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They always say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.
It’s fair to say the statement rings true as countless people have lived to tell about the things they took for granted and didn’t appreciate until they didn’t have them anymore.
But what about the people who knew?
The ones who knew exactly what they had. The ones who cherished what they had, loved it with every fiber of their being. The ones who never let a day go by without thanking whatever they believed in for what they had. The ones who lost it anyway.
Jungkook thinks that hurts even worse than not knowing what you had. He thinks that to himself as he watches through the glass door of the restaurant he works at; as he sees Jimin walking by, arms linked with a man he’s never seen before. He thinks about how much it hurts when Jimin’s face lights up with a smile that used to be reserved just for him.
The breakup wasn’t too recent, three months give or take, but that didn’t mean that Jungkook’s head wasn’t constantly consumed with thoughts of Jimin. There was a reminder in everything he did. Waking up to a freezing cold room reminded him of the warmth Jimin used to provide. Seeing dogs when he was walking down the street reminded him of the way Jimin used to beg Jungkook to get them a pet even though neither of them had time for one. Watching commercials about jewelry stores reminded him of the ring he’d already picked out for Jimin but never got a chance to give him.
Jimin. Jimin. Jimin.
Thinking about Jimin was one thing, but seeing him out, seeing him happy with someone else was another thing entirely. It was enough to send him to the break room, hot tears trailing down his face.
“Hey are you okay?” comes the concerned voice of his coworker, Namjoon, upon seeing the state he’s in.
“Fine,” Jungkook manages to get out, wiping the tears away as fast as possible. “Just tired I guess.”
“He came inside,” Namjoon says carefully, not wanting to upset Jungkook further. “Seemed like he was looking for you.”
At that Jungkook lets out a short, pained laugh. “I doubt that. He looked more than happy with whoever that guy is.” He doesn’t mean to sound as bitter as he does, but he can’t help it. All the emotions he’d been trying so hard to keep in come bubbling to the surface at once. Jungkook thinks he might burst.
He pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes, trying his best to soak up the sadness he had just let out.
“I’m okay though,” he’s trying to convince himself more than anything. “We better get back out there before our manager comes looking for us.”
Namjoon gives him a comforting pat on the back before heading out of the room. Jungkook follows him but lags behind a bit, hoping if he stalls enough, Jimin will have gone. He seems to have gotten lucky, no signs of Jimin as he cleans off tables around the restaurant.
He starts humming to himself, a song he can’t quite remember the name of but can’t seem to forget for some reason. A passing thought tells him it’s a song Jimin’s played for him before and Jungkook hopes that one day he can go longer than 20 minutes without thinking about him.
Almost all of the tables are cleared when Jungkook bumps into someone on their way back to their table. He goes to apologize but finds that he’s unable to breathe once he locks eyes with the person that he can’t seem to get out of his head.
“Hey,” Jimin speaks first, almost looking as though he’s seen a ghost. Jungkook’s sure he resembles one, skin pale and eyes heavy with sleep deprivation.
“Hey,” Jungkook echoes, trying to force his brain to think of something else to say. “How are you?”
Jimin hesitates, shifting his eyes to somewhere behind Jungkook briefly. “I’m good. How’ve you been?”
It’s a simple question, but one Jungkook doesn’t know how to answer. He thinks about being honest; telling Jimin that he can’t sleep, that he can’t do anything without missing him. He settles for “I’ve been good too.”
The silence that follows goes on for a beat too long and Jimin’s looking over Jungkook’s shoulder again. Jungkook turns slightly and sees the man that had been with Jimin outside earlier. It takes everything in him not to cry again.
“I should let you get back to your date,” his voice is quiet, defeated. He doesn’t have a chance to walk away before Jimin’s speaking again.
“Oh I’m- he’s just my friend. We’re not dating.”
“Oh,” is all Jungkook can say. He doesn’t really know why Jimin told him that or what to do know that he knows.
“Yeah,” a breathy laugh falls from Jimin’s lips. “I don’t think I could move on from you that fast.”
Jungkooks heart starts racing, palms sweating, and he thinks about how this is how he felt when he first met Jimin.
“Me neither,” he’s honest this time. He wishes he had control over his thoughts right now because before he knows it he’s speaking again. “I miss you.”
He looks at the floor, waiting for the sting of rejection; the feeling of losing Jimin again. It doesn’t come.
“I miss you too.”
His head snaps up and he meets Jimin’s eyes. They’re nervous but hopeful. Hopeful of what, Jungkook doesn’t know. But he wants to. His name’s being called and he suddenly remembers where he is.
“I, um, have to go,” he says, voice reluctant. “But we should- can we talk? Later, once I’m off work?”
Jimin’s smiling slightly, a smile Jungkook hasn’t been able to forget since Jimin came into his life four years ago.
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
His response has Jungkook trying to keep the smile off his face, but proving unsuccessful.
“Okay,” he says, walking backwards, away from Jimin and towards the voice that’s calling for him yet again. “I’ll text you when I’m off then.”
He turns around finally, letting himself smile fully now. As he walks he lets himself think about Jimin but this time without the usually accompanying sadness. He thinks about the memories they’ve made together and about the possibility that they’ll be able to make more. He thinks about the way his heart used to sing when Jimin smiled and how he may have the chance to see it again. He thinks about the love he has for Jimin and how he’ll make sure to show it twice as much this time around.
Jungkook thinks that it definitely hurts worse to lose something, someone, when you know exactly what you have. But he also thinks that sometimes, maybe you haven’t lost it after all.