’m tired? So, this is my fault?” She threw up her hands and, in that instant, her face contorted in anger. “I asked you to do one thing. One fucking thing and not one of you cares or is even trying!”
Valerie didn’t have to say more. She remained fixated on Solas’ disappearance. “No one is blaming you and your accusation is unfair. We’ve researched every possibility, pulled resources and used up favors to find Solas without success. What will it take to admit we’ve more important matters requiring our focus?” Frustration spoke for him. Solas didn’t want to be found; they all concurred, all but Valerie.
“He wouldn’t leave like that. He claimed to be my friend,” she said, moving toward the door. He opened it for her, holding it until she passed him and turned around to ask, “why?”
The answer wasn’t simple. “I wish I knew. We’ve talked to everyone, and each is certain. Solas made no remarks indicating his plan to leave.”
As he often did, Cullen simply offered his arm; the decision to take it or not always rested with her. It was a subtle move. A slight stretch of his bent arm toward her leaving enough space for her to link her arm through his.
She didn’t. In fact, no acknowledgement of the gesture seemed to register on her face as Valerie walked on in front of him. This wasn’t new; Valerie often missed such cues and Cullen never took them to heart.
“I keep running through our conversations, looking for a moment where I may have offended.”
He followed a few steps behind her, not intruding on her thoughts, but keeping near should she look to him. She crossed the courtyard, Cullen hid the smile as she led him to the tower.
Val’s distracted, he thought, noting her destination. It made little sense considering he slept most nights in her quarters. The urge to tease dissipated when she turned around, the frown etched deep into her face. “I doubt you’d offended, Val. He could have left for no particular reason.”
“No!” Her arm sliced through the air. “You don’t understand. Solas wouldn’t just leave without a word,”
Cullen had grown tired of the same defense and he answered without forethought. “And yet he left. There is no way to know what prompted his departure. The Inquisitor is still needed and you have to forgive yourself to remain effective.”
“So, it is my fault! I knew it! I knew the moment you served me up on a silver platter to appease Her Ladyship!”
“At the risk of adding to your already impressive tantrum – I did no such thing.” Cullen climbed the steps to his office. Valerie’s stalking footsteps on his heels.
“Don’t put this back on me, Commander.”
He tried not to sigh, but Valerie’s habit of using his title against him chafed his sensibilities. “If you’re going to turn this into some one-sided argument where you are the only aggrieved party, I think it’s better if we leave this for another time. Good night, Inquisitor. I expect we’ll talk at some point in the future when I am far less disagreeable to you.”
Her face burned, eyes widening. “Are you throwing me out?!”
Cullen fought to keep his composure. “That would imply that I have no wish to see you again; as I have not raised my voice once, nor have I met your anger- no matter how ill-placed and undeserved it may be. I would hope that after a full night’s rest-perhaps you might remember I am not, nor have I ever been your enemy.”
The argument would escalate until one or both crossed a point of no return and Cullen had no desire to add an additional conflict to the list. “Goodnight Val. Tomorrow we will review all our options with fresh minds.” He hesitated, almost leaning in to kiss her before giving his head a light shake. Not like this, he thought, closing the door.
Hesitating, Cullen considered settling the problem now. Valerie felt betrayed by Solas’ disappearance; she burdened herself with blame for almost any adversity. “I should have been more understanding,” he said, deciding it best to resolve the problem before it festered.
Controlled but quick steps carried him down the stairs and into the courtyard in an effort to find Val. He couldn’t call after her retreating form as she climbed toward the main hall, it would attract far too much attention. He chose to follow and catch her once able.
Cullen heard Varric call out to her. “Who pissed you off?”
“Not now, Varric.”
Cullen hung back, quietly deciding if he would retreat or wait out the conversation.
“Let me guess, Curly skipped the goodnight kiss and buried his head in a book.”
At first, Cullen opened his mouth prepared to put Varric in his place, but Val’s answer left him bewildered.
“Kiss him? Kiss him?!? I’d sooner kiss a nug!” She stomped away, across the hall and to her quarters; slamming the door behind her, she left a pained silence in her wake.
Embarrassed and confused, Cullen turned and said nothing before he returned to his quarters. His night passed in contemplative silence, running through every word he’d said. He remained awake through to sunrise, taking to recording as much of their exchanges on paper looking for a reason.
His desk sat littered with pages of notes and possible apologies and scenarios. The sigh that left him carried all his fatigue and exasperation. “This is ridiculous.” He muttered the phrase several more times while gathering the pages.
He wasn’t expecting the knock at such an early hour. When Cullen ignored it, the knock grew louder and more persistent. He answered without tact or care. “Go away!”
The heavy center door creaked open. “Someone’s a bit touchy this morning. A spot of trouble perhaps?”
“Isn’t it far too early for you to be awake? What do you want? I’m in no mood for games.”
Dorian scoffed, but remained in the open doorway. “In no mood for manners either. Cullen, I’m surprised at you. Rudeness doesn’t become you.”
Faced with the truth, Cullen apologized. “You’re right, and I. . .forgive me.”
“Easy, friend. I’m not here to make things more difficult,” he said. “There is someone who is completely miserable and requires your help, and that is why I am awake at such an hour and standing here.”
At the mention of someone needing aid Cullen stepped around his desk. “Of course, how may I help?”
“It’s Val. She’s,” Dorian paused gesturing with his hands as if trying to pull the explanation out of the air. “Well, she’s afraid you may have overheard her anger and mistook it.”
Cullen stiffened. “I believe her exact words were I’d rather kiss a nug.” He shrugged and returned to his chair. “It’s rather clear.”
With a roll of his eyes, Dorian exhaled. “She hasn’t slept. In fact, none of us have. Each of us had to endure her laments of the complete and utter destruction of the one thing that made her happy.”
Raising a single brow, Cullen questioned Dorian’s account. “Val said that?”
“More or less,” Dorian said to Cullen’s disbelieving stare. “All right far less than that, but there were tears, of that I am certain.”
Cullen shook his head.
“The point is, we were to leave for the Frostback Mountains on that little errand to find the researcher and Valerie is ill equipped for anything other than a long day’s rest. So, please will you at least talk with her?”
“No.”
Widening eyes and a cough revealed Dorian’s surprise. “No? Cullen, what harm is there in an apology so that we can all get a little rest and finish our tasks?”
Cullen’s attention rested on the pile of papers in his hands, but he refused to comply. “I will not apologize for Valerie’s slight against me. I am able to move past the event itself, but will not claim responsibility.” He stacked the remaining pages in a pile and weighed them down with a book. “Valerie is well aware of what was said, as am I. When she is ready, I will be here.”
“I see. Then perhaps a suggestion as to the best course of action?” Crossing his arms, Dorian waited.
“Delay your departure or find a proper nug for the Inquisitor, but leave me out of it.”