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Kirishima was pressing his lips against Bakugos, a shiver that he worried the other one could feel went through his body when he desperately tried getting closer. His tongue was hastily stroking his lips, his hand was resting on the blonde boys waist that he barely ever could take his eyes off. His movements were clumsy, but he wasn't rushing it at all, which confused Bakugo. The bell for the next class rang a while ago, but the two boys were still in the hallway, on the floor that was just placed to connect two stairs. Bakugo felt hot wherever he was touched and his mind started spinning, so much that he almost couldn't think properly anymore. But he pressed his lips together and his body against the wall behind him to create at least a little bit of space between the two of them. "Kirishima!" When he noticed how loud he was he quickly shut his mouth again, it seemed even louder with no other students walking and chatting in these hallways.
"What are you doing? We're already late to class." He hissed as quietly as he could, though he had the feeling that Kirishima barely even heared him. Those red eyes weren't quite focused, but still set on him and he could feel his cheeks burn even more under that gaze. "It's fine. We'll just skip." Before Bakugo could say another word his mouth was sealed again, but this time the red haired boy started using his tongue. He could feel his knees instantly getting weak and his tongue melting when touching the other one. Bakugo's hands were restless, pressing against the wall while his entire body was trembling. While his mind was pestered with worries about anyone coming down these stairs and seeing them, he also couldn't deny how it made his heart beat even faster. As much as he hated it, he also accepted Kirishima gladly. The heart throbbing excitement made him careless, the heat and passion between them reckless. For a bastard with a hardening quirk his lips and tongue were damn soft. His mind began to let go and made some space for the blissful feelings he desired. The sun coming in through the window made the shadows stand out even more and they were hiding in one of the corners that wasn't hit by the bright light, but drops of sweat were still rolling down their bodies. During the few seconds in which Kirishima let him go so they could catch their breath he couldn't help but curse.
"You damn, stupid, horny idiot." But he felt like even his heart was louder than he was. That damn, stupid, horny idiot almost sounded regretful when he decided to say something. "It's only possible now.." These words stung him in a weird way and while Kirishima was still searching for the answer in Bakugo's eyes he decided to slowly close them, hoping that was enough as an answer. And it probably was because the boy started kissing him again and he could feel his world being replaced by warm touches and sparkles.
**
Hours later Bakugo was still busy thinking about the words he heard that day. The words of his teacher and the little noises his classmates made became white noise soon enough. While staring outside he forgot to control these thoughts of his and they turned out as honest as they could be.
It's only possible now.
He wasn't really wrong, there weren't many times when it was possible for them to do these things. After all there were always people surrounding them, be it at school or the dorms, someone was there to barge in any second. And that anxiety made both of them quietly ignore their feelings, keep them inside no matter how restless they were. Until once in a while they broke out and they forced the other one to accept these feelings for a while. Both of them did that many times already and at some point they stopped getting angry, accepted that it simply happened once in a while. He remembered how confusing it was, being confronted with emotions so clear, but no matter how obvious they were they never exchanged a single word about it. Just started becoming more and more courageous with what they did. At the same time these repressed feelings made them become more and more distant.
I'm scared.
Of his feelings, their meaning and how their relationship became this mess of emotions they didn't know how to handle. They were obvious and aware of them, but that didn't change anything. Because they were locked in a cage of who they're supposed to be. Friends, rivals, classmates, partners. They could hate or support each other, but something like ḷ̷̖̇̄͂̃̓̃̈́̊͝ơ̶͎͚̜̻̞̥̈́̿̌̈̎̂̓̚v̷͙͇̤̽͛̂̅̂̉̋ȩ̸̙͍̖̂̈́̌͜͜ wasn't allowed. It wasn't a part of the world they were living in and they used to not question that until their hearts got stuck in one another and they didn't know what to do anymore. He was sure that they both felt the same way, after all both never attempted to talk about this, they never tried making something out of that mess. And trying to untangle what they created seemed not only impossible, but so time consuming that he was sure someone would catch them trying to do that.
So we can only hide.
And he did feel like a coward, but god if there was a time when there wasn't some insecurity holding him back this entire situation might have never happened.
That was a step too far. He still didn't like accepting that there was something inside him like an insecurity. Looking for a distraction he turned his head around, looked past Jiro and Sero to get a look at Kirishima. And he noticed that the red haired boy was staring at him. As soon as their eyes met Kirishima turned around, nervously looking at the teacher, but Bakugo couldn't return to his prior position that quickly. It felt like a stab, directly in his heart and sudden fatigue was sinking into his bones. He was so damn tired. If it weren't for his heart being so uncontrollable he wouldn't feel like that, he would be able to actually sleep at night, he wouldn't have to keep repeating the same thoughts and regrets, he would be able to focus while training. But he couldn't do anything at all. He felt so powerless that he could only slowly let his head sink on his table and try to stop his body from trembling.
**
"Oh." It took him barely a second to regret making any sound at all, but it already left his mouth and caused Kirishima to look at him. They were both silent until Kirishima started smiling. It looked awfully forced and his eyes seemed a bit glossy, but Bakugo tried keeping his body still. He forced himself to not react, to not get hurt, but the burning feeling was still there. It already appeared when he saw him, his red hair down, not styled like it usually was, he was wearing the black shirt he usually slept in.
You look good in black.
"You're still awake?" He asked, gulping down the words he couldn't say. Kirishima looked a bit embarrassed, closed his eyes and raised the glass of water in his hand. "Just a bit thirsty." They looked in different directions, uncomfortable, awkward, quiet. Was there really nothing left to say? Usually the red haired boy was glad to talk about whatever and he still did around others, but when it was just the two of them their words were stuck somewhere and didn't get out anymore. Which is why he flinched a bit when he heard his voice again, didn't expect him to try keeping up a conversation. "You look really tired lately... and I noticed that you're walking around in the middle of the night quite often..." Flustered Bakugo pressed his hand against his nape and put on a dishonest grin. "The hell? You stalking me now, shitty hair? I just don't get rid of enough energy during the day, so I walk around sometimes." He was instinctively crossing his arms, looking a bit like he was challenging Kirishima even though there was no reason to. As a response he nodded, but started shaking his head just a few seconds later. "During training you're not focused and you seem.. weary. It's just unusual to see you like that, I'm.. worried."
Worried? Now? And all these months when we were hiding in the fucking toilet just to make out for a while you weren't? All of the sudden you're worried just cause I have some eyebags?
Before he even noticed he stomped in Kirishima's direction, grabbed him by his collar, making the water in his hand spill out a bit. "Why the hell are we doing this?" His voice was loud and clear, he didn't care about elaborating, he knew very well that Kirishima understood. And he himself was aware of that too, swallowing a stupid question and opening his mouth to say what he really thinks. "Why... because you're scared right?"
Are you fucking kidding me?
"You're the fucking coward Kirishima! I'm scared? That's bullshit and you know that!" He was right, he was so damn right that it was irritating, but it wasn't just because he was scared. He thought Kirishima was just as scared as he was. He didn't care about how loud he was and who could hear him, his voice was trembling but he still screamed right at him. Kirishima was squinting, pain and anger were in his eyes at the same time, but he didn't stop staring at them. No matter how much it hurt him. "You think I'm just fine with everything? That I want to kiss you in a fucking restroom? I thought that maybe someday you will finally say something, anything, that you will stop avoiding me! But you never did! I understand that you're scared, but when did you try to understand me? Never, right? You're just hiding until someone forces you to open your damn mouth!" He barely finished his sentence when he could feel sharp, throbbing pain. Bakugo stared at him, his eyes cold, raising his fist to punch him again, but Kirishima didn't stand still, threw himself on Bakugo. He was beneath him on the floor, pulling hair and clothes, he kicked Kirishima in the guts, but he still didn't let go, pressed his arms against the floor. So Bakugo resorted to screaming. "What does it matter? Even if I understand you, nothing will change! It will always be the same! We'll just start hating each other more and more and I will hate you just like fucking Deku! For no god damn reason! Because I'm the asshole, I'm the piece of shit, because I have fucking complexes and insecurities and it's nobody elses fault. But you still have to suffer because of them.. it's my fucking fault that we can't be together... that we can't be honest..." He gritted his teeth, tried to not let any sounds out, but his voice started to sound broken towards the end. Tears were dripping down his cheeks. Kirishima was startled by that sudden display of emotions, his strong grip that held the other boy down weakened, but as soon as Bakugo noticed he overwhelmed Kirishima and threw him on the floor instead. He didn't want to be stared at, not when he was like this. Slowly crumbling, showing who he really was. He couldn't stand that pathetic side of himself. Kirishima held his arms in front of his face and cought Bakugo's punches with them. He wasn't using his entire strength. And they still hurt, but he didn't want to stop Bakugo. Because he never heard him like that and it was strange because he felt free of the burden he carried for several months. His punches, his expression, his tears, he started thinking that this was the guy he l̴̨̛̬̱̉̽͒̔̑͌̈́̈̃̆͆̚͜o̴̫̲͓͓̱͍̳͑͐̂v̷̛̩͉̘͚͎̝̒͑̕͠e̶̢̨̮͉̙̺͓̬͎̗̠̼̿̏̓͒̅́͂̈́̄̔͋̍̃́͠d̸̡̧̛̠̥̲̼̯̺̳͇̪̋͆̈́̅̎̆͋̈͒͛̓̍̒̇͘.
"Kirishima?! Bakugo?!" All of the sudden he could hear the voice of Kaminari who was obviously shocked to see what was going on in the kitchen. Bakugo punching Kirishima while sobbing and crying, screaming insults from time to time and Kirishime having a relieved smile on his face. "Stop it, Bakugo! Jesus christ! Mina get mister Aizawa!" He said to the the girl behind him and hurried to pull the blonde boy away from the other one. "Calm down Bakugo! What is going on?!"
**
"You two understand that I can suspend you for that? Are you sure that you both want that? Just because you're too stubborn to tell me what happened?" Aizawa had no idea what made these two keep their mouths shut so desperately, but it annoyed him. Even though they have been talking less these last few moths, they always got along so well. When he heard that Bakugo was involved in a fight he expected to see Izuku, not Kirishima. "Fine. I need to go back to school, we'll keep talking later. I don't have to repeat what you have to do, right?" They both shook their heads. After the fight between Izuku and Bakugo they knew what they had to do while everyone else was at school. Without exchanging a single word they started cleaning up the dorm. It was frustrating for Bakugo, even though so much time has passed he felt like months of progress disappeared just like that. Just because of his stupid heart. Just because he had to fall for his best friend. His eyes were burning again when he thought about that, but he didn't dare cry. He was exhausted and tired, but he kept cleaning, glad that there was something to distract him from his own thoughts. It was just the presence of Kirishima making it incredibly difficult. Neither of them said anything, but he still felt like crying and screaming at the same time. And hours passed with his emotions going crazy, in one hour he felt like breaking everything he saw in the room, in the next he was so tired that he just wanted to sleep and never wake up again, and then he felt everything at the same time again. Which made him laugh. He started shaking, tears dripping down on the floor, he used the broom in his hands to support him when his body wanted to drop on the floor. Kirishima slowly turned around after he heard a quiet sob, but after that he didn't hear anything and it broke his heart how desperately Bakugo was trying to hide his feelings. How used he was to doing that. And in how much pain he must have been for these feelings to appear anyway.
It's time for me to be honest.
Bakugo felt arms wrap around him. He was too shocked to react, just stared at the hands that he wanted to hold so badly. "I want to be with you, Bakugo." His breath tickled his ear a bit and he was blushing furiously. Not now for gods sake, he was trying to stop crying and his warmth made it so much more difficult. Because he felt like that was something he could never have. "And I know.. that you're scared. And you're right, I'm scared as well. I'm a coward. Whenever I think about what they would say and think, how they would react, I feel sick and I want to throw up. But at the end.. it's not our fault for feeling the way we do. We have the right to feel however we want to feel and there's nothing wrong with it, no matter what they say." Kirishima's throat was tightening, declaring these words with courage wasn't easy, but he had to convince not only Bakugo but himself as well. "I wish I could tell you that it's going to be easy or fine, but it probably won't be... and I still want to be with you. I want to kiss you and hold you without hiding, I want to spend time with you and go on dates and..!" Bakugo gently squeezed Kirishima's hand, freed himself from his embrace and turned around to look at him properly.
Fucking hell shitty hair. I can't believe I ḷ̷̖̇̄͂̃̓̃̈́̊͝ơ̶͎͚̜̻̞̥̈́̿̌̈̎̂̓̚v̷͙͇̤̽͛̂̅̂̉̋ȩ̸̙͍̖̂̈́̌͜͜ you so badly. And it's unbelievable that l̸̦̉̂̌̇̈̚ő̸̱͋́̄̇̈̚̚v̴̘̫̩̅̃̀͂͆̊̃́̊͗̈́į̸̪̰͖̳̬̦̦̻̗̹͆̌͌͐̌͊̔̓ņ̷̢̡̛̬͈͍̭̖͇̣͙̥̺͙̺͑̆̀̿̅͒͐̎̆̽̅̀̓̋͠g̸͖̹͖͍͉̓̎͋̽͆̍͛̔͗̿̀̀̚͘̚͝ someone is this difficult.
"You're damn right that there's nothing wrong with it." A grin was showing on his face that made Kirishima smile as well. He put his hands on the cheeks of the boy with red hair and leaned in a bit closer. "Promise me that you will be confident. Cause I can only be if you are. And promise me that you will slap my shitty thoughts out of me, alright?" With a little laugh Kirishima nodded, but seemed to not be quite happy. "I'd rather get rid of them in another way." And with these words he put a little kiss on Bakugo's nose. His smile was nervous and Bakugo's incredibly embarrassed, but they seemed so happy their hearts were about to jump out. "Well I don't really... mind that." He mumbled.
"Kirishima!" He declared in a loud voice, after a few seconds of silence. "I love you." Their hearts throbbed. Months of silence between them made his words sounds sound like the lovely ringing of a bell. Clearly and honestly they bounced between them, danced inside their ears and left sparkles in their eyes. It felt like they were able to untangle a little bit of the mess they have created and their love for each other was pouring out of them.
It feels like when I fell for him.
And he probably did that again that day, he fell in love with Kirishima once again.
He quickly grabbed Bakugo's waist and pulled him closer, gave him a soft but sweet kiss that they enjoyed thoroughly. "Then who should we tell first?" Kirishima wondered and the other boy stopped to think for a second. "It should probably be Kaminari and Mina... we scared them a bit yesterday." He agreed, he would be shocked too if he would have found his friends fighting like that. "But mister Aizawa wants to talk again later. We should tell him too. I think he'd be able to understand anyway." The confused expression he saw made him explain some more. "I mean, he and Present Mic... they're pretty close aren't they..." The shy expression on Kirishima's face made him sigh. "Leave your wishful thinking out of this." Pouting a bit Kirishima turned around and grabbed his broom. "It's not wishful thinking. I could bet money on that!" And he mumbled a bit about some things he saw and the smile on Bakugo's face just couldn't disappear anymore.
"Hey, shitty hair."
"What is it?"
"I wanna hear it too."
"What do you mean?"
"Stop being a tease!"
As upset as Bakugo sounded, he still had a grin on his face when Kirishima turned around to look at him. The light coming from behind him made him shine, like he was stained glass, catching the light and spreading bright colorful spots across the room. For a bit he thought about how beautiful the boy he loved was.
"I love you too, Bakugo."